’Why... why are you looking like that?’
Standing in the doorway, Leo couldn’t find the strength to walk inside.
He saw his father, his mother, and the nurse. All of them were smiling so happily at the little creature bundled up in his mother’s arms, held gently and close against her.
The thing seed to be sleeping.
But...
’Why?’
Why was there sothing so different in this room that made Leo unable to step inside?
He was lucky that Nathan and his parents had decided to stay behind to give Leo so ti with his family...
At least, he was supposed to be lucky. Instead, Leo only felt a sharp ache inside his chest as he stared at the beautiful, almost picturesque scene in front of him.
What was so different?
Leo tried to dissect it.
Clearly, everyone was delighted. His father had tears in his eyes—sothing Leo had never seen before—and a happy smile as he looked at the sleeping newborn. His mother’s face looked extrely tired, yet she was smiling too, tears streaming down her cheeks.
To them, Leo was a monster, soone who might have seed like he could do everything without a problem. Yet what they didn’t know was the number of nights Leo secretly stayed awake under his sheets to study, to watch videos online, to research how to improve. The practices he did when they weren’t around.
Because of that, he was also soone who could receive those motherly and fatherly smiles of theirs.
But looking at them now, he felt there was sothing in their faces that Leo had never really had for himself...
Leo narrowed his eyes.
And then, as he looked even harder at his mother’s face...
He realised what it was.
Her eyes...
’Mom has never looked at with... so much love.’
Such a loving gaze, directed at the baby, from both his mom and dad.
Yet for as long as he could rember, the amount of love being directed toward that baby had never, in all his efforts... been directed to him.
Leo felt like his insides were being painted with so dark, heavy black ink, and his vision followed, slowly darkening until he could only see their faces—until even those started to blur.
He realised sothing. No matter how much he got them to look at him through his efforts...
The gaze he would receive would never be the sa as the one his little sister would get.
It was unfair.
...So unfair.
’What if I kill her?’
It was like the black ink had started painting his thoughts as well, as a ridiculous idea ca to mind.
’There is no way they love sothing like that more than ... They’ve known for much longer, they’ll get over it eventually... In the end they’ll only be able to love , right? They’ll forgive , it will be an accident and they... they’ll co to realise how aweso I am. And when they do realise that... they will finally give that look... If I can hold the baby, I could accidentally drop it. No, that might not be convincing enough... Maybe if it suffocates later when no one is around except for ... or... if I can hold her and slip and lose my balance...’
"Ah, you are..."
The nurse’s surprised voice cut through his thoughts as she noticed Leo standing at the entrance.
"Leo... why are you crying?" his mom’s concerned voice ca next.
And then his father, who laughed.
"He must have gotten emotional, finally seeing his little sister, huh."
’What is this...’
This was not right.
’Why are they looking at like that as well now?’
Those eyes...
Eyes filled with love that had been directed at his little sister. Why were they now directed at him too? Why did they not dim or lessen?
"Leo, it’s okay. Co in."
’How can you say that... You have never suddenly looked at like this before, but now you are? Are you mistaking for the baby?’
It didn’t make sense otherwise.
Just now, when he had finally realised the amount of love he would receive compared to that baby...
And now suddenly they were looking at him with the sa gaze? Monts after? It was too confusing.
’I don’t know how I should look at them right now...’
Nonetheless, Leo entered the room at last. For so reason, he was apparently crying, even though he hadn’t been aware of it himself. Or at least, tears were streaming down his face.
He walked to the side of the bed and, after wiping his eyes with his sleeve, he leaned forward, unable to hold back his curiosity, and peered at the thing’s face.
’...How ugly.’
What was so lovable about it? Leo stared at it, his eyes confused as he tilted his head.
Its head looked a bit too big, and it looked like it could die at any given mont.
"Do you want to hold your little sister, Leo?"
"Huh?"
Leo looked up at her.
"Can I?"
Already?
But for so reason, his mother still looked at him with that sa loving gaze, one filled with trust.
As her arms, holding the bundle of ugliness, moved towards him to hand her over, Leo grew a bit more nervous.
"What if I drop her...?"
