The Alpha Who Regrets Losing Me Chapter 84 – Before Her Own Truth

The old version of herself standing before Elara looked like a reflection at first, but she was too real. Her hair was ssier, there was a fear in her eyes that had not yet fully broken, and her posture carried all the hesitation today’s Elara thought she had forgotten. This old Elara was the version from before the darkness of the temple, before the tal walls of the facility, before the cold words of the prophecy. She was still human enough to wait for soone to save her. Still wounded enough to believe that being loved and being chosen were the sa thing.

When Elara looked at her, the first thing she felt was not pain. That disturbed her more. Because the person standing across from her was not a stranger from the past. It was her own voice. Her own face. Her own fear. But there was still an invisible distance between them. As if one had changed to survive, while the other had been left behind to ask the price of that change.

Old Elara took one step forward. "Why did you leave ?" she asked.

Elara did not answer. Because the question had co sharper than she expected. There was no accusation in the tone of the voice. It had been asked with the voice of soone who truly wanted to know. Elara wanted to defend herself. There was the facility. There was Adrian. There were chains. There was the Moon Spirit. There was the World Governnt. But before all those answers could reach her mouth, they beca insufficient. Because old Elara seed to already know all of them.

"To survive," Elara finally said.

Old Elara’s eyes filled, and her gaze sank deeper. "Surviving and disappearing are not the sa thing."

That sentence touched a very old place inside Elara’s chest. A place that had not spoken in a long ti, that had hidden itself, perhaps even withdrawn because it was ashad. The mont Elara felt it, she expected the Moon Spirit to stir. But this ti the Moon Spirit was very silent. Because this room was not its domain. This was the place where Elara was left alone with herself.

Old Elara tilted her head slightly to the side. "Kael still wants to see you as your old self." Then she took another step closer. "Rowan thinks he can stand beside your new self." Her gaze fixed on Elara’s eyes. "So what do you want?"

Elara’s lips parted slightly, but no answer ca. This question did not feel like a romantic choice. It ca from sowhere deeper, dirtier, and more dangerous. Because wanting no longer ant only being close to soone. It also ant changing the people around her, breaking them, transforming them, pulling them into her own darkness.

Old Elara spoke as if she knew this. "Do you want them to love you?" A brief silence followed. "Or do you want them to stand beside you and change?"

This ti the coldness inside Elara cracked for a brief mont. Because the question had not struck her heart, but the new shell she had built around it. She rembered the way Kael looked at her. That fire that wanted to possess, feared losing, and sotis confused protecting her with binding her to himself. She rembered Rowan’s touch. That darker loyalty, quieter, more controlled, but therefore slipping deeper inside. Neither of them was innocent. Neither was she.

"I did not want to change anyone," Elara said.

Old Elara looked at her with a calm that was not cruel. "But they are changing."

That answer narrowed the air inside the room. Brief images opened before Elara’s eyes. Kael standing in front of her, but now fighting not only by giving orders, but by learning to hold back. Rowan wanting to control everything, yet offering Elara the right to choose. Both of them moving away from their old selves around Elara. Perhaps the prophecy had forced them, but Elara was the center too. Denying that was no longer possible.

At the sa ti, sowhere else in the house, Kael opened his eyes and found himself in the old training ground of the Blackthorn border. It was too clear to be real. Wet earth, thick tree trunks, stones of the old fighting circle, and the heavy scent of the pack in the air. Elara stood before him. But this was not the Elara of now. There was no tallic orange ring in her eyes. No trace of a seal on her wrist. Her voice was more fragile, her gaze more human. And the mont Kael saw her, sothing inside him breathed with a wild relief.

"Elara," he said.

Old Elara looked at him. "Will you take back?"

That question broke through all the defenses inside Kael in a single move. Because that was exactly what he wanted to hear. A version of her he could protect again, hold again, bring back into his own world again. A possibility where Elara needed him, where that old, complicated warmth toward him still remained in her eyes. This was not real. He knew that. But knowing did not stop the wanting.

Kael moved closer to her. "Where?"

Elara’s old self lowered her head. "To the place before everything."

