The journey to knighthood was as arduous as it was fad.
Equestrianism. Swordsmanship. Diplomacy.
To be a knight was to be both an ambassador and a warrior. A shining beacon of chivalry, capable of representing the kingdom in the midst of a soirée as much as a field of battle.
Whether it was mud born of trampled dirt or scandalous accusations which flew past their faces, they stood tall and proud, silently rembering every key detail to relay to my family later.
Assuming, of course, that they even made it that far.
As questing squires, theirs was a life of heavy sacrifice and little reward. Their hos were the hedgerows and brambles surrounding the furthest villages, ensuring that if any cry of distress was sounded, they would be there to answer–and perhaps earn a free al in the process.
Ard with little more than their courage and their wits, they worked tirelessly before the eyes of their peers. And if they were successful, then their true training could begin.
Pestering busy maidens. Taking up every outdoor dining area. Fleeing from angry fathers. Purchasing hair wax in bulk and sohow still needing more.
The road to the promised land was one steeped in hardship and pulled hamstrings. But within the fraternity which governed all knights, the honoured traditions of occasionally being a public nace were dutifully passed down to those willing to earn the palm shaped bruises upon their cheeks.
… Or they could simply pay 10 silver crowns instead.
“In the na of Lady Sophista, I charge you to be just. In the na of Lord Tayv, I charge you to be gallant. In the na of Lady Lumielle, I charge you to be rciful. By the grace of the heavens and the realm eternal, I na you Sir …”
“Puck. But most people call Hobbs. Bad leg, you see.”
“Sir Puck, alternatively known as Hobbs. Arise now–as a Knight of the Shining Stars.”
I watched as a farr half-rose from his knee.
He hadn’t needed to bend all the way.
The one ordaining him was kind enough to stand upon a wooden crate … and in the process allow the crowd a clear view of the spectacle which was her lifting her sword away from a proud pair of shoulders and back to her side.
The man gave a toothy grin as he turned, before being t by a wave of cheers.
And why not?
It was the dream of every commoner to be knighted by a princess.
Golden locks of wavy hair beneath a shining tiara. Soft eyes as green as an unripe turnip. A dress so needlessly extravagant that the hems repulsed dirt and debris because they feared getting lost within it.
She smiled as she stood upon her wooden crate. A young maiden with a deanour both gentle and refined enough to earn the adoration of the hollering crowd.
The very picture of a princess. Which was strange.
To be wilful was our duty. But while visiting my kingdom was doubtless on the minds of every foreign princess, it was quite unusual to choose a road surrounded by wheat over the pronade of Reitzlake or the courtyard of the Royal Villa.
Apparently, she’d lost her way.
Thus, I tugged on Apple’s reins.
The disorderly queue instantly beca more chaotic as it parted. A barrage of huffs ca my way–all of it ignored as I offered a polite smile to the lost princess standing upon her wooden crate.
“Salutations,” I said warmly. “My apologies, but I cannot help but notice the sign. Would you happen to be the princess ntioned?”
The maiden clasped her hands together as though in prayer. Her golden locks swayed to a breeze ushered by a farr to the side clearly bribed to wave a large fan.
Whatever she was praying for, she needed to pray harder.
“Indeed, I am,” ca the reply laced with apology. “I am Princess Sophina Clarimonte de Lavennes-Miracielle. It is a delight to et with you. I’m afraid, however, that I cannot see to any queries you might have at present. These gentlen have been waiting for so ti. Might I ask that you join the queue? You needn’t fear. I shall endeavour to make ti for every petitioner.”
Apple snorted.
I directed his muzzle towards her. She leaned slightly away.
“Hm? But there’s no queue.”
“The queue is currently behind you. It begins where the wooden sign is.”
I duly sent a glance past my shoulder.
Then, I offered the sa polite smile to the loitering farrs as I did the maiden.
A mont later–
“There is no queue,” I repeated brightly, as the sound of scampering footsteps filled the air.
The maiden was unfazed.
Far from it, her smile blood as she offered an impression of a curtsey.
“So I see. Before we begin, was there any royal patronage on the nu you wished to offer a donation towards? It is 5 copper crowns for a handshake, 10 copper crowns for a customised greeting card and 2 silver crowns for a pleasant conversation.”
“How much is it for an unpleasant conversation?”
“I’m afraid that will cost rather more.”
“Then I accept. Your fee can be subtracted from the final tally you’ll be needing to pay for my own rates. Sothing you’ll struggle to manage. My ti is exorbitant, you see. As would yours be if you were anything close to a genuine princess.”
A soft laugh filled the air, as empty as those around my tea table.
“Oh, I receive that quite frequently,” she said with a casual wave. “It is a strange sight, no? For a princess to wander the country roads so far from any conveniences is normally enough to disqualify of my title. It is no wonder that you would doubt my claim.”
I paused.
