“If I call you by your na, will that satisfy you?” I asked the girl. It was easy to do it, of course. But I couldn’t quite put into words why I was holding it in.
Do I want to see her reaction? Or am I hoping for her to fully let go of ? What exactly do I want to happen with this girl before ?
Haa... The hesitation was probably an unconscious reaction from . Because at this point, I wasn’t certain whether this would open up a path for the girl to return to my arms. And in turn, add another girl to my complex web of relationships.
Before Nagisa could answer, I felt an elbow hitting my side, “Idiot. What else do you expect? She said she missed it.”
Hearing Satsuki speak up for her, Nagisa couldn’t help but look at the girl. I don’t know what’s going on in her head but she eventually nodded at Satsuki before staring at with a determined gaze.
“Ruki, you told to move on and live my life free from my grasp. I did. These past few months, I focused only on my studies. Every ti I thought of you, I would open a book and busy myself with it. However, I...” Her words trailed there as she bit her lips, “I couldn’t see myself being involved with another guy. Not because I’m waiting for you to look for again. I simply can’t find myself looking at another guy who’s far from you. There is no one like you.”
No one like ? This girl... was she looking for a bastard who’d steal her away again? It couldn’t be that, right?
Nagisa’s words seed to stop ti as her voice lingered in the narrow hallway like smoke that refused to dissipate. Her eyes that carried the sa quiet intensity I rembered whenever I would call for her never left my face. It was as though she was afraid I’d vanish again if she blinked.
Satsuki exhaled through her nose. She let go of my arm but she lingered close.
“You’re telling him there’s no one else like him,” She started, “but the ‘him’ you’re talking about doesn’t exist anymore.”
Nagisa flinched. A tiny twitch at the corner of her mouth, but it was there. It was like a confirmation for her, but despite anticipating it, she couldn’t help but react upon hearing it.
Satsuki continued anyway, rciless in that calm, matter-of-fact way she could pull off when she was protecting what was hers.
“The guy who called you by na while treating you like a convenience? The one who made sure you never forgot you were soone he stole to fulfill his desire? That version of Ruki stopped existing a few months ago. A few weeks into this school year. What’s standing here now is soone who experienced a realization. He starts giving a damn whether the girls around him are happy or slowly breaking. So if you’re still hung up on the ghost of that other guy...” She tilted her head slightly. “You’re chasing smoke.”
Nagisa’s shoulders curved inward. The illusion of her composure cracked another inch.
She stared at again before nodding, “I know he changed. I can see it. The way he looks at you. The way he didn’t imdiately shut down. The way he’s... hesitating right now instead of ordering to leave...”
“However, knowing it and accepting it are different things. And I want to hear it from him myself.”
She took one small step closer. Carefully. Like she was approaching sothing fragile and explosive at the sa ti.
“I won’t be asking him to take back,” She continued. “I won’t even ask him to love . I just... want to stop feeling like I imagined the entire year. Like every ti you said my na, it was aningless. If you can look in the eye and call my na again without it sounding like an order, then maybe I can finally close the book instead of rereading the sa painful Chapter every night.”
Silence stretched again.
Satsuki reached for my side again. Then her hand slid to my back, giving a pat as though she was giving permission. Or maybe a reminder that whatever ca next, she wasn’t going anywhere.
Looking at Nagisa, I could see her eyes and body shudder, perhaps at the thought that I would still not call her.
But I guess this was enough. If she broke down here, I had no idea what I might do. My plans with Satsuki might even be pushed back.
It was about ti to stop being stubborn. It was way past the ti to play and tease.
I exhaled through my nose and took a step forward.
Nagisa stopped and stiffened slightly but as I closed our distance, her eyes focused entirely on , part-afraid and part-hopeful.
“Nagisa.” I said at the sa ti as I reached for her hand. But before I could grasp it, the girl jumped into my arms.
After burying her face in my chest, she looked up with her eyes shimring in joy.
“You idiot... See, it’s that easy. Why have you been so stubborn?” The girl complained between sobs as the corner of her eyes started to water.
“What Satsuki said is true. Sothing happened a few months ago. I tried to walk away from everyone involved with and start anew in my conquest of stealing won. It backfired on .”
“Backfired? What? Did you get caught or sothing?” She rubbed her face on my chest again, wiping those tears away.
“Nope. How can I get caught when I am ticulous with my traps? It’s just... I got a reality check.”
“A reality check? I see. It’s a long story, correct? And are you willing to tell about it?”
“Mhm. If you’re willing to listen. But first of all... I ought to apologize. I was cruel to you. Worse than cruel. I treated you like a thing I could pick up and put down whenever the mood struck. And when I let you go, I didn’t even give you the courtesy of a real goodbye. Just an order to be free, like freedom was sothing I had the right to grant.”
My voice stayed steady even though the mories I had with her when I was treating her coldly tasted bitter in my mouth.
“Ssh. Save it. I’m willing to hear you out. I’m willing to hear your apology. I’m willing to hear everything I missed for the past months.”
Upon saying that, the girl’s hold on tightened as if she were making use of this opportunity to make rember the warmth and shape of her body.
“Girl. Won’t you at least be angry at ?”
“Why would I? You didn’t exactly hurt . I was the one who clung to the thought of you. Even that day when I showed up at your door...”
Her voice trailed off there as she seed to reminisce about that day. How she rang our doorbell. How she acted cold to get to let her in. Or how she gave that gift as an apology for saying she didn’t know .
“You don’t have to forgive , you know?” I said, “You don’t even have to like the person I am now. But if hearing your na from without any strings attached helps you finally put that Chapter down... then I’ll say it as many tis as you need.”
I paused and stared at her for a few seconds before repeating it, “Nagisa.”
The girl scoffed, pouted and then bashed her forehead on my chest again before whispering, “You stubborn idiot. Are you not listening to ? Is it not clear to you yet that I’ve never resented you?”
Satsuki used this ti to interject, “He’s definitely an idiot. And he’s the kind of idiot who will shoulder everything just to not burden us.
Hearing that, Nagisa raised her head and glanced at Satsuki. Sothing like wry respect flickered across her face.
“You’re right. He’s that kind of idiot. You’re lucky, Maemura. You’ve t him and changed him to beco like this.”
“I know. I’m lucky. No, we are lucky.” Satsuki answered simply. It was not gloating but a simple fact.
“We? Wait...” As though she wasn’t expecting that, Nagisa’s eyes alternated between us. “I thought he had changed. Why ‘we’?”
“Ah. Ask that pervert idiot later. But for now... Can I have him back? I still have to warm up for the ga and I need his encouragent.”
Nagisa stared at her, dumbfounded at first before blushing as she realized what Satsuki ant by it. Then, she gave a shaky nod and released from her embrace.
“I’ll be watching the second half from the stands. I won’t cheer for you, of course. But... fulfill your promise.” A ghost of her old teasing smile appeared. “Also. Don’t get distracted thinking about , Ruki.”
With that, the girl turned before either of us could reply.
Her steps were steadier than they had any right to be. It’s like she hadn’t just experienced an emotional rollercoaster.
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