Hello everyone! I wrote three short stories for April Fool's - just for fun, enjoy. It's titled:
How Princess Cayce Should Have Ended
Ending One
From Book 1, Chapter 1:
“Computer, arch.”
The glowing outline of a door appeared before , and the light increased as the door slid up. Sohow following the boat as if it were floating atop the river, the door opened up to a bright room , red carpet, beige walls.
I stepped from the boat into the room, the door made a swooshing sound, and the river vanished as it closed.
A man’s voice rang out in the open space, “You’re out!” Not much taller than , and wearing what looked like a jumpsuit, he ran down the ladder.
“Wha-a-at? What is going on?”
“Here, allow .” He reached up to my head and pulled a thick piece of grey tape off.
The mories ca flooding back. I grabbed my temples as waves of pain spiked. Wife, three kids, big house, stupid expensive car, all flashed in front of my eyes. Oh! This whole experience was a new interactive ga and, as CEO of the company, I was testing it out. Dizzy, nauseous, and about to fall, I grabbed onto a nearby tal railing.
“Good lord is that real! I really thought I was a woman.”
“Oh, you have no idea!”
“How long was I in there?”
“Maybe ten seconds.”
“Ten seconds! I experienced at least an hour. The shit slled real! I thought that guy was going to rape ! I’m going to . . . Jesus, I have to call legal. How old did you make ? A fucking child! What were you thinking!”
“Ha! So, you liked it. Seriously, what’d you think?”
“Martin, listen to , you cannot have a story where a child winds up in a war zone! Let alone almost raped! Wait, can sexual violence . . . did you seriously encode sexual violence into our new ga?!?”
“It’s an adult only ga. Relax. We passed all the licensing boards. It’s rated X, but marketing projects almost no effect. No other ga cos close to this level of interaction.” He quickly walked over to , taking my arm, “How’re you feeling? It takes a bit to get reoriented. But the champagne is waiting!” Pulling by my arm, he helped over to a desk, bottle sitting in ice. “Will you be ok on your own?
“Yeah, yeah.”
“Good. Here,” Martin poured us both drinks. “To the first truly imrsive ga!”
Lifting the bubbly, I took a small sip, “Cheers. Man, wow. You’ve seriously run this by legal?”
“Oh, yeah. They’re on board. Listen, the next player won’t be a girl. Won’t be the girl you played anyways. We’ll hard code it so only adults can be taken over.”
“Taken over? What are you talking about?”
“Played. I an played. The, uh, ga continues even without players. Like, your girl in there remains in the boat, going across that wide river. Only now you’re not playing, so she’s on standby. Probably rowing or sothing, maybe asleep. We could check, just a sec.” Taking the tablet back, he scrolled through so screens, expanding so, pressing here for there.
“Why doesn’t the ga pause?”
“It’s a sandbox world. All this info will co back to you, you’re still in post-ga shock.”
“Shock. No, we’re going to need a better word. Post-ga pause?”
“Refractory period?”
“Ha! No. Sothing more relaxing sounding. Cool-down?”
“Let marketing work that one out. Anyways, you were in there for over an hour? Ah-ha! Here,” The programr slid the tablet over to . “Here, here you are. In the ga world I an! Pretty fucking cute! What’s it like being a girl?”
The young girl was visible on the boat, sleeping on the oars, the current taking the boat where it pleased. I had to force myself to look away, and shuddered involuntarily. It felt like hovering over my own body. Like all those stories about near-death experiences.
“God, I don’t even know where to begin.” I had another sip and set the glass down. “Frightening, mostly. Everyone’s bigger and stronger than you. I’ll have to be nicer to my wife and daughter. Jesus. Look, what about on this end? Any hiccups?”
“None. No glitches, nothing. As smooth as a baby’s bottom!”
I pointed my glass at him, “Keep that out of the docuntation.” Looking around, the colors in this room were muted, mostly greys and steel, so dark browns. “Any of the volunteers experience, well, how were their sensations after? Everything seems a little drab.”
