Clang.
The iron door of a dungeon cell slamd shut.
However, despite the echoing of the cold tal, little could be heard over the sounds of my outrage.
And also the scampering of my knights.
“H-How dare you!” I said, wearing only a bathrobe as I jabbed my finger past the bars. “Do I look like a doppelganger?! This is utterly against protocol! I demand you release ! I am your princess! Release at once! And also carry back!”
None had the courage to face .
Like children fleeing from their parents, the brave knights of my realm rushed to hide beyond the safety of the door past the stairs, their tears and excuses still streaming behind them.
“M-My apologies, Your Highness!” cried a knight from the doorway. “Until we know who is the true princess, we must keep you in the dungeons for your own safety!”
“Why the dungeons?! Why not a vacant bedroom?! And where is the charlatan?! Why do I not see her here as well?!”
“My apologies again! But the other princess wasn’t struggling, so …”
“How dare you! You … You are fired! I am firing all of you!”
The sound of my indignation filled the corridors.
It was the only thing heard alongside a heavy wooden door hastily closing shut, plus the weeping that wasn’t anywhere near the volu it could still be.
Soon, all I was left with was the flickering of the torches.
I clicked my tongue.
Very well.
A doppelganger with my sword was doubtless already doing her best to cause as much mischief as possible. And all I had was a bathrobe while being stuck in my own dungeon. A place I had never once sought to admire even to escape my tutors.
anwhile, Coppelia was sowhere in the sky, my knights would soon be referred to as farrs and Apple was happily nibbling away on sothing that wasn’t these bars.
… But that’s fine!
I was still both a beautiful princess and a genius! And while a doppelganger could mimic my appearance, my wisdom and calm was sothing else entirely!
“Greetings! Welco to the Reitzlake branch of the Adventurer’s Guild. How may I help you?”
My body stiffened more than the cold of the dungeons could ever achieve.
Like the cogs of a broken clock, I slowly turned to the side.
There, sitting in the next dungeon cell while mixing what appeared to be a magical cocktail, was an alarmingly familiar woman in a guild receptionist’s uniform.
With her hair neatly done up, she sat perfectly straight despite the lack of a desk.
She offered a smile as she looked up from a tray of alcoholic beverages beside her.
Then, she tilted her head slightly.
“Oh, my apologies,” said the harbinger of doom. “A force of habit.”
“... ???????”
I swivelled around.
And then I swivelled around so more.
Even so, no matter how often I pirouetted like a confused ballerina, the expectant smile of a certain receptionist refused to vanish.
This was unprecedented.
Here in the Royal Villa, when I wished to see sobody gone, all I had to do was spin around and that was the note for them to rapidly dive around a corner or be kidnapped out of sight.
The dungeon, however, didn’t seem to count.
The only crevices and corners were all taken by the shadows, each hoping to flee from the nightmare that had co to enjoy the darkest depths of my ho.
“Gosh, this is quite the coincidence,” said the receptionist, smiling as she diligently ignored my constant spinning. “It’s a delight to see you again, Miss Juliette.”
I imdiately backed away, praying that the bars of the dungeon were sturdier than they looked.
“This is not a coincidence!” I said, jabbing my finger towards her. “W-What cri did you commit?! Have you finally shown your true colours?! What did you possibly do to be arrested?!”
“I haven’t committed any docunted cris.”
“Excuse ?! What do you an by ‘docunted’?! What have you done?!”
The receptionist raised a hand to her lips, barely covering a tiny giggle.
Slowly but surely, they were becoming less professional.
A dire notion. Without the thin veneer of official guild policy, there was nothing stopping her and all the rest of them from completing whatever dreaded sche they were planning.
Rising from the edge of her bed, she smoothed down a uniform that had no creases and stepped over to the door of her cell.
She paused for a mont, then effortlessly eased it open with a finger.
“Oh, good,” she said with playful enthusiasm. “I haven’t been arrested.”
I threw up my arms in exasperation.
It clearly wasn’t enough to fire just a handful of my knights. I needed to replace all of them. They didn’t know the first thing about who to arbitrarily imprison.
“... Why are you here?! For what terrible reason are you in these dungeons?!”
She pointed at the tray of cocktails, plus assorted bottles.
“Academia,” she said brightly. “My thesis is on arcane fluid dynamics in mixed beverages. The stewards generously allowed to use the Royal Villa’s stores of liquor while I waited for an open appointnt with you. Due to the amount of flammable fabrics and furniture throughout the estate, only the dungeons were an appropriate location.”
I gasped.
Why, not only was she conducting profane rituals under the guise of magical research … but she also knew exactly where I’d be at any given ti!
“You … just how much of do you know?! What dark powers have you pledged yourself to in order to corner here?! What state secrets have you gleaned?! Are you here to extort ?!”
