No Need For A Core? 328: Sorrow’s Troupe

Deidre woke with a gasp, clinging tightly to Sakiya in the aftermath of her nightmare. The nine-tail had already drawn Deidre close and was soothingly petting her hair.

"It's alright, my dear," Satsuki said softly, "I'm here."

It took a few monts for Deidre to collect herself while lying safely engulfed in Sakiya’s embrace, her natural scent heightened by a slightly musky perfu mixed with the sll of spices and a delicate sweetness that Deidre found comforting. At least the nightmare frequency was beginning to drop. The really pitiful thing about having nightmares was that having them at all was a sign of her recovery. When she'd first arrived, nightmares and dreams of any sort were not part of her sleep process.

She sighed, then drew herself up to kiss Satsuki briefly on the lips, breathing in more of her scent. "Thank you for being here. Well, I don't think I'll be getting any more sleep for a while, so I'm going to get cleaned up and see if I can finish writing out those ciphers before everyone gets back later today."

Deidre was under no illusions that what they shared was love. At least, not romantic love. There was certainly mutual affection and physical comfort, but while they were friends and lovers, it would not be correct to say that either of them was in love with the other. Complicated, but that described her life recently anyway.

The past several months had been extrely different from most of her life, Deidre mused as she let her mind wander while she cleaned up and got dressed. When she'd first been captured, her emotions had ranged from numb to confused to angry, then, when hope had first begun to appear, it was swiftly followed by fear. The fear faded slowly as hope grew, but there was still a small, sharp sliver of it lodged in her heart.

Letting herself be seduced and enthralled by Satsuki had been an act of desperate trust, a gamble on being able to change. Working her way free of the enthrallnt had helped her work around and push aside more and more of the commands that had been instilled in her, and the effects of becoming Azeria's contractor had finally suppressed those commands entirely.

Not that they were gone, but they were forced to be quiet, no more than faint whispers and a light pressure at the edges of her consciousness. This allowed Deidre to finally talk more about what had been done to her, and eventually that including telling Azeria what they needed to know about 'invading' the territory of her other self.

But once the compulsions were no longer in play, it had still been difficult to talk about much of it. The easiest part had been describing what each of her zones was like. Zones that she tried to not compare against Azeria's equivalent zones. It was painful to see what she could have been doing compared to what she had been forced to do.

Being able to talk more freely had also made it easier to work with Azeria on a cipher so that ssages could be discreetly passed to her other self.

However, before she finished that work, Deidre needed to eat. She had a brief breakfast with Satsuki and Payne, which included so special treats provided by Satsuki. While the nine-tail had provided all the useful tals and such up front, she had been teasing the nexus by only slowly revealing so of the food related items that she had brought with her. The juice with today's breakfast was lemonade made from a bright yellow lemon that was sweeter than any of the ones native to this world, and mixed with the red juice from cranberries, which apparently natively grew in acidic bogs. Kazue's core had been excited about the idea of growing them in their wetlands zone, and letting their delvers figure out sweetening them on their own.

Deidre felt a bit sorry for any delvers who tried the bright red berries without sweetening. Deidre's lemonade mix was sweetened enough to make Satsuki laugh at her, and that sweet tooth was why Satsuki had indulged her with an all-sweet breakfast, complete with a flan glazed with caralized sugar. Even the small cup of coffee was almost half cream and sugar. Much of her life, she'd been fed only cheap food, and found herself craving intense flavors and sweetness now that she had access.

After breakfast, she and Payne, whose mouth was still stained with jam, went to the office where all this work was being done.

Deidre needed to write each piece of their secret ssage by hand, though the cores made sure everything was ready for her reference. One part of this was that the nexus couldn't simply generate the scraps and ink from their mana, so Deidre was using paper and ink that had been either brought in from outside or had been processed from plants that had been grown in the nexus territory. There was a large variety of bits of paper that lay before her, from smooth heavy vellum, to standard paper, and most importantly rough paper with bits of plant matter and seeds embedded in it. The seeds were from Azeria’s plant life, and Satsuki had slipped bits of coffee leaf into one sheet; gifts for her nexus to rebuild with, if all went to plan. She gripped the glass pen in her hand, another thing for her dungeon to learn to make, she thought.

These tokens were small in the scale of what can teach and empower a nexus, but they were tokens that would be freely given even while the nexus was being 'invaded'. The more valuable, dangerous things would be reserved until she was free, but these would help build trust. Hopefully.

The other part was that this put the entire thing in Deidre's handwriting and allowed her to imprint a trace of her aura on everything. It was not as thorough as a properly done seal, but keeping the signature of her aura faint was part of the point, as delivering the ssage was intended to be done subtly.

There were actually two ciphers, and the ciphers were broken up into small pieces of mathematical equations written on random scraps of the paper before her. There were also two ssages, written in seeming gibberish on the other side of each scrap of paper. The first ssage was written on the scraps containing the second cipher, and the second ssage was written on the flip side of the first cipher.

Thus, decoding either ssage would take having all of both ssages. It would also require the processing power of a core to sort through possibilities and tease out the two equations.

One ssage was from Azeria, giving reassurances that they were there to help her and free her. The other ssage was from Deidre, to verify that she trusted Azeria. But direct words seed insufficient, and in the end, Deidre decided on an old ballad about a small group of heroes leading a group of rcenaries against the army of an evil king.

She cut off the ballad before the lyrics determined if the rcenary army would prove loyal to their word or try to take advantage of the situation after the victory. Her other self knew the answer in the actual ballad, of course, but that was not the point. Cutting it off there in the ssage carried a secondary aning — Deidre did not trust their Trionean allies. Mordecai seed to trust the baron and a few of the soldiers, but he was fairly open about not trusting the rest of the political machinations of the empire.

