[April Fools 2024] – Master Cook< “Thousands upon thousands of amateur Aspiring Cooks lined up from all corners of the world.” >
< “All to take part in the most iconic culinary competition in all Elysia.” >
“Master Cook? Never heard of it.”
An Aspiring Moon dressed in the formal apparel of one of Hora Therapeutic’s trainees confessed into Snap’s giant recording eye.
< “Where people of all flocks co to the Nexus.” >
“The invitation clearly says its being held inside of the Nexus. Problem is that I’m not a Blessed.”
A shopkeeper revealed a shabby-looking ticket with the words, ‘YOU are invited to beco the NEXT Master Cook!’. Three familiar faces of wolf Demi-humans smiled back from the ticket with a toothy grin.
“I don’t even know who the first Master Cook is.”
In another instant, Snap shoved its monocular lens to capture the expressionless face of a Missionary of Act X.
“It would be a lifelong dream for . I’m ecstatic.” The entity smiled hollowly, its empty eyes sockets staring deep into Snap’s. “As per the Script says.”
< “They will compete to win the prize of the title of Master Cook.” >
“Do I really want to be here? No. But one of the Heads of Security made it compulsory if we wanted to receive our Aspiring Moon titles.” A Candidate Moon on the brink of becoming an Aspiring Moon complained in a low voice.
< “And the ultimate chance of sending their food to the one and only Beholder of Ti Reverberation.” >
“I dunno about you, but one plate isn’t going to cut it. Just a gut feeling. It’s Jury we’re yawning about.”
An adolescent, black-haired girl with golden eyes yawned from her cozy, fluffy bed. She peered into Snap’s eyes drowsily, tapping on it with drool hanging from the edge of her mouth.
“One sheep. Two sheep. Three sheep. All sizzling on a rotisserie grill.” The girl drifted off to sleep.
< “Twenty of the finest amateur cooks will strike a chance of becoming the Nexus’ first Master Cook.” >
< “They will be judged by the three juggernauts of the culinary world.” >
“I’m Ber, the Claw of the Head. I’m a professional cook of forty years. I’ve been around the world tasting thousands of different cuisines. If there’s anyone that knows how to cook, then trust , it’s the Moon with over 30 Levels in the Cook Profession.”
Ber revealed herself onto a stage overlooking twenty Candidate Moons and Atelier personnel. Rows of capable kitchens powered by sponsored Atelier tech was where the Candidate Moons would be creating dishes worthy of praise. But more than that; to be fed to the illustrious Beholder Jury.
The reason for this was because Ber could not cook.
Why couldn’t she cook?
Because she was busy having to judge these cooks, of course!
“I’m Res, the Eye of the Head. Like you all, I’m not a profession cook but I have worked alongside the best chefs in the upper Floors of the Nexus (Just Ber). The key is my eye for detail. Presentation is everything. We eat with our eyes.”
Res marched out to join Ber atop the stage.
Finally, the last of the judges revealed themselves. A short woman erged from behind a distant door, her arms folded as her eyes glared back at the contestants.
“I’m Cer, the Fang of the Head. I have no cooking experience. I don’t how to cook. I don’t even cook at all. What I bring is honesty. So, if your food is crap, then you’ll be charged for attempted assassination of a pivotal figurehead. Sentence? Quadruple digit working hours. Every day.”
She warned, joining the others, adding:
“And for preference, I prefer to be eaten instead but that’s irrelevant here –”
“Contestants! You will have sixty minutes to create a world-class al!” Ber shouted excitedly.
“You will have access to the Nexus’ most esteed pantry!” Res announced as Snap panned its cara towards a door.
Outside were the streets of the Common Hub.
“The shopkeepers might look shocked at first, but this is an opportunity for you to learn what your upcoming title as Aspiring Moons implies. Who can say no to you? But for Atelier mbers, we can’t make any promises to cover your tracks.” Cer shouted, right before Res pointed towards another door which led into a beautiful marble pantry filled with every conceivable ingredient.
“Idiot, don’t tell them to abuse their authority!” Res hissed in a silent whisper.
“What? I didn’t say they had to go out and hit Public Defenders.” Cer interpreted her words literally.
“Contestants!” Ber cut through their squabble, pointing at a giant clock that hung above. “Are you ready!? Your ti starts… it started five minutes ago.”
The contestants looked at each other in confusion.
“Ti is ticking!” Cer shouted. “Do you wanna graduate into Aspiring Moons – I an, beco our first Master Cook or what!?”
And just like that, the contestants imdiately sprung into action, flooding straight into the pantry room. However, the door only allowed one person to fit through at a ti, resulting in a major personnel jam.
Cer glanced into Snap’s cara.
“Please. Cooking? You an that thing where you put raw at into a fla? Pfft. Humans, am I right? What cos before that? The hunt. The pantry is a red herring. If they were smart, they’d go and target that one.”
Snap panned over to a sheep Demi-human.
