Return of the Runebound Professor Chapter 635: The Rules

Darkness surrounded Jalen.

He wasn’t sure when it had happened, but the snake that was the encroaching shadow had finally managed to swallow his vision. His body felt light and weightless, like a thousand pounds of force had finally been lifted from his shoulders.

And, more surprisingly, there wasn’t a hole in his chest anymore.

He was draped in rather boring looking white clothes that were definitely far too revealing for both his own comfort and the continued sanity of anyone unfortunate enough to be in his vicinity.

Jalen lifted a hand to his chest, but the hole really was gone. There was nothing but skin and flesh — and so sick bastard’s idea of flowy lingerie.

“The fuck is this?” Jalen muttered, rubbing the thin cloth together between his fingers.

At least it was comfortable.

He cast his gaze around the darkness. It seed that he was floating in so vast, empty space. There was nothing else to go by. The world just seed… empty.

A frown pulled across Jalen’s features. He twisted to the left and right in search of sothing. Anything. And, far in the distance, he found it. It was so small that he could barely even make it out, but there was a sliver of gold like a fallen strand of hair.

What is that? Where am I? And where the hell are my clothes? They had a sick ass hole blasted into the chest. I want that back. It would be such a fashion statent. I’d never take them off — no. I’d just have the hole cut into the chest of all my clothes.

I’m a few hundred years old. I get to be slutty if I want to be slutty.

Sothing prickled against the back of Jalen’s neck.

He turned.

A woman floated before him.

That was rather odd, as he’d literally just been looking in that direction, and there had been nothing there.

It was odder still, as Jalen was rather confident that the woman was not human. There was sothing distinctly wrong about her. She was beautiful, but in the way of a stormy night to a sailor on a rowboat.

Her features were angelic in all the ways that a normal person’s never could have been. It was like soone had painted their idea of a perfect woman rather than actually looking at anybody who had ever truly drawn breath.

Flowing pink robes hung from her body like banners, and there was magic within her. A lot of magic. She may not have been carrying a weapon, but anyone stupid enough to believe her to be harmless would likely soon find themselves dead. ṙ𝘼𝐍Ỗ𝐛Ě𝘚

This is a monster. An ancient monster.

I wonder if she’s single.

“Hello,” Jalen said.

“No,” the woman replied.

“Damn,” Jalen said. “That was fast. Might actually be a record. I didn’t even get a chance to try. How’d you know what I was going for? Maybe I just wanted to ask if I could try on those fancy clothes of yours.”

The corner of the woman’s lips twitched up into a smile. “The answer to that question would also be no. And I’m flattered, Jalen, but I’m afraid my re presence would shatter your psyche.”

“Trust , it’s long gone. I’m hallucinating eerie won in my dreams. That’s an ill on if I’ve ever heard of one, so might as well say fuck it and go the rest of the way.”

A laugh like falling stars slipped from the woman’s lips. Amusent twinkled within her eyes like literal stars and she shook her head.

“So of that might have worked on a few hundred thousand years ago. But I’m afraid not, Jalen. And this is not a hallucination. It’s very, very real.”

“Not words I like to hear.” Jalen touched his chest again, his eyes drifting to the whole, undamaged skin. When his gaze lifted again, any playfulness that had remained within it was gone. “I’m dead, then. I don’t suppose you’re here to tell that my heroism has granted a second life and I will not be relegated to the agonizing boredom of whatever it is that cos next?”

A flicker of surprise passed over the woman’s features. “You know? Did N—”

“Oh, that is bad news,” Jalen muttered. “I didn’t know shit. I just assud it would be worse than screwing around with a real body. If the herald of the end is telling shit is going to suck, then it’s really going to suck. I— wait. Did what? You were about to say sothing.”

“Never mind,” the woman said with a shake of her head. “I am not the herald. I am Renewal. I have been watching you, Jalen.”

“A set of words I’d be thrilled to hear if I was alive. I’ve always said crazy was subjective.”

“You are not dead, Jalen.”

That took him by surprise. He blinked.

“Really?”

“Not yet,” Renewal anded. “You will be. Quite shortly, actually. I just wanted a mont to converse with you before you entered the afterlife.”

“Take all the monts you need. I have absolutely no interest in passing on. Even less than I did a few minutes ago, thanks to you.”

Renewal winced. “An unfortunate slip of the tongue.”

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“I’ve had that happen a few tis.” Jalen nodded in understanding. “But why exactly is it that you were watching ? Not to say I’m not worth watching. I’m quite the riot… but sothing makes suspect you weren’t chard by my wiles and stunning sense of humor.”

“You chose to remain at Rank 6,” Renewal said. “For hundreds of years, you withheld your advance. Why?”

“Because I was given a task, and I’m not stupid. Reaching Rank 6 wasn’t that hard. It was difficult, but far from impossible. I’m well aware that I’m amazing. But I’m not that amazing. If I was able to hit the peak of Rank 6, then soone else could too. So where are the other Rank 7 mages? Couldn’t figure that bit out up until my good buddy told about a Rank 7 that was basically pruning the empire.”

“You don’t strike as the type to shy away from conflict. If anything, I’d have assud your ego would have made you confident in victory against whoever it was hunting the new Rank 7s.”

Jalen’s lips twitched up in amusent. “I did consider it a few tis. I was pretty sure I’d at least get a good fight out of it. But it was a moot point. I couldn’t leave. There were things I still had to do for the empire.”

“Watching the Archives.”

“Among others.”

“Selfless.”

“I didn’t do a very good job of it.”

“You did as well as a mortal could have. There’s only so long your mind could have handled such a task, especially at your rank. Remaining at 6 for as long as you did… it borders on torture. Advancing your Runes would have reinforced your mind and allowed you to withstand the years better. A task such as the one you were given was not one ant to last as long as it did. It is little wonder your mind is such a fractured ss.”

