There are many ways and reasons to ditate. In this case, Moriko needed to ask herself so questions. She had made a decision, and it seed the right one, and still did, yet sothing felt off. Was she sohow wrong in the change she’d made to her life? Or was it sothing else?
Following the Lady of Passions was more complicated than many people thought. It wasn’t just doing what you felt passionate about in the mont, it was knowing what your true passions were and following them, which required knowing yourself and being truthful about it, even if only to yourself. And Moriko had long ago figured herself out. But her life had changed, how much had it caused her to change?
So she took the ti to prepare herself carefully. Her bathing was slow and deliberate, the soap she’d asked Kazue to make for her was plain and functional, and the only reason the water was hot was to help make sure her muscles were warm and relaxed.
When she was done, she put on a simple white robe, then prepared a stick of slow-burning incense, one she had a long association with for deep ditations. She lit the incense, then opened the new door in her bedroom, which led the way up to the core, the true body of Mordecai and Kazue.
There she took a mont to examine the small orb. It was larger than when she’d last seen it, but she could still comfortably hold it in her hands. Mordecai’s old core had taken up her lap when she’d ditated with it. If this was what held their mories, and half of this one belonged to Kazue, it was easy to see why he’d had to, at least temporarily, lose so much of his mories in order to fit into his new ho. Even when that new ho had been her head.
Moriko set down her incense, then very carefully and tenderly picked up the core in both hands before settling down on the soft mat that Kazue had insisted on providing. Moriko had been intending to simply sit on the bare floor, but her wife had been insistent. Mordecai had simply stayed out of that conversation.
This gold and purple sphere represented why she was here, all the decisions and connections that had led her to this point. The focus of her considerations this evening.
But there was a little thought intruding on her mind, an idea based on sothing Mordecai had said previously. They could feel her touching their core, right? Moriko shifted how she was holding the core, freeing her right hand for a mont. Then she ever so lightly skittered her nails across the smooth, almost glassy surface.
The paired ntal protests made her laugh, and she sent back her apologies before bringing the core up to lightly kiss its surface. Oh, that felt so much better now. Perhaps she’d been too solemn about this. Yes, she had so soul-searching to do, but she also had a ho and two wonderful spouses who would love and support her whatever she decided. There was no need to be gloomy.
The monk settled her cupped hands into her lap and stared down at the soft glow of the gold and purple sphere. She breathed in, and out. The soft flow of her breath, the slow beat of her heart, the steady streams of the chi flowing through and around her. She found her stillness amidst the movent of the world.
Now Moriko teased apart the threads of her passions. Two were easy, old companions well known to her. The first was that she loved to fight, to contest her body, skill, and will against others, to strive to beco ever stronger. She was competitive to a fault when it ca to fighting. The idea of fighting against Mordecai again now that he was stronger quickened that part of her soul.
The next was that she loved sex. There were similarities between the two, and she loved to explore the possibilities, to get to know new bodies with all their wonderful differences. She didn’t want just that quick and easy heat, she wanted everything a person could give her in all their varieties. This was the passion she had banked, had partially set aside in favor of another passion.
To explore the possibilities of dedicated romance. She examined that decision, that nearly whimsical mont that tipped her choice. The recent discovery of Mordecai’s priorities when it ca to forging his options to change shape reinforced that part of her decision. He had the right sort of ego, strong of will without needing to prove anything. He’d never hold her back from being herself. Kazue had been sweet, a little bit in need without being needy, and simply enjoyable at first, but she’d been growing in confidence and strength even then. The pair of them together harmonized with her, making her feel just as alive as her other passions did. And Moriko wanted to see what they beca and to be part of it.
In a way, that’s what her decision had been. Even if she had chosen the other way, Moriko would never have been entirely not part of them, they’d have always welcod her, but her instinct had been that to be entirely part of whatever was to co, she needed to commit. To sacrifice one passion for another was not the preferred path, but was sotis inevitable. To demand one get everything without cost would be simply greedy.
But that tied into her feelings of guilt this morning. Guilt always ant you needed to look at yourself, but the question was if that guilt was from you having strayed from your path, or if the sense of guilt was imposed? And if imposed, what did that an regarding that relationship?
She found herself separating the guilt into three aspects. The guilt for having effectively broadcast her wandering thoughts to her spouses was well deserved. That was rude, hurtful, and the sort of thing that could even beco cruel. Whatever else she decided, that absolutely had to never happen again. Even if the hurt or harm was very slight, willfully hurting those you cared about was not right.
However, the guilt for noticing the attractive qualities in all three n she needed to discard. That would be trying to fight against herself, possibly harmful, and would probably take her off the path of passions. She would always notice, and that part was fine.
In between she found herself contemplating the brief ti she’d spent ‘speculating’ on those three guests. This one was harder to figure out. She wasn’t harming those she cared about, and it was true to how she had enjoyed much of her life, but in the end, she decided that indulging that sort of thinking would make it harder to be as fully invested as she wanted to be in her relationship. So a soft acknowledgnt of sothing she needed to work on, an improvent to make upon her path, but not the guilt of having done sothing wrong and harmful to people she cared about.
