1014. A Promise To Remain Human
Aiming, healing, communication, combat – Frost excelled in gas revolving around these. But when it ca to gas of chance, and when she shut her eyes and used her invisible eyes to view the world, then she’d find herself losing these gas.
The fishing ga, a cup ga where one had to find which cup contained the coin, a ga where one had to finely control their breaths to move a feather but to also avoid disturbing grains of sand, and finally – a card ga that required one to bluff.
She had an advantage over the last one.
But having confidence despite possessing a losing hand didn’t change the outco if the opponent went through with their own hand.
Jury had taken Frost to experience these new gas, albeit she was familiar with several of them. Still, she couldn’t help but feel like a weight had been taken off her shoulders as they trekked through a nearby forest.
They scaled a small hill and found an overgrown lookout which oversaw the city of Ardor. Faint chirps of cicadas, and the gentle midnight breeze parted fallen leaves as though nature was paying its respect to the duo.
The clacking of Frost’s wooden slippers punctuated the air. It matched the thump of her heartbeat as Jury’s tail wrapped around her waist. She hadn’t asked Jury why their plans had suddenly changed.
Or if she too was bothered by what they found in G-Y0.
Now is a good ti to ask. Frost thought, leaning against a marble balcony as she devoured the city with a tender gaze.
“It’s only been a few hours huh? But it felt like we’ve spent way longer than that.” She began, her voice trailing off. “What made you change your mind?”
“Oh, nothing too important. Did you like it?”
“I was expecting sothing else to happen tonight. But, I loved it. Got to find out that I’m bad at fishing. I bet if you gave a real rod, and real fish then I’d be fine.”
“Isn’t fishing all about patience? It’s a ga of chance. If a fish doesn’t bite, then is it really your fault?”
“Good question.” Frost chuckled. “That whole waiting for sothing to catch on… I’m not a big fan of it. Sure, it’s fun. But it’s so unpredictable. All that anticipation, and you can’t even see past the water’s surface. If you try, you end up looking at a distorted version of yourself.”
She complained, leaving Jury in stunned silence. Frost leaned further over the balcony, her hands reaching down to gently pat against a night-blooming flower.
“That cup ga too. After so ti, you can’t really predict where the coin is. I can’t believe I flopped on that ga. But then again, I purposely kept my eyes off it. And I didn’t rely on my precognition.”
Her complaint was still t with Jury’s silence. Sohow, it only invited Frost to keep unraveling her thoughts to the air.
“I kept blowing too hard. The feathers went flying along with the sand, no matter how little I blew. I’m surprised you could do it. Gotta be a trick to it, huh?” She laughed before finally complaining about the last ga.
“Poker. I think that’s the ga we played? A table of bluffers, but it didn’t matter what face I made. So people just go through. Others wear what they want. Haaaah. Maybe I’ve gotten too old to be playing gas.”
Finally, after what felt like hours of silence, Jury joined Frost over the balcony. With a serene voice near indistinguishable from the breeze, she said:
“The anticipation of an unclear future.”
“Hmm?”
“I brought you here today hoping we could find new ways to experience our bodies. I won’t lie to you Frost, I’m not an Angel with pure thoughts. But I thought about what happened in the Ghost Site. There’s always a next ti.”
“Did the Humatazoa and the whole chanical womb turn you off too?”
“I’m roaring to go. But you’re not. Because I know you have thoughts suppressed up here.” Jury pressed her head against Frost’s. “They said you’re not from Earth. I rember, after Divas Pass, how you talked about this world being our ho. But you still longed for Earth. I thought you’d say sothing sooner. Why didn’t you?”
She was waiting, huh.
“I was gonna talk about… stuff here. That was the plan. But duty ca first. We had to get out of a collapsing Site.” Frost drew circles into her arm, a bit embarrassed that Jury saw right through her.
But she was happy that Jury thought about her. She always did, and she was always the first to notice when sothing was wrong. As usual…
“’Anticipation of an unclear future’. Mind telling what you an?” Frost laughed.
Jury wore a somber look as she gazed out at the city. It caused Frost’s smile to fade as she shared the sa sight.
“The fish ga. We cast lines from the start. I took the bait. Neither of us knew what the future would hold, even though ripples distorted the water’s surface. Every cry, every shout – and my warnings alluded to a monster. I thought you’d die. You thought… no, you never thought I was a monster. But people did past that water’s surface.”
