Translator: Alpha0210
Why had I misunderstood?
Lukas is strong. I had known that for a long ti. Or at least, I thought I did. But I had never focused on how that strength was forged, what foundation it was built upon.
I had only paid attention to the results.
A single human beca an Absolute, then fell, grew even stronger, despaired once more, overca it and ultimately beca Destruction.
A life that could be summarized in just a few lines, but what had the process been like?
Had there been even a single mont of ease? Had there been any ti to relax? Had he ever truly felt peace?
“…This.”
Residue spoke.
“Is this the sight you wanted to show ?”
His voice sounded like it was about to shatter.
Residue had never known he was capable of making such a sound.
“Do you wish to mock ? Are you trying to say, ‘I endured far worse than you and still overca it,’ ‘Yet you, with all your whining, are making such a fuss over this?’ Is that what you want to say?”
Even as he spoke, he knew that wasn’t the case. Lukas wasn’t that kind of man. There had to be a reason he had shown him this scene.
Yes. A reason, a reason...
That damn reason.
Residue didn’t have the composure to search for that reason right now. So all he could do was take the ssage Lukas had left behind and twist it into the most convenient - no, the most malicious, interpretation.
Before he knew it, Residue had returned once again to the ruins of ltown, to its very center.
Frey Blake was still before him.
Shhhh-
Naturally, there was no response. The sound of the rain grew even louder.
From his tightly clenched lips, blood now trickled out.
“…It wasn’t easy. Yeah. I didn’t underestimate it, but I did grow weak. I beca an absurdly small and insignificant existence. Now, I’ve co to understand and accept that.”
It was the truth he had kept buried deep inside.
But could he even call this a confession? There was no one to listen. It was no different from lanting in front of a corpse.
“A word that doesn’t suit , but… I did my best. I tried as much as I could, but it still wasn’t enough.”
Even so, he couldn’t stop. Like water overflowing from a broken dam, he found it difficult to control himself.
Residue was now even wearing a bitter smile.
“Watching your struggle, I felt sothing. Awe, and helplessness. Feelings I would have never embraced before. Lukas. I am not you. I could never be like you. At our core, we are fundantally different. Even now, in this very mont… I cannot bring myself to be familiar with despair.”
...I know this isn't Lukas.
It was rely a fragnt of Destruction that had followed his command, and its biological functions had long ceased.
If anything, he was using that as an excuse to voice his weak complaints. Even at this mont, the fact that he was calculating his words to protect his pride disgusted him.
He could no longer bear to look at it, so he rose to his feet and turned away. Squelch. But he didn’t even take a few steps before he collapsed. His body had no strength left.
Damn body.
As he had walked from the outskirts of the city to its center, he had witnessed a variety of human figures. He had felt sothing while watching them. And when he looked into himself to understand exactly what that feeling was, strangely, his condition had slightly improved.
But how about now?
His body was no longer responding. It creaked and staggered out of sync.
A sign that his mind was deeply shaken.
“……”
Even so, he couldn’t stay here any longer. Residue crawled forward. With his lips tasting the muddy water, he crawled.
He crawled, and crawled, and kept crawling.
“It won’t be enough.”
“──.”
…He heard a voice.
A voice he could never forget.
Residue’s body froze.
Amidst the fiercely pouring rain, he could no longer move even a single finger. It was a voice he was never supposed to hear, one he had never even dared to hope for.
He didn’t turn around. He couldn’t.
His entire body was rigid, unable to move.
“Just doing your best won’t be nearly enough.”
“……”
And even as he remained motionless, the low voice continued.
Residue looked up at the sky. It was a half-impulsive action. With his eyes closed, he took a long ti to calm his chest.
When he opened his eyes again, the falling raindrops seed a little clearer. Beyond his soaking wet hair, he could feel the rain striking his skin.
Cold.
“…Then.”
A cracked voice leaked out.
“Then, what more am I supposed to do?”
“Exert every last bit of strength. Be prepared to die.”
“Do you think I haven’t already done that?”
"Yes. And you'll still continue to fail."
There was a faint trace of laughter in the voice.
“Life isn’t easy. It’s full of the unexpected. The mont you think you can endure, that you’re finally okay, that you can do it, that you’ve found hope - greater hardships always co crashing down.”
No. That’s not right.
Not every life is like that.
Life, existence itself, was particularly cruel only to you.
“Then what should I do?”
“Shake it off and rise again.”
“Until when? Until I win?”
“No.”
At that mont, he could see it clearly.
The owner of the voice, smiling.
"Until you can be satisfied with yourself."
“──.”
He knew the life of the Great Mage.
A life riddled with pain and hardship.
Lukas was not strong. He was not perfect.
He was a weak human being.
Residue had seen him break, collapse, and struggle pathetically more tis than he could count. When he had been the Lightning God, when he had been Residue. Both.
Of course, Lukas had been loved by many. Respect and reverence had always followed him like a shadow. Even if the nature of that admiration varied in aning, to be loved by so many was undeniably a blessing.
At the sa ti, Residue knew it was also a curse.
Lukas was cursed with the inability to betray the reverence and expectations placed upon him.
