Jas was sowhat expecting it because he knew exactly that Bella was soone who would talk even if he didn’t ntion anything about the book.
In so ways, Bella was a liability for Jas, and he knew it very well.
But he didn’t expected her to bring it up at this mont, before the funeral. Maybe a week or a month later, it would have co up between them, but not now.
"I knew that Hector lied when I asked him about that." Jas said as he sat down and leaned back on the couch. "But it’s interesting that you know about the book. Did he show it to you?"
Bella slowly sat down across from Jas, but her body language gave her away. She was clearly stressed and worried about the consequences of telling him about the book.
"Yeah…he showed it to ."
Hector, you knew very well that she would talk, and yet you still showed it to her… What a mistake you made.
Jas looked up at the light, which montarily blinded him. His vision blurred into a foggy ss. He didn’t know if Bella telling him about the book would actually help.
Would it drag him deeper into the abyss?
Or would it help him understand what Rafael felt?
With the dicine I take, I have sedatives too. How the fuck else would I stay calm about his death? But even those pills wouldn’t help if that book was really that bad…but I need to ask.
"So the book was about ?" He asked, looking at Bella. But she didn’t et his gaze. Instead, she just stared at the rug in front of her.
Shit… How bad was it, Rafael? Did you really hate that much?
"It was more like a diary than a book…he wrote things down."
"What things?"
For the first ti, Bella looked up at him. Her face was pale, and her eyes were almost teary.
"The first couple of pages were about the bullying they did to him…he described every detail like a tiline…from the morning until school was finished. And there were a lot of pages, Jas…too many for a teenager." She said, her eyes darting back to the rug.
Jas’s knee and finger started tapping uncontrollably.
He tried to calm himself, but Rafael’s face, how he looked when he was bullied, kept appearing in front of him.
How he tried to lie about it, pretending that everything was okay.
The worst part was that Jas knew about it, but he didn’t act until it was too much.
He had hoped that Rafael would stand up for himself, maybe fight back, just land one good punch and show them that he could defend himself.
But no. Jas had watched him lie many tis and never even talked to him about it.
As a big brother, he had failed.
"What was the worst?" He asked. He needed to know. He wanted to feel the pain, to understand just how badly he had failed Rafael.
"I can’t—"
"Tell , Bella."
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before looking at Jas. She didn’t want to say it. She had hoped he would just stand up and say, Forget it. But no…he was waiting for her answer.
"T-They beat him up and then… put his head into the toilet and tried to drown him. Multiple tis."
The silence that followed was too long.
Shaking of his knees and his finger completely stopped. He just sat there, staring at Bella.
Then he closed his eyes.
He was imagining the scene in his head.
The worst thing soone could do…to try to recreate the scenario, to place himself in that mont, to feel the room, the suffocation, Rafael’s struggling breaths, his shouts, the laughter of his bullies.
Then Jas opened his eyes, and his hand started tapping again, uncontrollably. But there were no tears. His expression didn’t change.
And from that, Bella knew.
Jas was no longer expressing himself. No…he was putting on a mask, hiding it all, trying to look emotionless. But underneath, he was drowning in anger, rage, and sorrow.
"…You can cry, Jas. I’m here with you… to help—"
"What does crying do? What does mourning do?"
Bella wanted to get up and hug him, but she couldn’t. She was afraid Jas might snap at her. His grip on the couch was so tight that his hand had started trembling.
"It helps to rember, Jas… To rember his smile. His face."
"No, Bella. It doesn’t help…it just reminds that I am a failure. As a brother. As family." He let out a bitter laugh. "And these fucking pills they gave … they don’t let cry. They don’t even let feel sad. But they make feel one thing that truly matters."
"What is that?" She asked, though she already knew the answer.
"Death." He leaned forward. "You know, if I don’t take the pills, I die. And they let feel that, the death that might be just two steps away from ." He shook his head. "But what happens if I just run around? If I walk straight into it? Death causes every emotion in humans, sadness, guilt, happiness that our suffering is finally over, sorrow… everything you need. In so cultures, they even celebrate death."
