If you want more to read, consider joining my Patreon! Or check out my other original works:
Stray Cat Strut (A cyberpunk system apocalypse!) - Ongoing
Fluff (A superheroic LitRPG about cute girls doing cute things!) - Ongoing
Love Crafted (Interactive story about an eldritch abomination tentacle-ing things!) - Completed!
Drear's Ten-Tea-Cle Café (An insane Crossover about cute people and tentacles) - Hiatus
Cinnamon Bun (A wholeso LitRPG!) - Ongoing
The Agartha Loop (A Magical-Girl drama!) - Volu Two Complete!
Lever Action (A fantasy western with cha!) - Volu One Complete!
Heart of Dorkness (A wholeso progression fantasy) - Completed!
Dead Tired (A cody about a Lich in a Wuxia world doing Science!) - Ongoing
Sporemageddon (A fantasy story about a mushroom lover exploding the industrial revolution!) - Ongoing
Past the Redline (A girl goes too fast, then she does it again) - Completed!
Magical Girl Crystal Genocide (Magical Girls accidentally the planet, and then try to fix it) - Completed!
Magical Girl Rending Nightmare (A sequel to Crystal Genocide! Cute girls in a soviet dystopia having a picnic on the roadside) - Volu Two Completed!
Noblebright (A shipcore AI works to avenge humanity) - Completed!
The Complicated Love Life of Ivil Antagonist (The Empress of Mars finds love) - Completed!
Pokebun (Broccoli Bunch in the world of Pokemon) - Hiatus
Queen Violence (An Assassin Reborn as a Kitten) - Completed!
No Strings Attached (An Elden Ring/Bloodborne inspired progression fantasy) - Ongoing
Save Scumming (A ti-looping system apocalypse) - Ongoing
Chapter Eighty - Punched in the Dick!
"Join NICE today and get the following benefits on day one:
- 500,000Cr sign-on bonus
- 600,000Cr Student loan repaynt
- Heavily discounted privacy and identity protection Augs and cyberware
Beco part of the force bringing peace and security to your neighborhoods!"
-NICE recruitnt post, 2037
***
I stared blankly at the third first to start. It wasn't even eleven yet. The people here were the early ones. And yet, despite that, this was the third group to start shit.
"Oh my god, they're all morons," I muttered.
I'd been kind of hoping that Kevin and Kneeboy in the basent were the most egregious case of stupid I'd have to deal with today, but it was becoming increasingly obvious that I was very wrong.
As it turned out, people in gangs, even when in limited numbers, tended to be the kind of people that ca with grudges and fewer fucks to give than the average civilian.
What was the term for it again... right, civic sense. This specific brand of stupid had a higher likelihood of lacking in civic sense. I saw a few spitting on the carpet, and so of the gangs already in line looked like they stank.
It wasn't all of them. Maybe one crew in five looked a bit iffy, and one in ten looked like I wouldn't want to have them in the sa district as , but the other eight-tenths were... maybe not fine, but at least passable.
Guys and gals in leather and with cool neon tags, or matching cyberware, or even matching tats was fine. A few of the gangs here had a more corpo look. Suits and ties and loafers or whatever, and so looked like they had proper blue collar day jobs and that was their uniform.
I supposed that since unions counted as gangs for all intents and purposes, at least in New Montreal, that a few of them would be represented here.
I shook my head and pushed through the line, just in ti to arrive as one woman swung her fist around and bashed a man in the crotch.
He went down with a choked-off squeal and his buddies squared up for a fight.
"Alright," I said, hand straying onto the grip of my Trenchmaker. "First one of you who moves now is leaving this place in a bodybag."
I didn't even have to shout. The punch-happy lady looked at , eyed up and down like I was a piece of at on a hangar, then seed to decide that this wasn't a fight she'd win.
"He started it," she said.
"And then you punched him in the balls?" I asked. "Look, I don't care. You're not here to argue, or to see who can smack who around. I'm the final arbiter of smack-arounds here, and I'm telling you to calm your tits." Thɪs chapter is updated by Nov3lFɪre.ɴet
She crossed her arms. "The Nut Punchers don't take kindly to insults."
I stared at her, sothing tickling the back of my head. "Wait... the Nut Punchers?" I asked.
"Yes," she said. Her eyes narrowed. "Why? Heard of us?"
"No, but maybe," I replied. "Co on, follow ."
"What about our place in line?"
"You lost it when you punched that guy in the dick," I said.
My new buddy and her friends didn't seem happy about that, but what were they gonna do? Punch in my non-existent nuts? I pulled them to the side, then gestured for them to stand in one place so that I could look them over.
There were five of them. Three n, two won, all of varying heights, all looking like New Montreal natives, more or less. "Okay. So, first of all, who are you lot?" I asked.
