If soone asked, I would be the first to admit that I didn't know much about wedding ceremonies. I wasn't planning to tie the knot with the girls until much later; we weren't in a rush, and since the whole gang was planning to take higher education together, I figured we'd sort out the marriage plans after so wholeso sitcom co-habitation shenanigans and graduation. The fact that it gave more ti to figure out how to marry both of them legally was an unspoken perk of this plan.
But back to weddings: I knew for a fact that there was sothing called a 'June Bride', a Western practice resulting from both tradition and practicality, which apparently spread to the East as well. As the na implied, it was all about holding weddings in June, and it was prevalent enough that it could be considered a trope in and of itself.
Therefore, the fact that we were holding a wedding in late September felt subtly incongruous to . Almost 'wrong', to a degree, though I had to admit it was probably the least of my issues with the event. Case in point:
"That's not what I ant," I started as I watched Elly help Judy readjust her hair-bow, "I'm just saying that they've known each other for less than a year, so this almost feels like a shotgun wedding."
"Aren't those supposed to happen because there's a baby on the way?" the princess asked over her shoulder, and I shrugged in return.
"That's why I said it 'feels like' one. As in, rushing things."
"Chief, don't be a party pooper," Judy scolded without looking over, and I could only roll my eyes, because by the ti I got a response ready, Elly finished, and they both turned to face . "How do we look?"
"Amazing, as usual," I told them, and while that sounded like a canned response, it wasn't wrong.
They were wearing matching gowns, a fiery red and a soft, pastel-y peach, respectively. Ever since I managed to get Judy (mostly) over her ex-placeholder inferiority complex, she's been way more eager to dress up like this, with extra makeup and jewellery, and she looked really quite pretty, further emphasised by the custom gowns Elly arranged for the occasion. Also, it might've been just the cut of the dress emphasising her figure, but looking at the chest area, I couldn't help but think that her mother's genes were starting to show. As for the princess, she was ravishing, as always, so she had less of a direct impact.
Anyhow, they really did look great, both the girls and the outfits. As for , though…
"O, Archon! I beseech you not to listen to the naysayers!" the dark-haired, middle-aged Celestial woman on my left insisted with thundering eyes.
"W-Who are you calling a naysayer!" a certain Abyssal spymaster huffed and puffed on my right. "I'm just saying that, as the guardian of My Lady and the acting governor of House Inanna, Leonard should obviously wear our House's traditional finery!"
"But he's the Second True Archon, hallowed be His na!" the Celestial woman argued back in a growly undertone. "Why would he wear anything other than his glorious Celestial form?"
"If I may," a third voice interjected as a braided maid squinted at the two, "This is a Draconian wedding ceremony, and therefore it would be prudent to wear an outfit befitting the situation." She then pointed at the rack of fancy tail coats, the sa kind Dad-in-law let borrow during the first banquet I attended, lined up on a rack next to her. "We have options."
"Those aren't much different from House Inanna's traditional formal wear, so why not just stop being a contrarian?"
"They are quite different in class," the maid quipped back without her facial expression changing at all, and…
Yeah, this has been going on in the background for a while. Adva, my semi-official Celestial aide, clad in a fancy toga-like uniform, Tajana, in her busty gothic dress, and linda, in her classic French maid uniform, have been insistently debating what I should wear for the occasion. Needless to say, they could not co to a compromise, and even more glaringly, they completely forgot to ask for soone's input on the matter. Naly, mine.
"That's about enough, you three," I interrupted their bickering by making a vertical chop with my hand, as if cutting an invisible thread in the air. "We have to move out soon; we don't have ti for this."
"Then, what are you going to wear, O Archon?" the Celestial woman asked , her face telling she had full confidence that I would choose her side of the argunt. I was going to disappoint her.
"As a matter of fact," I started saying as I plunged a phantom limb into my Leoforr. Since there was no need for my Bel disguise anymore, I erased that one, which opened up an outfit slot. I decided to go back to the basics, and then a flash of light later, I was standing in front of them in a black long coat. "I'm going to go with this."
Of course, it wasn't my usual look, with the loose jeans and the grey sweater. I made this a bit more regal, with golden buttons, a white dress-shirt and a black waistcoat combo underneath, grey pants with that pristine, freshly ironed look, and a pair of black leather shoes.
"That looks a bit informal," Judy spoke her mind as she looked over, "but…"
"But it looks great!" Elly finished her sentence, even as she hopped around to take a better look. "Wow! This almost feels nostalgic now!"
