Afterimage (15)
I hadn't realized it would be helpful to have soone to bla, or soone to vent my anger on.
Perhaps when young Levina, after being scolded by the Duchess, tornted , it was sothing similar to this.
In that sense, I am doing the exact sa thing as Levina.
Just as she did to , I too was pouring out my ugly, twisted emotions onto her.
Though Levina seems to accept even this as love.
If so, did she really believe everything she did in her childhood was because of love?
I don't know.
Anyway, though I've beco no different from Levina, the conclusion that an illegitimate child and a junior head of a noble family are fundantally the sa kind of person might not be so bad.
After all, we are rely different pieces of the sa mirror.
Anyway, I felt a little calr.
As I left the student council office, Levina's sobbing from behind strangely cald my heart.
I didn't know if Levina would listen to or not, but now it didn't bother much.
At least I wouldn't be wandering from tavern to tavern after being disowned from the family, only to be stabbed to death by so unknown person.
****
The next day, I attended my classes as usual and was eating lunch.
The cafeteria was as noisy as ever.
The sounds of chatter, laughter, clinking cutlery, and food slls mingled, creating one vast racket.
Just then, Seraphina ca.
Her face, unlike yesterday, looked quite bright.
It was full of life.
"C-can I eat with you?"
Seraphina asked.
She stood before .
"What about your friends?"
"Ah, today, I, I wanted to eat with you. I-it's okay for one day, isn't it?"
Seraphina said so and sat in the seat opposite .
She began to eat lightly.
The soft clinking of the fork and knife against the plate resonated.
"You always stutter when you're with ."
I said thoughtlessly.
"I-I know. I-I don't really know why I'm like this."
Seraphina's face reddened slightly.
"I hope it gets fixed."
"J-just like we managed to prevent the engagent from being broken off, it, it'll get fixed."
"About the engagent cancellation, don't I need to tell Levina separately?"
"W-what's the n-need to tell the Y-Young Head?
You were d-disowned from the f-family anyway."
"Ah, that's right."
I replied.
I always forget.
Last ti, I was acting as the family head and had Levina with , and this ti, whether Levina said I was kicked out or not, I'm going around freely using my allowance and the family na.
Levina doesn't say anything to about it either.
As I tore a piece of bread, placed so at on it, and speared it with a fork to put into my mouth, Seraphina opened hers.
"S-so, when are w-we getting m-married?"
At her question, I nearly spat out the food in my mouth.
Feeling choked, I hastily guzzled a glass of water.
The sensation of the cold water tracing down my esophagus was vivid.
"Well, graduation isn't far off, so perhaps we should think about it after that?"
"I-it's fine to do it n-now. A-actually, if we do it now, the people around us will..."
Seraphina didn't finish her sentence.
She put down her cutlery and calmly clasped her hands on the table.
Then she looked directly at and asked.
"So, you don't want to do it with , after all?"
Her gaze was directed at , but it felt as if she wasn't truly looking at .
It was sowhat chilling, yet strangely unpleasant.
"Or is it because of that woman? That Estelle who was with you, hm? The Saintess, you said."
A silence followed for a while.
The cafeteria's noise felt distant, like the sound of waves from afar.
As the al was nearly over, Seraphina said quietly.
"Do you love ?"
"Yes, I love you."
"More than her?"
"That, I'm not sure."
I answered honestly.
At that mont, all expression vanished from Seraphina's face, then a faint smile appeared.
That expression she always wore at appropriate social gatherings.
It wasn't particularly pleasant to see.
Seraphina called over a passing cafeteria attendant, asked them to clear the dishes, and then stood up.
"We'll know when we discuss it with everyone present.
Who loves more, and who receives more."
She smiled and extended her hand to .
I took her hand and stood up.
As I held her hand and looked at Seraphina's eyes, there was no sparkle in them.
After that, we exited the building and started walking along the road.
For so reason, no conversation flowed between us.
Yet, neither of us outwardly displayed any strong emotions such as displeasure, joy, disgust, or delight.
We just walked along the road, dryly and without a word.
I was making my way to a small church behind the academy, while Seraphina, walking half a step ahead of , seed to be just walking wherever her feet took her.
There was a ti when I got into trouble even though I knew I'd be scolded.