“There’s nothing like being young again. Hey, you were only in there ten seconds. You want to experience more of the ga? Go back in?”
The table legs were a bland grey. A bunch of monitors and blinking lights were the only colorful display in this room. I gestured to the glass, “What champagne is this? It’s not great.”
“Dom Perignon. What do you an not great? This is good stuff.”
“You know, yeah. Yes, I would like to,” I shrugged a little, “see the ga to its conclusion. How long do you think that’ll take? What ti is it anyways?”
You might be reading a stolen copy. Visit for the authentic version.
“Maybe another hour on this end. It’s early, Friday afternoon. We’ve got the ti.”
“Let’s get back in then. Hey, how many people can play this at once?”
“Millions. Here, finish your drink and we’ll get you back in.”
No idea why I drank it, but we were celebrating. Still, the bubbly wine tasted almost bitter. Then Martin brought to a dentist’s chair surrounded by eight pillars that looked, for all the world, like speakers. “I don’t recall this at all.”
“When you exited the ga, you thought you were stepping out of the world into this one. We designed it like that, to keep the imrsion going. Your body was here, though, lying down. You just don’t rember getting off of it. Here,” he helped get onto the chair, lying down, and then began putting sensors on my head, tightened straps around my stomach, legs, and arms.
“Are these really necessary? I feel like I’m about to be given shock therapy or sothing.”
“We try to keep the body from moving via the reticular formation, but that doesn’t always work. These keep you from hurting yourself.”
“Alright.”
Martain placed the larger sensor on my forehead, then backed up to the wall. “I just press this button and you’ll be back in. Ready?”
“How long do you think the ga will take?”
“Forever.”
“What?”
Martin gave a crooked smile. “The poison is fast acting. You’re probably feeling it now.”
“What?” I pulled and pulled at the straps. A grogginess hit , eyelids heavy and closing. I needed to sleep, but fought that, “Martin! What the hell?”
He ca closer, bent down to my face, “It’s not a simulation. You’re going to another planet – hell, another universe! And now I’m going to test what happens when there’s no body to return to. Don’t worry, I’ll run the company after your gone. Enjoy being young again.”
“Martin!” I could scarcely get the words out, “You . . . bastard!”
***
Little waves lapping against the shore, blurry greyish-blue dawn lightening ever so slightly, sothing prodding my shoulder. I tried to wave it away, but it grabbed and shook . “Wake up! Who are you, soldier? What contingent?”
My eyes opened to a man wearing chainmail, hand on my shoulder, shaking . . .
***
Ending Two:
Book 1, Chapter 10:
The dowager led us back to the tent, perhaps to make sure we arrived safely. Or just to prevent further attempts at fraternizing.
“You two!” She had new bodyguards waiting for . “Ensure these . . . ladies . . . enjoy a quiet night. As for you,” she turned toward us, “get a good sleep and quickly.” Then walked away.
I briefly wondered what the dowager did at night, but then her word choice hit . Ladies? Plural? My stomach dropped at the notion of spending the night with four giggling teenage girls. Fortunately, three of them said their goodbyes and headed off to another tent. Only Sapphire followed in.
“Finally! The day is done and we can talk.” She jumped into a hug. “I was so worried for you.”
“I’m ok, really.” I gave her a strong squeeze, hoping that would placate her. Laying my arm flat, I pushed my fingers into my forearm, ignored the pain signals this body thought were appropriate, and withdrew a tal cylinder.
“Cayce!” shouted Saph, “what are you doing???”
“Here, isn’t this strange?” Turning the pen toward her, I pressed the button. It flashed in ultraviolet, beyond human eyesight, and the girl blinked over and over. “Excellent. Be a good girl and bring the guards in one by one.”
“Yes, Princess.” True to her word, Saph sohow brought each guard in and I flashed them.
The two hulking guards made it considerably easier, especially at night. One by one, they brought their companions into the tent and soon they beca my companions. My workers.
As our entourage filled up, we went tent to tent. Saph had so of the soldiers fetch the ale cart and we once again pushed it around, refilling the soldier’s cups, and turning them into my willing servants.
