[Edward POV]
"So you're selling all of your Twilight books?" I asked Tara, as Enid was avoiding for so reason.
The college girl wore a choker, had her hair in ssy double buns, and wore a crop top that didn't flatter her.
"That's all Enid's crap. She thinks she needs to get rid of it now that she has a boyfriend." Tara rolled her eyes in exasperation.
"By the way—he's… well, forget about it." Tara started to ask sothing but stopped mid-sentence.
I smirked and said, "I kinda know what you want to ask, and I think so, yeah."
Tara's eyes lit up. She shook my hand vigorously. "Thank God! My mom, dad, and especially Enid can't see it! You'll talk to her, right? Before she does sothing stupid and throws away her whole collection for a gay dude?"
"I an, I don't definitely know he's gay—" I hesitated, since it was never confird in the TV series. But just then, Jacob walked by with his shirt wet and said, "He definitely is. He just sprayed water on my shirt 'accidentally' and giggled when he saw my abs."
"There's a 99% chance now," I said to Tara.
"So tell Enid!" Tara was exasperated.
"By the way, why are you here and not in college?" I asked, changing the subject slightly.
"I dropped out, okay? I'm trying to find another degree that works for . They said investigative journalism, but the lecturers are all pretty biased." Tara frowned, then added firmly, "Tell her!"
"She's not going to believe it if it cos from . She'll think I'm just saying it because I have a secret crush on her."
"She's not going to think that," Tara said, squinting in disbelief.
I nodded, as if taking her words as a challenge.
Enid walked toward Tara, and I interjected, "Hey Enid. Are you sure your boyfriend is straight?"
"Edward? Don't be an obsessive psycho ex-boyfriend. Y–Yes, I know we never dated. Don't look at like I'm crazy. I'm moving on now. You should too," Enid said, looking at with pity.
"See?" I said to Tara, pointing at Enid.
Tara looked stunned. She grabbed Enid and pulled her aside for a serious talk.
"Co with !"
Tara returned fifteen minutes later, looking defeated. Her shoulders slumped as she said, "She's not going to listen."
"Not when it cos to us anyway. Maybe if Cam or Mitch said it—soone with more credibility—she might listen," I suggested.
Tara's eyes lit up. "So we should bring in the big gay gun? T–That's not offensive to say, right?"
"I feel like they're going to love that. Manny and Luke are having a yard sale for the school charity thing, so we can stop by later."
The plot with Micheal was never really explored, so I didn't know if he truly was, or just a very creative boy with so sass sprinkled on top of him.
Either way that goes, eting Cam and Mitch would help, especially since he was shown to have a difficult ti with people constantly questioning his orientation in the tv series.
I said, then grabbed a box of used underpants—Hello Kitty, My Little Pony, even one with my face on it—and showed it to her.
"So you're selling these?"
"No—!" Tara snatched the box from imdiately and yelled to her mother.
"MOM! I swear to God! I already told you not to do this!" She stord off, taking the underpants box with her, unaware of the box full of brassiere I took from the sa spot.
"Who in their right mind would buy used children's underwear at a yard sale?" I muttered.
Beside , a creepy-looking guy approached slowly and asked, "How much for the box?"
"Get away from before I punch you," I said with a threatening glare.
"Alright then," he muttered and walked away quickly. I helped Tara to bring that box inside her house.
Jenna and Elsa approached with so stuff in their hands. Elsa took a nunchuck, and Jenna picked a seashell lamp.
"Ed, buy this for us," Jenna said jokingly.
I picked up the lamp from her hand and scrutinized it. "You know what? I kinda want it for myself. It looks like the seashell lamp in FRIENDS."
"No! I thought that first!" Jenna wrestled the lamp from my hand. "El—help !" she said as she couldn't pry it from my fingers.
Elsa swung the nunchucks wildly, but before she could do anything, it hit the back of her head. She crouched on the ground, squirming in pain. "OWWW!"
"Baby! Are you okay?!" Jacob rushed to check on his girlfriend imdiately.
Finneas and Billie joined us, but they didn't see anything they liked in the yard sale.
We asked Enid to co with us to Jay's house. Jacob had to drive Jenna's car—his girlfriend made him—so Billie got in the car with instead. The McLaren only seats two.
"I wrote a song," Billie said while we were on the road. My eyes lit up and I asked, "Really? When are you going to record it?"
"You're not even going to ask what the song was first?" Billie was confused.