“This is no extortion,” she said, declining to answer everything else. “Mr. Quinsley sent .”
“... Who?”
“Timon Quinsley. He’s the guildmaster of the Reitzlake branch of the Adventurer’s Guild. He’s also officially your point of contact should you require anything. He asked to locate you so I may convey a number of important ssages.”
It was worse than I could have imagined.
The Adventurer’s Guild were the moss in a fountain of wisdom.
Usually, this was bad enough. To listen to a single thing that association of drunkards deed important ant sothing actually aningful had to vacate space in my head to accommodate it.
But this …
This was enough for a ghoul to catch goosebumps.
Indeed, I recognised that look!
The flush of enthusiasm upon her bloodless cheeks! The cold glint of opportunism in her eyes! The cruel smile of anticipation!
It was more than extortion! It was an assassination!
She was here to finish my dignity once and for all … and she’d waited until I didn’t even have a window to escape through!
Upon seeing my pallid expression, the receptionist looked up in thought.
“Don’t worry,” she said, gently clenching her fists to her chest. “It’s good news.”
My mouth widened further.
“Absolutely not! Whatever you’re about to say, I refuse to hear it! … I am extrely busy right now. I’ve multiple things to frown at and not enough eyebrows for all of them. Whatever news you wish to convey, it will have to wait until I give the signal.”
“Of course. My apologies for the sudden intrusion. I’m aware you’ve many responsibilities and demands on your ti. What is the signal?”
“Exactly. I still need to tend to my orchard, sample the sumr dessert nu, complete my bath and fire half my staff. While slightly inconvenient, I can still do most of that from here.”
To my horror, the receptionist brought her hands together and bead.
“I see! Then perhaps I may assist?”
“Assist? Assist in what? Creating a bar?”
“I can do that, yes. But I also noted your protests upon being placed in this dungeon. If you’ve encountered so legal complication, the guild offers access to licensed advisors who specialise in resolving such matters. It’s a highly affordable service, with special rates for repeat clients.”
Ugh.
Of course they’d have advisors just for adventurers rightfully dragged in a dungeon. Why not? It must be their most profitable venture.
“Thank you, but I’m innocent … rather, it’s my doppelganger who shall need your shady services.”
“Your doppelganger?”
“My doppelganger. A beautiful double of myself who’s doubtless enjoying the rest of my bath while doing her best to take over my kingdom.”
The receptionist reacted as though told a fruit sli was terrorising a laundry basket.
“Oh my. That’s quite troubling.”
“Please. It’s far more than that. This is the absolute worst case scenario.”
“Of course. I didn’t an to suggest otherwise. Any doppelganger incident is classed as A-rank difficulty at minimum. Given their traits, it only has the capacity to beco higher. If a doppelganger is now attempting to take your place, then this constitutes the highest level of ergency.”
“Indeed it does.” I shook my head sadly. “After all, my mocking laughter can only reach 7 floors.”
“... Hm?”
I clenched my fists.
Shaful as it was to admit it, the truth was that my doppelganger had utterly defeated .
It didn’t matter how deeply I strained my mind. There was simply no possible way I could project my mockery the necessary distance. As excellent as the acoustics in these dungeons were, it still wasn’t enough to travel all the way up my bedroom tower.
“Yes, this is a terrible situation. Here I am, certain in the knowledge that the worst scher I’ve ever encountered is nearby, and all I can do is make the rest of the Royal Villa know my opinion. She, anwhile, is rrily oblivious.”
Frankly, it was an utter shambles.
I had no idea what my doppelganger was planning. And neither did she.
There was clearly a reason she’d been tasked as a maid. She couldn’t seize so much as a loose apple, much less a kingdom. Her lack of foresight was the worst I’d ever seen.
“At least in all the sches I’d been forced to groan at so far, those behind them made a modicum of preparation. But this doppelganger is so sloppy she dood herself the mont she let slip her own kind was involved. If she doesn’t have another sche ready, I’ll be disappointed. There’s nothing more galling than soone wearing my face without the slightest idea how to make use of it.”
The receptionist humd in thought.
“Yes, that does seem like an oversight as far as known doppelganger incidents are concerned. If it’s known that a doppelganger is present, there are quite a few ways to identify them. [Truesight] is the most common. Would you like to request the aid of an adventurer who has access to the spell? Given the situation, I believe I can have one present within the day.”
She paused.
“... Also, while I’m not permitted to offer direct aid to any adventurer imprisoned for any reason, it’s possible I might discover that several of the iron bars are actually highly corroded with an acidic substance.”
I raised an eyebrow.
My, what was this?
Her posture might be unbending, but her regard for rules was not.
She truly was becoming more powerful.