“W-Well, to rely enjoy an excursion doesn’t strictly disqualify a princess …. in … in fact, idly appreciating nature can be seen as a highly regal trait!”
“Exactly! Which is why–”
“Indeed, which is why this is unacceptable. Every action a princess takes must be deliberate in laziness or self-indulgence. This is neither. You are soliciting peasants like a penniless bard. A thing as grievous as the knighthoods you claim to offer. This is appalling. To take advantage of their wish to escape their daily toil is sothing only a rightful princess can do. By anyone else, it is a scam.”
“This is no scam,” said the maiden brightly, repeating the words she’d clearly professed to every guard who shooed her away. “I truly am a genuine princess. Just like my sign says. And those I knight form part of my retinue in return for a modest donation. I would offer this service to you as well, but I’m afraid that traditions are not easily waived where I am from.”
“Oh? And which kingdom might be from to hold so much respect for traditions?”
“The Kingdom of Clarabrandt.”
I gasped.
“My, I … I had no idea!”
“That is quite fine.” The maiden smiled good-naturedly. “In truth, I do not regularly advertise where I hail from. As I’m blessed with a long na, it makes my introduction sowhat ungainly.”
“No, truly. I had no idea. I have never once heard of the Kingdom of Clarinets–”
“Clarabrandt.”
“Exactly. This is an honour. To co from a realm so far away that seafarers have yet to discover it is a rare and cherished occurrence. Coppelia, please offer this princess a goblin moss cake as a token of our respect.”
“Okie~”
Coppelia did as requested. She rrily rummaged through the bottom of her pouch, before plucking out a goblin moss cake so aged it should co with its own vintage certificate.
The maiden wrinkled her nose even as she maintained her smile.
It was the most princessy thing she’d done so far.
“Thank you, but I must decline. It is enough for to receive as many donations as I do. The generosity of this kingdom’s people touches the heart. With that said, if you’re not here to petition for a service, might I ask that you make room for those who will?”
“You may. The answer is no. Certainly not at the prices you’re charging.”
“I believe my prices are very reasonable.”
“They’re not. They’re an insult to what they truly cost. Because to be offered a knighthood by a princess is priceless. Your actions risk undermining this. Really now–10 silver crowns? Can you not extort so nobleman’s son for more?”
“I believe wholeheartedly that all deserve a chance at knighthood.”
“It is not a al at an acclaid restaurant. It is a title earned through countless deeds and chivalry. Or at least a bribe large enough that a princess might close her eyes, accidentally swing her sword and just happen to gently tap sobody’s shoulders.”
“It is a self fulfilling prophecy. By believing themselves to be knights, they beco the very paragons of chivalry which were needed in the first place.”
“No, they beco lazy and start seeking squires to do their work for them. I cannot have that. Farrs have a job. A concept you apparently fail to understand.”
“As I said–I am a princess. That is my job.”
I nodded.
“194,” I said.
“Excuse ?”
“195. That’s the amount of infractions I’ve seen you make since falsely representing yourself as a princess.”
“Goodness. That seems like a rather large number.”
“It isn’t. A large number is what it will beco once we reach the end of this conversation. Yet while it will never reduce, it will at least slow down providing that you make ands for distracting farrs at the beginning of the harvest season. Normally, this cos with an offer of deportation as well. But since your kingdom doesn’t exist on any map, alternative arrangents will need to be made.”
As was appropriate when faced with the prospect of a free visit to experience Soap Island’s burgeoning tourism industry, the maiden wasn’t the least bit concerned.
She toyed with a strand of her golden hair, curling it around her fingertip.
“Then might I suggest seeking newer maps? The Kingdom of Clarabrandt can be found nestled in the verdant hinterlands between the Kingdom of Berce and the Kingdom of Rivella.”
I blinked in surprise.
Her own kingdom I might never have heard of, but those two she just cited I did.
They were mainstays of the Sumr Kingdoms. A commonwealth of wealthy rchant nations brought together under a single banner to ward against the advances of the Grand Duchess’s webs. And that included a few less prosperous ones as well.
It was more than pillows which were fad there. It was the multitudes of fiefdoms each claiming themselves to be the newest kingdom. Because why assu the title of nobility when it was fashionable to just be kings and queens instead?
This could only an one thing.
“Ohohohohohohoho!!” I raised a hand to my lips, barely covering my smile. “You … You are the princess of a petty kingdom!”
The maiden’s smile twitched at once.
Understandable. To be the princess of a petty kingdom was to be the proprietor of an empty cart. They were rchants in na only. Just as the ruling family were royalty only in the shallowest of terms.
Ohohohohoho!
Why, here I was, thinking she was a simple fraud! Yet to cling onto the loosest definition of being a princess ant this was even more amusing than I expected!