With the ballad transcribed, there was one scrap of paper left with a blank side. Deidre glanced up at the floating image of all the pieces of this project, and there, too, it was blank. Waiting for her to fill in a na.

"Svetlana," she finally said, her voice soft as she spoke the na that had been suppressed for so long. "The first na I was given, before I t any of the Puritasi, was Svetlana." It wasn't a na she really associated with herself anymore, but it was better than using the na that the Puritasi had insisted she use.

Deidre refused to even think that na; it was already dead to her, and she knew her core felt the sa. The had tried to purge her of her na, just as they had purged any sapient inhabitants she had, lest they try to sneakily work on her behalf for her freedom.

A mont later, the encoded version of her na appeared on the illusion, and she transcribed that encoded version into the final scrap of paper in silence.

It was done.

Deidre felt nervous as this final piece of preparation was completed, and simply watched as Payne collected the last scrap then flitted out to put it in the waiting pouch where the others had all been stored. When everything was done, if it all went according to plan, then her return ho was scant weeks away. Payne would be coming with her, the tiny pixie had made that clear long ago, and it had taken Deidre a while to notice that Payne had made herself into Deidre's familiar.

It was an unusual way to acquire a familiar, to have the bond simply form slowly like that, but Deidre did not mind. At least it ant she wouldn't be alone.

There was no one she was looking forward to seeing when she was reunited with her other self. Her sapient and near-sapient inhabitants were in even worse ntal shape than she was. Many of them had been people whom she had been forced to take on as inhabitants, and those people had been forced to accept the invitation. Or rather, tortured until they complied.

It was such a convenient way to have soone disappear; they were still alive, so attempts to contact their soul in the afterlife failed, and they were both cloaked by the aura of the nexus itself, as well as their own aura being changed by the process, making them very, very difficult to search for with magic. Much cheaper than capturing their souls and imprisoning them, too.

By the ti Mordecai, Kazue, and Moriko were done assisting her core in recovering from what had been done to her, all of her sapient inhabitants were going to be free, whether freed into the world, or, if they were too mad, freed from this cycle of life, so that they might have the chance to reincarnate and begin a fresh life.

Mordecai said he had so ideas on how to help those who would be free, but he needed to verify sothing before he committed to one of his options.

Dealing with the less self-aware creatures and the automatons was going to be a process of redesign; they were not sentient or sapient enough to be tornted by their existence, but their current designs fulfilled the Puritasi's goals, not hers.

Deidre wondered if it might not be easier if Azeria's plans did not quite succeed. If sothing happened to her core, and if the unattuned core material that she had been rewarded with could draw her soul here instead of core and avatar both dying, then she could maybe beco a subsidiary core.

Of course, no one knew what would happen if she started to reflexively try to claim territory around her new core while already inside of Azeria's territory. A subsidiary core started as either an independent but adjacent nexus, or more rarely, was deliberately developed by the primary core.

Not that Deidre had known this before she'd been told by Mordecai. Yet another thing she had been denied learning about or discovering on her own.

"How long until your other selves arrive?" She asked as Payne settled onto her shoulder.

Kazue's ntal voice answered, "They seem to be a little more than an hour away."

Deidre was looking forward to seeing them all again, but the thought brought up even more conflicted feelings. Two sets of desires that were inherently in conflict, and neither was truly possible.

One of them was tied to the idea of becoming their subsidiary core; Deidre did not feel ready to beco an independent ruler of a territory again. Most of her existence had been that of a slave, and just being an independent person was a challenging enough prospect at the mont. Who was she to direct others? It would be so much easier to continue to serve, in much the sa way that she knew Satsuki wanted to serve, and even becoming a lover to the trio would not be a burden.

To want to continue to be bound by the will of others might seem like a strange thing for a slave to possibly want, but it would be a different sort of servitude, soplace safe where she could explore being an independent person while knowing that there were others who could be responsible and take care of any mistakes she made.

That applied to the other, conflicting desire as well. To beco as a daughter to them, the way that Fuyuko and Camilla were. The base impulse was the sa: to not be responsible for too much while having the chance to figure out who she was now. It was also the much saner desire. But at the sa ti, Deidre was already involved with Satsuki, who had previously been Mordecai's lover and who might beco consort to the trio in the future. That alone made the idea of having a parent and child sort of relationship awkward, even before considering the issue of how she had t them and beco their prisoner.

Her emotions were quite clear to Payne, even if Deidre's exact thoughts did not co across, and the little pixie leaned against Deidre's head. "Don't worry, you won't be alone. I'll be with you, I promise." Deidre smiled at that and nuzzled back. It was hard to truly be alone around pixies. When she didn’t have much to do, sotis she would play the gas that introduced her to this place, just to play with them.

Hmm.

She had an idea.

A brilliant, wonderful, awful, sort of horrifying idea. This place was clearly rubbing off on her.

Deidre held out her hand and said, "Payne, I have thought of sothing that might interest you." While her curious familiar shifted position to land on Deidre's palm, Deidre sent to Kazue, "Do you mind if I 'steal' a volunteer army of pixies?"

Kazue laughed before answering, "Deidre, I love the idea, and I will do you one better. Any of our tinier inhabitants who want to move in to help you may join your nexus. We're limiting the size only to make sure it doesn't look like we are invading. Oh, and I have so other ideas now. By the ti you leave, you will have all the help and company you need."

Deidre grinned at Payne. "So, how would you like the title of Major General? Your job would be to recruit an army, within the bounds that Azeria sets, who want to co north with and be my personal, permanent honor guard."

Payne's eyes widened with excitent before she started dancing in place and talking so fast that Deidre couldn't keep up. But she was pretty certain that was a 'yes'.