We drifted through the skies in silence, as dusk slowly gathered on the horizon. Though he held in his arms, I was alone, trapped in a cycle of smothering thoughts. Love...? I couldn’t...I didn’t...Love?
My chest tightened with every breath, until it even breathing felt impossible to breathe, and tremors wracked my body. My tail curled even tighter around Luke’s arm, until it ached, but no matter how I held him, or how strong his grip on was, nothing quelled the feeling of helpless, that I was falling. That was the only way to describe it, the only sensation anywhere near what filled my heart.
The touch of the wind changed, and I opened my eyes a crack, my breath coming in short, shallow gasps. We were over the city again, the lights rapidly rushing toward us. Duskwood was already beginning its celebration, magical sparks and fireworks blooming across the city in defiance of yesterday’s darkness. The center of it all was Sunsinger Estate, with its gardens arrayed in ribbons and lit by colorful light crystals. Thousands thronged its grounds, there to greet the king and his allies. To greet us.
My stomach twisted as I spotted Korra and Gayron. She looked up and waved at us, and Luke altered course, landing beside her. The mont my feet touched the ground, I stumbled back, shivering as the cool evening air ushered Luke’s lingering warmth away.
"Xiviyah?" Korra asked, brow creasing. "Is everything alright? You’re shaking."
I pushed her away, barely hearing her, though the darkness clinging to my mind. "I’m...I need a mont."
"Luke, what happened?" she asked, turning to him as I unsteadily backed away. "Did you say sothing? Go to her!"
Their voices faded into an unintelligible hum as I turned and fled, still struggling to catch my breath. I ended up alone, sohow, in so shadowed corner of the garden, away from the lights, and sounds, and...Luke.
Tears filled my eyes as I collapsed against the garden wall, hugging my knees to my chest, the crystal lantern tinkling softly as it knocked against the stone. I forced my eyes shut, rocking back and forth, but there was no peace in the darkness.
A soft gasp escaped as I felt a gentle touch on my shoulder. I flinched, my head snapping up. But it was just Sari, her brow furrowed in concern. Fable walked around her, pushing worriedly with his nose. I forced a smile, putting my hand on his head. He should have sensed I wanted to be alone right now. Why would he bring her here?
"You’re crying?" Sari asked, sitting in front of . She took my hand, holding it in hers. I stared at them, dully wondering why they were the sa size as my own.
"I’m fine," I whispered, my voice catching.
Sari’s ears drooped as she leaned forward, peering at even as I lowered my head. "You don’t seem fine."
"You can see it?" I asked, though I already knew the answer.
"You seem...scared. Just like when we first t. Do you rember? You wouldn’t even look at Ror and ."
I couldn’t help but a weak, watery laugh. "Things were so simple back then. To think I was so frightened of you two."
Her smile faded as she moved to sit next to , leaning back against the cold stone wall.
"Xiviyah...what are you so scared of now? It can’t be you t another pair of unruly children, can it?"
"I..." I started, but words failed . I looked away, my gaze on the distant, flickering lights of the celebration. "You wouldn’t understand. It’s..plicated."
"Because I’m young?"
"No, that’s not it at all," I said, quickly shaking my head. "It’s about Luke. And ."
"Luke? You love him, don’t you? What’s complicated about that?"
The breathe left my body as surely as if she’d punched in the stomach.
"L-Love?" I stamred, my tail curling tightly.
She nodded. "Just like Sorrin and Tanna. The way they looked at each other...you’re the sa."
The last of my composure shattered. I slumped against the wall, choking on a sob. "It’s not...I can’t...Sari, I just can’t."
She tilted her head. "But I thought...wait, you don’t want to love soone? I thought it was wonderful."
I shook my head. "No! Not that I don’t want to, but... I can’t love soone." I took a shaky breath, my tail finally going limp. "Sari...I’m not like Tanna and Sorrin. What they had...love...It’s not sothing for people like...like..."
"Like us?" she asked softly.
Tears stread down my cheeks as I stared at my lap, unable to et her gaze.
"Is that what you think of ? Of yourself?" she asked, a tremor shaking her words.
"Do you rember that day you saved ?" she whispered, her hand curling in a fist against her chest. She looked at , eyes shining with unshed tears. "You let hold your tail while you recovered. There was Elinore and Korra."
I shook my head, sniffling gently. I didn’t. Whether gone by ti or the damage my mind suffered on the southern continent, I couldn’t recall what she spoke of.
"It was after your battle with the Justice Hero, back when he was still bad. He...he killed your friend. You really don’t rember?"
My breath caught, stifling a sob. "Orion? He...he died protecting . I was arrogant, we shouldn’t have...it was my fault."
"That’s not what Elinore told . She said he died for you, not because of you. He wanted to protect you."
I nodded, the mories slowly trickling back. I had thought that then, but after all this ti...I was foolish back then. I took too many risks, exposed myself too much.
"When you woke up after the battle, you told you wanted to avenge him. And , and...everyone."
