"As you can tell, I'm perfectly fine," my holographic display version explained, followed by a sigh. "I originally wanted to inform you all in a more controlled manner, but thanks to a certain soone, I guess it's a public announcent now."
I counted to three in my head, and then did a theatrical scraping bow. I held pose until my face over the crystal ball rolled its eyes and added, "That wasn't a complint!"
Chuckling, I straightened both my back and my coat, and pretended to lean on an invisible cane, just in ti for hologram to shake its head and turn back to the congregation. Now, I supposed this is as good a ti as any to delve into what exactly was going on, but before I'd get into the nitty-gritty details, I'd like to recount a personal anecdote.
A while ago (during the first month after I awakened in the Simulacrum, to be precise), I had spent a lot of ti researching anything and everything related to writing, story structures, and tropes. The bulk of it was done by obsessively browsing the troper-site, but once it beca apparent our world was operating on the clichés of popular Japanese fiction, I focused my attention there, and skimd a whole lot of ani, manga, and even so visual novels and JRPGs, just to stay rounded. One of these stories I flicked through served as the inspiration for today's operation, though it ended up much more of a pain in the neck than I originally anticipated.
So, picture the following: in a futuristic setting with giant robots and whatnot, the well-intentioned-extremist final antagonist successfully corners the super-genius anti-hero protagonist, and demands his surrender through one of those impractically oversized video screens. They argue about their ideologies and past deeds and their plans for the future, back and forth, for minutes on end. Then, just when it looks like the protagonist lost, it's suddenly revealed that the person on the screen was a recording all along! But how could it be, you might ask? Well, it's because our hero was such a galaxy-brain super-genius that he could completely predict the whole conversation ahead of ti and he recorded a video responding to the antagonist's predicted words. Then, while the bad guy was busy with that, they could put their plan into action, and in the end the manage to turn the table at the very last second.
Very clever. Very dramatic. Unfortunately, it was also absolute and utter bollocks.
If it wasn't abundantly clear enough, the 'Leonard S. Dunning' currently communicating with the Draconic Federation and guests was a recording. Influenced by the aforentioned show, I thought it would be a nice and suitably dramatic way to simultaneously announce to the world that I was still alive, while also establishing that Bel was a separate entity from beyond of a shadow of reasonable doubt. It should've been easy. The show made it look easy.
It wasn't.
For a start, modding the communication device so that it would display recordings took about ten minutes. Jury-rigging a storage enchantnt into it was about fifteen minutes. Writing the script and recording it? A single afternoon.
Practising the act, so that everything lined up perfectly and there weren't any awkward gaps or suspiciously missed answers? It took a whole bloody week, and if it was up to , I would've liked to keep rehearsing for a couple of more days, just to be safe. Unfortunately for , this eting provided the perfect opportunity to pull off the trick, due to the presence of the Assembly delegation, and Roland was already raking over the coals for stalling for so long and keeping the wider world in the dark about my well-being.
As such, I had to buckle up, hunker down, and spend the last couple of nights working on the act, going as far as to put together a makeshift facsimile of the pulpit and the Fauns acting as the audience while rehearsing the script. Of course, I wasn't entirely relying on everything conveniently falling into place, and left myself so wriggling room for improvisation by putting in a few ergency switches that I could trigger with my phantom limbs. Just in case.
"That device… it's of Celestial origin, isn't it?" Lord Ambrose cut in, forcing to demonstrate why that was a good idea, letting pause the recording for a second and to step up as Bel to smooth things over.
"Oh, what amazing powers of observation!" I exclaid and made a fawning gesture at the portly man. "You must be the world-famous grandmaster of the stating-the-obvious school of magic! It's such an honor!"
Just as I finished that, I resud the recording, which let out a shallow sigh. I hoped the audience would interpret it as feeling exasperated by Bel's conduct and trying to hurry things along by saying, "I want to state this outright, to avoid any further misunderstandings or gossip regarding my disappearance from the island: I wasn't kidnapped by Abyssals. In effect, I am currently residing in the Elysium."
