One Piece: My Lazy Ass Made Akainu Mad Chapter 215: “This Celestial Dragon Has Gone Insane. It’s No

Fish-Man Island, Coral Hill.

The air was thick with the salty tang of seawater, the sweet scent of bubbles, and... a trace of gunpowder and fear that hadn't yet dissipated.

The World Noble, Celestial Dragon Saint Jalmack, was sprawled on the ground in an utterly miserable posture.

His iconic glass do was shattered, revealing a face flushed the color of liver from suffocation and extre terror.

His signature white spacesuit was covered in dust and his own snot and tears.

This man, who considered himself a "god," was gasping for air like a dead fish tossed ashore.

"L-Lord Renzo!"

A round figure blocked the path to the Celestial Dragon; it was Rehn.

On his fat face, the usual humor was gone, replaced by an almost fanatical ferocity.

"This piece of trash dared show disrespect to you and Admiral Kizaru! Give the order and I will 'clean' him up right here! I guarantee not even a strand of hair will remain. You won't be troubled at all!"

His fists were already coated in jet-black Armant Haki. He had genuinely intended to kill.

"Maa, that's quite a frightening killing intent~."

Not far away, Kizaru remained in his usual lazy posture, hands in his pockets, as if everything before him was just a boring farce.

"Calm down, Rehn."

A flat, almost sleepy voice rang out.

Renzo slowly walked out from the shadows. He didn't even glance at the Celestial Dragon on the ground, rely picking at his ear impatiently.

"That shout of yours was louder than his gunshot."

"My deepest apologies, Lord Renzo!"

Rehn's killing aura vanished instantly. He dropped to one knee, though, because of his size, the pose looked slightly comical.

Full of panic and sha, he said, "I lost my composure! I simply could not tolerate this insect blaspheming you!"

"Enough."

Renzo waved his hand, signaling him to shut up.

He finally looked down, casting a glance at the Celestial Dragon still gasping heavily and trembling on the ground, a look reserved for "troubleso trash."

'Kill him?'

The thought flashed through Renzo's mind, and he imdiately dismissed it.

Killing a Celestial Dragon was simple.

'A single finger, or even a thought, would suffice.'

'But...'

'What cos after killing him?'

'...Too troubleso.'

Just thinking about it made him sleepy.

For the sake of this pile of "trash," to ruin his sleep for the next few months, that deal would be a huge loss.

"Rehn," Renzo said lazily.

"Yes!"

"If this Celestial Dragon dies here, would that count as a huge problem?"

"Yes, a top-tier problem," Rehn answered without hesitation, instantly understanding.

"And if he simply… 'went insane'?" Renzo asked.

"…Insane?" Rehn blinked.

"Yes." Renzo yawned.

"For example, a ntally unstable World Noble, while touring Fish-Man Island, suddenly had an episode and attacked two Marine Headquarters Admirals on vacation. We subdued him on the spot and are waiting for the Holy Land to take him back for treatnt."

"...Huh?"

Ren's mouth fell open. His clever brain worked at lightning speed.

'Attacked… two Admirals?'

'Subdued… treatnt?'

He suddenly looked at Renzo with unprecedented reverence.

'Brilliant!'

'Absolutely brilliant!''

'As expected of Lord Renzo!'

'This wasn't just shifting bla!'

'This was... turning the tables!'

'Turning "trouble" into a "ritorious deed"!'

"Maa~," Kizaru nearby adjusted his sunglasses, a hint of amusent flashing behind the lenses.

"'ntal illness' sounds like a very reasonable diagnosis~."

Renzo ignored the two codians and slowly pulled out a golden Den-Den Mushi.

A highest-priority ergency line personally authorized by the Five Elders, directly connecting to the Room of Authority in Mary Geoise.

He casually pressed the call button.

purupuru puru

Click.

The snail's face beca stern. An old, authoritative voice erged, slightly displeased:

"Renzo. You had better have an incident worthy of destroying a nation to use this line."

"Ah, Five Elder Lords, good afternoon," Renzo said in his half-asleep tone.

"Not quite nation-destroying… but close enough."

The breathing on the other end of the snail suddenly hitched.

At the Holy Land, Mary Geoise, inside the Room of Authority.

The expressions of the five most powerful old n in the world shifted simultaneously.

"Renzo! What exactly happened?!"

Saint Warcury's voice was questioning, "You're at Fish-Man Island! Did sothing occur there?!"

"Yes."

Renzo sighed, his tone filled with weariness.

"A bit of... a small accident."

