(Rose)
The last ti I had my nstruation is too far away. I recall I didn’t bleed much at the ti, but nothing else.
Now, it’s been too long. And this day, it felt different.
There wasn’t really any blood. Not much at all even.
I’m beginning to realise that I’m on the process of losing them for good.
I’m 35. I think.
I’ feel like I’ve been through a lot over the last nine years, but also like it was only last week or so that I was still just 20 years old.
Oddly enough, my body feels manifold stronger and healthier now than during my early twenties.
My life as the original Rose was always a little frail and odd. I thrive much better in this world. My mind and inner demons made more adapted for this world than the last.
If I were given by a daiûa the chance to go back before it all happened... If I were given the chance to wake up back in this train where I got lost...
How much I’ve changed, you know...
I would probably refuse.
Despite Blue waiting for at ho.
It’s aning a lot, for to be able to say that now.
That now, I would refuse to co ho.
Wouldn’t you be proud of ?
I’ve matured. I’m much older now.
And I’ve now lost the chance to ever have a child on my own. I’m already too old for that it would seem.
That’s what my body has begun telling . That ti is over.
Roses can bloom all year long. I’m enjoying comparing myself to roses and rosemary to a point where it’s more about onirism than sense and taphors. This situation is beyond my ability to link with a good taphor.
My ti of fertility as a woman, as a human, as a sapiens, it’s ending.
Oh well.
I was never quite eager to reproduce, for a few reasons, but... Such a ti could have eventually co, given everything that changed over ti.
I’ve lost sothing hard to value, and now that it’s gone, obviously I realise a little more clearly what it ant for .
My issue was with sex first, not being a woman. Blu and Bleue broke that in .
Even after what happened last, I could have eventually reconsidered it.
But now it’s too late for the normal way.
I’m not feeling that bad about it. It’s age. It’s not like I have a sudden desire to have a child.
Also, I’m aware that the normal limits don’t an much nowadays.
If my fertility as a human has now withered, it certainly doesn’t an that I would never have a child in this world.
I did get another woman pregnant after all.
I still can’t quite believe it...
And I’m not even considering what a being like Dragod was able to do.
I’ve already lost two children before they were born.
No, three...
The first one when I was still a child, about nine or ten years old.
Though my trauma drowned most of my mories of the ti, I was pregnant.
My parents made abort that baby born from rape.
The second one was carried by Bleue and died with her without a na.
The third one was Ogre’s offspring... I rember eating it to kill it inside of .
I hated it beyond words.
Who knows, maybe the fourth ti will be the charm... One way or another.
My mother carried three new lives inside of her.
My sisters.
She was happy afterward like I wish I was.
Who knows what opportunity will appear next to .
If the main road is at its end, there’s still a world ahead and out there.
I’m not dead yet anyway.
And losing my fertility certainly doesn’t change anything about my current life and journey. It’s just a bittersweet surprise along my way. One that involves blood, but no sword.
It’s about life, and mostly death in my records; but it’s probably not a sealed fate.
My mother was still smiling as she aged.
Losing her husband did more harm than reaching that ti of her life when she couldn’t have children anymore.
My fertile ti started younger than the average, and in the end is ending younger than average as well, as far as I know. I still have about half my life expectancy ahead of . It’s a little odd.
~
I’m passionate about the theory of Evolution, adaptation and transformation...
Lamarck and Grant’s ideas of evolution, I was educated on their work. Along with Wallace and Darwin later on.
Their work was the core of my natural philosophy studies as a child. I grew with it more than faith. My family wasn’t very pious, but tis were changing.
Still, regarding evolution, it bugs that humans evolved to lose fertility dozens of years before the end of their lifespan.
It’s probably not unique in the branch of mammals, but it still is counter-intuitive. My father told it was probably about education. My mother that when we had evolved like that, our lifespan was matching it. How much ti is given by individuals to educate their offspring.
I don’t know what nature or God had in mind.
Now that it happened to , I’m thinking about it again. I still don’t know.
Another thing bugging about evolution, is how much knowledge about our own body we don’t have innate. We instinctively know the bare minimum to survive. Our intellect hasn’t evolved much on that part. I would have expected so knowledge from our culture to be assimilated in our natural instincts over the centuries, but it doesn’t seem to work that way either.
I want to catch-up with the modern tis discoveries on Evolution.
There’s so much I feel I don’t know or feel curious about.
And I’m sure the scientists of the centuries that followed my old ti found most of that knowledge.
I’m losing my nstruation it would seem. That makes desire to find a library on my way ahead, so I could learn more about evolution science and better understand why it happens.
All I can do is laugh about it.
My womb can wither. I’ll go on blooming flowers regardless. I still have many years ahead to live on hopefully.
And if there’s one thing I know about life and family, it’s that blood does not matter.
Like honour or innocence, bloodline purity is aningless. Its true importance is what one wants it to be. Like faith.
We love people with different blood. And we can adopt orphans into our families as if they were from our own bloodline.
Adoption is a process more miraculous than reproduction.
It’s also a counter-intuitive process that goes against Evolution in my opinion.
But this one makes far more sense to , in many ways.
Because I’ve seen bad blood rot in other families, but mostly because I was adopted in mine, I can tell how much the value of blood is what you make of it.
For , for us, like faith, blood mattered less than family.
Blood and love are not as related as one would intuitively think.
I live as a proof of that, in many ways. And I’m quite proud of it.
I’m forever thankful to my parents, greatly.
Because even though my mother didn’t carry inside her womb, even though I don’t carry my father’s blood in my heart, the two of them gave life regardless. And love!
More than others could dream of, even through bloodline.
I’m alive thanks to them.
I had dreams, hopes and happiness thanks to them.
They might have not created the baby I once was through blood and sex, but they gave life to the child and woman I beca.
Or we could say, they saved my life.
It doesn’t really matter.
They were my parents.
So because of all that, because my travel is unchanged...
Because it makes want to learn more, rather than feel odd about it.
Because it isn’t the end of my life.
Because I could find another way to create a life I would call my child.
And because adopting a life would an at least as much as bearing one to , for all that, losing my fertile blood doesn’t matter to .
Tomorrow the sun will rise again; and I’ll bloom so flowers.
The last reason matters to above all others.
Adoption is creating your family with more love and philanthropy than Evolution could ever care to give.
To , it’s a greater creation and gift of life than reproduction itself.
~
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