’Wait, what am I saying? Isn’t this the perfect opportunity?’
"You just saw how I was holding her, right? Just gently support her head and don’t apply pressure. Her body is still extrely delicate."
’...I have warned her that I am afraid I might drop her... so as long as it looks natural, this should go without problems.’
Under the gaze of the nurse, his father, and his mother, Leo did as he was instructed and held the baby. Even then, he kept receiving corrections, until eventually he was holding her properly.
Suddenly, he felt the thing adjust in his arms, giving him an uncomfortable feeling.
It stirred.
"Oh, looks like Lia is awake," he heard his father say.
Leo looked at her and narrowed his eyes.
’Now—’
Just as he was about to do it, the tiny hand suddenly latched onto his thumb.
Trying to move his thumb, Leo noticed that the baby was surprisingly strong for being so small, as she refused to let go.
"Your little sister already seems to be attached to her big brother, huh..." his mother said, as Leo frowned.
’That is not true, it’s simply reflex... the palmar grasp reflex, if I rember correctly. That was the na for it...’
As he thought that, those eyelids twitched open.
"Green..." Leo murmured as he looked into those eyes.
"You both share the sa eyes," his mother said.
Suddenly, sothing fell.
"Oh!"
"Please don’t move, let !"
The nurse shouted before hurrying over to Leo.
She quickly picked up what had fallen.
"A box?" his father sounded confused at the object that had dropped from Leo’s trousers.
Leo looked away. His heart started to race as he beca nervous. Still, he opened his mouth.
"...It’s a gift... for Mom..."
"A gift for ?"
Leo nodded his head while holding the baby, who seed to be making so annoying sounds.
"Can I see what’s inside?"
Leo nodded again, glancing at her.
"It is yours."
The nurse handed the box to his mother, who then gently opened it.
His father ca closer to the bed, looking at what was inside.
Both their eyes widened.
"Leo, this..."
"How much did you pay for this?" his father asked.
"...Does it matter? I used my own money," Leo responded, looking at him.
"Well... as long as it wasn’t too expensive... but it does seem to be expensive..." his father muttered, looking at the necklace in discomfort.
Seeing his reaction, Leo bit his lip.
’As I thought... it was not good enough. I shouldn’t hav—’
"Leo. Co here."
Leo didn’t look at her as his mother called out to him, but he still obediently walked over while holding the baby.
When he was at the side of the bed again, the nurse called out, worried, to his mother.
"Ah! Ma’am, you shouldn’t—"
She stopped, giving up, as Leo suddenly felt his forehead being kissed.
Blinking a few tis as his mother pulled away, Leo looked at her, confused, before his eyes went wide.
She sat there holding the box close to her, as if it were sothing extrely precious, while directing a warm and loving expression at him.
’...Oh... this is the reaction I wanted... but it doesn’t make sense... I don’t think I ever really expected her to look at like this...’
"Thank you, Leo. I will treasure it forever. You even got it in gold, my favourite!"
She sounded so gleeful as she spoke.
’Is it because she is tired? They say that her emotions can be unstable, which they were when she was pregnant, but even after? Is that why she is so happy right now? ...It doesn’t make sense otherwise, she wouldn’t have suddenly changed entirely because of the baby...’
Even though Leo thought that, his mouth couldn’t help but form into a smile.
Why was he feeling so embarrassed? He couldn’t bear looking at her and instead directed his eyes back down to the baby.
He really wasn’t used to his mother being this happy because of him...
The ache in his chest was replaced with sothing warm.
The baby suddenly smiled, looking up at Leo, making weird sounds as she kept gripping his fingers.
’Why do you look so happy? A baby can’t smile socially yet. Your smile is simply a reflex... You won’t fool .’
He had read in one of the books in his parents’ study—one that he thought belonged to his mother—that it usually takes up to six to eight weeks for a baby to really start smiling happily because of a person.
But when his gaze t the baby’s smile, he felt that sowhere...
Sowhere much deeper inside him, sothing stirred for a mont.
Like sothing rippled. It was also warm and hot.
The feeling was both sad and happy at the sa ti.
’Lia, huh... then just for today, because Mom is so happy... I’ll let you live.’
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