He shook his head with a smile.
"Did he write down their nas?"
"Jas… they’re just kids. The sa age Rafael was. Maybe even younger. You know the rule you made, we—"
"You insulted ." He held up his hand, staring at the signet ring on his finger. "I have morality. I have sanity. That’s why I let them grow up…and then I give them what they deserve. So if there are nas and you rember them, don’t hold them back."
"Jas…" Her voice was barely above a whisper. "You don’t have to do this."
"I don’t have to do a lot of things, Bella. But I will." His fingers tapped against the armrest again. "Rafael suffered. He drowned in their cruelty, and I stood by, hoping he’d fight back. But he didn’t."
"Killing them won’t bring him back nor would it cause relief."
"I want them to feel what he felt. Fear. Powerlessness. The knowledge that no one is coming to save them."
Bella shut her eyes for a mont, trying to push away the growing sense of dread in her chest.
"You said it yourself, Jas… Death brings every emotion to humans. Even regret." She hesitated before forcing herself to et his gaze. "Don’t let this turn you into soone Rafael wouldn’t recognize."
His fingers stopped tapping. The room fell into heavy silence.
For a mont, just for a second, she thought she saw sothing crack in his mask. But then it was gone.
"You’re afraid I’ll lose myself."
Bella didn’t answer.
"You’re not going to tell ?"
"No. I shouldn’t have told you about the book in the first place. Hector was right to hide it. I don’t want you to read what he wrote."
Jas tilted his head slightly.
"I already know it’s bad, so just tell .
Bella clenched her fists.
"You don’t need to know, Jas."
"I do need to know. Because whatever Rafael wrote, it’s already inside my head." He tapped his head. "My imagination’s worse than the truth, Bella. So tell , what did he say about ?"
Bella wanted a bit then suddenly stood up and stepped toward Jas.
"I’m not going to tell you." She said, staring into his eyes. "Because I love you, Jas. And we’re family."
Jas’s expression didn’t shift, but his next words sent a chill through her.
"Then you’re a liability, Bella."
Her breath caught.
"What… did you just say?"
Jas slowly stood up.
"Love is weakness." He stated firmly. "But if you love , not as your boss, but as your boyfriend… maybe even as a husband, then you need to make a choice."
His gaze darkened, unyielding.
"Because you just showed your weakness, Bella. And you backstabbed Hector…the man who lied to protect , who wanted to defend even if it ant going against you."
Bella’s breath hitched.
"I didn’t backstab him!"
Jas tilted his head slightly. "Didn’t you?"
Bella clenched her fists.
"I just thought you deserved to know the truth."
"And yet Hector thought I didn’t. Who do you think knows better, Bella? You? Or him?"
Bella stayed silent as a single tear rolled down her face..
"Fuck you!" She suddenly shouted, wiping the tear away.
Before Jas could say anything, Bella stepped closer.
"You’re fucking stupid!" She snapped. "I’m your girlfriend, and I work for you too, so shut up with this sentintal bullshit about who’s trusting who!"
Jas stared at her, montarily taken aback.
Maybe I said too much..
She took a deep breath, forcing herself to stay composed.
"I told you about the book because I care about you." She continued, her voice shaking. "I thought you deserved to know the truth, even if it hurt. And yeah, maybe Hector wanted to protect you by keeping it from you, but guess what? I wanted to protect you too. Just in a different way."
"You don’t get to decide what’s best for , Bella."
"No, but neither does Hector!" She shot back. "And neither do those damn pills you take."
For a second, the room was suffocatingly silent.
Then, to her surprise, Jas smirked.
"So what now? You gonna punch next?"
Bella exhaled sharply, looking away. "I should with your bullshit logic."
"You still haven’t answered my question."
"What question?"
"The choice."
Bella inhaled deeply. Then, with quiet determination, she spoke.
"I already chose you, Jas. A long ti ago and I won’t let you go with all of this so give a kiss!"
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