"I...I’ve never wanted revenge," I protested, wiping a tear away. "I don’t rember that at all!"
"No, you did. I’m certain of it," she said firmly. "But it wasn’t by killing them. You even forgave Victor, rember? You said you would avenge them by continuing to smile and making more friends. And you said you were going to keep learning how to love."
"Learn...to love?" I whispered, my tail stilling its twitch.
She nodded emphatically. "You did. Does that still an anything to you? It makes sad, Starlight. You gave hope when I was lost and showed how to be free again. But then..."
She lifted her hand, staring at it, before raising it toward . She hesitated as I flinched, biting her lip, before laying it between my breasts. Her fingertips burned hot on my skin, tracing invisible lines once carved across my chest.
"Why did you close the door before following out? Why do you let them continue to hurt you?"
"He...He promised ," I whispered, squeezing my eyes shut. "He told he was my master forever, that the mont he placed his crest, I would never truly be free of him. I didn’t think he was, but now...? He was right, Sari. I couldn’t even hear the word love without panicking. I just couldn’t control it. He was right."
"So he said it, and you just believe him? The Circle...they’re all dead. Alverin is dead. Why do you still cling to their words? Why do you believe them more than this?" she asked, pressing her hand against my heart. "You told yourself that you’re not the sa girl who they enslaved, and I see it too. You’re so strong, and kind, and brave. Can’t you have the courage to love, too?"
"I...I don’t know. But I’ve co so far, haven’t I! I learned to smile, and make friends, and...it was all so hard," I stamred, startled out of tears by the ferocity of her words. Her tail lashed, and her eyes burned. I’d never seen Sari so angry before.
"Is that enough? Is that what you promised them?" she asked.
"Them?" My voice wavered.
"Orion, and...Aurle?"
I gasped, shivering anew. "Where...where did you hear that na?"
"Do you think that’s why she died? So you could co all this way only to give up? I think...I think she’d be sad, Starlight. I know because I would be."
"I never told you about her. I never shared any of this," I whimpered, covering my horns with my hands.
"I saw it, Starlight. I saw her. At the coronation, when your power ca to ." Her voice softened, but it stabbed just as deep. "I know, now, why you were so scared of Ror and . We reminded you of her. That’s why you’re always so concerned about . You’re worried you’ll fail again."
"Sari, please..."
"I hate it," she said, her voice trembling, biting her lip like the child I rembered. "I hate that you still believe that. That I have to be the one to tell you these things. That no one else knows. But why can’t you see it? Why can’t you trust your heart as you told to trust mine?" She pulled my hands away, her gaze full of pity, forcing to look at her. "I know what it’s like to live in darkness. You never had a heart crest, but did you need one? You’re still trapped, you still foster so darkness in your heart. I saw it all in a blink—the months you spent with her. That’s why I know what she would want to tell you."
She saw all of it? All? Everything Lord Byron did to ...did to Aurle? But Sari was...how could that be? What else had she seen, to speak so brazenly to ? How did she know every wound to stab, and every scar to prod?
"I’m sorry," I whimpered, though I didn’t know who I was apologizing to. Aurle, for letting her die, or Sari, for being forced to witness my helplessness.
"Starlight, your heart can’t be Liberated from any curse, but it can be free. Don’t you get it?" she pressed her forehead against mine. For the briefest mont, I heard her voice and slled her scent as Aurles. "Please, don’t let the Circle win. You wanted to learn to love, and now you can. You don’t have to be afraid of it anymore. That’s what she’d want to tell you, I think."
She pulled away and wiped my tears away with her thumb, a smile touching her lips. "I’m a little young to know what love is, but I want to. I want to find out, and I want you to, too."
My breath hitched as the dam broke, and I sobbed. I threw my arms around Sari, burying my face in her hair and crying.
"It might be a little late to say this, but I think I have to. You saved , Xiviyah, just like you promised you would," she said, the usage of my real na sending a tingle through my soul. "You don’t have to worry anymore."
I cried for what felt like hours, letting everything out. All the fear, worry, and helplessness that had tornted . Sari sat with through it all, until my sobs reduced to sniffles, dabbing my tears with her sleeve.
"Thank you," I whispered, my voice hoarse, as I finally pulled away. "I’m sorry."
Her ears twitched. "What for?"
"Everything. For dragging you and Ror into this, for making you carry my burdens and sins. Watching , seeing that vision...I can only imagine what you must think of now." I took a deep breath, looking down at my hands as I fought back another wave of tears.
She took my hands. "I think that you’ve been through a lot. I’m sorry if what I said hurt you, but...I think it would hurt more if I didn’t. I just want to help."
"You have, Sari. Your words...I’ve heard them all said before, and even thought them myself, but from you..."
"From ?"
"I think I finally understand," I said, taking a deep breath. I stood up, brushing the wrinkles from my dress. I smiled, blinking away the last of my tears. "Would you co with ?"
"Where to?" she asked, rising after .
"To Luke. There’s sothing I have to tell him."
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