On Muyu Peak, the won have studied aesthetics to the extre, where sha refers to the feelings of sha and disgrace triggered by the moral inferiority of the aesthetic object.
It is the moral emotion of self-awareness and self-reproach.
Yet, this emotion is quite peculiar; at its core, it is a value experience, based on certain moral standards, which is the premise for generating self-esteem. In other words... it only exists if you have moral standards.
When you are unaware of the other’s existence, even if you are performing on stage, you won’t feel anything.
But once you beco aware...
You beco like Ah Qing, nervous to the point where your pupils tremble lightly, unconsciously biting your lower lip.
Initially, Ah Qing did not have the emotion of sha because, in this world, people do not feel sha or moral sense towards those with lower status than themselves. Those in high positions are often like this, not to ntion Ah Qing, who considers herself a bad woman?
So don’t ntion getting her all dressed up to perform seductively; when facing the prostitutes of Flower Moon Building, even if she were to remove another piece of clothing, Ah Qing would express that it’s completely fine... as for Yun Qian, that’s also okay.
Ah Qing doesn’t feel her status is higher than Yun Qian’s, but Ah Qing understands Miss Yun’s character sowhat; she wouldn’t feel ashad at being watched by Yun Qian; in fact, she hopes to be watched by Yun Qian.
But Xu Chang’an is different.
Young Master Xu is different.
He is the only exception.
’Why... are you still looking...’
Ah Qing stiffly turned and drew her sword, trying her best to keep her body from facing the banquet stage directly, but as she just turned around, Yun Qian’s face flashed in her mind again...
’No, Miss Yun still wants to look...’
A stiffened Ah Qing, at this mont, appeared just like any ordinary girl, biting her silver teeth as mist slowly rose in her eyes.
’Why exactly...’
’What is he looking at.’
Ah Qing did not understand.
To Ah Qing, Xu Chang’an’s gaze seed as though it was cast from Frosty Heaven, not rely overshadowing her existence in status but also harshly trampling her budding youthful heart.
She indeed wanted Young Master to glance at her, but that was supposed to be just a re glance, not like this... not like every movent she made felt his gaze scythe across her skin like burning.
The burning did not just affect her body; it struck again and again at her spirit, making her not dare to think... how Young Master was viewing her at this mont.
Ah Qing had never regretted having such acute senses as she did now, she could due to her Realm sense each girl’s appraisal and imagination of her in the stage below, but ironically, she could not sense Xu Chang’an’s thoughts, causing her to unavoidably wonder...
Might Young Master Xu have the sa opinion towards her as the won below?
Does Young Master think her clothes reveal her figure too much?
Could Young Master also believe she is intentionally luring people, flaunting a woman’s figure?
If it were before she went on stage, knowing she could attract Xu Chang’an’s gaze like this, she would certainly be happy.
But standing on the stage, her beloved’s gaze turned into a steel knife scraping over her fragile youthful heart, striking fiercely, almost shattering her rationality.
Even, when won’s gaze stayed on her waist and transmitted so lustful thoughts... upon feeling Xu Chang’an’s gaze sweep over her waist once more, her body couldn’t help but tremble even though Ah Qing knew Xu Chang’an couldn’t have such thoughts about her, but she couldn’t avoid thinking so — because she couldn’t sense Xu Chang’an’s emotions, in other words, whatever thoughts he might have, was all possible.
Execution.
Ah Qing had never experienced the taste of an execution platform, yet the gaze she was feeling at this mont was hardly better than an execution platform.
Especially the mont she turned around, her skirt slightly lifting, the trace of chilly wind almost drew blood from her face.
Actually, if it were the Demon Sect’s lady in such a scenario, she could quickly adjust, never to sink into such unworthy emotions.
But at this mont, Ah Qing really was her adolescent self and hence could not achieve the later stability, moreover, neither the youthful heart nor shaful heart were emotions Ah Qing had ever experienced before, causing her budding girlish sentints to face such high-end scenes... certainly lost.
Deep breath.
Exhale.
A hint of white mist escaped from Ah Qing’s lips, her chest violently fluctuated, striving to calm herself down.
Even though her mind was already in disarray, even though the burning body and gaze brought stabbing pain, she still tried to complete the dance — with it all seen already, it had to end stably.
More embarrassing than being caught displaying her Inner Charm would be failing to maintain that allure until the end, anyway she knew this dance was for Yun Qian, Young Master’s viewing was his own choice and had nothing to do with her.
It’s not that she was indiscreet, nor could one say she was intentionally seducing a married man.
But...
Ah Qing bit her lip.
Having been seen like this by Young Master, later... how would she face him?
Ah Qing now dared not think about how to converse with Young Master Xu afterward, likely standing before him would just trigger thoughts of her body seen through... Being able to speak without trembling would an she had suppressed herself well.
In the future, in front of Young Master she would absolutely... absolutely have no way to maintain a pure image.
Yet evidently, she still counted as a clean person.
The crack in her youthful heart ford this mont.
Ah Qing worked hard to suppress her about-to-shatter youthful heart.
But why.
She still didn’t understand what on herself was attracting Young Master Xu, so Ah Qing could only ponder over Zhu Pingniang.
Was it Zhu Pingniang who requested Young Master to continually stare at her?
There was this possibility, after all, Young Master still sowhat listened to her... but with Li Zhibai beside and Yun Qian present, even if it’s Zhu Pingniang, she shouldn’t ask Young Master to see such things in the presence of soone’s wife.
Hmm.
Ah Qing had already labeled her current dance as "such things" in her mind.
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