"I'm Zoe," the woman I pegged as the leader of this bunch said. She crossed her arms and looked down her nose at . "This is Pete, Brian, Rachel and Joshua. We're the Nut Punchers." A few of them waved. They were all in similar-ish getups. Layered clothes, sleeveless vests and undershirts with long trench-coats atop it. A few were wearing shades even though we were indoors.
"And you punch nuts," I continued.
"It's pretty self-explanatory."
"That feels like it's not quite enough to build a gang off of," I said. "But hey, you do you?"
"We do more than just that," Zoe said. "Sotis we do cosplay."
"I... huh? No, actually, don't explain," I said, raising a hand to forestall any explanation. "Do you happen to know a pair of morons called Kevin and Kneebreaker?"
It was just a hunch, or a vaguely recalled mory, but hadn't Myalis ntioned sothing to do with Nut Punchers in relation to those two?
Zoe frowned, then turned to one of the others behind her for a quick conference. She ca back with a nod. "Yeah, we know them. They were part of the Ball Busters."
"Of course they were," I said. "And the Ball Busters weren't a friendly gang, I take it?"
"We offered them to join up, but we had fundantal differences that couldn't be reconciled."
"With regards to striking testes?" I asked.
"No, that's another gang."
What the fuck was in the water in New Montreal?
"Myalis, can you please tell what's going on here?" I asked.
I suppose I can take pity on you, if you ask nicely.
"Oh, co on, you bitch," I said. Then I waved dismissively to Zoe and her friends. "Not you, the voice in my head."
Oh, fine. From what I can tell the Nut Punchers are actually innocent with regards to the actions of the forr Ball Busters. Whether or not they are innocent of other things is up to debate.
I nodded along, then turned to Zoe and company. "Okay, fine. You're clear to go. But no punching nuts, not while you're here."
"That's kind of our entire thing," she said.
"You can live without doing it for an afternoon, can't you?"
They looked a little upset at that, but it was less... angry gangster upset, and more the kind of upset I was used to seeing in the kittens when I told them that they couldn't have candy for lunch (because I was gonna have candy for lunch).
I sent them back to the rear of the line, which had fortunately not yet grown insanely long. Still, it was growing, and it was going to be more and more of a pain in the ass to watch over it.
Which is when I noticed soone, or rather soones, moving into the front lobby where we were funnelling in the gangsters to pick up their badges and drop off weapons. I blinked to make sure I was seeing things correctly.
Princess was there. Behind her, with her arms awkwardly folded back, was her sister, Knight, and about three tres behind Knight, were two of Lucy's Kittens.
Knight and the Kittens were holding onto a chair.
I walked over, and when Princess saw , her entire face lit up. "Cat! Stray Cat, I an, hi!"
"Hey," I said. Yeah, I had asked her to co around here and watch over things, right? I vaguely recalled that. It had been a couple of days ago.
"I'm here to work!" Princess said.
"I see. What's with the chair?"
"It's a throne!" she replied, all excited. "Where should I put it?"
I wasn't sure what to say, so I kind of gestured off to one side. She skipped over, and Knight followed. I barely caught the woman's sigh as she passed.
Princess found a spot more or less in the centre-back of the lobby, so that people coming would have to go to her right or left, and then she muttered sothing. A few seconds later, there was a loud thump as a dais appeared on the ground. It was a slab of marbled stone, maybe two tres wide by one and a half deep, with a solid forty centitres of height.
"On here!" she said to her sister.
Knight and the Kittens climbed up onto the dais and settled the chair down.
The... no, that was a throne, not a chair. The throne had a plush, cushioned seat and back, with gold armrests and that sort of tufted back. The backrest was three tres tall and crowned at the top by an actual crown. There were jewels encrusted into the golden fra larger than my thumbjoint, and at a glance, I was pretty sure they weren't just glass beads.
"I was gonna go for sothing pink and glittery, but this looks way more mature," Princess said. She was proud of herself.
Then she hopped over to the throne, arranged her skirts, and flumped onto it.
She looked ridiculous, like a little girl playing princess. Which I supposed fit the entire image pretty well, actually.
"It's very cool," I said.
It was very kitsch.
"Thank you!" Princess said. "Oh, right." She reached in between the cushions and pulled out a tablet that had been wedged in there. "I have this to keep track of people. And Knight to give them the bonk if they misbehave."
I looked to Knight.
She touched the poml of the sword at her hip. "Bonk," she said.
Right... maybe this would work out.
***
A note from RavensDagger
Three pieces of news!
First!
It's the last day for Hope//Punk!
The TTRPG has done way better than I expected it to! almost $30 Canadian dollars raised for what is essentially a free product is... actually really cool. Like, legit, thanks to anyone that joined in on the Kickstarter, I appreciate it
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