With that worked out, Moriko felt a lot better. Her path choices fit with what she truly wanted, and she had only strayed briefly from the path she’d chosen to follow. She hadn’t chosen wrong.
There was still sothing missing though. And she couldn’t quite figure out what. Fortunately for the monk, there were wiser heads than hers that she could ask, now that she’d figured out this much on her own. Even if she still was technically on ‘vacation’.
There was no more analyzing to do or decisions to make, so Moriko let herself slip into silent diation, worries, and thoughts beyond the sensation of being in the mont fading away, surrounded by the soft flow of the dungeon’s mana, her breath, and chi coming to match a subtle fluctuation in that flow.
All through the evening, and into the early morning.
Until dawn broke.
And the dungeon reset, while she was holding the core and in tune with the flow of its mana.
The building sensation was too fast for her to have many decisions and despite knowing it was actually tough, just flinging the core away was just not a real choice. So she curled protectively around it, holding the crystal sphere tightly to her chest as the energy suddenly pulsed.
If she could have, Moriko would have scread. But every muscle in her body was locked up as that agonizing sensation swept through her, like every single tiny piece of herself was being pulled off and put back on, one at a ti but all inside of a second.
They were there instantly of course, holding her close as they tried to figure out what was wrong. Mordecai soon reached for the most obvious potential problem, the core she was clutching so tightly. “S-s-s-” Moriko gave up on using her mouth. “Stop!” He did, and Moriko forced herself to slowly begin breathing again as her thoughts cleared. “Give a mont.”
Her muscles didn’t want to unlock, every ounce of her flesh was convinced that more pain was coming. But this was her body, and mastering it was one of the fundantals of her training. She worked her way down from her head, loosening each muscle group as she took inventory of the state of her body. Despite what she’d felt, she could find nothing wrong, no damage anywhere, just the lingering effects of the mory of that pain. When she could move freely, Moriko held out the core for Mordecai to take. “Here. I’ll describe what happened in a mont, but it was over already by the ti you got here. You’d have had to break my fingers to loosen my grip, and it wouldn’t have helped.”
He looked guilty as he carefully took their orb from her hands. “Sorry, you were in such a state that I panicked, I didn’t think about that.” He placed the orb gently back on the pedestal, then sat down at her side and took her hand. Kazue was already curled up against her other side with that hand held tightly between her own.
“Moriko, what happened?” Kazue practically whispered, her green eyes bright and shimring with unshed tears. Moriko gathered her thoughts and then described the state she’d been in, and what she’d felt imdiately before that pain had hit. Mordecai frowned thoughtfully, then glanced upwards.
“It’s dawn. You were holding our core during the reset. Normally, there’s no reason that would be a problem for any contractor or inhabitant. But I think I figured out what happened this ti.” He sighed and shook his head. “At least it won’t happen again unless you are ditating with the core when dawn hits.” Moriko felt a bit of relief at that, though mild disappointnt that she’d have to be more careful with her ti in the future.
Hmm. Yes, despite that awful mont at the end, she’d enjoyed being in tune with them like that, and wanted to do it again. But only without that unhappy finish.
“So, I think it’s our soul link that is part of the problem. Combine that with you not only being in contact with our core, and you being in harmony with our mana, and I don’t think the automated processes could distinguish your state from you having been killed in the dungeon and your soul resting in our core waiting to be respawned. It tried to rebuild your body and resurrect you while you were still alive.” Mordecai looked a bit frustrated. “And that’s automatic. I know there are ways to accelerate aspects of it, any dungeon of sufficient depth and power can do that eventually, but fine-tuning it to that state from a soul being held safe? That would be harder. So much harder that I don’t even know where to start yet. I can add so sort of pre-dawn warning to the chamber though. Um, if you want to ditate here again.”
Moriko looked at her husband closely, then over to Kazue. Both of them looked a touch abashed? “I take it you want to do it again?”
Kazue flicked an ear. “Yeah, um, the first part of your ditation didn’t feel much different, but when you slipped into that deeper state, well, we could feel that. And it was nice. Like, really nice. Though maybe not when we have company again. It’s kind of a bit distracting.”
Moriko couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow, then looked to Mordecai again, who shrugged. “It’s a new one to , but yes. Pleasantly distracting is a good phrase for it.”
Huh. That was certainly interesting. She’d have to investigate that further, but not right now. “Well, if it’s dawn, then we’ll want to have breakfast with our guests in a couple of hours. And I’m kind of a ss now. So why don’t we catch up while I bathe again? I think I need to take a trip back to the capital, so I want to get started shortly after everyone leaves.” Her body was feeling good now, a warm bath and so food should help any lingering ache.
User Comments
0 comments from readers