This Novel is not my Chapter 56: Use (1)

Is it really appropriate to have this conversation in front of others?

Even as I spoke the words, I wondered whether this was okay, but I decided to settle the matter here and now.

'From what I can tell, Ríolíkin is the type of character with extre avoidant tendencies. That's why he won't open his mouth unless a certain amount of pressure is applied.'

Wasn't that exactly what happened in front of the carriage earlier?

I can't go sowhere dangerous with soone whose intentions are unknown; this isn't a situation leisurely enough for that.

Only after I presented a justification that anyone would have to accept did Ríolíkin barely open his mouth.

If I hadn't done that, Ríolíkin would've tried to quietly follow without saying anything.

He probably would've stopped following only after I got angry and ordered him to stay put.

That's why now is the perfect ti.

Although Tryggdrik had outwardly pretended to be loyal to Karvaldr, the fact that he secretly looked down on and envied this transmigrated body, thinking he was rely lucky to have been born into a Ducal Family, had already been exposed.

And it was right after I had ruthlessly cast out Tryggdrik.

'Besides, throughout the entire process, I showed no sense of betrayal or anger whatsoever. Because I never trusted or cared for him in the first place.'

With things like this, Ríolíkin won't be able to turn away even if he wants to.

He knows I am soone who could cast him aside at any mont without hesitation, and now there is even a valid reason for to do so.

"I-I... d-don't... want... anything like... that, sir..."

"In that case, all the better. You have no reason to follow , and I don't want you by my side. We can simply keep our distance."

"Ah, th-then... th-that's not okay..."

Look at that.

He can't even speak properly now, so if I had tried to call him aside later for a private conversation, would that mouth of his really have opened?

'Perhaps talking one-on-one would've been impossible in the first place...'

If I had tried to call Ríolíkin sowhere quiet, sensing the unusual atmosphere, he would've tried to avoid it with one excuse or another.

This kind of avoidance always ends up making the situation spiral into the worst possible direction.

In the end, I would've had to bring it up in the middle of the academy, crowded with students.

"You said you don't want anything, so why is that not okay?"

"Uh, uh... th-that's..."

"Well, forget it. I had no intention of giving you what you wanted even if you told anyway."

"......!"

"Still, since you did run a few errands for last sester, I thought I'd at least hear you out and consider it... but since you're still not talking, I suppose that ans you have sothing to hide."

"......"

Even after I said all that, Ríolíkin still didn't open his mouth.

I quietly stared at him as he stood there unable to say anything, practically on the verge of tears from anxiety.

'Although I said I still don't know what Ríolíkin's purpose is, it's not as though I have no idea at all.'

I recalled what Ríolíkin had said in front of the carriage earlier and analyzed his personality.

'He was overly conscious of other people's gazes and afraid of being ignored.'

In that case, his volunteering to act as this body's subordinate must've been because he believed he wouldn't be ignored if he stayed beside soone powerful.

It's as though he was treating Karvaldr as a shield, but unlike Tryggdrik, it can't really be said that he harbored malice.

'If anything, he might even be grateful to Karvaldr. As long as he needs the protection of this social status, he wouldn't harm .'

I don't know how Ríolíkin beca so consud by that kind of anxiety.

But I'm not unfamiliar with the feeling of fearing bullying and desperately wishing for soone to {N•o•v•e•l•i•g•h•t} help .

'If anything, I know it far too well.'

The way to help Ríolíkin was incredibly simple.

Whenever we happened to run into each other in the campus cafeteria or had overlapping lectures, I only needed to allow him to approach and speak to .

Just by doing that, he would likely be freed from that baseless anxiety and be able to continue his academy life in peace.

'Wait a minute. Is his anxiety really baseless...?'

If it were the beginning of the sester, that might've been true.

But the problem now is that everyone who needs to know about Ríolíkin's timid personality already knows.

How many people saw him being pushed around by Tryggdrik?

If Ríolíkin gets cast aside by after Tryggdrik caused trouble, everyone will think, 'Ah, he must've been involved in that incident sohow.'

And then they'll conclude, 'He may not have acted directly, but he must've done sothing behind the scenes to fall out of Karvaldr's favor.'

It would be fortunate if it ended there.

But what are the chances that a few students, unable to suppress their curiosity, would poke and prod at Ríolíkin until it escalated into genuine bullying?

I can't say for certain, but they'd probably be pretty high.

That's why simply turning away from him felt too unsettling. But...

"Ríolíkin. Just because I've allowed you to approach and speak to freely until now, don't assu that will continue. If you don't want to be humiliated in front of others, it would be best not to approach again."

I said that and walked past Ríolíkin.

And then, just as I took my sixth step.

"I-I just... i-it's enough, to just... b-be near you, Lord Karvaldr..."

The words I heard were so utterly lacking in substance that I let out a sigh before I realized it.

To think that after dragging things out for so long, that was all he had to say?

For a mont, frustration turned into irritation, and without realizing it, I spun around and lashed out.

"Did you think I asked what you wanted because I didn't already know that? 'It's enough just to be near ,' of course it is. The benefits gained simply from appearing close to in other people's eyes are substantial, aren't they? Isn't that exactly why Tryggdrik, despite disliking , hid it and kept flattering ?"

"...Huh?"

"What are you pretending not to understand for? Weren't you the one watching from the closest distance? The way he lined up people who wanted to curry favor with , swaggered around, accepted gifts, and turned them into his own personal connections."

"Ah..."

"And today, thanks to him using my na however he pleased, he was even able to easily gather the manpower needed for his cri."