“Incredible.” Ber clapped once, turning Snap’s head around to face her. “The first step to cooking is to know what you want. So might die along the way but for a good al, there is no better sacrifice. We live to kill as Moons.”
She moved in place as though she urgently needed to use the bathroom.
“The Atelier personnel are at a major disadvantage. Wait look. They’re using kitchen utensils to saw a hole into the side of the door!” Res pointed out.
“Smart. Adapting on the spot is required from a good cook.” Ber was impressed. “If the animal doesn’t have enough legs, then you have to make compromises. That’s why we have such adorable Healers.”
Snap panned over to a pair of heavily ard Black Wings.
“Only animals take off their own legs. They should learn from the Amalgam.” Their twisted faces instantly beca like that of angels at the ntion of Frost. “She’d never resort to those thods. Every part of the Amalgam is sacred. We know how creative she can be. They say better them than , and I say that’s right. The beast course of action is to take the legs of soone else.”
“Alright. Enough about the legs.” Res sighed. “Oh, here we go! They’re coming back out!”
“All twenty of them? Tch.” Cer clicked her tongue, gesturing for Snap to co closer with the flick of her head. “I planted so Puff Puffs in there. I was hoping soone would try to cook one. The key to being a Moon is to unexpect the expected. That way you can go in and expect the unexpected.”
“Exactly. Truer words have never been spoken.” Ber nodded in agreent.
anwhile, Res remained silent, looking at the cara and shaking her head as she mouthed: “I’m not related to them.”
Flas and delicious scents filled the pale chamber as the contestants fired up their stoves. The triplets keenly observed like a pack of wolves, their tails wagging in tune with the ticking of the great clock.
Suddenly, as an Atelier personnel was chopping down an onion –
“Healer!”
– They sliced open the tip of their finger.
“What’s happened to her over there?” Ber whispered.
“Get this. A cat Demi-human just cut themselves while slicing their vegetables.” Cer whispered back.
“What vegetable?” Ber asked with urgency.
“Does it matter?” Res muttered.
“Shh. Sis. I think it was a lettuce.”
“Dear God. Will she be ok?”
The Healer stared at the cat-eared woman with deadpan eyes.
“It’s a small cut. You think I’m going to waste my ti on you? These bullets aren’t cheap.”
“W-What’s the point of having Healers on board then?” The frazzled woman questioned.
“Just in case things devolved into a last man standing situation. Which by the way – can still happen!”
No one took a bite of Cer’s bait, instead choosing to keep their heads down and work harder.
“Oh my, look at that.” Ber softly pointed at the girl the with cut. “It’s dripping into the pot.”
“Disgusting –”
“Wait, what does that an?” Cer cut Res off.
“It’s a smart move to utilize everything you have. At that temperature she can elevate it by enriching the broth with small traces of blood. It’s a common technique you’ll find in Vampiric cuisine.” Ber explained. “That’s her on a plate.”
“I can’t keep this act up anymore…” Res murmured in an aside.
Surprisingly, there were no sabotages despite the incentive to do so. Eventually, the clock ran down. Unbeknownst to them was that the clock overhead was slightly slower than a regular clock, which resulted in the contestants having far more ti than intended.
No one needed to tell the triplets how horrible things were going, but right now the end was in sight.
It was ti to judge their food.
“Ti… Is… UP!” Ber announced. “Hands off your stations!”
“Well done. It’s a miracle that you’re all still here.” Res sighed in relief.
“It’s too soon to decide that.” Cer grinned. “Alright! Co up one by one starting from left to right. No. Not your left. My left. So that’s your right!”
* * *
“Mango pancake.”
“Really? A mango pancake? This is all you ca up with in an hour? A sha.” Ber shook her head. “I’m sorry, but I’m not even going to taste it.”
“It looks delicious. I just wished the taste was more than just mango. It… really doesn’t pair well.” Res politely said. “If it was in 15 minutes then it would be wonderful.”
Cer on the other hand…
“Your ancestral bloodline was a mistake, and this brings the sa level of disgust as your food.”
***
“Banana pasta –”
“Stop right there. Banana pasta? I think you’ve gone bananas.” Ber gagged at the re thought of tasting this monstrosity.
“… You’re joking, right? I know Jury can eat anything, but this is crossing the line.”
“Tch. Do you cook for your family?” Cer asked unexpectedly.
“Y-Yes.”
“Are they still alive?”
* * *
“I call this the ‘Amalgam on a Plate’, Chefs.”
“A bit of everything, but you don’t need all of this stuff.” Ber shoved aside the bread and the lone cherry.
“It’s a bit of a dilemma. How would I go in to eat it? The egg on top makes it hard to really grab it without breaking the yolk and making a ss everywhere.” Res complained.
As for Cer…
“I’m disappointed in you. Wolf Demi-human to Wolf Demi-human. This is exactly why you don’t have a pack and will never have one.”
* * *
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