“You… weren’t anything special.”
His beginning wasn’t extraordinary.
“At best, you were soone hailed as a genius among humans, receiving the spotlight. But to a Ruler, you were just a little more exceptional than the average human…”
And.
“…A man who bore a responsibility far heavier than anyone else.”
But Lukas had never once betrayed people’s expectations and until the very last mont, he had never run away.
And the final role the world had demanded of such a man was to beco Destruction itself.
“You’re the only one who knows.”
“……”
“The groans of pain, the screams of wanting to give up, the face covered in pathetic self-loathing and uncertainty, you saw them all. I never wanted to show them, but in the end, that’s how it turned out. And I believe there’s a reason for everything in this world.”
“……”
“That’s why I was able to entrust it to you.”
“…Wasn’t that the wrong choice?”
“Not all of my choices were right. But then, and even now, my conviction has never wavered.”
Even as he was looking at this ss,
Even as he saw soone wandering like trash, having accomplished nothing,
Even as he watched him crawling through the muddy water,
Lukas said,
“Entrusting it to you back then was the best choice.”
“……”
—There were dark clouds.
Clouds that would never clear, that could never clear, filled his mind.
The day he t the Blue Knight, Pale, the day he was condemned by Sedi Trowman, the day he was pitied by Beniang Argento.
From that day, the day the torrential rain poured down, the dark clouds had settled in Residue’s mind. The rain never ceased, and the thunder never stopped roaring.
He hated it. It terrified him.
Every waking mont was so painful he wanted to tear his hair out. He wanted to run away.
Why had he felt that way?
What was he afraid of?
Cold glares from Lukas’s acquaintances? Or blunt, scathing criticism?
No.
Why the hell would it matter what those trash thought of him?
…The responsibility Lukas had transferred to him, the anxiety about his identity, the fundantal fear of Destruction.
‘No.’
That wasn’t it.
He had already experienced all of that back when he had been the Lightning God.
He had pushed away responsibility countless tis and deeply contemplated what kind of existence he truly was. If there was soone stronger than him, he imagined crushing that bastard and climbing even higher.
But the one thing Residue had never experienced was disappointing a friend.
Lukas being disappointed in him. More than anyone else, he had always been watching Lukas’s reactions.
The life he had observed was flawless, truly a perfect model answer. But no matter how much he tried to imitate it, he could never beco the sa, and that disparity had tornted him for so long.
That was why it was difficult to et Lukas’s acquaintances.
The fact that they sensed sothing off about him was proof that his performance wasn’t perfect.
“Kuh.”
Laughter escaped him.
He couldn’t even rember the last ti he laughed like this, neither in ridicule nor in sarcasm, just laughter.
...I was swept along.
No, he had only ever been swept away.
When he attended the eting,
When he faced the Half King,
When Destruction struck,
When he was finally imprisoned,
When he saw the Four Knights,
…And when he t Luca.
There had always been choices.
And each ti, he had repeated to himself.
Not yet. I can’t.
Ti was running out, and no matter the situation, his strength was always insufficient. So he had shrunk back even further.
Because that was what Lukas always did.
Whenever he wasn’t ready, he would always retreat and wait for the right mont. He would calmly compose himself and cultivate his strength.
—But that wasn’t the way.
They were different people, living different lives.
Then the right answer had to be different as well.
It was so obvious that it was almost laughable. Even those insignificant humans he used to scoff at had realized this long ago, and yet it had taken Residue so long to grasp it.
So long to stop wandering.
“Get up now.”
As if in response to the voice, strength returned to his knees.
“You’re not soone who fears storm clouds.”
His tattered mind started piecing itself back together. A surge of overwhelming exhilaration, sothing even his past self as the Lightning God had never felt, rushed through him.
As if soone had pulled him to his feet, Residue stood up straight and looked at Destruction.
A great tree deeply rooted in the earth.
An enemy of the entire world, a walking catastrophe.
And yet, Residue alone could not see it as just that.
“Are you still hesitating?”
“…Perhaps.”
Thud.
He felt as though sothing had pushed his back.
Even through the thick robe, the sensation was vivid.
“Show them. Show them who you are, show them who all the thunder and lightning of this world co from.”
“…I am not the Thunderous Lightning God.”
“I know.”
With a grin in his voice, Lukas spoke.
“You’re going to surpass him.”
“──.”
It was as if thunder roared inside his head.
It had been there.
Yes, that goal—he had it, undeniably.
Residue had not only taken on Lukas’s responsibilities. There were things he had to do, things he wanted to do.
Suddenly, his mind beca clear. Or maybe it beca even more tangled.
But did that even matter?
Just as Lukas had said, storm clouds and raging winds were never sothing Residue feared.
“Kukuku…”
Residue let out a low chuckle as he took a step forward. He no longer felt like he would collapse again.
Lightning crackled through his entire body.
“Hahaha…”
Rumble…
As if responding to him, the storm clouds above churned, and flashes of thunder and lightning streaked across the sky.
“Haha, kuhaha…!”
The ruins echoed with the dazzling flashes of lightning and the resounding roar of laughter.
User Comments
0 comments from readers