The Genesis Saga Chapter 41

A woozy Reya woke up in her bed, the dication still in her system. It was a struggle to open her eyes and the effort left her drained. Or perhaps it was the previous night’s events. Giving up on her soul searching in favour of snoozing, Reya turned back over and tried to drift away back into oblivion.

The sounds coming from outside her door kept her awake, the remnants of the drugs coursing through her veins not enough to overco them. The others were up and about and had no qualms making noise. Groaning, Reya turned over and checked the ti. It was far later than she expected and was nearing lunch ti. The others would begin to get worried if she stayed asleep any longer.

One limb at a ti, Reya threw off her covers and got up. She trudged over to her closet and threw on a fresh pair of clothes, picking a long-sleeved chemise to cover up her scars. She stared at her bare arms before putting the clothing on, comparing the stark difference between Jyn and Adrian’s reactions to her body. Both had been honest, yet they had been so different. She debated leaving her bare arms on display for everybody to see but decided that that could wait until tomorrow. Today, she wanted to cover up.

A feeble attempt at brushing her hair left it sowhat presentable before she wandered out into the kitchen.

Rann and Jyn were quietly sitting at the table, neither one of them saying a word. Rann looked distinctly uncomfortable when Reya appeared, sensing the tension between her two friends as they locked gazes. Wordlessly, Reya ignored Jyn and prepared herself a light breakfast consisting of so fruit and a bagel. While she waited for the bread to warm in the toaster, she looked everywhere but in Jyn’s general direction.

Jyn seed happy to return the favour and staunchly refused to interact with Reya while she was in his presence. His data slate beca the most interesting thing in the world as his eyes remained glued to the screen. When Reya sat down at the table, he stood up and put his dishes away. He cast a furtive glance her way before leaving the house and going onto the ship.

Rann watched Reya eat, debating whether she should say anything. Looking around, the room was empty. Beor and Eimir were in the living room watching a movie and were suitably distracted. She took in Reya’s exhausted form as she sat slumped in her chair, mindlessly taking a bite of her bagel. “How are you doing today?” Rann broached, already knowing the answer.

Reya’s unfocused eyes snapped towards her, so semblance of attention returning to them. Swallowing, she said “I’ve been better. I’m pretty tired, though. I didn’t sleep very well last night.” She took another bite and sipped her water.

Rann bit her lip, hesitating. “Did anything happen that you want to talk about?” Reya’s eyes narrowed in suspicion as she focused on Rann. A cloud blocked out the sun, the light streaming in through the window darkening to match Reya’s worsening mood.

“Why?”

“I overheard you arguing with Jyn,” Rann admitted. “And I was wondering if you wanted to talk about it.” Reya choked on her food and grabbed her water glass, quickly drinking to dislodge the offending bite.

“Warn a girl first before you drop a bomb on her,” Reya coughed. “What were you doing listening to that? How much did you hear?”

“You weren’t exactly quiet, and you woke up. I only heard the tail end of it, where it got nasty. I don’t know what happened before that, however.”

Reya stared at Rann in disbelief. “I can’t believe you heard that,” she said, her face flushing as she thought about the ramifications. “You know, don’t you?” She looked around. “About my dication,” she clarified in a low voice, not wanting the others to hear,

Rann nodded. “Yes. Why didn’t you tell you were having trouble sleeping? It’s so obvious looking at you now that I can’t believe I didn’t notice sooner,” she said, chastising herself.

“Because I didn’t want anybody to know. That I was damaged,” Reya choked out, repeating Jyn’s words. “For the sa reason I hid my scars.”

Rann’s look softened as she got up and collected Reya into a much-needed hug. “You’re not damaged,” she said firmly. “Don’t let Jyn make you think otherwise.”

“But he’s right,” Reya said as tears stung at her eyes. “Look at my scars. Look at my inability to sleep. Look at my reliance on pills. Face it Rann, I am damaged.”

“What you are,” Rann intoned, making Reya look at her, “is sobody who’s healing. It’s ok to not be ok. How long have you had sleeping problems?”

“Since my ti in captivity. It started while I was sitting there in that room,” Reya painfully admitted.

Rann startled at her words. “That long?” she asked. “That ans you’ve been on sleeping pills since you got back? That’s been months.” Rann let go of Reya and pulled out the chair beside her. She sat down and trained her attention back on Reya.

