Escape (7)
The annex's backyard had long remained untouched by human hands.
Wild weeds grew freely, brushing against our ankles, and naless wildflowers blood in various spots.
It felt different from the well-maintained garden of the main mansion, but I preferred this.
As if everything was living as it pleased.
Seraphina quietly followed behind .
The hem of her white dress was getting dirty, dragged through the wet soil and blades of grass, but she didn't seem to mind.
Every ti her shoe heels dug into the mud, her body swayed slightly.
Other than the sound of the wind occasionally blowing and rustling the leaves, and our footsteps, nothing else could be heard.
Seraphina tried to speak to several tis, but only her lips moved; she couldn't open her mouth.
Her face seed sohow gloomy.
I didn't know what to say.
It was certain that sothing changed every ti I died.
Seraphina, , everyone around us.
Yet, it didn't seem like much had changed.
Because before I burned to death, Seraphina hadn't trusted my words.
"The annulnt, wasn't it what you wished for?"
I broke the silence first.
My voice ca out drier than I expected.
Seraphina stopped in her tracks.
She replied.
That she had wished for it, that she had been mistaken.
"I'm sorry. I, I had no will of my own."
Her voice began to tremble.
Soon, the tears she had held back burst forth.
She didn't even cover her face with her hands; she just shed tears.
"Since I was born until now, everything just went with the flow.
I just lived mistaking the thoughts of those around as my own.
I thought my father's will was my will, and I took it for granted that you were by my side."
Her voice, mixed with sobs, cut through the stillness of the backyard.
"But suddenly, it feels like you'll disappear."
"......"
"I don't know why. It just...
If I just stay like this, if I live as I've always lived, going with the flow...
It feels like you'll die. It feels like you'll just disappear."
She spoke while shedding tears.
Her words, buried in her sobs, began to grow fainter.
"But I don't want that."
It would be a lie to say her tears didn't move my heart even a little, but nevertheless, I couldn't trust Seraphina.
Her face, which hadn't trusted until the very last mont, ca to mind.
Because all she had done, while watching burn on the cold stone floor of the underground prison, was rely cry.
One might say, what more could I ask for? But at least from Seraphina, I had lived with the hope that she would take my side and only look at .
Both 'Lavin' and I.
Just as sothing had clearly continued to change every ti I died, Seraphina might also be changing, but still, the sensation of burning to death vividly remained beneath my skin.
And sohow, I began to understand Seraphina.
I can't trust Seraphina.
Just as Seraphina can't trust 'Lavin'.
Every ti I die, Seraphina might change.
Because sohow, every ti the people around looked at , I could clearly feel them changing little by little.
They might be rembering my dedication, everything I had done, respecting , and perhaps still loving .
But I simply couldn't trust Seraphina.
Perhaps I might be doing the sa thing.
Because we were childhood friends.
Having grown up together since childhood, we ca to resemble each other in so many ways.
We might even resemble each other in these aspects.
After a long period of contemplation, I quietly replied to Seraphina's words.
"Seraphina. No matter what you say, we can't trust each other."
Seraphina, hearing my words, paused slightly, then shook her head, denying it.
"No, that's not right. At least, I was the one who couldn't trust you."
I looked at her pristine white dress and shoes, dirtied with mud.
Seraphina from childhood ca to mind.
Because she was always like that.
Wherever we went, she was always busy playing with , and the pristine white dress and shoes that the mansion had dressed her in, ostensibly for her to et her fiancé, would often get dirty.
"You won't trust , whether I live or die."
"No! That was, back then I was too young... No, even now I don't know what I can do.
But I trust you. I'll only believe your words. So..."
She clung to .
Her cold hand grasped my arm.
I didn't shake her off.
"And, honestly. You've done enough, Seraphina.
I told you the Forbidden Library wasn't my doing... or did I not? Not yet.
Anyway, you've done enough for three years."
"No, please... I, I don't want to break up with you."
She said, crying.
She pleaded.
