That first night back, there had been a lot of questions about what he and Falling Leaf had done and seen. Sen offered them a very abbreviated story where he left out the sensitive parts, such as their encounter with the spirit oxen. As far as Sen was concerned, that wasn’t information anyone else needed. For her part, Falling Leaf said almost nothing, except to offer the occasional detail that Sen had neglected to ntion or simply hadn’t seen during so fight. Of course, the question they all really wanted an answer to was whether or not he’d succeeded in purging his anger.
“Yes,” said Sen.
“That’s it?” asked Chan Yu Ming. “Just, yes, with no explanation about how.”
Sen mulled it over for a mont before he relented a tiny bit. “I fought a dragon.”
“You won?” asked an incredulous Shi Ping.
Sen looked over at the man and gave him a bemused smile. “No.”
Chan Yu Ming was leaning forward, her eyes wide, clearly expecting a detailed description of the fight and the aftermath. When Sen didn’t elaborate on any of it, frustration and disappointnt had a short, brutal battle on her face before exasperation made a surprise entry to the field and stole victory. She glared at him. He t her glare with calm eyes. He had missed that calm so much.
“You know, it’s traditional to share the details of these experiences,” complained Chan Yu Ming.
“Yes,” said Sen, his calm expression never twitching, “with trusted friends.”
Sen noted that Shi Ping absorbed that quiet admonishnt without any real feelings about the matter. Wang Yu Ming and Lo ifeng both flinched. He got the impression that they both thought, or maybe had just privately hoped, that all would be forgiven once his anger problem was resolved. With the reflexive, overwhelming anger out of the picture, he’d been able to think about what they’d done with a cooler eye. He could understand why they had both done what they had done. It wasn’t even that hard to see the situations through their eyes. That had softened him a little toward Lo ifeng. It had been an extre situation, and she had family involved. He'd justified enough irrational things in the last year to see how she could have justified it. He could even see why she was unrepentant about it. Yet, the fundantal betrayal and breach of trust remained.
As for Chan Yu Ming, well, he didn’t know why he’d expected anything else from her. She was a noble, and she wanted sothing. At the end of the day, she had no real investnt in him as a person. He was a tool of the, apparently, right make for accomplishing whatever her end goal looked like. Using him to reach that end she wanted no doubt seed practical and reasonable. For all he knew, it was practical and reasonable. He’d discovered that he found such a rcenary mindset less…offensive, now that anger wasn’t clouding everything. He’d probably even be willing to play along. But she couldn’t reasonably expect him to trust her at a personal level if that was the case. The best-case scenario there was a mutually beneficial business relationship. He turned his eyes from Chan Yu Ming to Lo ifeng.
“Let’s talk,” he said and gestured to the door leading outside.
She’d followed him out of the house, where he’d erected a little twist of wind to keep their conversation private. Lo ifeng t his gaze confidently enough, but he could see uncertainty swimming in her eyes behind the confidence.
“You’re still angry,” she said.
“No, not like I was. I understand why you did it, and even how you justified using the way you did. I’m not feeling paranoid anymore that you’re going to betray again at any and every opportunity. The situation was, if not unique, then not all that likely to repeat itself.”
Lo ifeng looked genuinely relieved. “So, what now?”
“The first problem I have now is that I know you will betray under the right conditions. With a clearer head, I realized that could be a manageable problem, except for the other problem I have now.”
“Which is?” asked Lo ifeng, her brow furrowed.
“I don’t think that either of us actually know what those betrayal conditions are.”
Lo ifeng was silent for several minutes. Sen would have been very interested in knowing what she was thinking about and how she was processing the situation.
“I didn’t plan it,” she said. “I knew there was a bad blood between the order and the Clear Spring sect. But I thought the worst thing we’d run across would be a couple of idiots settling so private grudge. I could have dealt with that. I would have dealt with it. Taking you there really was just an excuse to see my brother with a convenient side benefit that you could learn sothing about fire cultivation. I just wanted to make ands.”
“I just realized that I never asked. Did you?”
“What? Make ands with him?”
“Yeah.”
Lo ifeng let out a particularly bitter laugh. “You know, that’s the worst part of it. No. I didn’t. He didn’t even want to be in the sa room as , let alone talk things out. He didn’t care that I risked my life, your life, to get to him. He didn’t care that bringing you there probably saved a lot of lives. The only thing he wanted to discuss was how fast I could leave and never co back. He told that, as far as he’s concerned, his sister is dead. Betraying you, fighting in that battle, it was all, literally, for nothing.”
Sen had never known Lo ifeng to be a particularly expressive person. Her reactions were typically confined to sardonic amusent, detached indifference, or icy deadliness. So, the unalloyed pain and grief on her face startled Sen. Then, he realized that she’d been carrying all of that around in silence since they’d left the fire cultivator’s valley. She wouldn’t have talked about it with Falling Leaf or Chan Yu Ming, who she didn’t know, let alone Shi Ping, a person she actively disliked. When it ca to talking anything out, Sen was it for her. The literal only option, and he’d shut her out completely. He’d had his reasons, so of them justifiable, so of them even good, but it didn’t change the end result for her. She’d been suffering alone.
“I’m sorry,” said Sen. “About your brother, I an. That he was so, well, I’m sorry.”
Lo ifeng turned away at that point and did her best to wipe tears away from her eyes without him seeing.
“Thanks. I was so stupid. I should have known it would go like that. He was always unforgiving. I just hoped that with so much ti since we last saw each other that he might have,” she sighed, “it doesn’t matter. I should…I should never have taken you there. It was selfish. I’m sorry.”
Sen had truly never expected her to apologize in any fashion for any of what had happened. So, he’d never considered what he’d say. At the sa ti, he had an intuition that Lo ifeng didn’t want him to say anything about it. Realizing that nothing was going to smoothly transition them to sothing else, he went for the obvious subject change.
“I do believe that you didn’t plan that situation. Ironically, that makes dealing with my two now problems harder.”
“How’s that?” she asked, her back still to him.
“If there had been a plan, I could have had you explain the plan to . What drove it? When you made the decisions. How you made the decisions. I could have gleaned a lot from that about what might prompt similar choices in the future. In this case, you just reacted to the situation. I can glean a little, but not enough to make predictions.”
“I don’t imagine simply saying it won’t happen again would make a difference,” she said, turning around to face him.
“Would it make a difference to you, if you were in my place?”
“No,” she said, so of that sardonic amusent back in place. “It probably wouldn’t.”
“So, here’s how this is going to go. Since I can’t make accurate predictions, and you’re just too capable to cut loose, we’re both going to have to go about this the hardest way possible. I’m going to have to simply extend you a little trust. You’re going to have to earn the rest of it back. And I expect that will prove damned uncomfortable for us both for a while.”
“What if I fail?” she asked. “Will you kill ?”
“I’m not entirely certain I can kill you. But, no, I won’t try to kill you. I won’t do anything to you. You will simply cease to exist for .”
Lo ifeng’s eyes narrowed slightly at that last. As the implications really sank ho, though, her face beca ever paler and increasingly drawn. Sen was glad that he’d guessed right. Lo ifeng had made her accommodations with death long ago. Killing her would be within her expectations. Reflecting on what she’d done with her brother, though, had given him a brief look at what mattered to her. No, she didn’t fear death. She feared being disregarded by those who sohow mattered to her. Sen didn’t know exactly where he fit in that, presumably, very small group of people, but he had managed to land there sohow.
He continued. “You understand my aning?”
“Yes,” she whispered.
“Good. Let’s both hope it never cos to that. Now, let’s go back inside. I’m tired and really would like a bit of sleep before we set off in the morning.”
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