"It hasn't been that long since I last wore sothing like this," I noted. In fact, maybe because it was so deeply ingrained in my self-image, but my default Ergent Definition had a long coat as well, and I was wearing it when I re-Defined myself back into the Simulacrum back during the aftermath of the very definitive final battle.
"True," Judy granted, only to follow it up with a contrary, "but Elly isn't wrong, either. This has a very 'Classic Leo' look to it."
"Do I have variants now?" I jested, and I was startled when Elly responded with a cheery, "Of course you do!"
"In the TCG," Judy clarified, and…
"Oh, yeah. That's still a thing," I noted a bit absently. I was pretty sure I explicitly told Dad-in-law and the others that if they wanted to bring the holographic Celestial card gas over, they should not include in it, but apparently, there was a demand for . I knew it was not a big deal, but I knew how collectable card gas worked, and I was not happy about the prospect of getting power-crept.
"Miladies, young master?" linda butted into our conversation with an inscrutable expression. "If you are sure you want to wear that outfit, I recomnd you head out. The ceremony is going to start soon."
For the record, ever since we resolved her crush on the princess, linda has not only been acting a lot more professionally (read: she hasn't been heckling nearly as much as before), but she has also started to refer to Judy as 'milady' as well. They've even been going to the bowling alley, just the three of them, for outings every once in a while, and things have been pretty harmonious all things considered.
Anyhow, she wasn't wrong, but I couldn't help but say, "It's pretty much next door. We're not going to be late." She eyed with a deadpan stare she must've learned from Judy, so I anded, "Buuut it's better to be early by a lot than to be late by a little, so why don't we head out?"
"A wise choice," she comnted with a bow, and the other two also joined up with us.
"The great Second True Archon is always wise," Adva noted with a hint of unwarranted reverence, while Tajana seed more fretful than anything.
"Ah, right! I still have to talk to My Lady!"
"Then I guess we'd better go."
By the ti I said that, the chambermaid had already opened the large wooden doors leading out of the room on the ground floor of the Dracis mansion. The ceremony would be held in the huge ballroom of the estate, which wasn't exactly next door, but it was close enough that we could get there on foot in just a couple of minutes.
Despite the grand occasion, this part of the building was rather quiet, no doubt because all the family's house-servants and hired organisers were busy running around like ants all over the back garden and the ballroom, where all the guests congregated. While the couple insisted on a 'modest ceremony', one had to rember to tag on 'by Draconian standards' to the end of that. Not to ntion, this was effectively the equivalent of a royal wedding, and also served as the first major social gathering where literally every single major faction in the World of Mystics could mingle in (relative) peace, so we were still talking about hundreds of guests here.
"F-For the record," Tajana chid in on the side, probably feeling awkward in the silence. "Is there going to be… a bouquet throwing?"
Once again, I didn't know much about weddings, but that was a trope I was familiar with, so I ventured an educated guess with a curt, "Potentially."
"O-Oh…" The Abyssal spymaster seed fretful, but then she gulped and said, "I-If there really is such an event, please warn ."
Elly perked up at once and asked, "Do you want to catch it?"
"No, no!" she denied at once, quite vehently. "It's the opposite! I want to be nowhere near it, because if it landed on , he'll never let live it down!"
"Would he?" Judy asked, just out of courtesy.
"Yes! I brought it up the last ti we talked, and he's been poking fun at ever since!"
That 'he' was surely referring to Sir Roland, and as for catching the bouquet, I was pretty sure it was ant to be sothing like a good-luck charm for the bridesmaids. Sothing along the lines of 'the one who catches the bride's bouquet is going to be the next bride', or sosuch. So, if Roland was making fun of her, it ant…
"I thought you guys were finally past your UST phase," I noted, much to her confusion.
"I… I don't know what that ans, but…"
"Hush, Chief." Judy intertwined her arm with mine and whispered, "Don't interfere. Ships are ant to be admired from a distance.
"Is it still a 'ship' when they're doing the horizontal mambo on the regular?"
"Oh, oh!" Elly joined our whispering, grabbing hold of my other arm. "Are we doing the euphemisms again? Like the 'matrimonial polka one'?" Before either of us could respond, she leaned even closer. "Did you know we have a new one? It's nad after our streaming service! It's called… um… 'Drakeflix and chill', I think."
"I don't follow," the young Spymaster muttered behind us. "What are you whispering about?"
"Nothing important," I told her with a reassuring smile over my shoulder. "Just natural language developnt."
