Stray Cat Strut Chapter One - Heart-Warming

Chapter One - Heart-Warming

I shifted.

Sothing poked at my back, just a bit above my ribs. Had Lucy snuck into my bed again? I loved the girl, but sotis she was all elbows and knees and a real pain to sleep beside.

Turning a little, I found myself rolling onto my stumpy side, only to run into a bit of a problem.

I had an arm.

Or rather, a second arm.

So of the sleep-addled grogginess faded a little and I turned back onto my back and blinked up at an entirely unfamiliar ceiling. There wasnt any cracked drywall above . Instead, I could see a ceiling with recessed LEDs through the gauzy curtains of a four-poster bed.

There was no way in fuck that I was back at the orphanage.

What tis it? I mumbled as I started to look around. I was still dressed. At least, I had pants on, and a jacket which left my stomach bare. My uncovered feet felt just shy of chilly.

Its six forty in the morning. Your daily allotnt of points has co in. Your total is sitting at eight thousand, two hundred eighty-three points.

I started a little at the voice that... had co from sowhere in my head. mories ca back. The museum, the sky tearing open and aliens raining down around us. Getting impaled and becoming a Samurai... Myalis guiding and trolling . The kittens flying off to safety. A few interminable and stressful hours spent trying to save people.

Crap, I said as I sat up on the edge of the bed. Id made a ss of the topmost blankets. My invisibility jacket was covered in alien blood and non-alien blood and a lot of dust and crap. A miracle Lucy even let into the room with it on.

Another mory returned.

Did I sleep through sex? I asked with mounting horror.

You didnt make it far enough to make your statent even remotely true.

Fuck .

That is, in fact, what didnt happen.

I groaned as I got up. Whisper, my stealth crossbow, rested against the wall next to the door. None of the kittens had grabbed it, at least. I still had my back-mounted guns and tail on, and a hand cannon tucked under my new cybernetic arm.

Im a ss, I said.

Id offer you so sort of self-cleaning system, but the washrooms in this place are... adequate.

I took off my jacket and flung it onto a sofa off to one side. Soone would need to clean the sofa, soone not . Yeah, I said. Lets see if we can get so food first. And check on the kittens.

The penthouse we had was divided up into little rooms. Lucy dumped in the big suite the night before, but from the open doors I crossed on the way to the kitchen area, the other suites seed pretty damned luxurious too. The wide open lobby area, sofas and a wrap-around television off to one side, took up a space longer than a bus.

Everything done in marble and wood, with a pinch of gilding here and there. I would have called it ostentatious, but sohow it wasnt. Obviously, theyd hired so decorators to make the place look like an old-money palace.

Nose and Little Tim were knocked out on the couch, the TV playing so Samurai cartoon on mute.

I elected not to bother them as I moved around an island bigger than my room back at the orphanage and yanked open the door to the fridge behind it. The damned thing was stocked. I grabbed so cereals of the colourful sort in one of the cupboards and an expensive glass bottle of genuine cow milk in the door.

I poured myself a bowl of LongbOs for ironys sake, then watched as all the little rings started to glow on contact with the milk. Neat, I said.

This food provides literally negative nutrition.

I munched through a mouthful of sugary goodness. Tastes great though, I said. We could never afford the cool sort of junk food back ho. I set the box on its side and watched the scrolling ads for cool toys pass along under a grinning image of a familiar Samurai.

The bastard had been airbrushed, I just knew it.

Cat?

I looked up to see Bargain standing next to the island. He was a bit short, only his head poking out from above.

Hey, I said.

He looked at , shrewd little eyes taking in. What would you give not to wake everyone up? he asked.

So things never changed. I smiled big and wide at him, and pulled my Trench Maker from under my arm and let the heavy handgun clunk onto the top of the island. This gun can be loaded with any kind of bullet, I said. Samurai magic shit, you know? How much do you wanna bet there are so specifically made to deal with annoying little shits?

Thats a good deal, he said before running off.

I think were going to have a weapons safety lesson in the near future.

The safetys on, I muttered before returning to my cereal. I had the envious problem of running out of glowing rings before running out of milk, which ant I was obligated to refill the bowl.

The next ones to show up were the Twins, and while I was pretty cool with Alpha and Oga, the two of them took one look at before squealing. Cats awake!

Before I could eat any more of my cereal, they were joined by bleary-eyed kittens spawned from all over. Spark and Tim ca over, then Nemo and Nose and Bargain who still seed a bit cowed. It was too bad the others werent.

I listened to their babbled questions for all of a minute before I started feeling a stress headache coming on. Would you all shut up?! I shouted.

That worked about as well as it usually, did, which was not at all.

Kittens, be quiet, a soft voice asked from behind the lot of them.

They clamped up like mouse traps going off.

How about everyone pull up a chair and we can get so breakfast? Lucy said as she pushed Tim towards one of the seats around the island. It was a little awkward, what with her still holding onto her crutches under one arm.

Youre going to cook? I asked.

Hell no. They have room service here, she said. I bet its better than those.

These, I said while raising my spoon. Are great.

She scrunched her nose at .

I actually t Longbow, you know, I said with a gesture of my spoon towards the boxart. Hes... kinda insane. Nice though.

Showing off? she asked.

I grinned back at her. Just you wait, I said with just a bit of a purr in my voice.

She smiled right back. I waited plenty last night, but soone decided to fall asleep.

Much to my annoyance, a few of the kittens caught on and laughed at my reddening cheeks. Oh, shut up you lot, I had a long day.

Is that your excuse now? Junior asked as she ca around and took a seat just a ways to my side. She slid the box of cereal over, then huffed and got up to fetch a bowl. You still owe a knife, she said as she fished for a spoon.

Might as well, I sighed. Lucy, you wanna order that breakfast? Also, wheres Dumbass?

Sure, Lucy said as she clacked her way over to an old-school phone on a pedestal nearby.

Nemo ran off, returning a minute later with one of my little drones clutched between both hands. It was Dumbass the First, sans gun mounting.

I had the drones disarm when the children started playing with them.

How responsible, I said before clearing my throat. Alright, you little shits. This is Dumbass. Its got so fancy dical scanner doodad in it. You let it scan you, then Myalis, my wonderful brain worm AI buddy, will tell how to cure the stupid out of you lot.

If that were possible, wouldnt you think Id have tried to talk you into curing yourself a long ti ago?'

I saw Lucy pausing by the phone, and a few of the kittens were looking at the drone with wide, hopeful eyes.

Th-thank you, Bargain said.

Oh, shut up, I said. You know Im just doing it to impress Lucy. Lucy snorted before picking up the phone.

Junior barked a laugh next to . Youre a shit liar, she said. And dont think that curing so incurable sickness will let you off the hook.

I rolled my eyes while Dumbass got to work. For... fine. Myalis, we got any sort of knife available?

You do. In your Sun Watcher Technologies catalogue. The cheapest is a survivalist knife with an extendable monofilant blade. It will cost you five points.

Perfect, I said.

A cheap plastic box appeared on the table before and I slid it over to Junior. Her eyes lit up as she tore the package open and pulled out a foot-long knife.

Monofilant blade, I said. Dont kill yourself.

Aweso, she said, then her smile froze and she turned the knife around. Wait, whys it got a cat on the handle?

I blinked and leaned over. There was, in fact, a feline on the handle. But it wasnt a cat, it was a kitten. I think its the button to retract the blade, I said.

Whys it shaped like a cat?

A kitten, I said. Just like you!

She glared, which ward my heart.

Alright! Ti to pull a Jesus.

***