(Rose)
Daiûa had fallen into a hole.
Daiûa had fallen inside a well.
And there she fought, days and nights,
In order to live again.
I fought. I fought. In an endless nightmare, with leaden sky, achromatic landscape, and an enemy I couldn’t vanquish, harassing eternally.
My worst enemy kept coming at . Her hollow shape kept coming back, always returning no matter how many tis I destroyed it.
My hellish abyss, with different colours, and different levels of awareness.
As I fought in that pit of mud, strangling these shadows one after another, I ended up realising it.
I’m in the well of Daiûa. The enemies that keep coming at and returning repeatedly, they already died.
Once I realised that, a part of the indomitable mixture of anguish and hatred inside of , began to settle.
A little part.
That little part of ease in my numb mind, reduced as much the ferocity and number of the enemies coming restlessly at .
Everyone I’ve killed, and more. Everyone I saw dead as well, turned into monsters in that nightmare I’m desperate to escape.
I couldn’t recognise any of them at first. Now I was ripping my family apart, as they tried to eat alive.
But they were all... irrelevant, almost.
There was only one monster I focused all my wrath against.
I jumped on her, smashing her head off, again, and again, and again, and again...
My worst enemy ever t. You... Ogre!
I couldn’t stand anything reminding of you. The colour black itself awoken my hate against you.
There’s a pain I can’t forget, that lted my mind, that dissolved like acid everything I was...
You destroyed everything I was.
I’m strangling you, crushing your sweet soft neck for the ten thousandth ti. I feel the spine breaking and a second of relief. Then you’re in front of again, and I jump on you again to kill you.
~
A boundless mind; without the limitations of a body, without the awareness of its limits, is basically stupid, and easy to obsess over sothing pointless.
Nothing made sense beside the raw emotions.
But at so point, after goodness knew how long, I noticed I was in that well.
I was in the hole of Daiûa, relieving the sa trial on a loop.
I was trapped in that loop, until I would find a way out.
And because this body wasn’t real, because nothing was, it ant that my mind had to evolve. Easier thought than done.
Repressing my wrath and my desire to kill that disgusting horror was another colour of hell.
But it worked.
The more I managed to contain my wrath and rein in my impulses, the less hostile these shadows were.
R - So I have to make peace with myself, that’s it?
O - Yes. You can just thank for that.
I ripped her throat out with my teeth. Another cycle of wrath and pointless fights began.
I was screaming my pain and hatred against you.
I just can’t... Forgive you.
~
Another ti, again facing my worst nightmare.
Repressing painfully my desire to kill her on the spot.
R - Why the fuck are you here?
O - Why wouldn’t I be? I’m a part of you.
I have to kill her gruesoly a hundred more tis before I can manage another line of dialogue with her.
But slowly, there’s sort of a progress.
A part of is aware that it’s probably not the Ogre herself I’m facing, but a creature born from my imagination. My mind created it from my mories of her.
I hope so at least...
It wasn’t easy to realise, nor to accept.
O - You created Rose.
I can’t accept that either, too much pain and hate pours from at that thought.
Another hundred or so cycles of violence and despair go on.
O - You can’t get rid of , because I’ve always been a part of you.
Maybe another two thousands cycles of agony and pain, denying with all my heart what I’m hearing.
I can’t accept anything she’s saying.
At so point, as I managed to stop the fight, it was another ghost facing .
Another mory.
B - Accept your thorns Rose... Please...
R - You...
Another series of murdering shadows. I can’t accept...
O - I will always be a part of you.
I wish I could cry.
Thousands. Millions maybe.
I’m feeling numb, I’m becoming numb.
I feel completely numb at the next stop. Drunk from my own mories.
I watch the sky, dark green, and clouds moving around above . Blue and white.
I’m dizzy.
She cos again.
At this point, there’s only despair left.
R - Why do you keep coming at ...
O - Because I am the part of you that you hate. I’m your own reflection. The more you hate , the more I hate you.
R - I can’t... accept you... I can’t! What you’ve done to !
I scream. I scream a lot. I can rember.
O - I’ve always been you, Rose. Always.
Always... Since the very first day we t. You created .
I might have existed outside of your own body, but I’ve always been a part of you...
This monster you created, will always return to destroy you.
You can’t escape the fate you make for yourself, closing your eyes or hating your own shadow.
Sooner or later, as long as you hate , I will return to eat you alive.
Because I’m a part of you!
~
I find another ghost. A light to shed so of these darkness.
Licht. Help escape from here.
Blu. Save from her again...
Anyone! I’m begging you!
Please help go beyond the impossible...
I can rember monts of my final fight, against Licht, or against my body.
I’m not fighting anymore in this pit. I can hear the thunder in the distance, sowhere very far away.
I feel that I have to go, as I’m looking at the sky. I want to leave. I want to return to life again...
Ogre is still right there. Have I solved anything? Probably not.
R - I can’t...
O - I will always be there with you, regardless of how you feel about it.
R - How I feel about you... If you’re really a part of ... I will control you.
O - You should! Or soday, I will, again.
My hatred bounces in my heart, but sothing held. I feel the hand of Licht on my shoulder.
Empty ti keeps passing, as I’m trying to think.
Sowhere, I’m not dead yet. I rember the air outside. I miss it.
I can feel now that I have a chance to return to reality, sooner or later.
A light will co to pull out from this abyss, and bring back to life.
I look at the sky, rembering the one being who is able to do that to .
R - Blu... You’re still there with ...
B - I’ve always been a part of you Rose, in this world.
She’s shapeless, but I can see her.
The one I welco happily inside of . I can’t feel the tears on my cheeks, but I feel like I’m crying.
I missed you so much...
B - I will always be a part of you...
R - I’m so glad to have you...
The monster. The flower. The human. And .
Thinking about a solution is a thing. Making your own mind evolve is another thing.
Awareness is a start, but there’s more.
What I’ve beco is always changing.
Now I can see so of the parts that build . Them. At a subconscious level.
It won’t change the past and what reality has been to .
But it will be mine to grow again over that, with them inside of , feeding what I will be.
Over another cycle of life and death, I learn from the ones that ca before, and evolve with it.
Evolving over your own miserable death is really a painful experience, but that is my current life and existence.
Learning painful things.
Surviving what I can’t.
Dying and growing again... Evolving.
Blu gave in her infinite kindness another chance at being alive.
So despite everything I’ve been through and done, I will try again.
To heal. To evolve, and to live in this world.
~
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