She still didn't get it (maybe for the better), but there was no ti to explain anything to her, because we were already at the venue. The first thing that I noticed was the rather eye-catching décor within the ballroom. There was a whole lot of bright red and gold, most prominent being the large hanging banners with a large, circular symbol in the middle of them. It looked like a Chinese character, or maybe a couple of them squashed together, and it was absolutely everywhere.
Then, there were the guests, with their own diverse sense of fashion. Draconians with their luxurious gowns and suits, Magi in their fancy formal robes, Celestials in toga-outfits of various colours, and even a few Abyssals nobles in their elaborate gothic garnts. And those were just the major groups; we also had Ordo Draconis personnel in their dress uniforms, whether they were on duty or not, the Kage ninjas in all of their highly visible glory, and the less said about our own Research Division mbers, led by Fred and Galatea, mooching off the smorgasbord in the corner, the better.
Ah, and then there was the background music. As I had already emphasised, I was nowhere close to being an authority on the topic of weddings, but while I was sure they weren't supposed to be an entirely solemn affair, the live J-pop music coming from the stage in the garden was still a bit of a culture shock. Oh, and then the current song ended, and it was soon replaced by a… I don't even know. Was there such a thing as 'C-pop'? As in, I was pretty sure it was a Chinese song, and while the musical backing was a bit more traditional, with lots of stringed instrunts in the background, the beat and the vocals were still very distinctly pop-music sounding to my ears.
However, before I could spend more brain-cycles analysing the music, we were flagged down by my in-laws, and our little group quickly dispersed.
Adva Tira joined the Celestial delegation led by Tsephanyah, dressed in his finest purple toga and mingling with Lord Grandpa and Lord Barnabas near the wine table. Tajana, despite her previous words, beelined right towards an Ordo Draconis cluster, no doubt looking for Roland. I couldn't see him from here, but both Duncan and Agrawain were there, along with a group of Draconian guests, so it was a solid bet that our Sir Griffon should be sowhere in the vicinity. linda bowed out of the whole thing and left the ballroom the way we ca, while my girlfriends wordlessly headed towards the most conspicuous group in the whole hall.
That, of course, was the gang. We had Josh and Angie in their fully transford forms. Despite the curved horns, if his wings weren't out, Josh didn't look much different than how he usually did as Angie's 'Justicar', just with the colour-sche of his outfit shifted from white and gold and black and red. My sisters were also there, and for once Penny was wearing a proper dress, probably so she could match Snowy's own outfit. I caught a glimpse of Ammy in the back, in a dark green and black robe, along with a very self-conscious Michael. I couldn't see Ollie anywhere, but my educated guess was that he was probably playing with the other kids outside.
Then ca the 'extras', though saying that almost felt an. First, Zihao was hovering around Josh, the two of them animatedly discussing sothing while Angie just giggled at whatever it was. Then there was Sahi and Pascal, opting for a slightly more modernised set of Magi robes, with the rejuvenated arch-mage in particular cutting hers short and showing off a borderline inappropriate amount of skin. Last, and maybe least, we also had a surprise guest in the form of Hareng Ninurta, the blonde Abyssal fluttering about and making small-talk left and right, and… Huh. Was he why Michael looked so apprehensive?
In any case, almost everyone who mattered was here, and by the looks of it, they might've been waiting for in particular, because Dad-in-law imdiately ca up to and tapped on the shoulder.
"Son! Finally! We've thought you wouldn't show up!"
"I… don't think I'm late," I mused, which made Ese stifle a chuckle.
"You're the guest of honor. We couldn't get the ceremony started without you."
"Not to ntion, the best man of the groom!" Abram added, with another pat on my shoulder. "Co on, Son! They're waiting!"
Before I could get a word in, I was shuffled over to the other end of the ballroom, where a long red carpet was already laid out, with those portable rope cordons around it. The kind one would often see on TV during movie award broadcasts. One end of the carpet led outside, to the garden at the other side of the large doors, while the other ended at a carved wooden podium and a big, leather-bound to on a golden (or at least gold-foiled) stand.
Things proceeded quickly from here. As soon as I got into position, a new face showed up. A tall, bald man wearing bright red and orange clothes with a string of large wooden balls hanging from his neck. Hige, the effective leader of the Kage clan (since I never bothered, and Rinne was acting as my subordinate), gave a deferential bow and then took his spot on the podium. No sooner than that, the music from the outside quieted down, and the venue organisers began to herd all the guests towards the two sides of the red carpet.