Jury wasn’t one to speak philosophically, or with deep taphors aside from the ‘Black Forest’. Hearing her speak like this, as her ticking heart played like a trono, brought Frost to ease.
“It was an unclear future steeped in anticipation. Things look distorted because of a lot of noise. The ripples. Your identity from Earth, and Elysia for . What people think. Even what we believe ourselves to be. But, past that surface, there’s a hidden truth. It’s a ga of patience. No amount of foresight can tell what the future holds, or if that reflection is real or not.”
Her words hung heavy in Frost’s heart. Slowly, she turned to face Jury.
She couldn’t tell if the cramp she felt on her face was because of her smile or the lack thereof.
“Hah. Is there sothing else you know about ? You always sohow know. Sohow can feel like sothing’s wrong. Why don’t tell , what’s wrong with right now?”
“No. I can’t. Not until you tell yourself.”
“I guess that part is true. Yeah. I’m not sure what the future holds, given what I’ve found out. But it’s less about my identity from Earth, and more about what I am. You’re right about the ripples. The noise. All these distortions… Tch. At least this ticking calms down.”
“Mine, right?”
Frost exhaled with a small laugh.
“Of course it’s yours.”
Jury didn’t take Frost to play random gas, though it seed like it.
“The answer within an unpredictable future.” The cup ga was what Jury referenced. “All future possibilities exist at once. We’ve gone through the ropes before, haven’t we? You’ve gone through two Corruptions already. I don’t want to see you go through a third. I’m telling you this because… I think part of this journey we’ve had has a lot of bad ends. We’ve faced them all. But we’ve learned from it and know how to navigate away from them.”
“… eventually, we’ll find the cup that holds the answer huh? That’s what it ans? I guess… experintation works like that. But for … it’s been Corruption. Funny to think that even after my two Corruptions, I haven’t reached a Realization, gained a Corrupted Persona or an Ego of my own.”
It made Frost’s eyes sting.
And she hadn’t even confessed to Jury what the root of her suffering right now was.
“The restraint to find the right way forward. You’ve been getting violent. More than I’ve ever seen. But I know you can’t help it. What happened to the chaleons isn’t sothing you can control.”
“I know I’ve been getting violent. It’s a response to the fucked-up things we’ve seen. You’ve also been getting frisky too.”
And finally, Jury ntioned the card ga as she turned to Frost with moist eyes.
“The heart beyond the façade. I wanted to call it a plan, but I think heart fits better. Especially for you.”
“… Haha… Ahaha…” Frost giggled, but her voice beca choked up. “… Facades aren’t indicative of what’s going on behind the scenes, huh. Yeah. Hasn’t that always been the case? With everyone we know? But it’s never helped anyone, outside of one upping another, or trying to survive. Showing those hands, when they’re weak, just opens you up to a cruel death. It’s no wonder everyone’s so guarded...”
Frost’s breath hitched. Her hair overcast her face. Her shoulders shook. Suddenly, the Amalgam looked so much smaller than she really was. Despite this, Frost clawed at her chest through the gaps of the balcony, as though hoping to tear sothing out.
“Jury. I’m afraid of myself.” Her voice cracked. “Rember when I erased the mories of the people at the clinic? I still rember the taste of their mories. A part of that I’ve forgotten since the Black Forest ca out. Hunger. Infinite hunger. Once that shadow gripped , I looked at the Fragnt differently. If it weren’t for you, I don’t know if I would’ve resisted my instinct. I’ve never felt anything like it before. This thing inside of … I hate it. I don’t want it to be a part of . I didn’t care when I beca a girl. I learned to live with it. Embrace it. But this?”
“You’re not craving it now.” Jury clasped her face and brought it close. “That’s what matters.”
“Then when am I going to crave it again?” Frost snapped. “And you don’t know that! One of these days, I’ll have to take soone’s mories! And I’ll do it again! And again! And… again. What if it becos an addiction? What if I can’t stop? What if no one can reason with !?”
“You have an ensemble to stop you.” Jury tightened her grip as Frost thrashed lightly.
“But what if you can’t!?” She howled.
Then, Jury locked her lips with Frost’s.
And just like that, it defused her. A faint strand of saliva tethered their lips as Frost’s anger faded. Replacing it was an irrevocable wave of sadness.
