The days had long ago beco so suffocating and boring that just staring at the rock wall felt like I had a hand over my throat.
My senses were dulling and at the sa ti more sharpened. Dull in the sense that I sotis forget just how lush the greenery outside used to be, and sharpened in a beast sense where protecting my cubs in my belly seed more important than my own life.
And then I began to feel depression too. Prenatal depression. At tis, I’d wake up in the middle of the night and start crying for no reason.
The irritation towards the sll of salt and cedar wood caused a lot of discomfort.
It felt so severe that I bit my lip and wished for things I’m not very proud to ntion. I wished I could just leave everything and wake up the outcast I used to be in a world of running water, electricity, and all sorts of convenience.
But then I’d curse myself for even thinking about leaving the husbands I claim to care about so much.
And for trying to throw away the responsibility of being a mother.
My heart was so conflicted, and it was even worse when I felt my chest tightening up too much, I couldn’t eat. It wasn’t just because I was sick of the sa al we were eating every single day but because of the cubs... They were growing so big, and I could sotis feel as if they had their tails coiled around my heart, up my chest, and even to my throat, making it hard for to breathe.
It was so difficult to stay sane in all these conditions, but they tried for .
They tried to give a warm embrace, assure that the warm winter would let out soon, and that the cubs would be out. I just had to be patient with them.
Noah was the one saying these things most of the ti. He seed like an expert, and it was helpful, but negative thoughts began brewing in my mind as a result of my depressed state.
Without aning to, I lashed out at him, telling him to stop acting as if he knows about pregnancies, so we’ll just because he’s had a few others pregnant.
"..."
It was a comnt I never intended with a sane mind and I don’t think I will ever forgive myself for saying sothing like that.
I was going mad, going insane... As soon as those words left my lips, the broken expression on Noah’s face woke up.
My lips, hands, and shoulders quivered.
"N-noah, I..."
"You didn’t say anything wrong, Little Tiger." He said, smiling and that broke even more. "It’s true, all of it. I know so much cause I’ve seen a lot of it, not that I’m proud of it. If it makes you better, you can lash out at whenever you want."
No, I didn’t want to. I didn’t an to. Knowing I’d said sothing like that only made feel guilty.
What was I doing to a man who cared for ?
I broke down crying, not trying to act the victim but because I was genuinely hurt by my own words.
Why was this happening to ?
Fenric tried to make feel better but he had no words. He did not bla for lashing out but he did not dismiss it either. And then he said,
"You can also lash out at if you want, Arinya. You must be feeling so uncomfortable and I will never understand your struggle." I flinched. What was he saying? Why did he want to lash out at him?
Why were they doing this to ?
He pressed his head against mine, his voice comforting and soft as he whispered,
"You’re going through a lot and I can’t even help you feel better, so just tell, scream... Do whatever you want, Arinya. No one will bla you."
I cried.
I didn’t want to hurt them for my own comfort. My chest was stuck, compressed with the cubs pressing against my ribs, but I didn’t want them to feel discomfort just because I did.
Just watching every day was already pressuring them into thinking they weren’t good enough to take care of .
"Being pregnant in the winter is harsher than any other season." Noah had said. "So, do not hold it out on yourself if you act unlike yourself."
From that day, however, I refused to speak unless necessary. They brought als whenever I let out a little mutter of being hungry.
The color had drained from my face a lot, and the light had faded from my eyes as well.
This... Was not how I imagined the winter would go. This was now how I imagined being pregnant would be.
Constant mood swings, aches, depression, anxiety... All of it made the winter so much harder to bear than it should’ve.
I never knew being pregnant was this hard.
But then, one afternoon, the heavy silence of the cave changed.
I was sitting in my usual spot, leaning against Damar’s coils, when I felt a shift. It wasn’t his usual slow breathing. It was a ripple—a conscious, muscular uncoiling that made the scales lean into .
My heart leaped into my throat. "Damar?"
Slowly, the massive silver head lifted from the center of the coils. His erald eyes, which I hadn’t seen for so long, slid open. They were clear, jewel-like, and focused.
"Fenric! Noah! He’s awake!" I cried out, my voice cracking with a joy so sharp it hurt. I felt tears gather in my eyes as well.
The other two were across the cave, but they were by my side in a flash, their breath held in collective anticipation. It wasn’t like they
We waited for the shift—for the silver scales to lt back into the tan skin and the long, elegant limbs of the man I missed so dearly.
But the shift never ca.
Damar remained in his serpent form, but he didn’t hiss. He simply turned his head with an agonizing slowness, that made it seem like his ti unconscious had gravelly weighed him down, his gaze lingering on my face for a long, quiet mont. There was a deep recognition in his eyes, but it was distant, as if he were looking at from the other side of a frozen lake.
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