I rember the first ti I kissed Alana vividly: her wide-eyed shock, her empty offense, her faint trembles. She didn’t do much beyond pursuing her lips, so tense her hands were rigid as stone. With her eyes shut and her cheeks painted pink, she was the picture of a blushing maiden being dragged into a mont of passion by an unscrupulous rogue.
There is no trace of that endearing hesitation in her hungry lips as she walks us to the bedroom. Our progress is slow and unsteady, hampered by her unwillingness to break our kiss. It’s a good thing we haven’t taken the ti to decorate or countless vases and canvases would be destroyed in our carelessness. The furniture takes a beating from us crashing to them, but nothing falls so I pay it little mind.
My nose tells when we arrive, the mixed scents of the clan behind the closed door more ho than any of the walls we’ve stayed in since coming to New Quest. I’m eager to get inside, but Alana’s even more so. My legs dangle by her legs as she refuses to let my feet touch the ground. The hand pushing into my pants makes wonder if we’re going to cause a scene in the halls, but Kierra saves us from committing the scandalous act.
Alana squeaks as slim fingers tangle in hair and yank her head back, the cute sound shattering the dominant illusion. Kierra smiles as she uses the break in our passion to move us aside, stepping into the room with Talia on her heels.
“Pfft.”
Blue eyes rise to glare at , but I can’t take it seriously with that sound in my head.
“Don’t.”
“I didn’t say anything.”
“You’re thinking it.”
“I’m thinking you’re adorable, sweetie.”
Not the words she wants to hear. My lips tremble with the strain of holding in my laughter as a terrible attempt at a growl leaves her throat. Reading her intention in the way her hands grip my waist, I let myself go limp, letting her throw onto the bed.
Sohow, bouncing on the plush mattress breaks my composure, the damnable giggles slipping past. The sound is quickly smothered by Alana’s lips as she crawls on top of .
“Shoes, star.”
My voracious knight ignores the soft admonishnt, too preoccupied pulling my shirt over my head. Her breath leaves a hot trail as we work together to get rid of the clothes keeping us from each other. As Alana tugs my pants past my ankles, my head turns, taking in the sight of my wife seated in a plush chair in front of the window with Talia sprawled across her lap, their naked bodies painted in moonlight. I briefly et a gaze that is more green than gold in the gloom, registering the amusent there, before Alana consus my sight and every other sense. Her hands are fast and clumsy, her tongue desperate. She’s pouring her whole heart into and it’s not all passion.
My brows furrow, but I save my questions. They can wait. For now, I embrace her, taking everything she’s willing to give. She’s gotten stronger but not so much that I flinch as she attempts to replicate Kierra’s love bites, her teeth clamping down with enough force to kill a weaker woman. I moan encouragent as her fingers spear into like she has murder on her mind, riding the aggressive pumps of her arm.
Her eyes bore into , demanding a reaction. It doesn’t take long for to give it to her. My old worries about her being too fragile for intimacy are a distant mory. There is nothing but power in the hand that forces my leg against my chest as her fingers curl, practically dragging the passionate music from .
Then, she suddenly goes still. My tightly shut eyes flutter open, drifting from her bowed head to her heaving chest. “Alana?”
She doesn’t respond to her na, but she lets pull her down. She hides behind her hair as I reverse our positions, her hand slipping from between my legs.
“You alright?” I ask as I straddle her waist, hands splaying across her stomach as I grapple with the wonderful struggle of where to start. If only every problem could be so delicious.
A sentint I double down on as tears gently fall down Alana’s cheek. Things with too many teeth and legs hatch in my stomach as horror grips my heart. I nearly fling myself off her, only stopped by the desire to hold her close.
She makes the decision for by pulling down and squeezing with every bit of strength she has, the gesture easing the worst of my fears. I shush her, ignoring that she doesn’t make a sound. Quiet tears are not a good thing; I know from experience that silence is either the prequel to sothing explosive or a sign that sothing so heavy it crushes a person’s voice.
“Talk to sweetie,” I practically beg, the sight of her in distress making my heart howl with the desire to attack sothing.
“…am I a terrible person?”
What? Oh saints save , this better not be the revival of her bad habits. “No, of course not.”
She sighs. “You would say that.”
If you know what I’m going to say, why answer? “This isn’t being in love with you. You are the best person I know. Well, aside from Lancecain but he’s an abomination.”
That draws a short laugh out of her but the humor is quickly smothered by her heavy mood. “Earlier, when we were talking about Khan. I…I thought about killing him.”
Oh.
“He’s a good man. He’s never hurt anyone, never so much as glared at soone. He’s as harmless as people get and I was going to kill him because a bunch of dead n say he’s dangerous. Because my father would do it. Because that’s what it ans to be a Jas.”
“You aren’t going to do it,” I remind her. “You made the choice to protect him. Considering every option is normal. And if you were tempted, so what? If people are condemned for bad thoughts, no one can call themselves a good person.”
“I didn’t do it,” she mutters. “Kii challenged . If I were on my own…if my father was standing there instead of you two…” She lets draw my own conclusion, though I bet she doesn’t know what conclusion I co to.
“Does it matter how you got there? There are people who had living saints to guide them and they still made bad choices. How do I know? They aren’t saints. You’ve got two degenerates whispering in your ear and still did the right thing. I don’t think it’s fair to denounce that because you didn’t imdiately want to challenge Victory and all it stands for.”
“That’s always the excuse, isn’t it? The threat is too big. I told you before that I wanted to be a hero. One who does sothing, regardless of the threat.”
“Are you listening to yourself? Not the goal of a bad person.”
“It is when it’s for the wrong reason. I want to smack around the entitled not to make the world a better place, but to make feel better. It’s all for .”
“I see. You helped a crying child and two villages on the brink of war for yourself.”
She huffs. “So what? For Victory’s traditions, I’d strike down that sa child. I’d put them all down. And the worst part? I’d feel bad, but I wouldn’t think I was wrong. I can’t. We leveled a city and I felt vindicated, Lou.”
“I did that.”
“We did. If not in deed, then in spirit. I supported peace but the mont it conflicted with the Jas’ philosophy, I didn’t care.”
Saints give patience. “Alana. We destroyed the city because we had to. The hunters weren’t willing to negotiate and we were on a ti crunch. If we didn’t collect on the March, the northern army would have marched on the city and the kingdom would be at war.” Sigh. Dig deep, Lou. “I…regret how I did it, that I let my anger get the best of before, during, and after that shitstorm. But do I think it was wrong? No. If being good ans saving idiots from themselves and letting them target my family, I’ll be a villain to the end of ti.”
Her sigh says she isn’t comforted by my immorality.
“Where is this coming from?”
“I told you—”
“Khan has been with us for weeks.” I cup her cheek while my other hand moves her bangs out of her face. “You’ve always known this was a possibility. This isn’t about him.”
Her lips tremble, her head trying to move away but I force her to stay still. “…what if I don’t want to talk about it?”
Then this is going to haunt until you do. “I’m not going to force you. As long as you don’t plan on hiding it forever? Keeping quiet won’t help.”
“Says you.”
I debate slapping the back of her head but refrain, cuddling up to her. “Sleep. It can wait.”
“What? No. I an…” Her hand brushes my thigh. “We were in the middle of sothing.”
Hm. If I were in emotional distress, would I want my lover to carnally distract ? Hah! I’d love it. But Alana isn’t and I’m not sure this will help. Yet, this is what she’s asking for. The only thing I can do for her.
Grappling with doubt, I cautiously raise my head and bring our lips together again.
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