I didn't think Su Ah would be so flustered over her writing. I hadn't ant to pry or make her feel uncomfortable; I'd simply been curious. Seeing her so disgruntled even after we finished breakfast, made wonder if she might be writing sothing a little more adult than I had initially assud.
Maybe it wasn't the type of thing she was comfortable talking about in a room full of her family mbers.
In any case, it was none of my business and I left it at that. At least, I wanted to. Really. But Su Ah had been brooding ever since.
Even the rhythmic click of her keyboard as I laid in bed that afternoon was slower and quieter. Maybe because it was later in the day and she was conscious of that. Or perhaps she was distracted by the thoughts of whatever it was that was bothering her.
Either way, I decided that the next day I would help her overco that hurdle.
Therefore…
"Noona, are you writing an erotic novel?" I asked, bluntly. Su Ah, who was minding her own business, reading, blinked. A mont later, her face turned so red, that for a split second, I was almost worried about her blood pressure.
"What? No! Who the hell do you take for?!" She almost threw the book she was holding. Almost. "Of course not!" She hissed, outraged and embarrassed.
I raised a brow, unimpressed by the reaction.
"Why do you think that, even? Do I seem like soone who would write sothing that... lewd...?"
"You do." I replied honestly. Su Ah gawked, before glaring at . It wasn't as if I ant it in a derogatory way, nor would I think less of her, if she were to be writing erotic fiction. "Don't make it out like it's sothing to be ashad about. It's just fiction. If it were real people then that'd be a problem." And if it wasn't just fiction, I didn't need to know about it, at the very least.
Su Ah blinked owlishly at . "W-Well, it isn't, so stop making it out to seem that it is!" She turned her nose, pouty.
"So what's the issue, then?" I asked. "I don't want to butt in where I'm not wanted, but I've grown quite fond of falling asleep to the sound of your keyboard. And it's not quite as pleasant, hearing the keys being smashed into the keyboard and the backspace key being hamred."
"Are you serious?"
"Yep."
Su Ah's eyes widened. She seed almost surprised, to a certain degree, even flattered, that soone took interest in her hobby enough to want her to continue pursuing it.
She sighed. "I don't think you'd really be of any help, though." She replied, her voice barely a whisper. "It's... not really your... genre..."
"Well, I doubt you'd write a football novel, so it was kind of expected. But that's okay. Maybe I could help you with whatever it is you're stuck with, even if it's not the genre." I sat beside her, crossing one leg over the other and leaning back. "Talking it out with soone might help you see it from another perspective."
It took Su Ah a bit to gather the courage to open her mouth again, after the silence had stretched into an uncomfortable eternity. When she finally managed to get words out, it ca out in a jumbled ss of half-sentences, barely coherent. "Well... I'm struggling to write a... kissing scene." She looked up at the ceiling and I could tell that it was taking every ounce of self control for her not to look in the eyes.
"A kissing scene?"
"......" Her expression said, yes. "It's just that... well, how do I put it... I can't visualize it, or write it well. It doesn't seem believable to ." Su Ah sighed. "It's not the first ti I'm writing about kissing or making out or stuff like that... but I can't really write about sothing I haven't experienced before. I don't have a reference."
"Can't you use other kissing scenes from different stories? You could try and make them your own, or combine them." I suggested.
"It wouldn't feel authentic, though. It has to feel natural." Su Ah groaned in her hands. "Co on, go on! Laugh! I'm struggling with writing about kissing, and it's not even an erotic novel! Just laugh!" She threw her arms out, exasperated and embarrassed. It was almost endearing, seeing her like this, so open and vulnerable, yet, so hilariously dramatic and extra. The corners of my lips tugged up.
"Why are you smiling?!"
"No, I'm just..." I chuckled. "You're too hard on yourself."
"I am not..."
"I'm pretty sure, there's lots of people that can't visualize or write a good kissing scene, despite the experience, or lack of, and it doesn't have to be that big of a deal." I replied.
"But it is! It's a crucial scene for both the characters' relationship and for their character growth. I can't ss this up." Su Ah insisted.
"Have you tried kissing a pillow for practice?" I couldn't help a little brotherly jab.
"Jae-il!" She punched my thigh repeatedly, as if those dainty, weak paws of hers were going to hurt in any way, shape or form.
"Okay, okay. That was too far."
