Two days later, the Pokédex app underwent a massive overhaul, forcing Lorze to pause his non-stop orgies to pay attention.
The Snowhide Corporation's update was loud as fuck—it was essentially a formal declaration of war against every other Pokédex competitor on the market.
They had bought out influencers, flooded every social dia platform with trending hashtags, and even plastered physical posters across every subway station in the city.
The official promo video featured a high-profile announcent of a "Mysterious Genius Researcher" joining their ranks, the one responsible for cracking the codes of dozens of previously unverifiable Pokémon Abilities.
The video ended on a tantalizing note: two black silhouettes of Eevee evolutions with massive question marks stamped over them, hinting that the world was about to see sothing entirely new.
No wonder Auntie Xue had called him with that seductive, bedroom voice—she knew she couldn't win this corporate slaughter without his brain.
The internet, predictably, lost its collective shit.
People might not care about "science" or "Ability updates," but Eevee was the ultimate crowd-pleaser; it was the most beloved Pokémon on the planet.
The hype it generated was astronomical, rivaling even the male population's terminal obsession with Gardevoir.
The best part about Eevee was its cross-generational appeal—everyone from toddlers to horny teenagers to grandparents loved the little fox.
Even if you weren't a competitive battler, having one as a pet was a status symbol of pure "taste."
Now that Snowhide was teasing not one, but two new evolutions, the theories were flying wildly; fans were convinced Eevee would eventually have an evolution for all 17 types.
Everyone was dying to know if Snowhide had actually cracked the code, what types they were, and—most importantly—how to get them.
Driven by this feverish curiosity, millions of people downloaded the app, only to find the interface was clean, sleek, and infinitely more professional than Penguin Corp's bloated, ad-ridden "Pocket Guide."
Zero ads? That was an instant 10/10 in the eyes of the users.
The only question now was: when is the drop? We need the update! Now!
As the download numbers skyrocketed, Snowhide's competitors began to sweat, but Lorze was actually starting to feel a bit of anxiety.
The Umbreon and Espeon evolutions hadn't actually happened in reality yet. Was it really wise for Auntie Xue to start the fire this early?
He knew they existed, but he wasn't 100% sure Earth's current environntal paraters would support the transformation.
If the "release day" ca and the Eevees failed to evolve, the public backlash would be a nuclear disaster.
Auntie Xue, you've got so serious balls to gamble like this.
Lorze checked the family group chat. Everyone was online, so he decided to poke the CEO for so answers.
Lorze: "Auntie Xue, are we really going public with the Eevee news this early?"
Mother Xue: "Yes. After thinking it over, I decided to go all-in. It's better to capitalize on the montum now than to pay for a second marketing campaign later."
Lorze: "But... isn't it too soon? I suspect Little Xue's Eevee won't hit the Friendship requirent for another few months. If we bait the users and then fail to deliver for half a year, it's going to look bad."
Mother Xue: "That's a reasonable concern, but you haven't heard about Xue Tong, have you?"
Lorze: "What about Goddess Xue Tong? I haven't seen her in months."
Mother Xue: "The second you ntioned Espeon might be a Psychic-type, Xue Tong adopted an Eevee. It turns out that specific Eevee has a rare innate talent: Hidden Power [Psychic]."
Lorze: "Holy shit. [Stunned]"
Mother Xue: "Exactly. And don't forget, Xue Tong is a powerful human psychic. She has a natural affinity with the type. Between her aura, a Soothe Bell, and a steady diet of Hondew Berries, her Eevee's Friendship is growing at light speed. It'll be ready for your 'Sun Bath' thod any day now."
Lorze: "Damn... I actually feel bad for Little Xue now. Weren't you trying to surpass your sister with Umbreon? Now she's about to beat you to the finish line again. [Smirk]"
Little Xue: "..."
Little Xue: "Shut the fuck up! It's perfectly normal for my sister to be better than ! [Rage]"
Xue Tong: "Don't worry, Little Xue. I'm sure you'll catch up soon. I'm currently at Auntie Elena's lab using the new detection equipnt to track the energy spikes."
Elena: "The equipnt is still a bit buggy. We have to monitor the Eevee 24/7 to catch the exact mont the 'Emotional Energy' hits that 220-point mark Lorze ntioned."
Lorze: "So... you guys are basically just sunbathing all day?"
Anna Lee: "You have a lot of nerve saying that! [Fuming]"
Anna Lee was indeed stuck in a glass-roofed solarium with her mother and Xue Tong. Since nobody knew exactly when the evolution would trigger, they had to keep the Eevee under constant, focused solar radiation.
They had even set up parabolic mirrors to focus more sunlight on the fox.
Eevee is a Pokémon, so it can handle it. If it were a human, they'd be a well-done steak by now.
Lorze: "Alright, I'll let you ladies get back to your tan. I won't disturb the process~."
Mother Xue: "One more thing, Lorze. Your official account on the platform has been renad to 'Researcher Lorze.' People are already swarming the forums with questions, and rival companies have definitely hired shills to talk shit. When you have ti, go answer so questions. Just keep your private identity a secret."
Lorze: "Understood."
Mother Xue: "I've prepared so corporate PR scripts for you. You probably won't need them with your wit, but they're there if you get stuck."
Lorze didn't mind. He was honestly starting to get a bit bored and "rusty."
For three months, he had been living in a constant blur of tits, pussy, and sweat. Do you have any idea how exhausting a perpetual orgy is?
If he hadn't mastered "True Qi" to buff his physical endurance and keep his waist from snapping, he'd probably be a withered husk by now.
It was ti to flex his brain in the comnt sections.
He knew Penguin Corp all too well. Their corporate philosophy was: "Money creates happiness; if you're broke, go fuck yourself!"
They were far more interested in burying a competitor's breakthrough than actually inventing anything themselves.
The second they saw Snowhide's traffic explosion, they'd send a small army of trolls to claim the data was fake.
Claiming my research is fake? That's basically calling a liar.
Fine. Let's see if your paid trolls have any actual 'constructive' argunts!
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