The Yang Family matriarch looked at her son, shaking her head. "You’re an educated man now, so how can you still talk like that? Once you’ve married a wife, you can’t just say you don’t want her anymore. It’s not like buying clothes! No one would divorce their wife unless they had absolutely no other choice. There’s an old saying: ’Discipline your son in public, and teach your wife in private.’ If your wife isn’t behaving well, it’s your job as the husband to manage her. If a man isn’t up to the task and can’t handle his own wife, it’s useless for anyone else to worry about it—after all, she’s the one who will spend her life with you. Take your second uncle, for example. He let his wife do whatever she wanted from the start. So what could your great-uncle or I, his own sister, say? Even if we did, she wouldn’t listen. It would have just been a waste of breath. We can’t stay at their house forever and manage her for him, can we? Even your grandmother couldn’t handle her. She’d make a scene, pretend to listen, but then turn around and go right back to her old ways. Over ti, your grandmother just got tired of it all."
Juhua felt a headache coming on just thinking about her second aunt-in-law. She couldn’t help but say, "Why dwell on all that trouble? Let’s just keep our eyes wide open and find a good one. Then there won’t be any problems later, right?"
The Yang Family matriarch chuckled. "Oh, you child. Everyone tries to find a wife with their eyes wide open. But being a daughter is different from being a daughter-in-law. When she’s still a daughter at ho, she doesn’t run a household, so she doesn’t know the cost of daily necessities. She’ll act one way, and you might not see her true character. But once she’s married, becos a wife, and starts managing a household and dealing with real-life matters, then each person’s true nature and abilities co out. Don’t you disbelieve it; so girls are completely different after they get married. What can you do about it? Take Qiufeng, for example. Before she was married, everyone said how quiet, diligent, and frugal she was. And after she married, she still had all those qualities, but we never expected she’d co with a couple of difficult quirks—she’s *too* quiet, to the point where she doesn’t interact with anyone. And she’s so frugal that even her mother-in-law can’t expect to get a single thing from her."
Juhua found her mother’s explanation amusing and couldn’t help but laugh. It reminded her of Jia Baoyu’s high-minded theory in *Dream of the Red Chamber* about how girls turn from pearls into fish eyes after they get married.
Zheng Changhe said, "In any case, we only have one son, so there’s no rush. We have to find soone carefully. We should find soone whose family and character we know inside and out; that way, there won’t be any problems. No matter how she might change, so parts of her character won’t. For example, if she has a kind heart, she won’t act the way Qiufeng does."
Qingmu listened and nodded. "It’s fine if she’s not good at managing a household, and it’s even okay if she’s a little lazy. But if she’s unreasonable or not filial, that’s absolutely unacceptable."
Juhua thought about what the Yang Family matriarch had said and realized it made a lot of sense. She turned to Qingmu. "Brother, I think Mom’s right. It’s impossible to find a wife who’s a perfect match—she’s her own person with her own thoughts, isn’t she? A husband and wife have to communicate and open up to each other. If you really end up with soone who causes trouble, you just have to patiently advise and guide her every day, breaking down the reasoning for her. Over ti, things will get better, won’t they?"
The Yang Family matriarch clapped her hands. "That’s exactly what I an! First, you find a wife with your eyes wide open. Once you’ve brought her ho, you have to treat her well, but you also have to manage what needs managing. You can’t just threaten divorce at the drop of a hat."
Qingmu smiled and nodded, then said to Juhua, "I know. Take i’s older brother today, for instance. What he did wasn’t right. It was wrong to bring the at over behind his wife’s back. It was the only at dish they had left at ho, and his wife is pregnant. If he had just explained the situation to his parents, how could Uncle Liu and Aunt Liu have blad him? Even if he wanted to show his filial piety, he should have talked it over with his wife first. He might have been able to convince her. And even if he couldn’t, any ’managing’ should be done at ho. Sneaking the at over like that was bound to cause a fight when she found out. Wasn’t that just a stupid thing to do? In the end, his mother didn’t get to eat the at and ended up with a bellyful of anger instead. His wife got angry, his brother got angry—the whole family was upset. Don’t worry, I would never let Mom and Dad get upset because of sothing like that, or you either."
Juhua laughed. "Now you’re talking, Brother. When it cos to the relationship between a daughter-in-law and a mother-in-law, the son’s role in the middle is crucial—he has to diate for both sides! But don’t you go around saying things like you won’t let us get wronged. If a potential bride heard that, who would dare marry into our family? You look all set to protect your parents and sister, but that girl is her parents’ treasured child, too."
Zheng Changhe spoke to Qingmu with the air of an experienced man. "When you bring a wife ho, you have to treat her well so she’ll listen to you. If you treat her poorly and always side with your mother, it won’t work. You have to be fair to both of them."
The Yang Family matriarch smiled. "Our family is small, and none of us has a difficult personality. As long as the wife we find isn’t too bad, we’ll surely get along just fine. Still, once she’s married into the family, it would be better to live separately."
Qingmu was stunned. He was the only son. Why would they split the household?
User Comments
0 comments from readers