The reveal caused a wave of murmurs to run through the crowd, and even the trio of Dad-in-law, Naoren, and Arnwald were surprised by my admission. I didn't fault them; the original plan was to bla everything on the Abyssals, and then spin the story so that I was 'rescued' by the Celestials, but the more we discussed it with Roland, the more cracks appeared. By far the biggest issue was that I was Polemos, and it was a fact that could be omitted at the mont, but absolutely couldn't be hidden once I returned to the island for good.
Trying to dance around the issue wasn't a solution either, and incorporating the Abyssals into the whole plot just added a whole lot of extra, unnecessary variables. As such, we reached the following conclusion: broadcast that I was alive and well, announce that I had a recent connection to the Celestials, sweep Sir Percival and the whole double-triple-whatever-agent issue under the rug for now, and have everyone focus on Bel instead.
A nice plan, in theory, granted that nothing would go too catastrophically wrong during the execution.
"Are you held hostage?" Roland asked, following the scrips to the letter, and my holographic recording shook its head.
"Well, no. Not really. It's a bit complicated, and it has to do with a prophecy and… it's not important. At the mont, you could consider sothing between a diplomatic guest and a consultant."
"Consultant? Why would the Celestials need a consultant?" the dark-skinned arch-mage blurted out, but then he caught himself and hurriedly added, "My apologies. I didn't an to interrupt."
"That was one of ley-line leeches," I added in while sneakily skipping a bit of the footage, then I phased over to the side of Lord Ambrose, leaned closer, and whispered, "The visual range on these things is horrendous! The kid probably only sees you as smudges. Ah, speaking of which…"
Before he could respond, I Phased back and faced my recording while using my thumbs to point behind my shoulders.
"Hey, Leonard? Did I tell you about how there are like five of these Assembly guys here? You look away for a second, and they just multiply like cockroaches. Or sli mould. Or those little plastic blocks… what are they called? LAGO? You know, the ones that sublimate into existence whenever you want to go to the toilet in the middle of the night, and you—"
"Can I continue?" the hologram frowned, which was supposed to be the response to a completely different situation, but it worked well enough.
"Yeah, sure," I grumbled and crossed my arms, pretending to sulk.
anwhile, the recording exhaled a sigh and its eyes swept over the whole assembly hall.
"So, as I was saying, I was invited, if a little forcefully, by a group of Celestials. The whole Abyssal kidnapping was just a cover story. As for why it was …" Hologram paused, displaying a bit of reluctance, before continuing with, "There were a few superfluous reasons I won't go into right now, but to make a long story short, the Celestial community is considerably more fractured than I could have ever imagined, no small part thanks to the masked man in front of you."
"What? What did I do to deserve such harsh accusations?" I protested in a whine, and the hologram's face twisted into an outraged grimace I had to record about ten tis before I got it right.
"You infiltrated the Celestial Directorate, subverted several key figures in the hierarchy, and then told everyone about it, nearly causing a civil war!"
"Hey! Everyone needs a hobby!"
This ti, the recording outright groaned and looked away from .
"Ignoring this bastard, the point I'm getting at is that one of the Celestial factions invited to the Elysium."
"We understand that part," Roland cut in, with perfect timing. "I think I can speak in everyone's stead when I ask; why did it have to be you, and why are you still there?"
I waited for the recording to open its mouth, and then I let out a loud guffaw and slapped my knee.
"Ah, here it cos! The best part!" Hologram glared at , and after a long beat, I raised two fingers and exclaid, "Wait a mont. I'll be right back."