“When I was recovering on the ship, Kell gave so pills to help rest properly. When I was in the hospital, the doctors also realized I couldn’t sleep and gave sothing stronger. I’ve been using those ever since.”

“Even last night?” Rann couldn’t help but ask.

“Even last night. But that was a mistake, Rann,” Reya said, her voice rising. “I’m out,” she said, distraught. “I don’t know how I’m going to be able to sleep now.” Her voice was laced with fear at her impending reality.

“I’ll ask the General if we can make a supply run to pick up so more for you,” Rann said, trying to calm down her stressed-out friend. She hadn’t realized the problem was so serious.

“Really?” Reya asked, the relief evident in her voice. “You’d make that trip just for so dication?”

“Of course I would,” Rann affird. “If this is what you need, I’d do it in a heartbeat.”

“Thank you so much.” Reya leaned over and gave Rann a hug. She looked around, wondering why the house was so empty. “Where is everybody?”

“Beor and Eimir are in the living room watching a movie. The rest, I don’t know.” Rann’s expression darkened. “Speaking of people, there’s sothing else you need to know. When I woke up last night, I ran into Adrian. I think he overheard your argunt too, but I’m not sure how much.”

Reya’s jaw dropped. “Is that why I haven’t seen him yet today? He’s normally hanging around at this ti. Is he avoiding ?”

“I don’t know, but he seed pretty upset about being one of the focal points of the argunt.”

“Oh, no.” Reya inhaled deeply. “That wasn’t his fault. Things have been weird with Jyn for a while now and that was a long ti coming, I think. If it wasn’t , it would’ve been sobody else. He needs to know that it wasn’t his fault.”

Rann looked away, thinking about Tassie. She hoped Reya didn’t realize how accurate that statent was. “Are you sure about that?” she said, making Reya pause and doubt herself. Rann noticed and hurriedly said “For all we know, Adrian could be off working with Tassie on their project. If we don’t hear from him later, we’ll go find him and sort this out.”

Reya hesitantly accepted Rann’s suggestion. Even though she had just eaten breakfast, it was soon lunch ti and for everybody else, that ant eating more food. Reya sluggishly helped prepare a hearty lunch for the group alongside Rann, hoping to see Adrian. It wasn’t ant to be, as both he and Jyn were absent from the al.

Picking at the light portion on her plate, Reya’s thoughts kept returning to Adrian. After inquiring from Tassie, she learned that they hadn’t been working on their project together that morning. That solidified in her mind that Adrian was avoiding her. She wondered how much he had heard, and if so, what he made of it. She contemplated whether he knew about her reliance on sleeping pills.

The group dispersed and she helped clean up, not having much else to do for the day. Normally she spent ti with Adrian after lunch when he wasn’t with Tassie, but as the hours passed, that seed increasingly unlikely. By mid-afternoon, she was worried. Conferring with Rann, who was beginning to get worried, they decided to go search for him. While Adrian could be inconspicuous at tis, he was never this difficult to find.

They started by asking the others if they had seen him. When all they got in reply were negative answers, Rann suggested that Reya search the house while she searched outside. The two split up and Reya checked around the first floor, not finding him.

Trying her luck upstairs, she decided to check his room. She realized that she probably should have started with that first, rather than search all the rooms on the main floor. Gently knocking on his door, she called out his na. “Adrian?” she said. “Are you there?”

There was no response. Undeterred, she opened his door a crack and peered inside. She saw his sleeping form thrashing around in his bed. Worried, she opened the door further and called out to him again, approaching him as she did so. One of the floorboards creaked when she stepped on it. Adrian’s eyes snapped open and he looked around wildly. They were unfocused, as if he wasn’t truly seeing what was in front of him.

His gaze fell upon her form in stark terror as he sat up and pushed himself as far away from Reya as he could get. His back hit the corner of the wall behind him yet still he continued to try to retreat. He stopped moving, sitting there with shaky breaths. Reya took another step forward and he flinched, bringing his arms up to cover his face.

He spoke sothing in his native language that Reya didn’t understand. Uncertain, she called his na again. He blinked, coming back to himself. Lowering his arms, he looked around, trying to get his bearings. He was white as a sheet. He spoke again but Reya didn’t understand. Realizing his mistake, he switched languages.