Then, at last, the classic wedding march sounded. It was still coming from outside, so it wouldn't have surprised if that was also a live performance, but then my attention was drawn to the tail end of the long carpet. On it, there was a small procession, led by the soon-to-be-married couple. Both of them were dressed in very formal-looking Chinese garnts, aning lots of shiny silk, bright red fabrics, and golden embroidery. Honestly, it looked a bit tacky to my eyes, but who was I to judge? Again, I wasn't a wedding-ologist, and I was pretty sure this was very traditional and proper and whatnot.
But then again, the bride also had a huge headdress, with hanging pearls and flower motifs, and what looked like two small hand-fans holding up a bright red veil in front of her face, which looked more the part of so overdone Geisha cosplay. Oh, but speaking of Japanese cosplay, right next to her walked a girl in a set of red and white shrine maiden clothing, holding a small velvet cushion with a pair of expensive rings embedded in it, while on the groom's side, there was another familiar little girl with a tray holding a fancy Asian tea set.
It was also the point when I noticed the, in retrospect, conspicuous red rose petals falling from the ceiling, and looking up, I found my Chief Reminders returning to their flower-flinging roots and showering the entire procession with them. Then, at last, the couple reached us at the podium, and the groom lifted the veil off the face of the bride before letting Hige start his speech and…
Okay, can we pause for a mont and acknowledge just how weird this all was?
I an, this was a Chinese Draconian magnate marrying a Japanese catgirl monster hunter, ordained by a ninja dressed like a Shaolin monk right out of a fighting ga, in a ceremony held inside a Western mansion, to the tunes of a wedding march from a Wagner opera while being showered with rose-petals by kids who looked like cherubs dressed in Greek togas. We were being multi-cultural to an almost comical degree here, weren't we?
Oh, but it didn't stop there.
Once the Kage elder gave his speech, ca a whole lot of rites and ceremonies. First, as the best man of the groom, I had to take the pillow with the rings from Ichiko and hand them over to the couple. They each said their vows and put their rings on each other's ring fingers. So far, so normal.
Then Odango Girl set down the tea set, and the two of them started an impromptu tea ceremony. That was apparently also tradition, which was normally ant for the families of the couple, and while there were plenty Feilong elders related to Naoren to receive them, on Rinne's end, as her 'master', I was given a cup instead, and then I had to give them a gift in return. It also had to be packaged in a red envelope, for so reason, but again, I didn't need to understand these wedding traditions; I just had to play along.
Anyhow, I handed them a pair of 'Ask for any enchantnt for free once' vouchers and was done with it. Hey, it might've seed cheap, but there were respectable Artificers out there who would've been willing to commit grand felonies to get their hands on one of these, so it wasn't that cheap.
It was only after all of this that the two of them cracked open the big to I ntioned before, which was a family registry of so kind, and they wrote their nas into it, then signed the page with their thumbprints. But wait, that wasn't the end!
Because then Dad-in-law showed up with a big, white barrel of so kind, and then after another speech, Naoren and Rinne broke it open with a pair of small wooden mallets. There was apparently Japanese sake inside, but before I could figure out what that had to do with anything, I was roped into handing it out to the guests, one tiny cup at a ti, during which the two of them disappeared.
By the ti that was over and done with, they returned dressed in traditional western wedding clothes, Naoren sporting a black suit and Mountain Girl in a pure white gown, with a headdress that seed specifically designed to draw attention to her cat ears. It was apparently in preparation for cutting the wedding cake, which was…
"Oh, dear…" I muttered as I watched the huge, multi-layered white cake being carted in. "I really, really hope there's no stripper inside…"
My worries were probably unfounded, but seriously, who needs a cake that size?
Though again, there were a whooole lot of guests, so maybe it was warranted. In any case, while Naoren was being instructed in how to use a comically large knife to make the first cut, the wonfolk pulled Rinne aside to enact Tajana's worst fear.
…
Okay, so maybe I was over-dramatising the bouquet throw a little, but so were they, with at least two dozen girls and young won clustered together in wait. Mountain Girl, still unsure of what to do, turned around, swung the bouquet, and… it hit the ceiling. Yeah, I expected at least that level of shenanigans at this point.
Anyhow, the bundle of flowers bounced off, the vaulted ceiling at an angle and careened through the air, missing the waiting maidens by a wide margin and flying directly towards the cluster of Ordo Draconis personnel, which was, incidentally, the exact place where…
"Kyaah!"
Yeah, that was the Abyssal spymaster, all right. However, contrary to expectations, just before the flowers landed on top of her head, a sudden blue blur ca between them, and the bouquet was snatched out of the air.