“Well, that’s just lovely to know. Glad I got the mo on ti. Have you considered sending your letters by any service other than the death-express? I suspect they might reach their subjects earlier if you do.”

Renewal laughed and shook her head. “I am only reflecting. I was not the one that tasked you with anything.”

“Would you look at that. Even angels deflect responsibility. I suppose it isn’t a mortal trait.”

“You’d be surprised to find just how many traits we share,” Renewal said. “There are very few ascended beings who were not once mortal. But our ti draws thin.”

“Ti for the great unfathomable bullshit, returning to the natural order, and all that?”

“No,” Renewal replied. “Actually, I’d prefer if you passed a few ssages along for .”

“A ssage?” Jalen blinked. “To who?”

And then a spike of pain slamd into his chest. Jalen doubled over in surprise, coughing on his own words. He grasped at his heart as searing agony burned into him. His eyes went wide in shock.

It had been years since he’d been hurt like this. He’d taken wounds, but he’d long since learned to ignore the agony of flesh. This was sothing else. A burning agony that perated through his whole being, worming its way down his veins and into his very soul.

Renewal spoke several sentences.

And then the darkness howled away, sucked into the distance like water draining from a tub.

His eyes snapped open and he jerked upright with a sharp gasp for air. Jalen sat in an old stone room, his back propped up against a wall.

He wasn’t alone.

Two other people stood in the room with him. The first he recognized. She was a rather distinctive figure, after all. The pitch black clothes, pale skin, and spiked collar on her neck were rather jarring fashion choices.

It was Garina. Jalen also noted that her severed hand had been restored to its forr position.

And beside her was a man that could not possibly have looked more out of place. He was more than a head shorter than Garina and completely bald. The robes of a monk were draped over his body and he had a weary, resigned expression upon his smooth face.

“Ah. He’s awake,” the bald man said. His head really was quite shiny.

I’m alive?

“If I rub your head, will I get a wish?” Jalen asked.

“What?”

“Sorry. Old habits die hard,” Jalen said. He grimaced. His mouth tasted like ash and blood.

He forced himself to look down — and his eyes widened in surprise. The massive hole was gone. There was a scarred patch covering a large portion of his body, but the imnse damage had been completely repaired.

How?

“I’ve wondered the sa thing once or twice,” Garina said idly. “Unfortunately, Ferdinand is not a genie.”

“If I were, I’d have been able to fix him without so much scarring,” the bald man who was likely Ferdinand said with a shake of his head. “It’s a fortunate thing he just hit Rank 7. His body was so full of energy that I was able to harness so of the excess to fuel the healing.”

Jalen looked back down at his chest. “You healed ?”

“Evidently,” Garina said. “It was quite a pain, I’ll have you know. Bringing Ferdinand here broke at least a dozen different minor rules and more than a few large ones.”

“Technically, I was kidnapped against my will.”

Jalen’s brow furrowed as he studied the two of them. His thoughts were a ss, but he was pretty sure —

“Oh!” Jalen exclaid, his eyes lighting up. “You’re one of the blokes I’m ant to give a ssage to!”

“?” Garina asked in surprise. “What, from Spider?”

“No. The bald guy,” Jalen replied. “You’re Ferdinand, right?”

Ferdinand frowned. “Yes. Why would you have a ssage for ?”

“From so hot, spooky looking angel called Renewal. She said she supports you in all that you do, but you really need to stop holding back so much. Also, she says you look good in black and that so guy called Decrease isn’t so bad.”

Ferdinand’s arms fell slack at his sides. His mouth pulled open in either horror or awe. He wasn’t alone. Garina stared at Jalen with the sa stunned expression.

“Renewal? Renewal gave you a ssage? You saw her?” Ferdinand asked. “And she wanted to hear that?”

“Did you an Decras?” Garina asked, focusing on an entirely different part of the ssage.

“Yes. She also said you should pluck your unibrow,” Jalen said.

Ferdinand reached up to his forehead. “Really?”

“No. That part was . The rest was from her, though.”

“You spoke to Renewal? The Goddess of Reincarnation spoke to a re mortal?” Ferdinand exclaid. “And she had a ssage specifically for ? A motivational ssage?”

“Evidently. Maybe it was a thank you for saving my life. Good job there, by the way. Appreciate it. I rather like living.” Jalen pushed himself to his feet with a grunt. His features turned serious as he affixed Ferdinand with a sharp gaze. “I an that. Thank you. I thought I was dead.”

“Don’t ntion it,” Ferdinand muttered. “Literally. I can’t believe it. Renewal had a ssage for . Not the Prophet. Not her Aspect. .”

“And she approves of ,” Garina said, blinking in surprise. “Didn’t see that one coming.”

Jalen glanced from Ferdinand to Garina. He arched an eyebrow.

Looks like she’s off the market. Bumr. I really do have the worst luck. Maybe I should go talk to that demon again. She seed fun.

“Well,” Jalen said, drawing the word out. “Not to ruin the mood, but shits royally fucked. That prick Father got his hands on an ancient artifact, so I’m going to go head off and get to work. Lots to do, you know. Can’t let him keep that.”

Jalen turned — and Garina’s hand fell on his shoulder.

He hadn’t even seen her move. She’d simply arrived alongside him.

Jalen winced.

“I’m afraid not,” Garina said. “You’ve reached Rank 7.”

Fuck. I thought this might happen.

“Are you sure? I still feel like a Rank 6. Maybe you’re just seeing things a bit wrong.”

“I am not. The rules are adamant for a reason. There are no Rank 7s other than myself permitted within the Arbalest Empire. And, no matter how much you may have just helped … that includes you.”