“Goodness, I see that with sumr all the pretenders exit hibernation. Is the reason you’re here because you were ousted the mont your family claid a dining chair for a throne? I hear that the dawn rises early in the Sumr Kingdom. Does that count for coups by your closest advisors as well?”
The maiden forced her smile to remain intact.
“The Sumr Kingdoms is a place of much beauty. But also much expectation. To ensure the prosperity of my kingdom, I seek to spread its na while offering my ti and wisdom to those who might need it most. In doing so, I better my own knowledge of the world and myself.”
“A worthy goal. An unworthy thod. There is no wisdom to be had in knighting subjects who are not your own. Especially at only 10 silver crowns. That’s the most inappropriate thing of all. A true princess would wring them dry of even the coin pouches hidden beneath the floorboards.”
Indeed, it was utterly dire.
Not only was this blatant opportunism, but it wasn’t even very good.
A fact realised at last as the maiden narrowed her eyes.
A mont later–
“Ah. I see now. You’re a princess.”
The thin veneer of gentleness fell to the wayside as the truth finally struck.
What replaced it was the dark look of a shopkeeper wishing to close when Apple was eating all the plants from the windowsill.
“Ohohoho … I see the act has finally dropped upon seeing a social superior. It has taken you as much ti as I expected. Indeed, you stand before a genuine princess. I hope you know what this ans.”
“I do, yes.”
In a single movent, she tore away the bottom half of her seemingly detachable dress, deciding everything below the knees was unfashionable. She followed this up by rolling her sleeves, then swiftly tying her golden hair into a ponytail.
Significantly more rugged, she crossed her arms and dented her brows.
“Back off,” she said. “This is my spot.”
I blinked in utter bewildernt.
Far from being chastened by my reveal, she simply adopted an even less regal appearance. A bizarre sight I didn’t expect from even the most unruly of countryside daughters to attend my mandatory tea parties. How was I supposed to respond? By rolling up my own sleeves? Perhaps asking Apple to snort?
“E-Excuse … ?”
“I figured you were the local nobleman’s daughter here to ask questions. I see you’re more annoying than that. I don’t know which petty kingdom you’re from as well. But this spot is mine. Go take advantage of the peasants sowhere else.”
“Wha … wha … wha … ?!”
Coppelia held up as I threatened to topple from the strength of the insult.
To … To accuse of being a princess shorn of legitimacy like herself … it was mortifying!
“O-Ohoho … very well … I … I concede that was an excellent jest … but in the very, very slim chance that you’re not due to a debilitating eye condition, please know that you are mistaken …”
“I am not.” The maiden was unrepentant. “I’ve seen enough to know. Your deanour is the sa as all the rest of my rivals I climbed over just to escape that swamp nobody else wants. Well, I’m telling you now–this is my spot. No guards and lots of peasants. I’m not giving it up.”
I jabbed my finger towards her at once.
“H-How dare you!! … I am Juliette Contzen, 3rd Princess to the Kingdom of Tirea!”
The maiden paused.
She studied for several monts, then raised her brow.
“... Are you sure?”
“Yes!” I threw up my arms in outrage. “And that ans every spot is mine! You are not permitted to distract my farrs, much less defraud them for the crowns they don’t have to offer! What will you do when they don’t have enough funds left to finance the local bars? The hoodlums will have nowhere to go!”
The maiden stared, clearly morising as a reference for how all princesses should be.
She looked around at her surroundings.
And then … she offered a deep bow.
“I apologise,” she said with a gentle tone. “I was not aware your family was struggling.”
Hmmmmmm … ?!
“I shall leave at once. Although Weinstadt is engulfed in civil war, perhaps it’s more ethical to conduct my trade there. I did not an to offer my services to the peasants which you also needed. It is clear they have little to offer us both.”
“T-That is slander! … Why, my peasants are the most extortable of every kingdom!”
“Not from what I’ve seen. I normally charge more.”
Nearby, Coppelia took a few steps away. The faux princess should have joined her.
“Ohohoho …. is that so? … Well, then I see no issue in you abandoning what you’ve illicitly earned prior to your forthcoming deportation. Such a small amount should not impact your quality of life.”
“My apologies, but I require the use of every crown that I have.”
“Then I suggest you use it to hire goons. Because a princess without at least semi-loyal staff has very little recourse when their donation sche is deed forfeit by the voice of authority.”
“True. Which is why I would never travel without a retinue.”
The maiden offered an innocent smile.
I rolled my eyes and sighed, then looked around for the sight of a band of rry n springing forth from the surrounding fields.
Nothing ca.
All that disturbed was the breeze as my hair began to flutter … shortly joined by all the tufts of wheat as they swayed like a golden ocean.
A mont later–sumr decided to vanish as a shadow enveloped from above.
I duly looked up.
A dark silhouette blocked out the sun, its enormous wings growing ever larger as it descended.
Relief found at once.
It wasn’t a falling piano. My kingdom could still be saved.
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