(Rose)
Being lost inside your own head and bad dreams is just a naless horror.
Everything felt wrong. It was all just torture. Endless torture.
But then. After an eternity in hell, I saw you. I heard you.
You looked like an angel coming to liberate . Even though your existence has always been at the heart of my tornt, seeing you was like...
Day, appearing in an instant, piercing through a long lasting night. I held my breath as I reached out for your gleaming hand on the other side...
I escaped, being pulled away, and returning to the world of light I had almost forgotten but slipped away from.
Blinded, knocked out. And then, awakening, seeing your tearful face over mine.
My mories were too scrambled, still too deep asleep.
It took long and slow seconds to rember who I was, who you were, and why you were crying over .
The more the mories returned, the heavier I felt.
R - How long has it been?
B - A day. Or two.
My head hurts a lot. It can’t have been only a single day.
R - It felt like... years. My mory is hazy.
Ti on the other side, what was Blu saying about it? I forgot.
anwhile Bleue giggled with a smile contrasting with her tearing eyes.
B - Yeah, I bet it felt like a hundred years for you, my fairest... Thank you... For coming back to ...
She swallowed a few words. She’s exhausted. I feel like I’m floating and about to pass out.
R - I recall... Saying the sa thing to you once... A long ti ago.
B - It wasn’t you, and it certainly wasn’t either. But I know what you an and how you feel... I’m. I’m so sorry Rose, for everything. And welco back.
R - Sorry... What for?
Bleue helps sit. I feel drained, exhausted. I realise I’ve lost all my fat and muscles, even my thingy... I look ghastly.
R - My body... What happened to ?
I still barely rember how I was reunited with Blue... Bleue. Where are we?
Near the Ottoman capital city... I hold my head. My mory is confused. I’m too tired to sort them and make sense of it all.
B - Don’t worry Rose... It’ll co back soon enough. As for why I’m apologizing, it’s because I’ve hurt you and scared you, more than once.
It does ring a bell. But it’s not like I wanted to leave you just for that.
Bleue looks like she’s pleading for my forgiveness. For not to abandon her.
Sorrowful begging doesn’t suit her. I didn’t want to see her like that.
And sothing in my heart resonates with that fear she ntioned. Sothing I held up and hid, maybe. Was I scared of her?
Sothing breaks inside of . I just begin to cry.
R - I have been scared, of , and you, of what we are, of what we beco... But I love you... I love you so much...
B- Please forgive Rose...
Of course I’ll forgive you, you fool. We kiss a little clumsily. There’s an unusual taste lingering.
R - What’s that taste?
B - That’s... The flying tree sap? I had to soak myself with it to co here. It was dire.
I don’t recognise the place I’m in. I don’t recognise my own body in shambles. Bleue wearing that sap like makeup over her skin is just the tree hiding the forest.
What on Earth happened to ?
~
Bleue helped walk to the edge of the building. We discover the hollow ruins of a city, clearly ravaged by bad weather and partially flooded. It’s as if a monsoon had followed an earthquake maybe.
She didn’t tell right away what I kind of guessed.
Bleue just opened her bottle of sap and spread it over herself and . It’s a little painful like a burn on my pale skin, but I don’t complain.
Bleue then holds tight and her large wings spread. The first impulse feels like bumping into soone fast, and we’re beginning to rise in the sky.
We’re leaving this place, holding onto each other.
My mories are still completely scrambled, but I can tell as I look at the ruins of this city I don’t recognise, that I’m better away from here.
~
As we’re calmly flying away, which is a pretty nice sensation actually, we discuss a little further again. We’re reopening our damaged hearts.
B - I never realised how much you had suffered in your life Rose. And I’m really sorry for hurting you so much further.
R - It’s.... Alright.
B - No, it’s not. I’ve always looked up to you as that ideal woman you’re trying to be. You were like that for as well. I should have been able to acknowledge how much efforts you had to give to be like that. How much you suffered.
I don’t really understand what she’s saying or where she’s going, aside that she’s apologetic.
B - Rose, your thorns... You’re not at peace with them. Your endless fight against your inner monster, I haven’t made it better...
She knows.
My real self.
I’m shivering.
I sort of recall that she probably has for a while already, but I realise it today in a cold shiver.
My deeper resentnt and hungers I don’t want to be.
R - I’ve... always been conflicted about myself. That’s not really new... And you already accepted it, accepted ... I don’t understand what’s different now...
Bleue is tearful, holding tighter against her.
B - It’s like we’ve been playing an act for so long, playing a ga that was refusing to acknowledge the real Rose. And instead of feeling progressively better about your thorns, it just grew worse. Until you faced sothing so awful it triggered their return, and the loss of your inner fight. You lost it Rose... Because you kept that rift growing. Because I didn’t help... I don’t want that nightmarish mont to happen again!
My heart is pinched hard, but I feel powerless right now.
R - I don’t know what I should do.
B - Love . Love more. I will accept everything Rose. You will have to share your suffering with . You will show it to . You can’t fight alone anymore. Giving all your love to ans also giving so taste of that side in the shades that you hate inside of you.
R - You an losing my ideal... Dropping the mask and acting more selfishly... You speak like a being-like-her...
B - Rose! Stop that!
She just yelled at , tears in her eyes again.
B - I don’t care how dirty you feel, show it to . Give all of it to .
I’m feeling murky.
R - It’s just hatred I have in my guts. I would feel awful vomiting that on you...
B - I love you Rose. But if you’re too cautious, that fear will kill you. Take the risk of hurting ... For you and for us. Please, let all of your emotions go on . I’m begging you. Because I love you!
I’m scared. I’m terrified. I’m not sure what to do. That sludge in my guts is rising.
It feels like death is going to burst through my throat and then lips.
And it does.
R - I’ve... hated you... So much. I’ve hated you so much, I thought of killing you... I had bad dreams about it when we were still children.
Bleue looks really pained. My chest hurts but feels a little lighter also.
I’ve begun crying for good.
R - I’ve hated you so much! You were not talking at the ti... Always in your own world. I hated myself for loving soone like you who hardly looked back at . And I’ve hated your guts for disappearing on !
I keep vomiting old grudges. I can’t control myself anymore.
It kept going for very long and awkward minutes.
Until we finally landed a good span outside the dead city.
So murk from the depth of my heart was now staining all of Bleue. I couldn’t take it back.
I sat there crying. I’ve always loved you.
R - I’ve always... Hated you for what you were... You dismissed my love. You ignored . You left. You died... And yes you scared in this life, and more than once! You terrified ...
I’m exhausted. I’m breathing heavily, my head stuck in a painful vertigo.
R - I’ve hated you so much...
And always loved you twice as much nonetheless. Always.
Bleue gently hugged while I kept sobbing.
B - I love you too...
~
We were sitting there in the grass, at the edge of this odd cooler area.
R - I think you always were the one I threw all of my emotions at... But I only acknowledged love. I wanted it to be just that.
B - And it grew since. So I’m happy you made that choice.
R - I’m sorry... For what I am.
B - I’m not. You’re my beautiful Rose. I love you with your flowery side and your spiteful thorns. I just love you too.
~
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