Kael’s breathing grew heavier. Before everything. Before the World Governnt. Before the Moon Spirit. Before Rowan. Before the prophecy. To the ti when Elara did not stop him with such cold clarity. To the ti when she had not told him, "You were late." To the ti when Kael had not been forced to separate love from possession.

Old Elara reached her hand toward him. "Make yours again. Let’s build the family destined for us."

Kael’s entire body tensed at that sentence. The sentence should have been wrong. Old Elara would not have said it like that. Or maybe the darkest part of Kael wanted her to say it. He lifted his hand, but stopped before touching her. Because the border’s lesson had been built not only to show him the truth, but to make him get caught by himself. This Elara looked fragile. Beautiful. Reachable.

"No," Kael said.

Shock appeared on old Elara’s face. "No? Are you rejecting again?"

Kael’s voice tightened. "It would be easier for to want you like this." He took one step back. "But it would not be real."

Saying that sentence was harder than grabbing an enemy by the throat. Because the alpha inside him, the old wound inside him, the fear of loss inside him all rose against him at once. Take her back. Hide her. Leave her to no one. But this ti Kael did not move. For the first ti, he used his fire not to push forward, but to hold it inside himself.

Old Elara’s image began to distort. The fear in her eyes was replaced for a brief mont by today’s Elara’s cold gaze. "Then how will you approach her?" she asked.

Kael clenched his teeth. "I won’t approach." His voice ca out low. "I will stay beside her."

This answer seed to crack the training ground.

Elsewhere, when Rowan opened his eyes, he found himself in the old study of the border house. There were books on the walls, blue seal stones on the desk, and rain outside the window. This room was exactly the sa as the room he had known as a child. Too exactly the sa. Lucien was not seated at the desk. Elara was there instead.

But this was not old Elara. This was the Elara of now. There was a tallic orange ring in her eyes. There was no fragility in her posture. It was as if she did not belong to the room, and had made the room belong to herself. For a mont, Rowan could not understand whether this was his own truth or the most dangerous lie the border had created.

Elara looked at him. "Everything here was taught as decision," she said.

Rowan did not answer.

Elara turned the blue stone on the desk between her fingers. "But before you make a decision, you always think of soone. Lucien. The pack. The right thing. The path where no one gets hurt." Her gaze worked its way into Rowan. "Do you think of like that too?"

Rowan’s voice ca out low. "I am trying to protect you."

A barely visible expression ford on Elara’s lips. "Protection is sotis the gentler form of a chain."

That sentence stopped Rowan where he stood. Because he would have expected it from Lucien. From the border. But hearing it in Elara’s voice struck from sowhere entirely different. He thought he could stay beside her without touching her. But even staying beside soone could sotis turn into directing them, into a kind of control. It was not easy to see how deeply one interfered while believing oneself to be good.

Elara stood and approached him. As the distance between them decreased, Rowan did not step back. But this ti, not stepping back did not feel like courage. It felt like a mont in which the border was asuring him. Elara’s fingers ca to the exact center of his chest, over his heart. The touch was light. But Rowan felt it not only on his skin, but in his thoughts.

"Do you want to save ," Elara said, "or do you want to be the one chosen by ?"

Rowan did not close his eyes. This was the truth. A blade left in his quietest place. Because the two were not completely separate. He wanted to protect her. Yes. But there were also monts when he wanted her gaze to turn to him, not to soone else. Kael’s fire was open and bare. Rowan’s desire was deeper, better hidden. That did not make him more innocent.

"Both," Rowan said.

The room fell silent.

Elara’s gaze did not change. "Then which one rules your decisions?"

This ti Rowan remained silent for a long ti. In Lucien’s house, silence was his old defense. But this ti silence was not enough. Because the border no longer accepted silence as an answer. Rowan breathed in. "From now on, I will not trust either of them," he said. "I will ask you."

Elara’s fingers did not leave his chest. "And if you do not like the answer?"

Rowan’s voice ca out clearer. "I will accept the answer anyway."

With that answer, the blue stones in the room went out one by one. Elara’s image looked at him one last ti. "Then you have begun to learn the price of staying beside soone."

The room around Rowan dissolved.