With those words, I Phased over to the 'backstage', where Vurrok and Karukk were already waiting for . The mont I arrived, one of them started a countdown from six, during which I took off my mask and place it onto a nearby table. After hastily wiping my face, I picked up an identical mask, including the patented Pudding-kun™ brand inner lining. It was functionally identical to the first one, save for the pair of red-and-blue 3D glasses attached to the front, and after securing it onto my face, I accepted the paper bag the other Faun was holding out. Then, just as the countdown reached zero, I reappeared at the sa spot in the assembly hall and reached into the bag.
"Okay, you can continue now," I proclaid, and raised my hand to my face, only to reel back and let out an annoyed groan. "Ah, right. Forgot about this thing again." Shaking my head, I scattered the contents of my hand onto the floor, and then turned to Roland, offering the paper bag to him. "Popcorn?"
"I'm afraid I'll have to refrain," he responded with the perfect combination of exasperation and deadpan annoyance. It was almost as if he wasn't even acting.
"So, as I was about to say before soone decided to take a popcorn break," my recording grumbled aloud and after a montary pause, raised a brow. "Where did you even get those 3D glasses?"
"The future," I answered nonchalantly while inspecting a piece of popcorn like it was the most interesting thing in the world.
Hologram- shook his head and faced the people in the seats again, seemingly ignoring my antics.
"Due to the recent events, I have ostensibly developed a reputation for being a 'peacemaker' of sorts."
The recording made so air quotes, and I pretended to barely stifle a laugh.
"They kidnapped you to serve as a… negotiator?" Roland spoke his next line, and while he had a back-and-forth about the topic with my recording, I couldn't help but notice sothing peculiar. Naly, that the first row was glowing.
I sneaked a peek at the spectacle while pretending to listen to myself awkwardly trying to explain and downplay my role in the Elysium, and found ten arch-mages there. That was rather strange already, but it didn't take a genius to figure out what was happening. It was two sets of the sa five people; one group was semi-transparent, sitting ramrod straight, and attentively listening to my recording's explanation, while the other versions of them were clustered together and animatedly discussing sothing.
No matter how I looked at it, that was so kind of illusion spell, a deduction further reinforced by Lord Taika constantly muttering sothing in a hushed chant. While I was curious about what they were discussing, I couldn't make out a single word over the back-and-forth between Roland and my recording. My first instinct was to Phase over and disrupt their little planning session, but then I recalled that I was Bel at the mont.
When making up his backstory and lore, one of the pivotal events defining him was the grudging liking he developed for Leonard Dunning after he got tricked by the latter's illusions. That ant Bel could not see through those, ergo, I had no choice but to pretend that I didn't see anything strange.
In retrospect, I didn't exactly have the ti to do anything about it either, as the 'heated argunt' between Roland and my hologram was nearing its end.
"What is your opinion, acting grand master?" Mr. Griffon levelled the question at Arnwald, who never took his eyes off (as in, Bel) during this entire ti.
He considered the question for a while, and when he noticed that Roland was imperceptibly nodding, he let out a heavy breath.
"If our liege deems that staying in the Elysium is the most prudent action under the circumstances, the Ordo Draconis will follow his decision."
"I can't believe you just said that!" one of the Western Draconian council mbers exclaid, and Yseult Albion seed to agree with the sentint.
"Under normal circumstances, I would defer to the decision of Leonard Dunning, but how can you be sure that he is making this decision of his own free will, and not under so kind of compulsion?"
It was ti to improvise again, so I paused the recording with a phantom limb and turned on my heel to face her.
"Wait! You think the kid got mind-controlled? That guy?" I pointed at the floating head and then repeatedly slapped my knee. "Ahahaha! Oh, please stop! My sides are hurting!"
anwhile, I skipped over to another recording and even faked a bit of static noise to hide the cut. The recording turned to again and asked, in an exasperated voice, "Are you having fun?"
"Of course I do!" I exclaid and raised both of my hands into the air, scattering popcorn everywhere. "Did you think I would ever accept your request if I didn't think this would be an absolute riot? Look at her! She thinks you can be mind-controlled!"