“Did that ever stop you from trying to save a Corrupted!?”
“… Never. I’m just scared. mories aren’t sothing I can heal. When I take a bite from soone, a piece of their soul cos with it. Where I walk, animals play dead. I’m human. I still believe I am, but…”
In the end, Frost had to ask a question. It wasn’t dedicated to Jury. Nor to herself. She simply asked the world:
“What am I? I’m Frost as a person. But what’s beneath it? I eat but never get full. I don’t defecate. I don’t sweat. I don’t need to sleep anymore. I’m apparently an amalgamation of countless things that aren’t even . I lived through lives I don’t recall. But still… I’m human.”
The hunger for mories was the final push that tipped Frost over the edge. Her fear boiled down to herself. The first ti she ca to acknowledge it was when she faced Terrent.
She didn’t want to imagine what it looked like now, with the addition of her ability to devour mories.
“I want to stay human. If I’m not, then I want to be human.”
It was her one sincere wish.
“You already are. I promise you. I believe in you. You wouldn’t eat anyone’s mories on a whim, or just because hunger took hold of you.” Jury assured.
Frost sobbed into her chest. Her arms remained still by her side as Jury held her close.
“… Fuck this hunger. I thought I got over it. But it’s only co back worse… Is this what it ans to take the powers from the Rivers? Just Lethe has already changed .”
“The fact that you’re worried makes you human. Only monsters can embrace it.”
“I want to believe that too. Ugh… I don’t want to hurt anyone.”
Ironic. Frost was a perpetuator of suffering for the other side.
But she vehently believed that stopping the cycle of violence against the Impuritas would only make things worse.
Besides, unlike her enemies, she saved people.
The Homunculi, who could do nothing more than live and breathe, were still worth saving in her eyes.
How was she a monster? She didn’t value them on what they could provide to the Nexus.
All Frost believed was that they deserved to exist, free of suffering and allowed them to experience the world.
Rembering this cald her down.
“I’m a ss. Sorry Jury. I’m so sorry… that you have to see like this.”
“Don’t be sorry. I’m here to listen. I’m happy you didn’t leave it till it beca worse.”
“You won’t bite ~ You’re too kind for that.”
She brought her hand to Frost’s mouth and brushed it against her clenched teeth. A panicked Frost tried to pull away, but Jury did not allow her to. She thrashed lightly like a caged animal, only to finally surrender and let herself hang in Jury’s arms, whimpering.
“… I’m also afraid of what I might be. My tail is the key to reaching Elysia and opening the Advent of Attachnt. But when I think about being next to you, then I don’t care what I am~”
“Maybe it was just that easy… all along, huh?” Frost panted.
“Not always. But neither of us are alone. Feels like we’ve had a talk like this before~ But you were always afraid of the future. Of us. But never yourself.”
“Because I believed that I’d be fine… because of what I am. I keep telling myself I’m human. I believe in it. Wholeheartedly. It’s just that it’s so easy to say otherwise. It’s even easier to see how I’m not, if I end up doing sothing stupid with my powers.”
Again, the deepest parts of Frost spoke when she was embraced by Jury. There was no bravado of the Head, the ironclad heart of the Black Dove, the rcy of a Healer, or the wrath of the Progenitor.
“Thank you. I love you Jury. I’m sorry I ruined our night.”
“Like I said, there’s always a next ti~”
“… Yeah. There is. Always… Always…”
* * *
It took Frost three hours to stop crying. Another two hours were spent calming down. By dawn, Frost managed to drift off with sore eyes.
A rare sight, but not uncommon following monts like this.
Jury brought her back to the Leviathan, her body woven in a cocoon made from a silk-making enzy she had stolen from eating a golden orb spider’s nest (accidentally, due to yawning).
“Ah, does she sleep?” Acedia was baffled to find that Frost needed sleep in the first place. “Does she dream good dreams?”
Given by the look of glee on Frost’s face as Cer placed a sleeping Joy beside her–
“She does now.” Jury assured. “I’ll have to make my bookings another day~”
“Oh? Then I don’t have to expect another sibling?” Acedia wondered.
“Might still be a little too early for that~” She patted Acedia’s head. “H10 now?”
“H10, the 6th Branch.” Acedia looked out of her window, spotting a faint blue glow beyond the pink horizon. “Then, we travel full speed ahead to the City of Strings.”
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