In the middle of the New Continent there lies a mountain, considered by so few to be quite important and by most to be not important in the least. It is located directly in the middle not only of a large swath of land pressing up from the Hungry Ocean, but also nearly precisely in the middle of the nations that call the continent ho. Located on the borders of each, it could be a key flashpoint in the border disputes and wars between each of the various factions. But it isn't, because ultimately it's just one mountain in a whole range of mountains, and what good is a mountain you can barely get to anyways?
In this mountain there is situated a small cave - barely a cave at all, really. Ford first by the usual geological and erosion processes, then expanded a bit by a wise hermit who wished to live alone on the mountain to gain further wisdom. He discovered the wisdom of knowing that living alone in a hole near the top of a mountain really sucks, and the cave was abandoned not long after. The cave is utterly unimportant, in any regard.
But as a bowl is most useful when it is empty, a cave is most useful when there is nothing in it, and so one day the gods decided to make it less useful by placing a certain stone inside. Resembling a pearl the size of a monkey's paw, the white surface was marked by streaks of black, and an iridescent sheen would shine across it were there any light of note to reach it. This key infrastructure installed, all that was required was the driving force to guide it. And so:
"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" A woman's scream echoes through the small chamber as a woman's body falls from the ceiling, interrupting the cry with a heavy thud as she impacts the ground. She lies there for a mont, groaning, and when that doesn't improve matters much she settles for groaning at a slightly louder volu. This does seem to improve things sowhat, allowing her the strength to begin massaging her bruised face, checking if anything was broken. This too is shortly interrupted however, due to a new round of screaming.
"My face! FACE! I have a face! YES!" The woman hops up to her feet, any bruises temporarily forgotten as she begins to inspect the rest of her body. "HANDS! Two of em! Arms! Legs!" Noticing she's garbed in a plain simple robe of gray fabric, the woman pulls it forward and looks down as she bounces on her feet. "TITTIES! Yes! Better and better!" Patting her way down the rest of her torso, one of her hands pauses for a mont between her legs, apparently scratching an itch long left ignored. "Hrnf! Just like I rember it!" Seeing that everything seems to be where she expects it, she rests her hands on her hips and gives a satisfied nod. "Looks like I musta done sothing right for once! Alright world, look out, cause Xenia Worthy, Reincarnator Extraordinaire is back and ready for action!"
Statent delivered, the woman quickly locates the only exit to the cave and makes her way towards it with confident strides. Visions of everything she plans to do with this new life dance through her mind, as she confidently reaches the threshold, confidently freezes in place, and is then confidently thrown back into the cave on her ass as if she'd walked into a particularly elastic cling wrap prank. She goes through another round of groaning until her health is sufficiently restored, and then shouts out yet again.
"HEY!? What fucking gives!?" Floating above her and to her left, a two dinsional box appears, glowing in a vibrant gold. Inscribed in it are these words:
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
WELCO! YOU HAVE BEEN CHOSEN BY THE GODS TO
...
OH FUCK NO
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Hey, hold the fuck on!" The woman reaches and grabs for the screen, but it vanishes before she can claim it. "Hey! Fuck you! Goddamn SGA pricks! Co back here and do your fucking job!" Climbing to her feet and dusting herself off, she looks around into the darker corners of the small cave. "C'mon! If this is one of those fucking gar-fied worlds, you know I'm just gonna fuck it up more if you run out on ! I promise to do the tutorial this ti! Realsies!" She stops and sighs, waiting for a few monts before a new box appears - this one an erald green. It displays a sowhat more professional inscription:
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
WELCO! YOU HAVE BEEN CHOSEN BY THE GODS TO GUIDE THE GROWTH OF A NEW DUNGEON!
THROUGH YOUR KEEN INTELLIGENCE AND INVENTIVENESS, YOU WILL GIVE RISE TO A NEW GENERATION OF CHAMPIONS!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Xenia claps her hands. "Now that's more like it! Hey Patricia, is that you?" The box goes blank for a mont, as if unsure how to respond, before a new ssage appears.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
...YOU MAY REFER TO AS YOUR GUIDE.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Shortly after, it updates once again.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
...How do you know Patricia?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The woman snorts. "C'mon, like I ain't been down this road a dozen tis. Well, not this 'dungeon' thing, that's new, but y'know, boxes, voices in my head, talking bugs, I seen it all. So, what are we about here? You got so stats to hit with? We gonna grind so levels?"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hold on. How do you know about that? You're not supposed to rember your past lives!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The woman snorts again. "Yeah, most people don't, but then most people aren't Xenia Worthy, Reincarnator Extraordinaire! What, are you new around here?" The box vanishes for a solid minute before re-appearing again.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
...This is my first assignnt, yes.
...I was wondering why Neil told to take this case.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"No worries, Guide - can I call you Guy? I know you SGA saps aren't supposed to tell your nas, but it's all good. I'll bug it outta you eventually! So how about we get down to business then? We making a dungeon? Nice, this could be the best life yet! Set up so chains, get so leather chokers, a whip or two...how advanced is this world, we got stuff that runs on batteries or what?"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It's not that kind of dungeon, Xenia Worthy, Reincarnator Extraordinaire. Maybe you should keep your libido in check?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Xenia's eyes go wide, and she suddenly reaches out and grabs the box, pulling it to her face, so close that her nose begins to bump into it. Clear blue eyes stare into the erald fra. "Listen here, Guy. I spent my last life as a talking sword. A fucking. Talking. Sword. Seven years. You know how much action a sword gets!?"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
...None?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Xenia bumps her nose into the screen again. "...Actually, not none, surprisingly. You can talk people into a lot if you put your hilt into it. But really fucking close to it! But the point is, if this is gonna be my dungeon, then I get to say what kind of dungeon it is!"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
That's nice in theory, but in practice, if you actually want to get anywhere, you'll need to be the kind of dungeon that kills people.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The woman releases the window and sighs, returning her hands to her hips. "Killing my joy in life, more like. But! I got so free real estate, I got my booty back, today's a good day, so I'm not gonna let a little thing like divinely-ordained murder get down!" She claps her hands, and returns her focus to the floating screen. "Where do we start!?"
User Comments
0 comments from readers