“I’m sorry about that,” he said. Reya looked at him in concern. “It happens sotis.” He tried brushing it off, but Reya wasn’t buying it. His reaction had been too extre.

“Are you alright?” she asked.

“I’m fine,” he croaked. Reya didn’t believe for one second that he was telling the truth. Studying him, she recalled the night they had t in the kitchen. He’d ntioned he had bad dreams, but she hadn’t known that they were this bad. For the first ti, she noticed the heavyset circles under his eyes. This had been going on for so ti, she realized.

Closing the door behind her, she approached him and sat down on the corner of his bed. Adrian moved away from the wall and sat next to her. “Does this happen often?” she asked in a soft voice.

Adrian hesitated, but ultimately nodded. Reya instantly felt guilty for using sleeping pills while he had been trying to make do without. “I had issues sleeping even while I was being experinted on, but it’s been getting worse since I got out.”

Reya’s look softened. “I know the feeling. You keep reliving it, don’t you? What they did to you.”

“Why can’t I escape them?” he asked with his head hung low. “Even now that they’re all dead, they’re still finding ways to hurt ,” his voice cracked as he spoke. Reya felt for what he was going through and put a hand on his back and the other on his thigh. His shoulders relaxed at her gentle touch.

“It’s the sa for ,” she admitted to him. “I haven’t been able to sleep properly since I was rescued. I just keep reliving those terrifying monts where they co in and I know that they’re going to hurt again.”

This ti it was Adrian’s turn to comfort her. He took her hand in his as he turned his head to look at her, empathizing with her. He flashed her a ghost of a smile. “Things will get better,” he said reassuringly.

“How do you know that?” she asked quietly.

“I don’t. I can only hope. It’s what I tell myself everyday.”

“And it works?”

“No,” he said simply. “But it doesn’t stop from trying. I never thought I’d get out of there alive and look at now.”

“I rember thinking that that was where I was going to die,” Reya said with a shudder.

“I’m pretty sure I did die a couple of tis. They just brought back,” Adrian said bitterly. “Sotis I wish they hadn’t.”

Reya looked at the pain hidden in his eyes. “I’m glad they did,” she whispered. “Does that make a bad person?”

“No.” Adrian shook his head. “It makes you the only one who cares.” The pair of them stayed like that for a while, holding each other. Neither one of them spoke as they leaned onto one another for support. Words weren’t needed between them to understand the other’s pain. They might not have undergone the sa experiences, but they understood the sentint in a way that the others couldn’t.

“I actually ca here to talk to you about sothing, not scare you,” Reya said, breaking the silence.

“It’s about last night, isn’t it?” Adrian asked.

“Yes. Rann told that you overheard my argunt with Jyn. How much did you hear?”

“All of it. I have very good hearing. I know more than most realize, even when they’re trying to be quiet. I didn’t an to overhear.”

“I’m not mad at you, Adrian. Have you been avoiding because of what was said?”

“I haven’t been avoiding you specifically. I’ve been avoiding everybody. I didn’t realize I was such a sore spot and figured it would be best for everyone if I stayed in my room, out of sight.”

“What happened last night wasn’t your fault. Jyn’s the one who was being an asshole.”

“He really was, wasn’t he?” Adrian agreed. “You’re not damaged, Reya. Nor are you ugly for your scars. You’re beautiful. Don’t let anybody ever tell you otherwise. I an it.”

“I know you do.” She smiled. “His comnts really caught off-guard. I could have reacted better than I did. That and . . .” she trailed off before shaking her head. “Never mind. So, I guess you know that I’m on dication?”

“Don’t feel bad about needing sleeping pills. It’s better than suffering silently. I’m glad you have sothing that helps.”

“If I knew how bad your nightmares were, I would have offered you so.”

“I wouldn’t have accepted. It’s your dicine, not mine. I would feel horrible taking that away from you. You deserve everything you need to help you get better.”

“I just feel so bad knowing that you had nothing while I did.”

“You didn’t know. And neither does anybody else. I kept it that way on purpose.”

The pair lapsed back into silence, neither one of them ready to let go of the other. After a mont’s hesitation, Reya leaned her head on Adrian’s shoulder. She was surprised when Adrian leaned his head against hers in return. They stayed like that, absorbed in their thoughts while Rann continued to search for Adrian outside.