Treatise Of A Failed Knight Chapter 93: Depression

August 19, 2027.

"Javier, we’re worried about you."

It... has been months.

"You have to let us help you. Please... don’t carry this burden on your own."

Throughout this ti, I have spent every waking mont chasing shadows—trying everything in my power to find an obscure entity known as a Leviathan.

But...

"Don’t leave us. We’re here for you."

... I have not made a single step towards progress!

Right now, I’m seated in the presence of my old teammates—my dear friends.

All of them are surely looking at with concern, but my crestfallen gaze isn’t even paying attention to them. Their voices echo into the air, but nothing seeps into my heart. Instead, my dull countenance remains unflinching.

I am unmoved.

My body is as rigid as my mind, and everything else is simply a waste of ti.

Find. The. Leviathan.

Those are the only three words that register in my consciousness.

I barely eat.

I hardly sleep.

Eyebags and dark circles have long ford on my face, and my body has grown thinner. My long, disheveled hair sways gently, even though I am still as a rock.

In a way, I have co to resemble Uncle Damon more and more, to the point where my uncle has begun to show so hesitation in helping . He has even sided with my friends, trying to preach moderation to like a hypocrite.

Perhaps he feels guilty for steering into this path.

But so what?

I can’t possibly stop now!

It has only been a few months! Not even up to a year, yet they want to slow down?

Just what do they take my resolve for?

"Javier, we’re not telling you to stop your search. We just want you to pay more attention to your health. You can’t keep putting yourself at such a detrint while you chase after that man. If you lose everything in the pursuit of the killer... then he has truly won."

My heart shakes slightly.

It’s true...

I have been neglecting everything in my obsessive pursuit of my family’s killer.

My business is suffering.

I keep experinting, blowing off funds just to find the littlest clues that could lead towards my goals. But, all of them have ended in miserable failure.

It’s like I’m stumbling in a bleak, dark world... trying to find a pebble in the vast black sea.

It feels pointless.

What did I expect? Uncle Damon and Alaric both sought out the Leviathans for more than half their lives, yet they still weren’t able to find the answers. Professor Alaric died after his pursuit drove him to the extre, and if it weren’t for my intervention, Uncle Damon would have fallen into deep ruin.

In essence, this path I’m walking is one of self-destruction.

But what other choice do I have?

This is the only way I’ll be able to find the bastard who killed my family!

I have no other thod.

"What help... can any of you render?" I mumble those words, slowly lifting my gaze to see the seven people in front of .

Esther, Rupert, Fernand, Nathania, Austin, Ruthina... and Dahlia.

They are seated only about a ter from , yet it feels like we are far apart, separated by an invisible, unbreachable wall that I cannot traverse.

—One I don’t dare to.

"Javier, please talk to us." Dahlia looks the most worried, and she reaches out to my hand, but I quickly pull back, my gaze showing the kind of avoidance that stems from fear.

I shift back, forcing her to stop and sigh.

In fact, they all sigh.

Even .

As I gaze into her amber eyes, feeling the depth of her care and the deep emotions swirling in her countenance, I can feel my heart bleed. I want to open my lips now to speak, perhaps even pulling her close for an embrace, but I restrain myself.

To what end?

Instead, I stare at her—at all of them—as though they are strangers, as if we haven’t experienced life and death together.

These people...

’Other than my dead family, they an the most to .’ My thoughts flow quietly. ’Which is exactly why I can’t involve them in this.’

Uncle Damon chose this path for himself as a way to get revenge for his lover’s death.

Leon is my subordinate—I feel no wrong involving him.

But them?

I couldn’t possibly bring them into sothing so dangerous.

If I do, then I haven’t learned my lesson.

After all, the person I’m targeting is likely affiliated with the Dark Guild. He could, in fact, be the leader. It’s already a miracle that none of my friends were killed. Why would I risk their lives by bringing them into this investigation?

Never!

I’ll never put them in danger.

