(Rose)
I wonder what today’s date is. August 26th, 1928? No... At this point, let’s be honest. The date is unknown.
It might already be the forties for all we know.
It rained all night. The sound of the rain is nicer when you have a cosy shelter. Ann is, again, sleeping against . I don’t have the will to push her away.
I think I saw a crow inside. It makes move suddenly because of the surprise. I unwillingly woke her up. I tell her. She’s still half asleep, and looks unhappy.
A - I’m not a crow...
R - No, outside!
She takes a look but it’s gone. I apologise. She tells it’s alright. She thought I called that and it brought back bad mories. But a real one, she doesn’t mind...
She’s been called a crow? What can I reply to that?
We laze a bit more because it’s still raining anyway. The horses are waiting in the middle of the house, in the main living room.
I close my eyes and rest a little more, listening to the rain. Now that I think about it, we were lucky to find the horses back then, given how little animal life is left...
I’m dozing off. I feel quite good here. She asks sothing I don’t really hear. I don’t really reply but my voice emits a sound signifying I’m barely responding. I feel sothing weird.
She’s kissing . I push her away and leave the bed. She scared .
She looks either angry or sulking.
R - Why did you do that?
A - Because I love you Rose.
R - Well I don’t love you enough for that Ann!
A - Have you forgotten what happened in that field?
R - No... I... I wasn’t myself at the ti! I was going insane because of the... demon...
A - Well... I liked you better at that ti.
R - When I was violent?
A - When you had more guts. It’s as if you lost all courage since we don’t to fight anymore.
R - You’ve fallen for the Rose that tries to survive with thorns then. I’m normally more of a kind flower. That’s who I truly am...
A - I understand... Forgive for having my hopes rise too much. I won’t try to touch you again.
It does not feel like a victory. I feel bad. What do I want in the end? Who do I want to beco?
My old self, a gentle older sister; or the savage that killed humans and monsters alike? Flower or brambles?
Sister Rose will lose Ann and end up alone. Surviving Rose will touch Ann, experience stronger and darker feelings... What I fear most about what I might beco is who will co ho, and perhaps find her?
I’m afraid of what would happen if I was different from the sister she always knew when I co ho...
I lived for her... I behaved for her all my life... She’s grown since. But ? While I’m struggling with my inner thoughts, Ann is looking at , as if she’s seeing right through . She’s waiting for to find my answer.
Who am I? What do I want? What do I like? What is it I’m scared of that I cannot overco? What is truly at stakes for ?
I did not turn insane before, but I wanted to forget about because of sha. Sha... I feel really childish there.
No matter what I chose, I won’t turn into a monster... I’m not losing track of who I am and what I want. That doesn’t an I can’t behave more freely.
My heartbeat is increasing steadily. It’s rising. I don’t have to live up to the expectations I’ve set up for myself for the sake of soone who is not there at the mont.
I choose to embrace my freedom. Even though I’m scared.
I did like it before. I’m overcoming my feeling of sha and co back. I’m probably flushed red.
I sincerely apologise to her and move over to kiss her. She smiled just before my lips touched hers. She accepted my apology.
I feel her tongue. The taste is still repulsive to . I don’t insist on that.
We begin to touch each other. I do like her neck. Not her breasts. Not much her tummy. Her legs, maybe. I don’t like much at. But now is the ti to go beyond that apprehension.
I kiss her here and there. I play with the softer and sensitives parts of her. She does the sa to . It’s tickling mostly. It’s funny. I feel too warm. I feel like I’m suffocating a bit, though I can still move and react.
It’s too warm, it’s embarrassing. It feels funny and nice.
Ti goes sideway. I can’t really think anymore. I lose my words gradually while these sensations grow. I’m a bit scared. I feel good but drunk.
Pleasure rises. It’s sothing else. I’m giving it all.
Weird. Good. Nice. Pleasure spreads in . I’m overwheld. My consciousness shuts down.
~
When I wake up, I still have lingering pleasure tingling here and there in my body. Ann is already dressed and waiting aside. She looks better. I’m smiling unwillingly.
I feel playful and a tad embarrassed again, now that I’m cooling down.
It felt nice... Though behaving in a way that overcos my usual persona is still sowhat difficult to do willingly.
I’m stronger than I look?
R - You fit better in this world than I do...
A - You think? You certainly still fit quite well you know.
R - I did my best to survive. You evolved... You’re stronger now.
A - I’m free now... That’s about it.
I’m not yet free, even though I tasted wild freedom. I can’t be fully free while I have my purpose in life...
But I can improve myself beside that goal. I’ll do my best to release my will from now on.
It doesn’t an I will give up on anything from the choices I made for my life. I’ll just act more freely...
I’ll do my best. It still feels like giving up my manners, my education...
I tell her that I’ll do my best, but I have a lump stuck in my throat and my heart. I feel a bit stained... Soiled...
Ann looks happy though.
She’s free.
I’m still looking for who I want to beco. I’ve tried sothing different.
But what still is the most important thing to ... What will really define who I am... It’s what I’m obsessed with.
Her.
Since she was born.
Since I was born, for what I can recall.
My blue bird. My blue rose.
My will to find out what has beco of her makes rise. I stand up and get ready. We eat sothing and drink so of her milk. I wonder how long it will take to calm down for her. I never had any child. I think my mother breast fed my younger sisters up until they were two years old?
It’s almost done raining. I can put my hat with my damaged left hand now. The ceiling is high enough, so we mount the horses inside.
We ride out through the veranda and garden.
Wait for ... It’s just a matter of days now...
No matter what the world beca, we can be happy...
~
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