“Thank you, but I don’t believe that will be necessary.”
“Understood. How very exciting. Will you be using the secret passage in your cell to escape?”
“No.”
“Will you be using the loose floor tile to force the iron lock?”
“No.”
“... Will you kick the door down?”
“No.” I offered a look of overwhelming grief. “I do not kick down doors.”
The receptionist blinked in surprise.
“Really? … Then, how do you plan on escaping?”
I was appalled.
Despite my delicate fra and gentle deanour, she sohow thought I could brute force my way through an iron door. That was sothing clockwork dolls and adventurers did.
I was here as a princess. And that ant I didn’t kick down doors.
Especially my own.
No … for every door I needed opening, I had my loyal retainers to assist. And when it ca to news that a doppelganger version of was present, there was already one close by who would help.
Creeaaaaak.
Thus, as the door atop the stairs slowly opened, I already had a smile prepared.
There was no flood of sunlight to reveal the silhouette standing in the doorway. All the curtains in the corridor had been drawn shut, while a wall of umbrellas were held by the sa quivering knights who refused to do more than make themselves smaller than the lone figure walking down without them.
Still, neither sunlight nor torchlight was needed to reveal the young maiden with fair skin, silver hair and pink pyjamas, her features bright enough to shine in the darkness.
Yawning as though freshly disturbed from a nap, the Royal Villa’s resident vampire, head librarian and my compatriot-in-arms ca to my rescue.
I was filled with joy.
“My, what a delight to see you again, Countess Miriam! I apologise if you woke up on my account. The sun is truly awful this ti of year, isn’t it?”
Miriam hopped down the remainder of the stairs.
With her vampiric eyes flashing, she ca to a halt before , before leaning slightly forwards.
“... Page 57, line 13,” she said while squinting. “A Court Lady’s Indiscretion, Vol. 2. What does Sir Ramuel say to Lady Elsie when she peers down from upon her balcony on a moonlit night?”
I froze.
Slowly, I turned to the receptionist, whose eyes blinked quizzically at .
“Why, Miriam, w-what strange words you’re using! What is … What is A Court Lady’s Indiscretion? More importantly, why would you need to ask this when you have such lovely and peerless vampiric eyes … ?”
“Because I’m malnourished. My vampiric abilities are not as reliable as they should be. In order to make sure you’re who you say you are, I must ask what only Princess Juliette would know.”
“O-Ohohoho?! T … Truly, now? Yet why would I, an innocent maiden who knows nothing of the world of scandalous literature, recognise such a title as that?”
“I see. Then it appears I cannot confirm your identity.”
Miriam turned to leave.
I imdiately reached through the bars and rapidly shook her shoulders.
“Stop, stop, stop! It’s ! You cannot possibly mistake my gentle aura for anyone else! I was the one who rescued you! Twice!”
“Hm hm hm hm hmm ♫.”
A lodic humming suddenly filled the dungeons.
Glancing to the side, I saw the receptionist deeply imrsed in mixing her cocktails as she deliberately feigned ignorance.
The harbinger of doom!
She … She was so kind!!
“Sir Ramuel was a villain,” I said at once, my voice brimming with confidence. “He declared his undying love for Lady Elsie, comparing her to the brightness of the moon, all the while his eyes were already set upon Lady Marin beneath the sun.”
Miriam smiled, clearly having enjoyed the shaking of her shoulders.
And then–
Clink.
She turned a key in the lock and eased the iron door open.
“Welco back, Princess Juliette,” she said with a curtsey. “I’m glad you returned safely, although I do hear there’s an issue with a doppelganger now. How cute. They’re almost as bad as vampires. Like mischievous cousins.”
I returned her smile with my own.
It was a far kinder one than any doppelganger would mimic or receive.
“Then let’s see to reprimanding her, shall we? Co. I’ll need you to vouch for should any knights be brave enough to remain in my sight.”
“Okay.”
With a yawn and a rub of her eyes, Miriam followed as I made my way to the stairs.
Then, I ca to a stop and mused.
“... I’d also like your assistance,” I said towards the receptionist.
She blinked while magically twirling an olive in a cocktail glass.
After a brief pause, she scrunched her fists together and nodded.
“Of course! I’m not familiar with doppelganger subjugations, but I have an obligation to do all I can to assist adventurers in all matters of urgency. If it’s magical support you need, I can provide it.”
“Excellent. You’ll have a more important task.”
“Excuse ?”
“I need an unbiased witness who isn’t under my employ to confirm what’s shortly to happen.”
For the first ti, the receptionist’s smile turned uncertain.
“I … see? And what would I be confirming?”
I turned to the stairs, then began making my way back up.
“Ohohoho … that everything I’m about to do is both legal and proportionate.”
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