"They don't know all the details, so it's understandable," recording- stated, using a snippet from another piece of recording spliced in under the guise of so interference static.
"Like what? That you're actually…" I trailed off my voice on purpose, and after a long beat, I let out a chuckle, "Oh, what? Don't look at like that! You're not a puppy! You're not nearly hairy enough!" Another beat followed, then a shallow sigh, and I dejectedly concluded with, "Fine, I won't ruin the surprise. But can I be there when you tell them about what happened after you arrived at the Celestials' little hidey-hole? I an, not that you could stop from attending even if you tried, but I'm a polite man, so I figured I'd ask."
"Do whatever you want," my hologram version said with palpable trepidation, and turned back to the crowd, which hid another cut to a different piece of recording. "I have to go now, so if you have any questions, I'm afraid it'll have to wait until next ti."
Roland evidently wasn't expecting the jump cut, and it took him a second to respond.
"What… exactly do you an by 'next ti'?"
"I don't know yet," the recording admitted with an implied shrug. "Since the cat's out of the bag, I'll try to use more official channels. One thing's for sure, I won't ask that guy for any favours any ti soon."
"Oh, co on, kid! Can't you take a joke?" Hologram- remained silent, and after a strategically tid pause, I added, "Don't be like that! Can't you look on the bright side of things and rember the good tis? Like the first ti we t!"
"… When you nearly took my head off my shoulders?"
"Yeah! Good tis!" I insisted, and after another pause, this ti made extra-long for added awkwardness, the recording turned away from and addressed the audience again.
"This is dragging out, so here's the short of it: I'm fine, I'm busy right now, I'll be back soon, and till then, hold the front, and don't do anything stu—"
The line was supposed to be 'Don't do anything stupid, such as antagonizing this clown', but before the recording could get to it, the eting was interrupted by a flash of light and a rapidly expanding bubble of mana. As it washed over the modded communicator, it completely scrambled the image, but it wasn't the only thing affected. I could feel the enchantnts on my Bel outfit fizzle, and even the Leoforr was straining under so kind of strain, barely holding together.
Luckily, while I wasn't expecting sothing like this to happen, I was already pretty high-strung from the strain of the performance, so I reacted remarkably fast, if I do say so myself. First, I used one phantom limb to shut down the recording. Two others were dedicated to maintaining the Bel outfit, and after directly interfacing with the Leoforr, I found that its arrays were on the brink of being short-circuited by so external interference.
Was I on the receiving end of a magical EMP, I wondered as I hurriedly shielded the arrays. It wasn't too difficult to do so, since I made the Leoforr's enchantnts extra-sturdy, which turned out to be a stroke of genius (or failing that, luck) on my end, as without that, my Bel outfit would've been dispelled on the spot, and it would've likely left naked, without putting my original clothes back on . At least I would've still had the mask on, since it wasn't part of the Leoforr's ensemble… which reminded of sothing else.
I hastily checked the mask, and while Pudding-kun was still maintaining his shape as the lining, the enchantnts on it were busted. It ant both the eye- and hair-colour changers were off, which was a bit of an issue. Luckily, there was a bit of inertia with these things, so I had about ten seconds before my hair would return to its natural dark brown.
I 'wasted' about five seconds so far, so I had to act quickly. First, I levelled my gaze on the five arch-mages at the front, huddled in a semi-circle and their extended right hands lying on top of each other's, and uttered a deeply disgusted, "The nerve!"
Before the sound of the last syllable even died down, I Phased to the 'backstage', where Karukk was already waiting for with another bottle of mineral water. He realized sothing was off when I practically tore the non-functional mask off my face and yelled, "[I request to have knowledge of the location of my erstwhile face covering apparatus!]"
"[Here, boss!]" Vurrok called out and threw the thing he was wiping with a dry cloth to . I grabbed it out of the air, and imdiately plunged a phantom limb into it, making sure that it was decently shielded before I put it on my face and gave a thumbs-up for the third ti today.
