Surviving A Novel I Don't Remember: A Tutor's Guide To Staying Alive Chapter 119: A man who doesn’t know how to love

"Lucien, do you... Love ?"

As soon as those words slipped out of his mouth, Julian pursed his lips and rolled his eyes away, almost regretting it imdiately.

Maybe he shouldn’t have asked it. Maybe he should’ve kept it to himself and lived with the way things were.

Maybe he shouldn’t have been... greedy.

The Duke opened his mouth to speak, but sothing caught his voice, and he couldn’t speak.

He hesitated, as if saying the one thing he was so sure of would ruin what they had right now.

Julian’s heart was racing as he thought of all the possibilities. The Duke was being influenced by the system, he believed. The affection level raised was beyond normal, and that was why the Duke was... that was why the Duke was so good to him, he believed.

The Duke brought up his hand and brushed Julian’s jaw before gently nudging his face a bit so Julian would once again bring his gaze to face him.

"Are you afraid of my answer?" Alaric asked, but Julian did not respond. "You already know I care about you, and I see you as so much... so much more. You understand, right?"

But Julian still did not respond. He looked the Duke in the eye and felt his eyes grow teary.

He blad himself. Blad himself for making the Duke feel what he was feeling now... blad himself for creating those false feelings and enjoying the favor that ca with them.

"Is it wrong that I feel scared?" Julian finally asked, his voice coming out soft, trembling, and unsure. "If you tell your feelings in words, I will understand them. But then..." he shook his head gently. "What if I cannot reciprocate those feelings? What if... I do not know how to love?"

His hand trembled, but he clenched it into a fist to stop the trembling.

The Duke, slightly taken aback by this response, turned his head away.

A man who doesn’t know how to love...

The Duke suddenly let out a low, satisfied sound.

"Did... did you just laugh?" Julian asked, looking at him in disbelief.

"Not quite," the Duke responded. "But... I do not see why you are scared."

Julian was short of words.

"You... what will you do if I don’t return your feelings as they co?"

"No, it’s not that," Alaric said. "What I an is, you do not have to be scared. It is strange that you say you do not know how to love another when you have shown nothing but love to my son."

"That..." Julian turned his face away, his face flushing. "You know that is not what I ant."

"But it is love, regardless." The Duke said. "Love is love. And though there are different ways to love a man and a child, it all follows the sa concept." He poked Julian’s heart and claid. "It is the intense feeling of attraction blooming in your heart. Whether the attraction is pure or one that is filled with unspoken desires, it is love."

For a mont, silence fell on them. A quiet agonizing silence.

Julian never thought the day the Duke would lecture him would co. And of all topics, it had to be one of love.

The Duke had been in love before, so he definitely knew what love ant. And what it ant to lose the one he loved.

Julian slowly lowered his head and looked at the Duke’s finger poking at his chest. He felt his heart thrumming. He felt it trying to speak, and of course, he knew what it was saying.

That attraction bloom the Duke was talking about, of course, it was there whether he liked it or not.

Then, did this an he loved the Duke as well?

And the Duke... was he not being confused by the system? If he recognized what he was feeling right now as love, the sa as what he felt before with his wife, then there was no mistake... right?

His heart was thumping again, wishing this was real... all of it.

"Julian," the Duke called after leaving him to think for a while. "... If you are so sure you do not know how to love another, then..." he brought his hand to Julian’s and interlocked their fingers. "Will you let teach you? I can help you understand," he moved his lips to Julian’s neck again. "What it ans to love soone."

Julian swallowed hard, feeling that at the rate his heart was increasing, he might as well have a cardiac arrest.

But the cardiac arrest wasn’t coming. What was coming, however, was the next intimate action from the Duke.

His lips from Julian’s neck to the corner of his mouth, teasing, testing, before finally claiming a taste of the man who claid he did not know how to love.

Julian clenched his eyes tightly shut. He tried to recall the last kiss they had to make the process go smoothly, but he was just so nervous.

His head was doing so many unnecessary calculations that he found it a nuisance.

And then he turned his face away, coughing.

He had held his breath unconsciously.

"Breathe, Julian," the Duke whispered.

"Lucien," Julian called after catching his breath for a mont, still panting. "You... did not give an answer."

Alaric paused for a second and realized he had done it in a roundabout manner, and Julian probably wanted to hear it straight.

"Julian Von Astrea," he called. "Do you want to entrust your future to ?"

Julian’s body imdiately tensed up.

That was not what he was expecting to hear.

"Your Grace? Lucien?" He gripped the Duke’s hand, the one that was still interlocked with his. "What did you... say?"

"I asked if you want to entrust your future to ?"

"No, no, what does that even an?" He felt a lump in his throat that no matter how much he swallowed, it wouldn’t go down.

There was also a nagging feeling in the back of his head, thrumming but not aching.

The Duke smiled.

"What do you think happens when a man confesses his feelings to the one they adore?" Alaric asked. "What cos next?"

"Surely, you do not an..." A proposal? His breath hitched, and he shook his head. "Lucien, please do not go so far just yet. I just... want to confirm your feelings first. Knowing how you feel about should be enough, please."

He was already struggling with the pressure that ca with receiving the Duke’s affection and favor, and then he was planning to add the pressure of a proposal on top of it.

There was no way he could handle that.

The Duke, though planning to be stubborn and persistent, saw how Julian had gone rigid just thinking of the idea, and then closed his eyes, the corner of his lips lifting only half an inch.

He guessed he had rushed it too much, which scared him.

Well, no matter. He would try again so other ti. And that ti, he would set the stage just right so he wouldn’t frighten Julian.

"Julian Von Astrea," The Duke called, and Julian flinched, fearing the Duke was going to repeat it, but instead, he crashed his lips against his, kissing Julian with so much passion and making sure he did not hold his breath this ti around.

He sucked on Julian’s lower lip, nibbled on them a little bit, and then laughed.

"I love you." He said, and Julian felt an electric bolt flow through his bones, goosebumps rising all over his body at the Duke’s confession.

He already guessed it, but hearing it directly from his mouth was a different story.

"I love you," the Duke repeated. "I love you so much to the point I cannot stop yearning for you."