Yan Xixi suddenly found the night of the full moon particularly unbearable.
The scent of gardenias, the fragrance of roses, and various cloyingly sweet scents floated in the wind.
Sitting on the terrace, she could see the bright, clear moon—truly, the location and environnt of this house were top-notch.
Only, the loneliness seems to grow by the day.
Her phone never rang; her ssages went unanswered. Scruffy Guy hadn’t blocked her, but he was always offline in her friends list.
Gradually, I began to think that he had disappeared completely and would never return.
"Scruffy Guy, could you help put on a disc..."
"Scruffy Guy, I want waterlon, and it must be chilled..."
"Quick, pour a glass of water... I’m dying of thirst..."
"I’m stuck on this problem again, take a look for ... Can’t you take it seriously? If I don’t ask you, who should I ask?"
...
Since when had these inner demons started tornting ?
She shuddered, finding it incredible. To think I myself had once been so "coy and silly"...
Actually, I could do all those things myself. It’s just that over ti, I had beco accustod to being pampered. You act without restraint only because you know you are loved. And was it because of this that Wan Donglin grew tired of ? That he couldn’t bear it anymore and left without a word?
An imnse sorrow welled up in her heart.
Scruffy Guy, you don’t know how I got through those past years. When I was broke, I worried about money all day long. I resorted to swindling and deception, living an unsettled, nomadic life. Often, I’d lie in bed at night, so worried about where the next day’s als would co from that I couldn’t sleep... Later, even when I had money, I was still afraid. Afraid of when he would abandon . Afraid of when Zhou Ting would co to cause trouble. Afraid the deal would fall through and I’d be kicked out before I could even make a living... Even with a large sum of money hidden away, I was afraid. What if he thought he’d been shortchanged and ca after , throwing acid, beating ? What would I do then? Being with Huang Xiaojue, I was even more afraid. Every day, Huang Xiaojue’s mother would find fault with this or that. I was afraid! I was no longer pure and chaste; I was afraid! Would Huang Xiaojue gradually be swayed by his mother? I was afraid of that too! There wasn’t a single day I wasn’t afraid.
And there was no one to confide in—utterly alone in the world, who would have the patience to listen to my sorrows? Until that month in the hotel, until so much doting love ca my way. Finally, I wasn’t afraid anymore. Finally, I broke free from the shackles. Finally, I was exultant and pleased with myself. But, can’t I be a little brazen? Can’t I act cute and play dumb? If, even in front of the person I love most, I always have to be constantly on edge, overly cautious, and maintain my ’tough woman’ image... is that still love? Scruffy Guy, you don’t know—you’re not just my lover; you’re my only family, my kin.
"Yan Xixi, rember, you can’t rely on others for a lifeti."
She felt incredibly mournful. Actually, I never wanted to rely on anyone for a lifeti—I wouldn’t dare—but can’t I just occasionally depend on soone for a little while? Can’t I occasionally be vulnerable and act cute for a bit? Can’t I even relive those wonderful monts of being cherished and doted upon??
She sat on the terrace all night.
The ground was already icy cold, but it couldn’t compare to the coldness in my heart.
The sun rose. It was a new day.
She didn’t go to sleep. Instead, she went to the kitchen to make breakfast, drank milk, and ate until she was full.
Then, she opened her oral English practice materials. As long as I’m alive for a day, I must strive for that day. Even if my spoken English never achieves a refined Oxford accent, at least it shouldn’t be so clumsy.
Fairy tales say that a princess sleeping on thirteen mattresses could still feel the discomfort from a tiny pea beneath because she had always been delicately nurtured. It was like Liu Daqing’s warning: "It’s just that your parents aren’t Old Man Zhou or Liu Daqing, are they?" If you don’t have the fate of a princess, don’t get ’princess sickness.’ Actually, they had been warning all along.
She vowed that in this lifeti, she would never again rely on anyone, nor would she ever again reveal the slightest hint of weakness or coquetry to anyone.
Because I simply don’t have that privilege.
User Comments
0 comments from readers