My family died because of my hubris—because I believed I could change the world. Because I selfishly walked down my path, disregarding the consequences that ca with it.

Even the Duke had his family kidnapped.

Did I really believe my family would be safe just because I added so extra security?

How naive!

How foolish I was!

I thought I was special—that I could change anything I set my mind to.

All my past successes and the incredible luck I had through my journey gave the illusion of control. They made believe nothing bad would happen if I made the right plans and exercised sufficient caution.

But... I forgot one terrible truth.

This is life!

It is incredibly cruel to the weak and indifferent to the powerless.

I played with forces beyond my comprehension and believed I would get away scot-free because of my accomplishnts.

I believed my connections and intellect would be sufficient to help overco my hurdles.

Ahh... I was so stupid!

When did I beco so careless? So confident?

Was it because none of those failed assassinations succeeded? Was it because of all the incidents I exposed, and the fact that my plan involving the Duke’s family succeeded?

Did that blind to the ugly truth?

The fact that I am so insignificant and helpless in this world?

Did my C Grade Armants offer so kind of solace, making believe I was immune to danger? Did my status bolster my confidence, causing to believe I couldn’t be hard by the brutality of the world?

In the end, I made my choice and followed my own path.

But others suffered for it.

My family died because I chose to walk down the road I wanted, disregarding all else.

So... do I regret it?

I told myself that I would live my life without regrets.

That I would stay true to myself.

I promised that, no matter what, I would always be selfish and do whatever it is I wanted.

Because that is freedom!

But, in my pursuit of that ideal, I failed to take into account the cost.

Too expensive....

The cost of freedom is too expensive!

Even in my past life, my family didn’t die so young, and their deaths were certainly not so brutal.

The Aditi Household still stood even on my deathbed.

But look—

"I ended up making things worse..." I whisper softly. "If I didn’t change so many things, if I had been moderate and a little less selfish, then none of this would have happened."

So, do I regret it?

Do I regret how I lived my life?

Even though I told myself not to live with regrets—do I finally have one?

I... don’t know.

I’m not sure.

All I know is that I feel this imnse pain deep inside , and there is a hollowness buried deep within my chest. Until I find the man responsible and kill him, it will only keep growing until it fully consus my very being.

But that is what is most frustrating about all of this.

I can’t find him!

I can’t find the Leviathan!

"Where are you?!" I scream out, letting out all of my suppressed rage. "Where the fuck are you, you monster?!"

Even after traveling the Randalorion Kingdom, following all the superstitions and rumors to their sources, I have yet to find anything substantive. My friends started off believing my story, but I suspect that they think mad.

They must!

After all, it has beco abundantly clear that what I seek doesn’t exist.

But I can’t stop my search now.

Even though I haven’t found anything aningful, I still have to keep hope within the depths of my heart. I can’t lose sight of hope... for I fear I will go insane without it.

So, my response to them remains the sa.

"I’ll be fine..." Flashing a warm smile at them, I lie to their faces. "So stop worrying."

After saying this, I rise to my feet and leave their presence.

I feel awful.

All my friends want to do is help .

Even Uncle Damon—as hypocritical as he is for trying to stop —I understand his intentions.

They all care so much about my well-being and don’t want to see suffer.

But I have to do this!

Once I return to my room, I open my drawer and take out a letter.

Anyti I feel conflicted in thoughts, I make it a habit to reread the contents of this letter.

"The Aditi Estate fell under attack, and a slaughter occurred. It was set ablaze, and everyone inside was butchered like lambs. That’s right... EVERYONE IS DEAD."

I already know the culprit wrote this letter.

I want to know more.

I want to find him and make him beg for death as I rip apart his tendons and grind his bones, plucking out his eyes and burning his flesh!

The hate within is unmatched!

After reading the letter’s contents a few tis, my determination finds a resurgence.

I now know what I must do.

