I wish a rry Christmas to all my readers!
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I should feel pain, shouldn’t I? Jas thought, yet there wasn’t a single trace of sorrow, regret, or hurt inside him as he remained seated in the garden, letting the sun shine down on his face, while his mother had already gone back inside.
He simply enjoyed it, the calmness, the birds, the sound of the wind moving through the trees, it all felt like it was shielding him from reality... but no, he knew exactly what reality was, and he knew why he felt nothing at all.
Because he was no longer that little bitch who moaned about every tiny problem, even when he knew what was happening, even when he knew it was all his fault. He had gone too far with everything, crossed lines without hesitation, ordering death but always bitching after all.
He had cried the entire day, drowning in those thoughts, turning them over again and again, but thank God the switch finally flipped, and those emotions were gone, stripped away, morality torn out of him as if it had never existed... and it says a lot that a man raised by his mother doesn’t feel a thing when she calls him what Erika did.
He doesn’t feel anything when the woman he loves the most pushes him away, looks at him like a stranger, like a monster, and calls him the killer of his own brother... that kind of man doesn’t lack emotions, no, no, oh no, he doesn’t react because he has already accepted it, and accepting sothing as painful as your own mother saying goodbye to you...is impossible... at least for normal people.
But for soone who leads a family with hundreds of murders to their na, a family whose mbers torture won and n alike, butcher them without hesitation, and steadily take over an entire market... a man who once pushed the police chief’s eyes into his skull, who laughed when a gun jamd while it was aid at him, who decided fate with a coin... a man like that has nothing left inside him and has already accepted that truth... and that is exactly why Bella beat the shit out of him.
"You said... what?"
"I don’t love you, to be fair I don’t even know you, Bella."
"Uh... the coma?" She pointed to her head. "Is it mory loss? The painkiller fucking with you? We kissed, we had that mont talking about Marcello, about Rafael and Hans... you said that—"
"Bella." Jas interrupted her, this ti with a faint smile on his face. "I don’t know you. I don’t know your birthday, your favorite color... nothing. Literally nothing about you. I can’t like you because I know nothing about you, and whatever that mont was, whatever it almost beca love or sothing close to it... it was only because I was searching for comfort. I was chasing the idea of love just to satisfy my own need." He didn’t break eye contact. "You know I treated you badly. I was never firm, never clear about what was right or wrong to say or do like when you called ’daddy’ in front of others, embarrassing , turning it into sothing sexual, turning into sothing sexual." His voice stayed calm. "I don’t love you, Bella."
Oh... that face of hers... it was impossible to describe. She was lost in every sense of the word, mouth slightly open, eyes trembling, searching for an answer in Jas’s eyes, an answer completely opposite to what he had just said. Her head tilted, confusion written across her face, unable to comprehend what the fuck was happening... and then, slowly, the tears ca, the realization sinking in, understood but unbearable.
The world inside her shattered... or at least it would have, if Jas hadn’t followed up.
"That’s why we need to go on a date... " he said, calm as ever, "... so I can love you."
"...What?" Bella asked as she had no idea what was happening, like she had slipped between realities and couldn’t tell what was real anymore.
"A date." Jas said calmly again. "So we can talk properly, then from a relationship and have a child.
"Ah... huh...?"
"A child." Jas said again. "Because I think I’m going to die before I turn thirty. So maybe I’ll live long enough for our baby to be three, maybe four, long enough to see , to know who I am before I’m gone. And honestly, I’ll never find another woman like you, Bella. You’re the only woman who can understand , who can stay with ." He looked at her steadily. "So what do you say?"
"I—I’ll kill you..."
"Uh... what?"
"You fucker!" Bella shouted as she launched herself from the chair, knocking Jas backward and sending him crashing to the ground. She didn’t slap him, nah, she went in with her fists, jabbing and pounding all over his body and well Jas didn’t fight back either.
He didn’t want to alert everyone, even though he knew Mike was probably already watching, wondering what the fuck was going on.
And yeah... he was. Mike was peeking through the window, silently witnessing Bella beat the shit out of Jas, though eventually, she stopped and grabbed him by the shirt, yanked him up, and stared straight into his eyes from up close, her breathing heavy, rage and disbelief burning in her gaze.
"A-are you fucking kidding with ?!" she shouted as she shook him. "I thought you wanted to throw away!" she shouted as her tears started to fall onto Jas’s face.
He truly fucked up... from the very beginning... not just what he said, but his whole behavior, the way his voice sounded like a goodbye, like he was ready to fucking kill Bella or sothing... it sounded like everything but a new start.
Like.. who the fuck starts by listing all the negative things about a woman, calling out every flaws...?
Well, Jas did. And he did it for a reason.
It frustrated him, this whole behavior of Bella, moaning all day, jumping on him, being too touchy and this was the perfect ti to say it out loud.
He had nothing to lose, so he let it all out, and Bella answered with her fist.
"How can you be this fucking stupid with won?!" she shouted, shaking him harder, her tears still falling, soaking his face. "My hair is different, and you didn’t notice! My nails, my makeup, I lost three kilos, and you didn’t notice anything! And you criticize ?!"
"I—"
"Shut up!" She shouted as she covered his mouth with her hand and just stared at him like a demon, breathing like a bull, and that was how it ended... like she realized that the man she was beating up is her boss, the drug lord of her ho, the death with a cane... and she just stood up and walked off... but before she disappeared she shouted back. "I will date you! I will bear your children! I will be your wife, you fuck!" She shouted across the garden, and even though Erika was hidden, she didn’t even know what was happening... and well, that was it.
It ended rather quickly... basically what Jas said is shit... I think I’m gonna die quick, I need sobody to fuck and have a child... and Bella accepted that fact... well, she accepted it a long ago, but Jas started the whole thing like a goodbye, and in the end what he said was to be with him.
That she is the only one that would ever understand him... and that hit hard... so hard that Bella just couldn’t handle all of it, the anger, the pain, and at the sa ti the sothing happening and extending within her.
Though one thing for sure... Mike enjoyed the show really much.
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