I chuckled and said, "Not really. As long as you and your brother worked on it together, I don't even have to hear it first before producing it."
Billie laughed and said, "I don't want that. I want to hear your thoughts on the song."
"Then, sing," I said casually. Billie was taken aback and beca flustered.
"I'll do it later. With Finneas."
"Couldn't wait," I teased slightly.
The siblings had made the song together. Billie ca out with the lyrics and Finneas ca out with the beats.
"Ah… um," Billie wanted to say sothing, but was too embarrassed.
"What is it?" I asked.
"Vo—vocal training. Finneas tells you can help with t—that?" Billie stamred, her face red.
I smiled and said, "Co to my house anyti. I'll help you, although I don't think you need it. You have a wonderful singing voice."
That last sentence was the nail in the coffin for Billie's mind, and she lowered her head bashfully for the rest of the ride. Thankfully for her, the ride was less than 15 minutes before we got to Jay's house.
Jay and Phil were talking about a motorcycle, in which Jay asked Phil to take it out for a test ride. We passed by each other, with Phil unaware that I had co to the yard sale.
"Are you sure about that? He looks really nervous," I told Claire as she approached .
"Phil's going to be fine," Claire said dismissively. "How are you feeling today?" She tilted her head slightly, looking at with pity in her eyes.
"I'll be fine," I answered with a head bob, with my hands in my pockets. Alex walked towards us, which made narrow my eyes at her.
"The college is only 30 minutes away. You don't expect to not co ho whenever possible, do you?" she replied like she already knew the question behind my guess.
"What a roundabout way to say that you haven't made any friends in college yet," I exposed her. Alex beca flustered and snapped, "What?! I do—do have so friends!"
"Really? Na three."
"Ummm…." Alex was speechless.
Luke shouted from afar, admonishing all three of us, "Hey! Quit talking with the custor that has no intention to buy sothing! Kick him out if he buys less than 100 dollars' worth of stuff! We're trying to win a pizza party here!"
Luke was carrying a large wooden case, with Manny following him closely from behind. Both of them entered the house in secret to check the contents inside the case.
I turned to him, gesturing 'What the hell' with my arms.
Alex explained, thinking I was curious about the case, "It's Gloria's. Luke and Manny are obsessed with it since Gloria told them it's from Colombia, and told them to stay away from it."
"Yeah, did Luke bet there's a human head inside of it?" I asked knowingly.
Alex nodded, not surprised, and said exasperatedly, "He's always betting there's a human head in sothing, thinking he's going to be right one of these days."
"Who knows. Maybe he'll be right today," I replied vaguely before excusing myself from the girls. "I'll be looking around now. I got so nice hauls at Enid's place and I want to see if I can top that. Oh, by the way, Tara needs Cam and Mitch's help."
I didn't want to get involved in the matter.
I found Phil's walking strider parked nearby, but Claire and Alex stopped before I could test it out, fearing for my reputation if I even got close to a ter near the strider.
Claire decided to push it far away and hide it in the backyard.
"But I want to try it!" I whined.
"No! It'll ruin our company's stock value, and make countless workers lose their jobs!" Claire said decisively.
Suddenly, her phone rang.
"That's weird. Phil is calling ," she said, answering with confusion.
"Hey, honey! How's the ride?" she asked cheerfully.
Suddenly, her face fell and she shrieked, "What? The bike fell on top of you and now you're stuck?! Give your location, I'll co and get you—"
I grabbed the phone from Claire and interjected into the conversation.
"Phil, can you clarify how you're stuck?" I asked calmly. "Are you in danger? Do you need dical attention?"
Phil groaned and said, "Hmm… I think it's stuck to my pants. I can't pull it out."
"Do you have a knife?" I asked. "Can you cut off the jeans?"
He was silent for a mont before replying, "I have a Swiss army knife. But… these are new jeans."
"It's fine if you're not in danger. I'll co and get you—"
"NO!" he shouted imdiately. "Don't co by, Edward. I don't want you to see like this!"
"Then the only option you have is to cut them off. Because I'm coming with your wife whether you like it or not," I said firmly.
Phil sighed and said, "I think I can cut it. I'll call you back if I get my leg free." Then he hung up imdiately.
Irritated, Claire said, "He just bought those jeans!"
"We can still go. If we're fast enough, he might not be out of the bike yet—"
Jay walked over and interjected, "Who's not out of the bike?"
