(Rose)
I see a great smile in my dream. A sadistic smile with a piercing gaze above it. A gaze that freezes the blood in my veins and scares to the point that I wake up in a cold sweat.
That nightmare again... The face of a strange devil is haunting . Blu is comforting , used to my bad dreams. I cannot count anymore the number of tis when she comforted and reassured after I woke up in cold sweat or tears.
Her vines are shaped like thick velvet ribbons now. They’re soft and slide around my skin easily. It feels remotely as if she was holding in between her arms. I always hear her voice directly inside my head however, never close to .
I wipe a teat while a ribbon holds my hand softly. I bring it to my face without thinking to feel the soft silk or velvet onto my cheeks.
I’m not feeling cold under my blanket in that tent, but I miss so more comfort at tis. A presence that wouldn’t be half buried within my own body, shared body.
I’ve put my lips on the ribbon to enjoy the softness a little. She lets do as I please.
I can move those appendices at will too but I rarely do. It’s her share.
She tells that she loves . I reply that I’d like a cuddle.
She ponders about it for a few seconds. I feel my body moving on its own shortly after.
I’m lying down on my belly and she’s caressing my back gently. It’s not as warm as a hug, but as I close my eyes, it feels as if soone was very softly massaging .
I try to imagine soone, a human shape, taking loving care of . Blu has no face I can put on this shape unfortunately. I enjoy feeling what is acting as her hands gently massaging my back, slowly tenderly.
Since I can’t picture her face, the face of the one I love and whom is caring for , I rember yours instead. The face of the one I loved most before her isn’t a bad choice. I feel more at ease thinking it’s a little bit of you taking care of and being kind to dearly.
Even though we never were that close.
I can enjoy with her what I could never have with you, a love that is more romantic. With so gentle pleasant touches.
As she massages my shoulders and my arms, I fall into a soft lull. I’m feeling good.
We rarely do things like that. You know I’m not fond of touching or naked skin. It’s a rare desire to be touched a little. I’m glad she’s there to relieve lovingly. Respectfully.
She massages my muscles and joints in a way I cannot describe. Because as I surrender my body with trust, she can work on them not only from outside like every massage, but also from within too. She makes every muscle fibre stretch and tune properly. It tickles everywhere and feels as if she massages deep, all my flesh is, from skin to bones.
This feels blissful after a point, when all my body has been caressed that way.
I’m lying there on my back now, perfectly straight, taking a nap it would seem. I’m enjoying the soft vanishing of the thrills. It’s a blissful lull she offered as a cuddle. I mumble an inaudible thanks. She chuckles at it I think and kisses on a cheek.
Well, that’s how it felt to at least. My eyes are closed so I dream of her human shape pulling back from what felt like it. Your face smiling. She loves ; She loves so much.
My feelings are complex but hers sure aren’t. I could be shocked or repulsed by many things, my love can tremble, move and change upon mood or day ti for any reason. Hers is... Just her.
I love you, she said. That’s about the end of it. It’s a frighteningly absolute love she has for . Beings like her process emotions differently and can easily turn obsessive, while our reason and body easily balance our feelings.
Nothing cos to balance her feelings toward . It’s a part of her identity as a sentient being, it cannot be undone.
I’m dood to enjoy an absolute love for ever. Woe is . I chuckle. Another thing I find myself unsure about what I should do with, is this complete love she has for .
It’s truly a miracle or a wish granted to , and I feel like I’m wasting it slowly, being indecisive. I’m taking her for granted now. I may be right, but that’s not very kind from .
I’m not really kind to her.
I do say I love her, but my words are far from carrying the sa weight as hers. They probably carried more weight when I said them to you.
It’s not right. I’m not being fair to her and to her love.
I do love her, but I’m being oddly prude. I’ve been a beast at grim tis. I don’t like discussing about it even though she would like it. She would love everything from and I’m being egoistical.
I was disgusted by sex despite the pleasure it brought to , when it happened last ti. I don’t want to rember what happened to in my previous experiences regarding sex.
But I’m an to her, keeping my past as pretences not to step toward her. But sex is a tough subject for .
But I should reconsider the arbitrary barriers I’ve put up against this widely undefined area, I should for her.
I owe it to her, to reconsider how I act, and what ans my love for her.
She deserves it. She’s put up with a lot for , and teases more than she complains...
I don’t feel good enough for her, but I act as if she’s not good enough for .
Yet I can’t begin to say how much I’m lucky to be the subject of her sincere love. I’m so lucky to have her. So, so lucky. She’s a gift beyond dreams or reason.
I should be more grateful.
It took ti, but I’ll softly begin opening to her my heart a little deeper, a little more sincerely.
I will be kinder to her.
Because I can’t lie, I do love her. I love Blu.
~
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