"It was." Su Ah glared. She stopped after realizing she was doing more good for my thigh's blood circulation than any actual damage. She sighed again. "It's just... I want it to be perfect. I want to be the best at writing..." She said, almost as if she were confessing her deepest desire, with her eyes shining and bright and hopeful.
For soone that was so much academically inclined than most people her age, she had an incredible, wide imagination and love for the arts. She wrote, drew, painted and read.
She was quite the talented girl. I think that, even though I was the 'genius', Su Ah could have been as good as, if not even better, at anything, had she been given a chance and had she put her mind into it.
And now she wanted to be a writer. She had found her passion.
As soone who had Su Ah impassively cheering for during every single one of my football gas, despite her lack of love for sports in general, I wanted to be supportive of her. I owed her that, and so much more, as a little brother and a friend, and a family mber.
I wished I could've provided better help and insight, but...
"Jae-il, have you ever kissed soone? What does it feel like?"
Her voice snapped out of my thoughts.
I arched my eyebrows in surprise, and truthfully I didn't even know which hat of experience I should've picked my answer from.
There was the experience from my previous life, which would've been a little overwhelming for the scene she had in mind.
And then there was the experience from my new, teenage life. A blank slate. A pure body that was only recently being corrupted by nature's calling of fucking anything that moved.
It's been so long since I've... kissed soone on the lips. Before my untily death, the last thing my lips had been on wasn't a mouth, at all. It was a woman, lower down—far lower. Chapstick wasn't used there.
That was the final intimacy I'd tasted before dying on the pitch.
No gentle goodnight kiss, no lingering brush of mouths in the dark.
And now, here I was, reincarnated into a boy whose lips had all the mileage of a factory-fresh sedan, being asked about kissing like I was so seasoned consultant.
The irony of it almost made laugh, if it wouldn't have imdiately blown my cover.
How do you explain that the mory of sothing so intimate felt less like a romantic experience and more like finding an old receipt in your wallet for a purchase you can't even rember making?
I guess the answer was... no, I hadn't really. Not with the sa feelings as her characters. I couldn't say that there ever was a chapter in my life where I kissed out of love and not out of lust.
I stared at her. I couldn't decide. So, I did what any reasonable, wise, smart, cool guy would do. I shrugged.
"I don't know."
"You've never…? Really?!" She looked shocked, incredulous.
"Well… yeah. I an, it's not like I'm actively seeking that type of stuff, so… no. Never."
It wasn't exactly a lie.
It wasn't even as if I wouldn't seek it out, but being explicit with Su Ah would easily steer the conversation in an unhelpful direction.
Su Ah looked genuinely baffled, like she couldn't believe that her hot-shot of a little brother hadn't had his first kiss. It was almost insulting, in a way.
But I couldn't exactly bla her. After all, she wasn't completely in the wrong, to be fair. The amount of tis I was called hot and handso and other synonyms of that sort by girls my age, younger, and older than was staggering. New ɴᴏᴠᴇʟ ᴄhapters are published on novelFirｅ
In any case, Su Ah shook her head, snapping out of whatever that dazed expression she had was.
She sighed, once again.
"You're of no use to ..." She humd. I could practically see the cogs inside her brain whirring and clicking into place as she thought, her face pinched in concentration.
"Well, sorry that I'm not exactly the expert in kissing." I rolled my eyes.
"Maybe you should be, though." She mused, more to herself than to . I raised an eyebrow, waiting for her to explain, as she seed lost in thought.
She didn't respond for a while.
"Maybe there's another way to get so inspiration." Su Ah's voice dropped a couple of registers. There was so unwillingness there, but a chilling determination to see it done.
I was almost tempted to get up and get the fuck out; perhaps I should really learn not to shove my nose where it's not wanted.
Still…
"Such as?" I urged her to go on, tilting my head.
"We could..." Her eyes flicked up to mine and away, as she bit her bottom lip, nervously. She sighed, again, and again, almost as if she couldn't believe it herself.
It must've been a really important scene.
I waited.
She took a deep, shaky breath, before finally eting my gaze with an unexpected resolution. Her lips trembled and she steeled herself, before finally coming out with what she'd ant to say. "We… we could just kiss. Just once. To help write that scene. And to get you started. You know. So that you don't have your first kiss in your thirties, or sothing."
She looked away, tucking so hair behind her ear.
Her tone was so matter of fact that it took a minute to fully understand her words, but I was so surprised I couldn't even react. I just sat there, processing what she'd just suggested.
"Excuse , what?"
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