Claire grew nervous and replied quickly, "Phil! He loves the bike so much, he called and said he'd be out for a while."
Jay bead. "I knew he'd love the Harley. As long as I've owned her, I've never had any problems with it. So… is he going to buy it?"
"I don't know yet," Claire said nervously, trying to keep a poker face.
Jay turned to and laughed. "What do you think, Ed? Don't you think Phil should buy the bike?"
Claire subtly slapped my hand, and I replied, "I think he'll look cool. Maybe he and your daughter can ride around the country together wearing matching leather jackets."
Jay's expression dropped, and he looked at Claire again.
"On second thought, maybe Phil isn't a bike guy after all."
Claire rolled her eyes.
"Dad, it's not like he's going to knock up at a cheap motel and then leave to ride across the country. We're already married!"
"Yeah, he knocked her up years ago," I added, which left Claire flabbergasted.
Jay grumbled. I quickly changed the subject by leading him away.
"You know what, Jay? I'm thinking of getting a ride for myself. Got any suggestions for a first bike?"
Claire finally breathed a sigh of relief—until I pointed in a direction and mouthed to her, "I helped you. Now go help ."
My fingers pointed at Enid and her boyfriend, prompting Claire to roll her eyes and walk over to talk to the couple.
[Claire's Comntary]
"I have nothing against Michael, but I'm 90% sure he's 100% gay."
[Comntary ends]
"Mom!" Manny called to Gloria, who was wearing a tight green dress that accentuated her pregnant stomach.
"Manny, what is this doing here?" Gloria asked, aghast as she saw the case again.
"If you don't mind, we'll be asking the questions now," Luke intervened.
"I do mind," Gloria replied, her face full of anger.
"I apologize," Luke said, shrinking back. I joined in and stood beside him.
"Did you check the head?" I whispered to Luke.
"No. Manny stopped ," Luke sighed.
"We couldn't help ourselves. But I've gotta know—why were you hiding this?" Manny took out a ventriloquist doll from the case. It was an old man doll, partially bald with white hair, wearing a red long-sleeve shirt and khaki pants.
"What's the story here?" Claire asked excitedly, joining the conversation.
"I don't want to talk about it!" Gloria snapped, snatching the doll from Manny.
"Aw! Cute!" Cam squealed when he saw the doll.
"Oh, where'd that co from?" Mitchell joined in, standing behind Cam and next to Claire.
"It's my mom's," Manny replied with a sigh.
Luke added suspiciously, "She's being very cagey. We think sothing's stashed in the head." He sang softly, "It's from Colombia…"
"Mom, what's the big deal?" Manny pressed.
"Okay, fine," Gloria relented. "When I was young, I was in a beauty pageant. All the other girls, for their talent, were juggling knives—as they always do."
"Yeah. That's too common," I said understandingly.
Gloria looked at with a soft expression. "That's right. I didn't want to juggle knives."
"But—you can do that?" Claire whispered to herself.
Gloria ignored her and continued, "I wanted to stand out, so I ca up with… Uncle Grumpy."
Cam lit up. "Okay. Never been so happy. Not leaving till I see it."
"Hit it, Gloria," Mitchell added.
"Excuse , how much is this vase?" a random woman asked Claire.
"It's yours. Take it," Claire replied without looking away, her eyes glued to Gloria. "So what do you need? A stool? A glass of water? How do we make this happen?" she added.
"Let's go. I need to see this," Luke said, laughing.
"You'll see nothing! That pageant was one of the worst nights of my life. After weeks of rehearsing, I froze. We were speechless," Gloria snapped.
"Aw, and you lost," Cam said sympathetically.
"No, Cam. She would've won. Just imagine this when she was 18," I said, gesturing toward Gloria.
Everyone looked shocked, but Gloria nodded. "That's right. I won."
She and I high-fived before she added, "But it was very humiliating. I don't want to do it ever again."
She turned and rushed back into the house. Manny sighed. Luke had a determined glint in his eyes.
"Well, we might have to wait to see the show," I said, then turned to the trio. "So, how did it go with Enid?"
"She's not listening to either of us," Cam said. Mitchell nodded in agreent.
Mitchell added, "Maybe it's not sothing we can fix, you know? They've got to figure it out themselves."
Claire raised an eyebrow and snarked, "Also Edward, if you want to break them up, why don't you just seduce that girl? I'm sure one word from you and she'll beco obsessive again."
I shook my head. "Well, I'm not going to do that."
