Yuder silently looked down at the man sitting in front of him. The lamplight cast shadows across his face, and sohow it reminded him of the man he used to see often in his previous life—always visiting at night, wearing a shaless smile, yet shrouded in a strange, cold darkness.
He hadn’t understood it then, but now he did. That coldness wasn’t directed at others—it was aid at himself.
Yuder pulled a chair forward and sat facing him. After taking a deep breath, he removed his gloves and placed his hand on the desk.
“There’s sothing I want to say. But first, would you hold my hand?”
“My hand?”
The man blinked slowly, then gently placed his hand over Yuder’s. Just before touching, he hesitated faintly—but once he made contact, he relaxed completely, as if reassured. It was a fleeting reaction that most people wouldn’t notice, but Yuder, alert as he was, picked up on it perfectly.
‘He’s definitely getting more sensitive.’
He was becoming more reactive to outside stimuli—more cautious. And yet, his awareness didn’t seem as sharp as before. It was just like with the scents.
Even though they’d spoken and Kishiar had decided to trust Yuder and follow his lead, his body still hadn’t fully obeyed that ntal command.
And Kishiar, with his sharp mind, was likely aware of that fact as well. Until the heat cycle fully took over and dulled his consciousness, this heightened anxiety would probably continue. A bad chain reaction.
Then the only thing to do was to keep telling him. Whatever you’re afraid of—it won’t happen this ti. I won’t let it happen. Trust . Just like last ti, say it, and wait. Again.
Because the person who once taught Yuder that... was Kishiar himself.
Feeling the cool temperature transferred through their bare hands, Yuder opened his mouth.
“Kanna once told ... that learning things you’d rather not know isn’t necessarily a good thing—but living in ignorance doesn’t an you’re happy either.”
“A very Kanna Wand kind of thing to say.”
“Yes. It was advice that helped a lot. Thinking back, I rember being frustrated during the previous ga when I didn’t know anything. Compared to that... even if what I know now is difficult, I’d still say this is better. At least I’m not stuck in the dark.”
“...”
Even without saying it directly, the man in front of him likely understood what Yuder had ant by “not knowing.”
“I want to uncover the secrets behind the heat cycle Second Trait Awakeners experience and help those affected—just like you. But that’s not what you want to know right now, is it?”
The weight of the hand resting atop Yuder’s trembled ever so slightly.
“You want to know about , about you, and about us. And that’s sothing those reports will never tell you.”
Yuder t his crimson eyes and said clearly,
“Ask . And if there’s anything even I don’t know... then we’ll find out the answer ourselves, starting now.”
The man stared at Yuder for a mont, then let out a soundless chuckle.
“When you put it that way, it really does sound simple.”
“Because it is simple.”
Kishiar’s hand, which had remained still all this ti, finally moved. He slowly caressed the back of Yuder’s hand, veins dark and faintly pulsing beneath the skin, and then spoke.
“...Right. It’s the first ti I’ve ever felt this anxious just waiting for sothing to arrive. No matter how I try to refra it, I can’t. It’s frustrating not being able to welco an unseen enemy with confidence... I feel like a fool.”
An unseen enemy... The words he chose carried the full weight of his emotions. Yuder, having already experienced his own heat cycle, understood that feeling well.
“When I thought my heat cycle might be approaching, I rember feeling the sa way—anxious, uncertain. But I don’t feel that way anymore.”
A faint, dry smile flickered across the man’s lips and disappeared.
“Truly... you’re not afraid? You have no idea how I might change once the cycle begins.”
“Have you ever seen an Awakener die from a heat cycle? I haven’t.”
Yuder said it casually, deliberately indifferent. It wasn’t wrong, after all.
“But what if my consciousness fades and I can’t think clearly? What if I lose control and hurt you? What if... I go berserk just trying to escape the situation? Have you ever imagined that?”
Kishiar gave a low, bitter laugh.
“Ever since I had that dream, I keep thinking about it. I read the reports again because I was worried, but... it didn’t help at all. Maybe that was a mistake.”
It seed that Yuder’s earlier words hadn’t been enough to ease his fears.
‘So that dream really is the root of it.’
Yuder didn’t ask what Kishiar had seen in the dream. Instead, he tightened his grip on Kishiar’s hand—now colder than before—as if {N•o•v•e•l•i•g•h•t} trying to pass on warmth in any way he could.
“May I ask you sothing?”
Kishiar nodded.
“When you took care of during my heat... did you hate what I beca?”
“Of course not.”
It was an imdiate answer.
“Not for a single mont.”
Yuder had suspected that would be the answer. But having it confird—exactly as he’d hoped—was still moving.
He replied, “The sa goes for .”
“...”
“But even if I say that, I’m sure you won’t believe it now.”
“I believe it.”
“You believe , yes... but I an—can you believe in yourself?”
At that, the man fell silent.
“Can you?”
Kishiar looked down at their clasped hands for a long while. Then he shook his head slowly.
“No. You’re right. ...I can’t.”
“There, you see.”
“Sorry... for saying that.”
“There’s nothing to apologize for.”
Yuder smiled as he said it. And with a slightly lighter heart, he continued.
“During heat, I think people end up thinking about a lot of things they normally wouldn’t. Even I found myself wondering once if you’d ever thought about having children.”
“Children?”
Kishiar repeated the word, looking a little dazed, as if caught off guard.
“I assud that might’ve been part of the worry behind your reading of those reports. Was I wrong?”
“If you an it that way... I was just trying to find cases—exceptions, even—to that information that says children can only be conceived during heat. I wanted to know what kind of reactions occur when soone is swept up in another’s cycle. Last ti, during your heat, I barely reacted and stayed in full control... But I began to wonder whether that was normal.”
“So... what you’re saying is, you’re worried you might be pulled in too deeply just by staying near this ti.”
“In a word, yes.”
Kishiar didn’t speak for a mont.
“...Children, huh. Did I really think about that?”
“I didn’t take it seriously. It was just a fleeting thought, one I forgot right after. But seeing the report brought it back to mind.”
“What about you? What do you think?”
If you’re asking ...
Yuder quietly organized his thoughts, ready to share his honest opinion.
“To be honest, I don’t think anything. I only wondered about it that one ti. I’ve never thought I would have children. I don’t think that will change much going forward either. But I do think that if there are Second Trait Awakeners out there who want children, we should work to resolve those issues—for their sake.”
He was used to hearing that soone had died, or disappeared. Even counting the life he lived as Yudrain Aile, there had never been a ti when new life felt close to him. And it wasn’t just Yuder—none of the Awakeners had.
‘So... if we could change that, it would be a good thing.’
While he was thinking that, Kishiar finally spoke again.
“I’ve never once, even in dreams, thought I needed a child to carry my bloodline. Back then, when my vessel was flawed, it made sense. But even after awakening, when the vessel was restored, that thought never changed.”
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