I made my way into the kitchen and imdiately got blessed with a beautiful sight.
Sloane Fitzgerald stood at the fridge with her back to , bent forward slightly as she rummaged through the refrigerator. She was wearing a black sports bra and booty shorts that showed off her peach shaped ass. Her pink ponytail swung as she moved with loose stands falling around her face.
Fuck, those thighs could crush waterlons.
Her ass was... exceptional. It was round and firm, but it still jiggled a little when she shook her left foot on the ground. The scene was so hypnotic I was frozen in the doorway like an absolute idiot.
Don’t stare. Don’t be that guy. You’re better than this.
I wasn’t better than this.
[ORACLE FEED UPDATE]
[Subject: Sloane Fitzgerald]
[Status: Searching for post-workout protein shake]
[Current attire: Minimal]
[Threat assessnt: High if she catches you staring]
[Temptation Gauge: 22%]
Thanks for nothing, creepy interface.
Then another notification blazed across my vision, this one different. Bright red text with an obnoxious little peach emoji next to it.
[🎯 NEW SCUMBAG QUEST ISSUED! 🎯]
[HEROINE CANDIDATE DETECTED: Sloane Fitzgerald]
[QUEST: Get That Peach! 🍑]
[OBJECTIVE: Smack Sloane Fitzgerald’s ass within 36 hours]
[REWARD: Beginner’s Gift Pack 500 System Points]
[FAILURE PENALTY: Host’s manhood reduced by 50%]
[TI LIMIT: 36:00:00]
I blinked. Read it again. Then read it a third ti because surely I was hallucinating.
"What the actual fuck," I whispered.
Sloane straightened up, still facing away from . "Did you say sothing?"
"Nope."
She pulled out a protein shake an kicked the door closed with her heel.
Are we deadass? I have to smack her ass or my dick is gonna shrivel like a grape in the sun? Even a titan would beco average with that penalty.
[SCUMBAG SYSTEM: Quest refusal will result in automatic penalty acceptance. Tir has begun.]
"No no no," I muttered under my breath. "I refuse. This is insane. You can’t just—"
[⚠️ WARNING: Refusal detected. Penalty will be applied in 5 seconds unless quest is accepted.]
[5...]
[4...]
My hands clenched into fists. This fucking system.
[3...]
’Fine! Fine, I accept! Jesus Christ!’
[2...]
[QUEST ACCEPTED]
[Good luck, Host. You’ll need it. 😊]
Okay, whoever created this system deserved to get punched in the balls multiple tis.
Sloane finally turned around, sipping on her protein shake and her blue eyes narrowed when she saw just standing in the doorway just staring at her like so creep. "How long have you been standing there?"
"I just walked in a second ago."
"Bullshit." She took another sip of her drink. "I could feel you standing there and staring at my ass like a pervert."
Her sports bra was black with a logo I didn’t recognize and had the midriff exposed showing off her abs with a thin sheen of sweat covering her skin, giving her body a glow with the morning light streaming through the kitchen windows.
The booty shorts from the front showed off her thigh gap which I didn’t know if that was better or worse than the view from behind.
"Hey, I wasn’t staring," I said while walking past her to the coffee maker. "You just happened to be in my way to get to the coffee maker."
"So you just waited your turn while staring at my ass."
I grabbed a mug from the cabinet using Lukas’s mories to lead to the location without needing to search. Damn, muscle mory was a hell of a thing. "Now why would I stare at your ass?"
"Because you’re a guy and it’s there. Don’t play innocent, I know I look good."
She’s got a point.
I poured in coffee from a pot that soone had already made. "Narcissist much? Maybe I was just spacing out."
"Spacing out while staring directly at my ass."
"I wasn’t staring at your ass, Sloane."
"Then what were you staring at?"
The quest tir in the corner of my vision ticked down. 35:58:43. 35:58:42.
I took a sip of coffee. Black, because adding cream seed like too much effort and Lukas apparently drank it this way. "Nothing. I was thinking about other stuff."
"What stuff?"
"None of your business stuff."
She moved closer, setting her shake down on the counter with a thunk. "You’re acting weird."
"I’m always like this."
"No, you’re not." She crossed her arms under her chest, which made her modest sized breasts look even bigger. "Normally you’d have made so smartass comnt by now. Instead you’re just standing there looking like soone hit you with a brick."
[Subject: Sloane Fitzgerald]
[Suspicion level: Elevated]
[Recomnded action: Deflect with characteristic sarcasm]
"Maybe I’m becoming a better person. Less smartass, more class."
"You don’t have class."
"I have so class."
"You wear the sa hoodie four days in a row."
"I have four identical hoodies."
She snorted at that and finally so of the suspicion in her eyes faded away. Good, the last thing I needed was her to be wary of .
The quest notification pulsed again, reminding of its existence like I could sohow forget.
36 hours to smack that ass or lose half my dick.
This was the worst isekai premise in history.
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