"Why not?!" Jenna suddenly joined in, startling .
I turned to her and said, "Enid is my best friend. I'm not going to manipulate her. Besides, she found a boyfriend. She wants to be loyal, not look at other boys, and even get rid of her obsession. I think that's really admirable. And honestly, really adorable too."
"Just say that. She's definitely going to co back to you when you say that," Claire said, her face lighting up with pride and misting over with tears.
Cam had the sa reaction. "Go to her. You can still get her back."
I rolled my eyes. "Guys. We've never dated."
Cam narrowed his eyes and said sarcastically, "Really? You've been bouncing around all your close friends. I don't even know who you've dated and who you haven't."
"That's because you're old and your mory doesn't work like it used to," I shot back.
Cam gasped. "O-Old?! I'm not old! And my mory is still great!"
I ignored him, which made him even madder. I turned to Luke and asked, "You know what to do?"
"I know. Push her buttons until she thinks it was her own idea to perform the show."
"You can use Manny. He's her weak point," I suggested. Luke nodded and left.
"And now we wait," I muttered.
Twenty minutes later, Phil finally returned from his ordeal. His left leg was exposed — his jeans had been cut short with a pocketknife, now resembling a pair of won's booty shorts.
"Suffice it to say, I'm not buying that motorcycle." Phil said while I gave him a sweatpant to wear. I asked Gloria for a pair and she gave Jay's pants to .
" I know what I am, Claire. I'm not a rider. I'm a strider. I hope that's sexy enough for you." Phil said with exasperation.
"Well, I can see stuff." Claire said, looking at the gaps within the pants.
"Yeah, I know. I can feel the air on it." Phil said softly. "Thanks Ed." he said before he wore the pair of sweatpants over the jeans.
"Gather around everybody. I want you to et sobody." Gloria ca out of the house, with the ventriloquist in her hand.
Luke convinced her that her cowardness was sothing Manny needed to stop talking about how great his mother was all the ti.
But Gloria thought it wasn't the mont for Manny to get the dose of reality yet, so she wanted to prolong his mommy issue.
We sat in front of the door after pulling so chairs over. Gloria sat at the center of the stage, smiling as she started her show.
"Holy maracas! I think I sat on the right lap!!" Gloria used ventriloquism and used a grumpy old man voice while moving the puppet.
"Uncle Grumpy, we're in public." She said with a normal voice.
"Ay, look at all those white faces! I see we made it over the wall." Uncle Grumpy said while looking straight at . Everyone chuckled a bit.
"Uncle Grumpy, are you in a bad mood?" Gloria asked him.
"Damn right I am! I just ca from the movies. A whole day's pay
to see "Basic Instinct.""
"Oh. And what did you think?"
"Basically, it stinked!"
Everyone laughed at the banter.
"You're so grumpy." Gloria continued.
"Damn right I am! I just t the girl of my dreams."
"Ay, that's such great news."
"No. She gave the termites."
Everyone laughed at the punchline again. Jay ca out at this ti, wearing a red shirt and khaki coloured pants.
"Gloria, I'm just gonna– Oh, jeez. I don't even wanna know
what this is. I'm outta here." He couldn't take the strange people sniffing around his house anymore.
"You're leaving?" Gloria asked him.
Jay said grumpily, " Damn right. The only difference between this and a ho invasion is I get to shoot people at a ho invasion." He stomped away.
Claire's face froze in realization, "Oh, my God. She married her puppet."
…
"Hey, you still haven't bought anything." Luke said angrily as the yard sale was finishing up.
I nodded and said, "You're right. I'm not buying anything."
"It's for charity. At least cut us a check." He said.
"If you can tell what the charity organizer is, then I'll give you a check for ten thousand dollars." I told him.
"Ummm…" Luke was stunned. Manny looked at him with desperation, "Luke! Co on! I just told you this earlier!"
"Uni… Uni… Uniqlo?" Luke guessed. Claire, Phil and everyone else were disappointed. Manny sighed and said, "No. It's Unicef."
Alex returned, I guess from hanging out with Enid and the others. I saw them around the house and most of them were lounging by the pool.
"Hey, so Enid is going to break up with Micheal." Alex said.
I widened my eyes slightly and asked, "Really? Did soone change her mind?"
"Yeah. You." Alex said with confusion.
I looked at her with a similar expression and asked, "? What did I do?"
"Jenna told Enid you said she's adorable." Alex replied.
"Damn it Jen."
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