I was only stating what seed entirely reasonable from my perspective.

And yet, Ríolíkin shrank back with a terrified expression, as though he were the one being unfairly bullied.

Anyone who didn't know the full story and only saw this scene would think I was threatening him.

"I-I would never do... sothing like that..."

"How long are you going to keep pretending to be innocent?"

"W-what are you t-talking about..."

Ríolíkin wore a clueless expression.

It was almost loathso to look at.

For readers who may be confused by this emotional line of mine, let offer a hint...

'While being terrified of being bullied by others, you're saying you participated in bullying Reisir just to suck up to Karvaldr?'

He knows it himself. He knows exactly how cowardly he was.

He's afraid of being ignored and bullied by others. He doesn't even want protection. He simply wants permission to remain by my side so others might mistake him for my confidant.

What other reason could there be for being unable to say those simple words?

"Do you really think I still know nothing? It doesn't seem to have occurred to you that I gave you a chance to confess on your own."

"Th-that's..."

"First Tryggdrik, and now you too seem to underestimate quite a bit."

Had he forgotten that he had already revealed his fear with his own mouth?

Or was he unable to speak because Reisir was here?

If that's the case, then it ans Ríolíkin is still refusing to face his own mistakes and continuing to run away.

'In many ways, it seems I did the right thing by bringing this up here. If he can't speak honestly to the very end just because Reisir is standing in front of him, then he's rotten to the core and beyond saving. At that point, I shouldn't care whether he gets ignored by others or not.'

If, as a result of casting Ríolíkin aside, he ends up being bullied, it would naturally bother and unsettle .

Perhaps beyond that, the thought of having beco a bystander might even stress out terribly.

But Ríolíkin is not so weak person in need of protection.

As long as he doesn't simply endure it passively, who would dare underestimate soone with that build and that face?

Just once, slamming into one of the students in the bullying group would be enough.

If he picked soone whose family held similar influence, he wouldn't even have to worry about repercussions.

His circumstances are fundantally different from Reisir's, who was rely a dependent living under his guardian's roof in a minor barony while also being targeted by Karvaldr, the son of a Ducal Family.

"R-really, I-I don't have, anything I want, f-from you, Lord Karvaldr... J-just... if you'd occasionally, give errands... Y-yes, I'd rather say I want to h-help you..."

"Don't pretend you're doing it for my sake when it's really for your own."

"B-but, that's the truth..."

Ríolíkin's frustrating tone and attitude made start worrying that the readers might be getting bored.

"Do you think you're the only one who wants to run errands for ? If you want to use , then prove your usefulness first. But instead of doing that, why should I keep soone by my side who won't even properly answer my questions?"

"Th-that's..."

"I can't trust soone who refuses to reveal what they want, but I also can't trust soone who claims they'll help without wanting anything in return. So if you have nothing to say..."

"B-because I hate... b-being ignored...!"

Just in case there was so hidden setting, instead of taking the shortcut of laying out my guesses and asking whether they were correct, I chose the long route instead.

Was that really all there was to it?

Author Senna, was this truly your best effort?

'The original readers should've known what kind of person Ríolíkin was. If there had really been a true king of self-preservation, Helga wouldn't have ended up as the number one most hated character.'

The situation was so anticlimactic that I nearly sighed again, but I held it back.

If I sighed now, Ríolíkin would obviously shrink back again and shut the mouth he had only just managed to open.

"I-if I'm next to you, Lord Karvaldr... e-everyone w-won't ss with ... Tryggdrik w-was a little an, but... still, h-he was only one person... It wasn't group bullying, s-so it was, o-okay... but. If I'm a-alone... everyone s-stares at , with terrifying eyes... I-if I'm really alone, wh-what will they do to ...? I'm so scared..."

That terrifying gaze you speak of... I wonder if it's actually just people secretly glancing at you because you look terrifying yourself...

The words stopped in my throat.

I can't have been the only one who thought that.

Reisir and the rcenaries were also staring at Ríolíkin with dumbfounded expressions.

"Right... you can be frightened and fearful of other people's gazes."

"Y-you understand...?! Wh-when I say this, e-everyone just... laughs at , and..."

"I don't think it's sothing worthy of ridicule. But you do deserve criticism. You know the reason better than anyone."

I said that and gestured toward Reisir with my chin.

At that, Ríolíkin lowered his head as though ashad.

Seeing that reaction, can I at least assu he possesses a minimal conscience?

"I won't bla you. I don't have the right to. However, if you're afraid of being criticized and try to avoid facing the person who deserves an apology, then it will be my choice to distance myself from you."

"Uh... uh, uh... y-you an...? I-if I don't avoid it, a-and apologize to Reisir... y-you'll allow to stay by your side...?"

He barely understood when I repeatedly explained things that were inconvenient for him, yet this ti he understood perfectly even though I spoke indirectly.

That irritated imnsely, but...

"I'm not saying I'll unconditionally give you the opportunity. That stuttering habit of yours is frustrating, so at least try to fix it. And... I'll tell you the other condition after this sester's midterm exams are over."

In the end, I decided to give Ríolíkin a chance.

I did wonder whether I was being too lenient, but I chose not to reverse my decision.

Whether he overcos his avoidant tendencies or gets rid of his bizarre persecution complex, I feel as though my mind will only be at ease if I continue allowing him to approach until he overcos at least one of the two.

'Because I know all too well the despair of being rejected in a mont when you desperately needed help.'

It would be far too shaless of to criticize soone else's avoidant tendencies while I myself continue to avoid confronting my own.