A mont later, I was back in the assembly hall, my thumb turned into an accusatory index finger aid at the confused arch-mages, still huddled together and encased in a swirling bubble of raging mana, while my other hand snapped the top of the box holding the communication orb shut.
"The disrespect!" I exclaid, causing them to twitch.
"You said he wasn't going to be able to do that!" Lord Barnabas complained around, causing the face of the tall redhead to slacken.
"Well, he shouldn't be able to do it anymore," he stated a touch uncertainly, and the rotund man next to him let out an outraged huff.
"I told you not to listen to this fool, but nooo! Omni-directional anti-mystic burst my ass!"
While they argued, I made sure the mask was still functioning, and that Pudding-kun had no issues with their shape-shifting, and after a long breath, I let out a long whistle.
"I have to give it to you, that was gutsy!" Saying so, I walked around the podium and let out an amused chuckle. "Brass balls! Or ovaries, if the lady was the one who ca up with the idea. I'm an equal opportunity advocate; I believe that won can be just as boneheaded and foolhardy as any man!"
"Do you know who you're talking to, fiend?" Lord Taika hissed, and I paused to look them over.
"A bunch of dosticated rabbits thinking they are wolves," I responded in a dead serious voice before imdiately shifting back into a whimsical one. "A cute little fluffle that looked at good old Bel of the Abyss, just about to leave for the day, job done, and no need to linger and ruin this neat woodwork with any bloodstains." I raised my knuckles to eye-level and playfully rubbed them together for illustration as I added, "But then you put your adorable little sniffy noses together, and said 'You know what? I think we can take him on!' Sooo precious!"
"Listen, we—"
"No, you listen," I cut in and levelled a glare at Lord Grandpa. "The next minute is going to be the most important sixty seconds in your entire miserable lives, so you better pay close attention. You five, have a very important decision to make; naly, if you want to back down and apologize for the utter lack of respect and decorum you showed to just now."
While saying that, I theatrically rolled my shoulders and cracked my knuckles, much to the onlookers' discomfort.
"We are arch-mages of the Assembly, and we don't fear you, Abyssal wretch!" Lord Ambrose yelled out, probably just to hype himself up, and so I focused on him. "You can't intimidate us!"
"Oh, no-no-no. I'm not 'intimidating' anyone," I corrected him with a finger raised. "I'm doing the nicest, most benevolent thing I've ever done in the past two thousand years. Plus or minus a centure. You started this, and I'm a good sport, allowing you to realize your mistake and make ands, but in about thirty more seconds, we are doing this." This ti, I shifted my attention to Lord Grandpa. "Listen, unlike the kid, I'm not nice enough to hold back just because you're a bunch of geriatric fools. I can't guarantee what's going to happen to you, but I can tell you, it's not going to be pretty, and…" Pausing, I took a deep breath, and pointed two index fingers at the group. "We only have a few seconds left. Listen. If you really, really want to go through with this… what do you want to tell your next of kin?"
That question left a stunned silence in its wake, and after the mont passed and I was ready to continue, Lord Barnabas suddenly put his hands on Lord Ambrose's shoulder, but didn't speak up. When the old Magi turned an annoyed glare at him, he simply shook his head, and after a few seconds, the five arch-mages all let their hands down, and the magical bubble surrounding them dissipated at once.
"Ah, the token sane mber of the group to the rescue!" I exclaid in a nonchalant voice hiding my own relief, and I reached behind to pick up the communicator. "Goodbye, little rabbits, and carve this day into your mind, as the one when you learned to recognize that the woods have predators bigger than wolves."
And with that, I did a cutesy wave, and Phased out of the hall, this ti for good.
In retrospect, I might've overdone it a little, but in my defence, they startled . At least I avoided direct conflict with the Assembly. That should count for sothing, right?
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