Selene...
I really didn’t expect her to appear like this. Not in this way and not at this mont.
And yet... if I’m being honest with myself, a part of had already been bracing for it. Like a quiet dread sitting in the back of my chest, waiting for the day it would finally surface.
When I was younger, back before everything beca complicated, you could say I was wild. Reckless, even. Especially with my late husband.
We did it a lot back then. Too much, maybe.
But we were young, and life felt light. We didn’t have real worries. There was no responsibilities pressing down on us as well as no futures to fear. I never once thought about consequences. Back then, consequences felt like sothing that happened to other people.
When I found out I was pregnant, I rember standing there, frozen, not knowing what to do with myself. My thoughts were a ss, spinning in every direction at once.
But he married .
And for a while... I was happy. Genuinely happy.
Then we had Zeruel.
Zeruel was a ray of sunshine. The kind that filled the room without trying.
She was a good daughter. Smart, kind, and endlessly curious. She adored her father, followed him around with wide eyes, as if he was the strongest, bravest man in the world. Seeing that used to make my heart ache in a good way.
And then, later on, we had Selene.
Just like her sister, Selene was another ray of sunshine. Different, but just as warm.
She always tried so hard. Always doing whatever she could to make us smile and to keep the family together. Sotis, it felt like she was the one holding us all in place.
But life doesn’t stay bright forever.
Not everything remained a ray of sunshine.
My husband cheated on . With prostitutes.
If I really think about it now, I probably could have forgiven him for that alone. He was an adventurer. Adventurers spend long nights away from ho, surrounded by danger, adrenaline, and temptation. The red district had its pull, its scent, as well as its promises. I understood that much.
But it didn’t stop there.
He grew erratic. Unstable. And sotis, when he drank too much, he did things to that I never agreed to. Things I didn’t want. Things that left staring at the ceiling afterward, wondering when I had stopped mattering.
It was the alcohol. At least, that’s what I told myself.
Because blaming the alcohol was easier than admitting the man I married had changed into soone else entirely.
Still, he could act like a father.
And that mattered to more than anything.
As long as he was still there for Zeruel and Selene, I told myself I could endure anything.
If he wanted to be cruel to , then fine. I could bear it. I would swallow it down, pretend it didn’t hurt, and pretend it didn’t leave marks inside .
As long as he was their father.
That was enough.
Or at least... I wanted it to be.
The truth is, my love for him slowly faded. Quietly, without drama. Like a candle burning down until there was nothing left but smoke.
Now, when I look back, I ask myself a question I never dared to ask before.
Did I truly love him?
I felt happiness when we were together, yes. But it wasn’t the sa happiness we had at the beginning. At first, there was excitent, warmth, as well as desire. But after we had children, that feeling slowly eroded. Day by day. Argunt by argunt. Silence by silence.
It would be a lie to say I didn’t love him at all.
I did.
But that love belonged to the past.
Loved. Not love.
Because it diminished.
We still tried to be a family. We went through the motions. Shared als. Shared space. Shared responsibilities. And for a while, I convinced myself that was enough.
At so point, I stopped caring that he was cheating.
He still brought food to the table. Money still ca in. The house still stood.
There was nothing wrong with that, I told myself. Plenty of families lived like this. I could live with it too.
And then... he disappeared.
Died.
At least, that’s what I believe happened.
He never ca back. There was no ssage. No body. Nothing.
Given his profession, the conclusion was obvious. Adventurers die. It’s part of the job. Just like rcenaries, they gamble their lives every ti they leave town.
I think I had already prepared myself for that outco long before it happened.
I warned him, again and again, how dangerous his work was.
Dangerous to the point where survival was never guaranteed. I told him it would kill him soday, that one day he wouldn’t co ho.
But it was our only real source of inco.
I worked too, but I was only a market vendor, selling fruits and vegetables. Long hours with little pay. It barely kept us afloat.
Adventuring brought real money. Enough to feed a family. Enough to keep a roof over our heads.
So he kept going.
And eventually, it took him.
After that, everything fell on .
I took whatever work I could find. Odd jobs, exhausting jobs, and jobs that paid little but demanded everything. I swallowed my pride and did what I had to do.
At one point... I sold my body.
It wasn’t sothing I wanted. It wasn’t sothing I dread of. But it paid.
And that money ant my daughters could eat, could sleep in warm beds, and could live.
As their mother, it felt natural. Almost inevitable.
If sacrificing myself ant they could have a good life, then so be it.
But now, standing here, seeing everything unfold the way it has... I can’t help but question myself.
Was I ever truly there for them?
Or was I just surviving?
Leon was a good man.
Genuinely good.
I don’t think there was anything truly rotten about him. Sure, he was a womanizer. Obvious about it, even. And yes, he likely had his eyes on soone like too. I wasn’t blind to that.
But even so, I don’t think he was bad.
I knew he had motives. Everyone does. I an, he certainly did.
And strangely enough... I couldn’t hate him for it.
No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn’t.
He was kind. He was attentive. He was present in ways my husband never was.
And seeing Zeruel and Selene fall in love with him... that made happy. Truly. Knowing they chose soone like him eased sothing heavy inside my chest.
But at the sa ti, it stirred sothing else.
Sothing dangerous.
Because after spending most of my life starved of affection and of genuine warmth, I’ve started craving it again. Craving closeness. Craving to be seen as well as to be wanted.
I thought my libido had died years ago. That it was buried under exhaustion, grief, and responsibility.
So why does my body feel hot right now?
Why does my chest feel tight, my thoughts restless, and my heart pounding faster than it should?
This isn’t right.
Stop.
If I let myself cross that line... if I act on these feelings...
This would turn bad.
Very bad.
Wouldn’t it?
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