My heart slamd in my chest. Damar was proposing we hide what had happened tonight, but the thought of it made awful.
I thought deeply about it. So deeply that I weighed all possibilities, and I finally ca to a realisation. I finally ca to a conclusion.
"Damar," I called softly. "What I did was wrong. And I’m not so selfish that I would put all the bla on Thalor. He was right, there was sothing I wanted from him."
"Ari," he called, looking at with fear in his eyes. He dreaded my next words, as if he already knew, but wished it would never be revealed.
"Damar," I shook my head. "Thalor was right."
"Don’t say it, Ari."
"I... am, if not completely, enchanted by the rman."
The air turned heavy after I had said those words. I waited to hear what Damar said, but no words ca out. He simply clenched his fists, his face turned aside as he could not bring himself to look at right now.
"Why?" A word finally slipped from his lips. "Why is it never enough? Why do I have to share you with more and more males?"
My breath hitched, and my eyes slowly widened.
"Ari," he finally turned his head to look at , and I watched the way his eyes teared up, his gaze flashing with a profound hurt. "I just want you to... look at more often," his words ca out a lot more softly, but they trembled. "Ari, do you know that the day I t you looked like every other female to . I was vexed, and I was prepared to pay you back for the insult."
He was talking about that pee incident.
"But then, one good look at you, one whiff of your scent, and all of that changed. My soul resonated with you, my eyes cleared up, and in that instant, I knew you were the one for . And I was going to take you as my mate, no matter what I had to do."
Damar... rarely talks about himself.
He often keeps his thoughts to himself and just goes along with whatever we have going on.
But this ti, it looked like he was hurt, and he could no longer keep the bottled feelings hidden.
"I planned to be your one and only male, protect you, and cherish you. Even if I am a snake, I planned to be a beastman you could proudly look up to." His hands trembled. "But no more than two days passed, and there was the snow tiger who ca to see you out. Fenric had caught your eyes just as I had caught yours."
My heart did a slow, nauseating flip.
"I was jealous, and angry, and I was prepared to ask for a duel to the death, where the winner takes you as their mate, but from the way you looked at him, I knew right away that you wouldn’t like that. You have an eye for nice bodies and a pretty face, so you wouldn’t like to see us tear each other apart."
His voice was laced with a little mockery, as if mocking his own state as he narrated his own thoughts.
"I decided to live with it. And even when you said you were planning to have other males, I did not complain. And that is because I was certain that in this vast world, the handso and capable males you like so much are not in abundance. Fenric and I were exceptions."
I turned my face away briefly.
"But then there was Noah."
"Damar," I called. I saw where this was going.
So, he accepted my condition, not because he could live with sharing with other males, but because he was confident the world didn’t have an abundance of the kind of males I liked.
Wasn’t this comical? Yes, it was. But why couldn’t I laugh at it?
"I’m sorry," I whispered. "I’m sorry that you had to go along with my whims while you silently gritted your teeth and sobbed in your heart.
"Ari..."
"And I’m also sorry that I can’t keep my eyes off a handso face," I brushed my hand over my neck. "I won’t say I regret it since my life so far with all three of you has been so blissful that I won’t trade it for anything."
He swallowed, gripping his fists even tighter, and bowing his head, knowing his wish wouldn’t co true. Knowing I won’t change my mind, even as he said all he did.
"This ti... don’t forgive ," I said, and he lifted his head to look at . "What I did this ti is no different from cheating. What I did this ti is no different from mocking my husbands who are asleep in our tent with our cubs. What I did this ti..." I didn’t even know when it happened, but tears had begun to roll down my cheeks.
Cheap tears, if I might add. Because why would I be crying in this situation when the real victim was Damar?
"I’ll admit it. I’m insensitive, greedy, and think mostly for myself." I said.
"No, that’s not true." He said, reaching for , but I took a step back and shook my head.
"You don’t have to cover up my flaws, Damar. I know them as much as I try to deny them." I admitted and then smiled at him. "That’s why I’ll say it once again, please do not forgive . Stay mad at for as long as you want. Hate for bringing another male into our family despite your aching heart, but do not cry for . It makes feel miserable knowing I am causing the husband who loves to shed tears." I sniffed. "You can do anything else but cry. Keep your precious tears, Damar."
Damar was short of words; he hit the inside of his mouth, planning to refute, planning to say sothing that could very much contradict my own words, but nothing ca out.
He was weak and defeated.
I smiled. I think this should do it.
Now, I have to tell the exact sa words to the other two so they know the sin I have committed.
Let live with the guilt of hurting them, despite knowing fully well what they wished for.
I cannot keep mistaking their devotion for blindness.
But as I turned around, I paused, my body turning stiff right away as I saw the two who I assud had been sleeping were standing by the entrance of the tenth.
They had unreadable expressions, cradling the cubs who might’ve woken up in between and caused them to wake as well.
I opened my mouth to speak, but the words got caught. I simply lowered my head in sha, gripping my fists at my side, and then my voice ca back.
"Noah, Fenric, you may have or may not have heard it, so I’ll say it again." I slowly went down on my knees, looking up at them.
"Ari, you don’t have to..." Damar protested by raising a hand to stop him and continued.
"Tonight, I snuck out of the tent after we mixed our heat together, with the excuse of being thirsty. And then, by the well," my voice trembled. I had just said it, but it suddenly felt so heavy on my heart.
So difficult to confess.
"I kissed the rman prince and I... I think I plan to bring him into the family. So, please do not forgive , for what I did was an insult to your pride as loving and devoted husbands."
Though I don’t know if devoted was the right fit for Noah, who had other kids with different females, but they should understand my words regardless.
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