"This place is no longer conducive. I suspect that they’ll keep trying to restrain from going any further if I keep this up, and I might eventually succumb. That ans... I have to depart from here!" With a blazing gaze, I rise to my feet and pack a few clothes and items, making my luggage as light as possible.

My mind has already been made up—this night, I depart from this City.

I have no destination in mind.

But—

"I will search to the ends of the Earth if I have to... until I find you."

***********

More ti has passed.

It is now late December, and despite the harshness of winter, I have yet to relent even a little bit regarding my search for the Leviathan.

Through my travels, I have managed to find a few tracks and clues involving the person I seek.

After investigating, I would confirm that a man dressed as a traveler, with blond hair, crimson eyes, a half-burned face, and a charming deanor, visited the town or village.

There would be unexplained murders not too long after.

And the man would be nowhere to be found—gone as though he never existed.

This pattern has repeated itself dozens of tis by now.

I’m definitely on the right track.

But—

"It seems he’s always one step ahead..." I sigh bitterly to myself, feeling increasing frustration as I inhale the cold winter air. The year is coming to an end, yet this ga of cat and mouse has yet to show any hint of a conclusion.

Part of knows... that this obscure figure is likely ssing with .

He is simply baiting .

He intentionally leaves behind clues to reel in, almost like he gains so sick pleasure watching chase after him like a rabid animal.

But what choice do I have?

I can only helplessly do this, relying on whatever bait he feeds to find him.

"Will that ever happen, though?" I ask aloud, before noticing a boy running towards with youthful vigor.

I recognize the young lad.

He’s one of the residents of this village, which I have stayed in for about a week now.

I’ll soon have to leave for the next town.

"Sir, Sir... soone gave this to ." He stops right in front of and presents a letter to . "He told to give it to you and said you’d be happy to see it."

"Huh?"

I stare at the letter in his hands, feeling a shiver run through my spine.

Then, I blurt out:

"Do you rember what he looks like?"

"Um... he was mostly dressed like a traveler, so I couldn’t make out the details."

"Did he have yellow hair?" I ask.

"Yeah!"

"What color were his eyes?"

"I think... red?"

"Did he—?"

"He also had burn marks on a part of his face, which scared at first. But he was really friendly, you know? He let play with a doll of his for a while, too." The boy laughs childishly, raptured by his fond mories.

In contrast, though, my expression only turns uglier.

"Let see... the letter."

He hands it over to , and I unfold the paper, my eyes focusing on the contents of the ssage.

It’s a single sentence, but those words resonate very deeply with my core.

"Let’s et where it all began... Javier."

It’s a vague ssage at best, but only one place cos to mind as the source of so of my fondest mories and all of my deepest pain—the Aditi Estate.

Or rather, the ruins that remain of it.

"Good!" I grin maniacally, tears flowing down my face as I squeeze the paper. "You’re finally done running away!"

This is it—

’The chance I’ve been seeking has finally arrived!’

Without wasting any further ti, I climb my Arctic Horse—a Cadre 2 Magivore—and imdiately charge in the direction of the quarantined territory of my fallen Aditi Knight Household.

I don’t stop unless the horse is exhausted, even when I sleep.

After several days, on the eve of the new year, I finally reached my destination at dawn.

There, I see a man seated right in front of the dilapidated gates.

He has blond yellow hair, with dark, partly burned olive skin, and crimson eyes.

His dark brown and black outfit is that of a simple traveler, with the hood of his cloak down to reveal his youthful face. Contrary to what his age would suggest, he looks very young, only about a few years older than .

And, despite his malevolence, he flashes a bright smile the mont I appear in his line of sight.

"Javier Aditi, welco!"

He announces grandly, stretching out both of his hands as though expecting a hug.

"You Monster..." I glare hatefully at him in response, imdiately jumping down from my horse with my blade already drawn.

Closing the distance in an instant, I charge fearlessly.

"... Die!"

[A/N: The long-awaited clash finally begins! How do you think our boy, Javier, will fare?]