"She kept things hidden, not truly intending to teach us. Fortunately, perhaps I should be grateful, among the six of us brothers, aside from Haoming and Yue Ning, who have no feeling for things like music, chess, calligraphy, and painting, the rest of us learned quite well, you could say we have so talent."
"But back then, I was only thinking about recognizing words. Being illiterate is not good. If I could read, when I grew up, I could secure a good job. As for the others, it was with the thought that having many skills would not burden ."
"Shujun was restless since childhood; he’s the type who can’t sit still. I forced him to learn. If there was anything he didn’t understand, he should ask. Of course, she was unwilling to tell us. In her heart, if it weren’t for ensuring food and survival for herself, she wouldn’t want to see us at all."
"And every ti, through coercion and inducent, whether insidious or despicable, those years seed to pass in constant battles of wits and courage, just to learn more, understand more, to have a footing in the world."
"So, we aren’t mother and children, we’re enemies."
"But feelings between people are always mutual. She never invested an ounce of emotion in us, so how are we supposed to reciprocate? It’s not that we never thought of being good to her, but what did we get in return for our initiative?"
"Take Shu Yu, for example. When he was young, his health was poor. Do you know how foolish it was? That woman even thought of poisoning him because too much Silver was spent on his treatnt. That woman wanted to buy ink and paper but was dissatisfied because the Silver had already been spent on Shu Yu’s dicine. This was her motive, her reason; she considered Shu Yu a burden."
"Shu Yu knew perfectly well that the woman was selfish and vile, knew she was no good, yet he still harbored so expectations, thinking if he was smart enough, if he diligently learned those things, he might one day receive a word or two of praise from her."
"Yixuan had a similar mindset."
"But the persistent expectations and extravagant hopes were worn away during those years of cold indifference by her."
"Feelings receive no response. Yixuan experienced the sa. He forced himself not to care, forced himself not to be too emotional, because many years ago, a seed had already been planted in his heart."
"That seed ca from her, making him understand that any expectation or delusion is unrealistic. No matter how hard one tries, no matter how much one strives to pursue, it all ends up futile."
"Caring too much about a person or a thing, in the end, only leaves oneself hurt."
"Ha..."
Zhi Chen took a deep breath and, after finishing these words, he fell silent.
He quietly held her, quietly cald his own emotions. What he didn’t know was that while he was recounting these things, Lao Si, Liang Haoming, who had been silently sharpening a knife in the corner, had actually called the brothers out.
Shu Yu, Shujun, Yixuan, even Yue Ning, who had already gone to bed, were also dug out of bed by Lao Si. These few gathered in one place, quietly listening, and the expressions on their faces were full of complexity.
Shu Yu seed to be mocking, Shujun was full of gloom, Haoming was as expressionless as ever, Yue Ning was in a daze, while Yixuan appeared bewildered, each was dragged into the harms of the distant past, one word after another by their eldest brother.
And those harms, enough to affect their entire lives, all ca from their own mother, Liang Yuru.
After a good while, Zhi Chen slowly whispered.
"I had a dream, in the dream, Yixuan was severed limb from limb, eyes gouged out, tongue cut, and sent to in a jar."
"It was her doing."
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