Elara was still facing her old self. Ti moved more slowly here. Old Elara had co closer to her. There were only a few steps between them now. "You are afraid of them," old Elara said. "But you are more afraid of them leaving."

Elara’s posture did not retreat. "That may be true."

Old Elara had not expected that answer. Because Elara had not denied it. That was the most frightening thing about the new Elara. She was no longer ashad of certain truths. She carried them, placed them where they belonged, and kept walking.

"And ?" old Elara asked. "Are you afraid of ?"

Elara looked at the face before her. At the fear, the good intention, the old warmth, the fragility. "Yes," she said. "Because because of you, I might want to go back."

For the first ti, pain appeared in old Elara’s eyes. "Is that a bad thing?"

Elara’s answer did not co imdiately. Because it was not bad. Not exactly. Old Elara was not only weakness. She was rcy. Sha. The desire to be loved. Being able to be shaken when she made a mistake. Feeling not only strategy, but warmth when she touched soone. Elara did not want to lose all of these. But she also knew that if she returned to them, she would not survive.

"No," she said at last. "But alone, it is not enough."

Old Elara looked at her. "Then are you going to kill ?"

That question fell into the coldest place in the room.

Elara slowly shook her head. "No."

"Then what will you do?"

Elara walked toward her. This ti, her old self stepped back. Elara did not stop. When the distance between them closed, she lifted her hand and placed it over old Elara’s heart. No orange light burst where she touched. No power rose. The Moon Spirit did not speak. Only a very old, very human warmth flowed from beneath Elara’s palm back into her own chest.

"I will take you with ," Elara said. "But you will not make the decisions."

Old Elara looked as if she might cry, but she did not. "What about them?"

Elara answered without closing her eyes. "They will make their own decisions too."

Old Elara’s image began to dissolve slowly. As she scattered, her fear did not disappear completely. But it mixed with sothing else. Like acceptance. Or perhaps the silence of understanding that Elara would no longer go back.

The hall returned all at once.

Elara found herself standing in the middle of the border house. The orange line beneath her feet was still burning. A few steps away, Kael had one knee on the ground, his hand braced against the floor. His breathing was hard. Rowan stood on the blue line, but the silence on his face was different from before. More open. More bare.

Kael was the first to speak. "What did you see?"

Elara looked at him, then turned to Rowan. There was a different kind of shock in both of their eyes. The fire inside Kael looked as if it had not burned through sothing, but had learned to hold sothing. Rowan’s silence was no longer hiding. They were in the sa room. But they were not the sa n they had been before the border.

Elara did not answer. "What did you see?"

Kael stood. His gaze stayed on Elara a few seconds too long. "You," he said. Then his voice darkened a little more. "But not the way I wanted."

Rowan spoke without taking his eyes off Kael. "I saw you too." Then he looked at Elara. "But I heard myself more clearly."

Both answers were incomplete. Both were hiding too much. But Elara could now feel hidden things better than before. Inside Kael, there was hunger for old Elara. Inside Rowan, there was the desire to be chosen. Neither of them had said it fully. But the border had.

At that mont, the blue stone glowed again.

Lucien’s voice moved through the house. "The first truth is complete."

Kael turned his head toward the stone. "If you make us your toys any longer, I’ll shove that stone down your throat."

Lucien’s voice remained calm. "Interesting. The border taught you to hold back, but your tongue is still the sa."

This ti Rowan spoke. "Enough, Lucien."

"Brother," Lucien said, "we have not even begun."

Elara took one step toward the table. "What is the next test?"

There was a brief silence. As if Lucien was truly weighing her carefully for the first ti. Then the answer ca.

"Bond."

With that word, the three lines in the center of the hall glowed again. Orange, dark red, and blue light did not touch each other. But the air between them trembled. Kael’s gaze turned to Elara. Rowan’s breath changed very slightly. Elara, anwhile, felt both the warmth of old Elara and the cold waiting of the Moon Spirit inside her chest at the sa ti.

Lucien’s voice ca lower.

"In the next lesson, we will see not who wants whom, but who dares to change whom."

And this ti Elara understood. The border lesson was not over. The truly dangerous part was only beginning.