"Admiral Borsalino and I were enjoying a friendly vacation inspection when suddenly a Celestial Dragon-"

Renzo glanced at Saint Jalmack on the ground, who had just caught his breath and was about to start roaring.

"Oh, right, I think he's called... Saint Jalmack? Right?"

"He suddenly rushed at us shouting things like 'All lower creatures should die' and 'Everything here is my toy'… and then…"

Renzo's tone turned slightly serious.

"He attacked us."

"Attacked... you...?"

On the other end, Saint Warcury's beard twitched with anger.

A Celestial Dragon, attacking two Marine Headquarters' highest combat powers?!

What kind of fantasy was this?!

"Yeah."

Renzo's tone was full of 'grievance.'

"He fired a gun at Borsalino. I stopped it. Then he declared he would enslave both of us and destroy all of Fish-Man Island."

"We strongly suspect Saint Jalmack's ntal condition… is problematic."

"As Admirals, and responsible for protecting World Nobles, we had no choice but to subdue him."

He pronounced "subdue" very lightly.

"Right now, he's at my feet. Disoriented, babbling nonsense, seems very ill."

"So," Renzo finally stated his request.

"Elders, could you send an 'ambulance'... ah, I an, send a ship over to take this patient back to the Holy Land for proper treatnt?"

"The dical conditions at our G5 branch are, frankly, limited."

"..."

"..."

Silence filled the Room of Authority for ten full seconds.

The Five Elders' expressions beca increasingly colorful.

They knew Renzo was talking nonsense.

ntal illness?

Attacking Admirals?

Anyone with a brain knew the idiot Celestial Dragon had provoked the lazy monster and got reverse-frad.

But what could they say?

Expose him?

Accuse him of harming a Celestial Dragon?

Ridiculous.

Offend two Admirals, who wield great military power and have unfathomable strength, for the sake of a useless Celestial Dragon?

Especially a monster like Renzo, who dared to confront even Emperors head-on and possessed that unreasonable ability?!

A vein bulged on Saint Warcury's forehead.

Suppressing his anger mostly toward the useless Celestial Dragon, and said in a tone as amicable as possible:

"...I see."

"Saint Jalmack is ill."

"That is truly unfortunate."

"Renzo, Borsalino… you have worked hard."

"Under those circumstances, to remain restrained and prioritize the Celestial Dragon's health, you... did very well. Worthy of being the Marines' highest combat power."

Hearing this, even the blond Elder nearby couldn't help but twitch the corner of his mouth.

"So," Renzo asked lazily, "when will the ambulance arrive? He's still… quite noisy."

"…Imdiately!"

"We will dispatch a CP0 commander personally to retrieve him and ensure proper treatnt!"

"Good."

Renzo seed satisfied with this efficiency.

"Oh, and one more thing."

Renzo added, as if suddenly rembering sothing:

"Elders, lately, there seem to be quite a lot of ntally unstable Celestial Dragons."

"This seriously affects the vacation mood of our front-line Marine officers."

"My personal suggestion,"

"I suggest the Holy Land strengthen its… cultural and ntal developnt. Don't let these 'patients' wander around causing trouble."

"We're the Marines, not psychiatric nurses. Right?"

"..."

The other end of the snail fell silent again.

The Five Elders' faces were now as black as the bottom of a pot.

This bastard...

He actually...

He actually dared to lecture them?!

"...What you say... makes a lot of sense."

"…Your suggestion is… reasonable," Saint Warcury uttered through clenched teeth.

"We will 'consider' it carefully."

"Well then, that's it for now. Until the CP0 arrives, we entrust Saint Jalmack's safety to you two."

"We... will absolutely not let similar patients disturb your vacation again."

"Mm, that's good."

Renzo was satisfied.

"Goodbye."

Click.

Renzo casually hung up.

The entire process was smooth, effortless.

In one smooth sequence, an incident that could have triggered a Buster Call and disgraced both the Marineford and the Holy Land had been rewritten into a heroic act: Admirals bravely subdue a madman.

"Maa~" Kizaru clicked his tongue and lightly nudged the terrified Celestial Dragon with his foot.

"How truly pitiful~."

"ntal illness… that's probably incurable~."

Rehn was utterly convinced now, eyes sparkling with worship.

"Lord Renzo… you are truly the God of efficiency!"

"You solved the trouble and even… extorted, no, 'warned' the Five Elders!"

"Brilliant! Absolutely brilliant!!"

Renzo ignored the flattery.

He simply lay back down on the lounger that Rehn had urgently cleaned and pulled up his blanket.

"So noisy."

"Be quiet."

"Until CP0 arrives… don't wake ."

....

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