Violet
He was quiet, and I didn’t know what to say.
Then, all of a sudden, I recalled a funny irony.
"I suppose the ideology you all live by works."
His head snapped toward , confusion flickering across his features.
I smiled weakly, the expression feeling strange on my face. My voice ca out dry, almost bitter. "Getting stronger through suffering. It seems that’s the only way to really beco powerful, doesn’t it?"
Even as I said it, I felt the hurtful bitterness coiling in my chest. I had been tortured, broken, almost torn apart for to have been able to unlock sothing to vast within .
Was that still supposed to make it worth it?
"No."
I flinched at the sharpness in his voice.
He shook his head and buried his face in his hands, his back curved slightly as he leaned forward. "Don’t. That’s not... That is not true. That was never supposed to be—" His shoulders slumped slightly and he dragged his palms downward, concealing his mouth as he stared into space. "I am a failure."
His muffled but clear words sent a wave of shock through .
"I failed you," he mumbled into his hands. "I failed you completely."
The raw anguish in his voice made my chest tighten painfully.
What was he saying?!
"Kael—"
"I left you," he gritted out, not giving space to say anything. "I had an inkling the eclipse might affect you and I still left you alone. I stationed wolves to watch you, and report if anything went wrong, but I still left. And then the bond started fluctuating, and I couldn’t pinpoint where you were or what state you were in, and by the ti I realized you’d left the castle, you were already..." He lowered his head and groaned, ending the rushed flurry of his words. "I could have lost you."
He finally looked up at , and the tornt in his eyes was devastating.
I sat there, stunned.
He wasn’t wrong, but I had never expected him to react this way... I especially didn’t intend to make him feel so guilty.
"What happened?" he asked, his tired eyes lowering to my hands as if he couldn’t bear to look in the face. His voice steadier but still strained. "How did you get to the Red Woods? What... what happened in there?"
I was quiet for a long mont, trying to organize the mories into sothing coherent. Trying to figure out where to even begin.
He straightened a bit. "I apologise, please ignore that. If it’s not pleasant—"
"It’s okay," I whispered.
I lightly frowned and for so reason, started playing with my hands.
I told him everything then, and I did not spare any details. It was like I couldn’t stop talking the mont I started.
Sowhere along the line, I realized tears were falling down my face. It jarred , but I still didn’t stop the silent tears streaking down my cheeks as I recounted the horror of what had happened.
Kael’s hands had clenched into fists so tight I could see his knuckles turning white.
Even when talking about Darnel, I tried to smile, hoping to make it sound less intense than it had been.
"I’m fine now."
I really was.
Even if the words coming out of my mouth were weak and unconvincing to my own ears.
The tears were just coming out and my eyes stung for so stupid reason.
"See? Everything healed. I—"
Kael moved, suddenly wrapping his arms around , and pulling into an embrace so tight I could barely breathe.
His entire body was trembling.
He was furious.
"I am so sorry," he whispered against my hair, and I could sense the hurt in his voice. "I should have been there. I should have protected you."
My own tears ca harder then, and I found myself sniffling, still trying to maintain that I was fine even as my voice shook.
"I am okay," I repeated, burying my face against his chest.
We stayed like that for a while, and eventually, my tears slowed to a stop. My heart ached, but I just let myself exist in the safety of his embrace.
Even as I took a tiny bit of comfort in this mont, a thought that had been at the back of my mind for a while returned with painful clarity.
I would have to leave.
Not imdiately. Not now. Maybe so ti after the summit. After things had settled, I would have to go. I wasn’t sure my heart would ever rest even if I just stayed here and only tried to fix things in the nation.
I needed to see other nations, to understand how they treated their ogas, and to figure out how I could use this power for sothing aningful...
I especially wanted to find myself, properly this ti, and without the constant pressure of survival.
I hated it!
The realization that I would have to tell him this eventually was painful.
But I needed it.
Later...
I would tell him later.
For now, I just let myself be held, and tried not to think about how much it would hurt when I eventually had to let go.
[ - ]
I slept off shortly after that and when I woke up again, my body felt a lot better. But it did take so recovering to fully get rid of the stiffness. Over the next few days, I learned I wouldn’t be in any trouble for getting rid of Darnel. Kills between wolves within the red woods were normal, but it had been jarring for them to see soone flaunt a kill like that. That was the only wrong thing I had done, but Kael excused it and he had wished he had been the one to destroy Darnel himself.
No one asked about the details, and I wasn’t comfortable talking about it either, but it satisfied .
He deserved it.
The hunt had ended imdiately after what I had done, and it fully dawned on how I had actually gotten rid of the entire race of Righgs. It should have made happy, but while I didn’t regret what I did, it felt like an awful mirror to how every Lycan had been killed off in the past.
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