Rose Blumen ~ Exogignesthai 175. The worst of night, 7

(Blu)

Rose’s remains are burning quietly in the field. Her skull is...

It’s over.

Ogre is walking away slowly.

The shreds of ribbons and roses are decaying already. She’s dead.

Night fell over us. All is gone, but I’m still there.

I’ve lost all connections to reality again.

I can’t see through her eyes anymore, nor feel through her skin. I’ve returned to my primal state once more.

Which ans nothing more but a few thoughts in the void below reality.

Only this ti, I know I won’t be able to regrow around her body. I won’t wake up next to her this ti around...

I’m lost. I’ve lost my thread to the world and to the one I love there. I’m not sure I can find her again. I don’t even know how ti passes outside when I’m in this state.

Hopefully, maybe our plan to safeguard her life worked.

If it was triggered correctly, her body has begun growing again sowhere. It should work.

As for , I must hang on, and return to reality anyway I can... I hopefully followed the sa trigger and will wake up where her new body does...

I hope so, but nothing can currently assure that it did work.

I need to have faith in myself and in that other god that is helping us return. I need to believe in ourselves that we did it right.

That one day, no matter in how long, Rose will rise again, with by her side...

I want to cry because I’m afraid. I’m so weak again. I have not much confidence that I can deliver what I promised, while I myself am such in a pitiful state...

Rose... I will bring you back to life. One day or another. Even if centuries must go by again... I will.

I’m so sad without you. I love you so much.

~

I’ll co for you. No matter what happened to you.

We’re obsessive beings.

Even though I don’t exist in reality currently, as long as I am, there is nothing stopping from slowly pursuing my goals.

Ogre is a slightly different kind from I... But now she has her full consciousness and body alive in reality. She probably won’t notice my remnants on the other side.

We cannot truly die fully, because we never really were alive to begin with. We’re sothing else, trying to emigrate into reality. But when it fails, we return to our howorld, our primal ocean. It’s not another world per se, nor the realm of the dead really. It’s just a soscopic state where all is simply void and energies we can hardly grasp or interact with.

My mory remained this ti. I saved a larger part of myself in good structure.

This ans I should be able to return more rapidly. I haven’t fallen back in the abyss below reality as far as before.

Needless to say, all I can think about is you. I’m obsessed with you. I will crawl back to you. I am...

Trying to connect. Trying to grow, to grasp more, to grab and reach particles with my invisible hands.

I’m trying to return and regrow as hard as I can. No matter how. No matter the cost.

I will attach myself to an atom as soon as I can. Then I’ll grow and structure the matter around it, and begin reconstructing a working body. I’ll use everything I can find to return.

Then I’ll find you, no matter what you beca. Our plans must have saved enough of your persona to bring you back. I will bring you back.

You’re mine... I’m yours.

No matter what. I want to live so more with you. So I will survive. I will return in ti. Then with the steps we’ve taken for a new life here and there, I will bring you back. Even if I must turn you into one of us in the process.

~

That might have been a solution right from the start. Copy yourself fully inside my own being. Make you a part of deep down, rather than the other way around. That way it would be easier to reappear together.

But I know you... You want to remain human. Even more, you want to reach that ideal of humanity you cherish... You can’t cast away your dream like that. A kind of dream I share, we all share.

The copy I kept of you was like a seed, hidden in the void. As we got killed, it should have flown away to the place where your body can regrow.

But I can’t follow it. I don’t know if it worked. It was a bet.

You would never accept to turn into one of us. Neither physically if I can say so, to survive like I do. Nor morally, especially not morally, to live like Ogre does...

I always knew it was a terrible idea to declare a war against her. I couldn’t stop you.

She’s like . She will always survive. Even if it takes her centuries, each ti we would kill her mortal body, she will return more dire and vengeful each ti.

She’s our fate and a reflection of ourselves. We can’t overco her...

Did you enjoy killing? The feeling of power over another...

Did you have murderous feelings toward your old beloved one?

I believe you did. I too saw these feelings in your head. But unlike Ogre, I saw what ca next to them, overcoming these feelings. Guilt, reason, and most of all for her sincere love. Kindness and affection. Humans can have mixed emotions and shades. It’s hard for us to comprehend that complexity.

Your humanity is also that ability not to remain on the first impulses you can have. To think, to put things in wider perspectives, instead of focusing on the tiniest points of grief and emotion you first feel.

More simply said, your ability to behave, to choose how you want to be, and what you prefer to feel and beco on second thoughts. That separates you from us.

While we mostly act on primal instincts and desires, you’re able to shape and chose how your mind will behave. That’s hard for us. That’s what we envy. You can deny your impulses, to achieve sothing greater.

Humans may often feel oppressed by their humanity. You sure did. But at the sa ti, your life was more bitter and sweet that way. Well. It’s complicated and there often are exceptions to what the right choice should have been.

For you, casting away your ideal of the woman you want to be, would have been the wrong choice.

You certainly live better with that ideal in your heart and mind. Even if you had to shut it down at the worst tis of your life. It’s hard to remain idealistic when you need to fight for your own survival.

You’re human. You’re not your ideal. Though it defines you too, you can have your flaws in that plan and objective.

What about mine?

You’ve made incredibly happy.

But as a human, I’m obviously more flawed than you are...

My ideal is still unclear, undecided, though my goal was never hidden at least.

You.

I want you.

And I want more, with you, longer.

One day when you’re really old, I’ll let you die for good.

But until then, until we find and enjoy our long bliss together, I will not. I will never.

I will not allow you to remain dead until we have enough happiness for a real lifeti.

My future afterward is not yet planned. I might simply die fully, it’s not impossible in theory.

But until then, I will survive, and you will live. No matter what...

I’m a monster deep down, I can’t deny that. And I won’t let you go.

Ah.

At last, I grasped sothing from outside.

I’ll focus on that. I have a hook in reality now.

I’ll regain consciousness up there in the real world in no ti.

Wait for Rose...

~