Rose Blumen ~ Exogignesthai 253. About love, 4

(Rose)

I dreamt of another world.

Hidden from sight. Beautiful, peaceful.

Where we could live free.

Free... I have had the ti with Blu to grasp that freedom is not a noun.

It’s an adjective. Like the colours of the world, it is essentially everywhere you want to look at, with different shades of liberty, varying.

Still, I enjoy so much freedom. I keep so of my moral and cultural restraints, but not many things outside of are enforcing behaviours that potentially infringe so of my freedom.

Freedom to go wherever I please and do essentially whatever I want.

Freedom to act. Freedom to love.

Drunk, Bleue was about to say sothing else.

It keeps bugging .

I missed sothing.

And now I’m almost dying.

I hear the sounds of the sea. Waves after waves against a shore. I can’t breathe.

I feel water moving inside my throat as I try to breathe. I cough. My body aches, spasms and move. I can’t see a thing, but I can feel the sunlight.

I see then blurry spots when I focus.

I stand up, shaking and dizzy. I’m washed on shore.

My head hurts. I don’t rember clearly who I am or what I’m doing here right now.

It gradually cos back as if I was slowly waking up.

I search for Bleue on this beach.

It’s the first thing to do.

I find her body after a while. I drag her slowly out of the water. My sight is getting slowly better.

I sit next to her, looking closer at her, trying to figure out if she’s still alive.

My heartbeat is mad anyway, from apprehension about what I’ll see when my eyes finally can focus properly.

I see her white clammy face. She had open wounds that do not seem to bleed on her forehead.

Her right shoulder is...

I swallow painfully as I see the butchery the right arm and shoulder have beco.

I can see so bones. But more worryingly, the flesh isn’t bleeding...

She’s already exsanguinated... I begin to tear up as I realise it.

I begin to cry over her.

~

I cry, unable to think about ti, or anything else but my loss.

Sothing cold touches my hand and makes twitch.

I see Bleue touching my hand and have a mont of panic. I scream.

Her eyes are partially open. She’s moving slightly her lips.

I think she’s whispering my na...

I overco my horror and fear, and get a hold of her.

I rip my clothes off to bandage what’s left of her.

R - Don’t try to move. I won’t let you die.

B - I saved you...

I don’t rember, but it matters less than saving her now.

Her face is swollen and pale, but I think I saw sothing evocating a proud smile.

~

I did the most and best I could, taking her to the dry land, getting her dry and warm.

Since none of her open wounds was bleeding anymore, she actually wasn’t in imdiate danger because of them.

She didn’t bleed out entirely. Her wounds were awful, but the blood vessels coagulated rapidly I think. I’m not sure. I don’t really care right now.

I set fire to a patch of grass and woods without a care, just to warm her.

I found so of our affairs washed ashore on the beach. Not much, but so cans of food are always welco.

I make soup out of them to feed her.

Bleue is awake maybe two hours per days now. I try to have her drink at that ti. She can’t move yet.

She can’t talk much for now, but repeats one thing each and every ti.

B - I love you...

R - I love you too. Co on drink up. There’s no need to act like Blu saying you love all day long.

B - ...

~

We spend a week there. I gathered most of our belongings and what else I could find around in an abandoned house.

Bleue is sitting against a chair of logs I made, next to a fire pit to warm her up.

I spill most of the soup over her, each ti I try to feed her, as I try to make her drink from a makeshift cup. She coughs. When I step back, she leans slightly her face forward.

So of her wounds still sweat a little blood or plasma, so I keep changing her bandages and doing the laundry of the previous one.

B - Rose...

R - I’m sorry, it seems hard for you to drink...

B - If I were about to die, would you grant my last wish?

R - I don’t like the idea... But I probably would.

B - I... No. We are, cowards... I’m sorry I have to resort to that... But I... It’s too painful...

R - ...?

B - Please kiss ... goodnight.

I feel a shiver.

I notice she’s about to fall asleep. I get closer to kiss her forehead goodnight, on the side of a large cut, but she mutters a no.

Her eyes are piercing mine.

She’s fighting back.

B - I don’t feel like I can be certain I will ever wake up again... I want you to kiss Rose.

I step back with muddy feelings creeping inside . My heart aches. I briefly rember the dark Blue saying sothing similar.

I briefly rember the worst pain imaginable, and death.

My own death.

I’m covered in cold sweat, and I look terrified.

Bleue is breathing with pain, and looking saddened by my reaction. She’s tearing up.

B - I’m sorry... I don’t want to...

To die. To lose . To fear death without .

I think she’s not really trying to tease like Blu would.

Bleue is feeling worse than I in this world.

I swallow my murky feelings and torturous mories as I get closer. I feel awful in more ways than one but I go press my lips against hers for a second or two.

As I step back I see that she passed out.

I brush my eyes from the tears swelling up, feeling painfully confused.

Then I return to cleaning her bandages and any other task that will help keeping her alive.

I unwrap her damaged right arm. I take care of all her wounds with all the care and love I have to offer.

Of course I love you...

I kiss her forehead goodnight.

~