I, instead, consoled such a Seraphina.
And I held her tightly.
Her cold body trembled faintly in my arms.
I slowly patted her back.
Sohow, emotions didn't well up, not like when I wrote and sent letters, and not like when the letters burned and disappeared before my eyes.
Whether good or bad.
I could feel her body temperature.
It was a familiar, yet now unfamiliar, temperature.
Perhaps having known each other for too long, knowing each other too well, we might have co to know nothing at all from a certain point.
Like a book read too many tis, whose letters had worn away.
When her sobs subsided, I gently pulled her away.
"It's already too late. You know it's all over, don't you?
Because Levina wishes for it, and your father wishes for it."
At my words, Seraphina's sobs stopped for a mont.
With reddened eyes, she looked up at .
And asked.
"Now... is it that girl who was next to you?"
"Why bring up Lineta?"
"Usually, people don't go around alone with a maid, or hold hands... huh?
And employers don't usually rember nas. At least, not in my circles."
Faint jealousy and resentnt were mixed in her voice.
"Still, it's none of your business. Especially not from today onwards."
"No matter how many concubines you take, I won't care.
So, please, stay by my side, stay with ."
Seraphina spoke as if grasping onto her last hope.
Her pride had long since hit rock bottom.
"Whether you go sowhere to work or earn money, I'll do everything.
I won't do anything you dislike, and I won't care about family or reputation either.
It's okay if you can't trust , I'll try to make you trust . I'll try..."
"Your words are appreciated."
I smiled faintly.
Seeing my lack of reaction, she made a blank expression.
"Or now... you don't love anymore?"
She asked.
"That's the sa for you, isn't it?"
"No!"
Seraphina shook her head and cried out.
She blankly stared at for a long ti.
No sobs ca out, just tears flowed from her eyes.
Wetting her cheeks, gathered on her chin, then fell downwards.
Her lips trembled slightly, then Seraphina quietly opened her mouth.
"From the mont I first t you, even if you went astray, wherever you went, whatever trouble you caused, and whatever insults I received because of you, I was by your side because I loved you.
For over 10 years, I've loved you since the mont I first saw you! So, so. Because I love you..."
"It was the sa for ."
At my answer, Seraphina's face brightened significantly.
It was as if the clouds had parted and the sun had co out.
"Then, then let's start over from the beginning. Okay?
As if nothing happened between us.
Let's forget everything, and just start over here, can't we?"
I didn't answer.
I just looked at her and smiled faintly.
And quietly said.
"Not eting anyone here, not eting you either.
And not hearing about people around you, staying cooped up here, I'm truly happy.
Here, there aren't many people who see as so kind of scoundrel, like you do, and there's no one trying to bind ."
More than trying to make sothing work there for three years, it was more enjoyable to share simple als with Lineta in the countryside village.
"So, Seraphina. Though I appreciate what you've said, it's alright."
I walked past her and began to walk again.
My voice scattered in the wind.
From behind, Seraphina's sobs could be heard, so I looked back.
She had sunk to the ground and was crying.
Her white dress was now completely stained with dirt and tears.
She didn't seem to be in a situation to care about such things.
I almost approached her for a mont, but then turned my head and left.
When I returned to my room, exhausted, Lineta was waiting for at the door.
Seeing my appearance, she approached with a worried expression.
"Young Master, are you alright? Your complexion isn't good..."
I vaguely nodded at her greeting, then sat wearily on the bed and just ran my hands over my face.
My mind was a ss.
Lineta carefully asked if she could sit next to .
When I nodded, she sat down beside .
For a while, we didn't say anything.
"That person, you love her, don't you?"
I didn't answer.
"You must love her incredibly much."
Lineta said again.
"If that weren't the case, you wouldn't be having such a hard ti."
Lineta moved her body closer to mine.
And gently pulled my head to lean on her shoulder.
It was a small, warm shoulder.
She didn't say anything.
She just calmly, gently stroked my head.
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