I cut a lilac from right in front of the mansion's garden and put it inside a letter I gave to Seraphina.
It was a feeling very similar to how I felt returning to the mansion after spending ti with Seraphina.
The outco of that day was quite a ss.
The moisture from the flower made the letter smudge, and at the mansion, I was not only scolded but had all my clothes stripped off and was beaten like a dog, then locked in a small wardrobe all evening, barely getting out in the morning, I think?
At least this ti, I hope such a thing doesn't happen.
"Do you know where the Saintess is staying?"
Seraphina asked.
Her voice was calm.
"Yeah, she was badly injured in a heretic village and received help."
"......So she was soone helpful to you, after all."
Seraphina murmured.
I didn't particularly reply.
And so, the two of us arrived in front of the small church behind the academy.
I was about to knock, but Seraphina stepped forward, opened the door, and walked inside.
With a creak, the door opened, and we stepped inside.
Light streaming through the stained glass created colorful patterns on the floor.
There was no one on the first floor.
Seraphina, slightly flustered, turned back to look at .
Just then, a voice ca from the second-floor railing.
"......Lavin? Why did you bring that woman?"
It was Estelle.
She was leaning against the railing, looking down at us.
Her pure white priestess robes shone exceptionally bright.
Seraphina, seeing Estelle, murmured quietly.
"So it really was the Saintess."
Estelle, who would normally have co down the stairs, fearing damage to the floor, instead jumped directly from the railing.
The soft sound of her landing echoed inside the church.
"There's sothing we need to talk about."
"What is it about?"
"Marriage."
I replied.
With that one word, the air inside the church seed to freeze.
"......Ah, yes. Marriage. Right.
You impiously took the Saintess's first kiss, and now you intend to marry another woman?"
Estelle said so and naturally moved closer to , trying to bring her lips to mine.
But at that mont, Seraphina stepped between them and pushed Estelle away.
"Hmm, how impious."
Estelle said, frowning.
She leaned closer to Seraphina and whispered.
"Last ti, I let it slide because you didn't seem to recognize , but if your speech becos strange again like last ti, I'll charge you with blasphemy... Or perhaps that's too far?
Is burning you alive a bit much?"
"I was rude last ti, Saintess."
Seraphina said.
Her voice no longer stamred.
"Ah, yes. It went beyond rudeness."
"Nevertheless, I am the one Lavin loves, and I am the one who promised him from childhood that we would marry and be each other's only one."
"For soone saying that, it seems you weren't averse to abandoning Lavin either."
Estelle said sarcastically.
"Ah, well, I'm not the Saintess, you see."
Seraphina said, giving a perfect smile as if from a social etiquette textbook.
"Everyone knows the Saintess's touching story. You wandered from church to church to save your beloved kin, and then, because of a few corrupt churches, God sent you. Who doesn't know that?"
"......Are you going to act high and mighty just because you're a noble? Saying there's nothing good about marrying a commoner like ?"
"You know it well, but I was also disowned from my family, so it's the sa for . Though it is different."
Seraphina walked past Estelle, who was blocking her way, and approached the altar.
"You, shouldn't you know your place and watch your words?"
Estelle's voice dropped low.
"Still, how could I do that, when the person I love might be taken from right before my eyes, and I might never see him again, and I might beco as miserable as I appear in my dreams?
After all, there are plenty of stories about won who sold their souls to demons for love."
Estelle's expression was frozen.
Seraphina stopped in front of the church altar and a statue, then continued speaking quietly.
"They say you didn't even betray your faith after your beloved kin died, let alone to a demon, but instead offered more faithful and devout prayers of repentance.
Saying that God must have taken your loved one because you had sinned... and without blaming heaven itself."
Seraphina said so and then turned around.
She was still wearing the sa fresh smile.
"To lose beloved family, and not even be given a proper chance, yet still continuously praise that person, offer repentance, and faithfully pray.
I wouldn't be able to do that. You are truly an amazing person."
Estelle began to grind her teeth.
She clenched her fists, poised as if to stomp her foot at any mont.
"So, what are you trying to say?"
"I'm saying that if Lavin dies, I don't think I could live like the Saintess.
How could I believe in a God who takes away the one I love? Without a shred of sense."
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