"Ah…" Tajana let out a relieved breath, one hand on her chest, and she uttered, "T-Thank you, Lady Albion. That could've been dangerous."
"Ah, don't ntion it," Yseult, dressed in one of her usual blue evening dresses, waved the flowers around as she would do with her hand-fan. "I did it by reflex, really."
"Aye, ye've gone and done it noo, lassie!"
Yseult's pleased expression turned mildly annoyed when she looked over the big guy standing near her, his dress uniform barely fitting his fra.
"I did what? Also, what did I tell you about calling a 'lassie' in public, you big oaf?"
Duncan ignored the second half of her response and let out a throaty chuckle.
"Ye've catched the flow'rs. Noo ye'll hae tae get hitched. It's the rules, ken."
Yseult rolled her eyes and handed the bouquet over to him.
"I caught it without aning to, so here. You can have it."
He accepted it on reflex, then his brow furrowed, and he scratched the back of his head.
"Aye? Whit am I gaun tae find a braw bird tae marry at this oor?"
That wasn't the end of it, and they soon started bickering like usual, but as much as I would've loved to see where the situation was headed, my attention was drawn elsewhere. Specifically, the confectionery smorgasbord. I had no idea if that kind of arrangent had a na, but it was beside the point. Much more importantly, I couldn't ignore the three familiar noggins poking up from behind the table, and after making sure I wasn't needed elsewhere, I wearily made my way over.
There, half-hidden from the crowd, stood three 'kids'. One in a pink dress, the second in an oversized hoodie, and the third one was currently busy scarfing down a large slice of Esterházy torte.
"What exactly are you three doing here?" I asked, and two of the trio froze up, even though I wasn't even trying to hide my presence until now.
"Sholh," the white-haired kid with the suspenders greeted , his mouth still full of cake.
"Ah! We were found out right away!" Oriole whined and held her head in her hands. "I knew this was a bad idea!"
"I even disguised myself…" Obsidius joined in on the self-pity train, while Benjamin only shrugged and reached for so macarons.
"You still haven't answered the question," I pointed out a tad impatiently, and the bespectacled boy in the middle let out a soft noise.
"We just… erm… It's Oriole's fault!"
"Hey!" The blonde girl glared at her… friend? Colleague? Whatever, the point was that she glared at him and yelled, "Don't throw under the bus like that! If anything, it's the Venerated Benjamin's fault we're in this situation!"
"To be entirely fair," the third 'kid' noted with audible disinterest as he vacillated between trying a cheesecake or one of those Japanese ball-sweets next. "If not for your ntion of human weddings and their rich traditions, I would not have been compelled to observe them in person."
I squinted at the soft-spoken yet eminently annoying ex-eldritch abomination and uttered, "You're just here for the food, aren't you?"
"Food culture is part of tradition," he argued back with a straight face, and chose the dangos. "Albeit, I admit I have higher hopes for the other tables. There's just too much sugar and not enough protein here."
"S-See!" Oriole chid in, gesturing at Bejamin, "We're only here to help the Venerated Benjamin look around without trouble, right?"
That last questioning bit was clearly aid at Obsidius, but he only responded with a sulky, "I'm only here because you dragged along. Again."
"Pssst! You're not helping!" she hissed at him. "At this rate, Sol's going to be mad at us!"
"I'm not mad, just…" I hesitated on how to end that sentence, but then I just exhaled hard and turned to the unlikely Venerated Ergent. "Are you here to cause trouble? Because if you are, I'll have to be impolite and send you packing."
"No. Obviously," he responded flatly. "I told you, I'm here to observe human traditions."
I eyed him for a while, then I glanced back at the newlyweds currently engaged in a skit debating whether using Onikiri to cut the wedding cake was proper or not, and then back to the trio.
"Fine. You can stay around, but don't leave my sight for a second. Understood?"
Benjamin nodded without any pretence, and then pointed at a different table.
"In that case, please lead us to a site with prey incinerated in crushed plant seeds."
"He ans fried food… I think…" Obsidius noted, and I couldn't help but sigh.
What can I say? As the best man of the groom, it was my job to keep the wedding safe and help everything proceed smoothly, so that the newlywed couple wouldn't have to worry about anything on their big day. I think keeping cosmic beings of unimaginable power from causing havoc at the party was about as 'going above and beyond the call of duty' as it could get, even if from the outside it looked like I was just babysitting.
That was about as normal as my life would ever get, wasn't it?
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