A shrill voice rang out in the night, “What is the aning of this??? Princess, you are in trouble like you’ve never seen before! As for you guards,” the old crone shouted, shaking with rage, “you will be on latrine duty for the remainder of your careers!”
One of the guards simply took her by the arms.
“What is the aning of this! Take your hands off of !”
“Here,” I said, holding up the wand and about to press the button when I thought the better of it. Perhaps the old lady deserved an explanation. “Three n, hold her.”
Large soldiers held each of her arms, one put her in a choke hold from behind, but didn’t squeeze too hard, and the dowager ceased struggling. “A coup? It won’t last long under a child’s leadership. You’ve . . .” she scanned left and right, looking for anyone to call upon, “shown so tenacity, I’ll grant you that.”
“Tenacity is an unusual word choice.” Approaching near her, but not too near, I continued, “We’ve tried this on other worlds. More technologically advanced worlds, but never on one with magic. Magic! What is it?”
“What are you babbling about? Girl, have these n unhand ! You won’t take the Barclays without my help!”
Just then, Duke Barclay’s angry voice could be heard, coming nearer, “You n unhand ! You have no right!” He was being dragged over here by his own n.
“Ah, that’s nice. We’re proceeding apace with the conversions.”
When he saw , the man shouted, “Princess Cayce!” He looked at his n, “What did she offer you? I’ll give you more. A lordship! To whichever man shackles her!” The soldiers only held onto him even tighter.
“Dowager, observe.” Holding the wand up to the duke, I pressed the button and he beca mine.
The soldiers released him and, after he caught himself, he said, “I will get your brother.”
“Excellent. Thank you.” Then, to the elderly woman, “As you can see, the Barclays offered no great resistance.”
“You aren’t the princess. Who . . . who are you?”
“It’s more what am I doing. And how. Those are the questions foremost on your mind. Oh,” I held the wand up, “it’s not magic. You can’t fight it, not on this planet. Soon, I will control the entirety of this army. We’ll expand into the peasantry next.”
“The mages will stop you!”
I was growing tired of her voice. “No, they won’t. This world is ripe for my kind and soon we will build wonders! Anyways,” I pushed the button, she instantly relaxed, soldiers releasing her, and I added, “tell who you were working with and go get them. We have to plan out a strategy to infiltrate the enemy army and convert them, too. No more wars. I want to build infrastructure! Spaceports. From here, the galaxy.”
***
Ending three
Book 5, Chapter 48 (exiting the mirror):
To hell with it. I placed my hand on the bright red door, searing my flesh, pulled it quickly back, gasping. Steam rising off my now useless hand. Legs numbing, needles in my back, I was going to die. Spiders sinking their fangs into my thighs, stomach, neck, more crawling up.
Took a deep breath, pushed my ruined palm against the molten tal. It cooked and blackened and moved through and I stepped forward into death, burning alive, burning away this flesh, escaping this prison.
I knew who I was. Raven in North Arica, Jackal in Africa, Fox of sopotamia. And in Europe, Loki!
And by the All-Father, I was a god and I was going to act like it! No more princess for these people.
The mories washed over , thousands and thousands of years, and the power! And then the I that was , Cayce, faded, a re few months in an immortal lifeti. Stepping through that mirror, I breathed deeply in the stale books of the library, terror in the sweat of guards seeing an adult man walk out of a mirror.
“Kill her!” he shouted, running for the door.
“No thank you.” I snapped my fingers and turned the lot of them into frogs. Except Morrentz. After healing him, I helped him up. “Sir, I must thank you for taking care of my, well, the princess.”
“Who the hell are you?”
“Ah.” I made clothing for my body, then reached for his hand to shake it. “She was but a small part of . And I won’t forget what you’ve done. Anyways, I’m going to go lay waste to the humans who bothered . You should probably remain here.”
After walking out the door, well, my creatures had a lot to feast on.
***
If you have your own joke-endings, post them in the comnts!
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