Bob snuck behind the bandits like a cat. A very large, wheezing cat. He then dashed forward with his sword and struck a bandit nad Quail, who turned just in ti to be very surprised and then very unconscious. Quail collapsed next to , and dropped his mace. Naturally, I did the heroic thing, I picked up the mace and smashed it into his head. He went double-unconscious. Bonus points for .
Bob and I regrouped, standing back-to-back like we're in a movie poster, surrounded by the last two bandits, Crow and Kiwi.
"Why do you look like you're dying?" I asked Bob, noticing he was panting like he just ran a marathon in a sauna. "You were massacring goblins like a blender just five minutes ago."
"Huff... huh... My Hero Grace skill is on cooldown. Two more minutes... huff..."
"Hero Grace? What does it do?"
"It makes cool and graceful. For five minutes." He looked tachypneic and just replied in short sentences.
What kind of skill is that? But, at current mont, I'll take anything at this point.
Crow's eyes were bloodshot and twitchy. He was flipping a knife in his hand and ready to strike at any ti.
"So the treasure itself ca to see us, huh," Crow said.
Bob and I didn't understand what he ant by that.
anwhile, Kiwi pointed his long staff at us... but looked like he really wanted to be sowhere else.
Crow threw his knife. Bob and I instantly split. I dashed toward Kiwi, the weaker-looking one. Bob could handle the other guy.
Kiwi jabbed his staff at , missing by an inch. My reflexes kicked in, honed by years of dodging potholes and pigeon poop during my daily bike commute. I swung the mace sideways, but the guy dodged it.
"Damn it!"
"I don't want to hurt you! Just leave!" Kiwi yelled.
"Do I look like soone who trusts that line?" I said, raising my stance.
In my world, I'm a scam-detecting expert. No one scams . So no, Kiwi, I'm not buying it.
"I an it! I'll convince Crow to let you go if you just don't tell anyone about what you saw or heard!"
"Nope. Not interested."
I charged, raised the mace, and slamd it down. Kiwi blocked it with his staff. That thing was surprisingly sturdy.
"This is my last offer! Please, just go!"
Why is this guy being so... nice? Is he in the wrong line of work?
Still, I raised my mace with both hands and hamred his staff again. This ti, it forced him to kneel slightly under the pressure.
"So you reject my offer. Then... I'm sorry."
"Huh?"
Hundreds Thrust!
Suddenly, his staff blurred. The next thing I knew, I was being smacked repeatedly in all part of my body. I lost count after the first ow.
I collapsed, bleeding, and bruised. My mace rolled away dramatically.
"What... what was that?"
"Thousand Thrust," he said calmly. "Most basic skill of the School of Staff."
Basic?? That was basic?! Then what could I expect from an advanced version, teleporting staff?
I was ready to give up. But then I looked at my watch... and smiled.
Kiwi noticed. He pointed his staff at warily.
"Why are you smiling?"
"Ti's up. And you're about to regret your life choices."
Right on cue, Bob leapt over like a chubby ninja and charged Kiwi. His sword strikes were suddenly sharp and elegant, like he'd just finished watching a samurai movie.
Kiwi struggled to deflect Bob's strikes.
"Wh-what is this?!"
Bob slashed sideways, knocking Kiwi back. The guy nearly lost his footing.
"How are you moving like that?! Wh-where is Crow?!"
"Oh, you an the half-naked guy with the knife?" Bob asked, gesturing with his thumb behind him. "Yeah, I already T.K.O.'d him."
Kiwi looked and saw Quail laid out on the floor and Crow stuck in a tree. Headfirst. Like a dart.
"No way... you beat Crow? He's the third strongest in our group!"
Why do villains always rank themselves like they're in a video ga?
Kiwi's eyes darted between us. He was sweating profusely. Then he pulled sothing from his back and tossed it at the ground.
" I'm sorry guys!"
BOOM!!... smoke everywhere.
"ARGH, air pollution!" I yelled, flailing uselessly. I forgot my entire body hurt, which made flail in pain.
Bob and I coughed and hacked as the smoke surrounded us.
When the smoke cleared, we stared at each other, then began looking around.
"Phew... that guy very fast" Bob said, relaxing and slumping a bit. "Just wait for my cooldown and I'll chase him."
"I don't think you'll need to," I muttered, slowly sitting down and groaning like an old couch.
"How are you so sure, Alan?"
"I'm just saying, I have a hunch," I said. "That guy doesn't feel like a real bandit."
"Hmmm... is that so?" Bob rubbed his chin, trying to look wise. "Then I believe in you. Now, do you want my healing magic?" he added with a suspicious grin, wiggling his fingers like he was about to do sothing weird on instead of help.
I kicked him in the face before he could bend lower.
He staggered back, clutching his nose. "AAUGH...WHY?!"
"Because I've seen that grin before. When you were reading your waifu ani magazine"
While Bob whimpered behind , I glanced toward the shade of a nearby tree... and spotted it, one of the bandits' sacks was moving.
"Bob, look at that," I said, pointing.
"What?" he grumbled, casting a healing spell on both of us at once like it was no big deal.
"That sack. It's moving."
"You sure it's not a snake? I hate snakes," Bob muttered, creeping up and giving it a gentle kick.
A muffled voice ca from inside.
"HMMMMMM! HMMMMMMM!"
Bob yelped and ran behind like I was his mom. "WHAT WAS THAT SOUND?!"
I crouched down and began untying the knot on top of the sack.
"What are you doing, Alan?!" Bob whispered like the sack was a bomb.
"Shhhhhh."
As soon as the knot was undone, we both instinctively jumped back.
A small boy tumbled out, hands tied, mouth stuffed with cloth, eyes full of tears.
"A... kid?" Bob blinked.
"The bandits kidnapped a kid?" I said.
"Or maybe he's an undercover bandit. Like a mini Black Eagle agent."
"He's literally shaking and crying, Bob."
I removed the cloth from his mouth, and the boy burst out crying.
"Please don't hurt ! I'm sorry I accidentally watched one of you pooping. I was just fishing!"
I blinked.
"...Seriously?"
Bob stared.
"He got kidnapped for accidentally watching a bandit poop?"
I knelt beside the boy. "No worries, kid. We already beat up the bad guys. See?" I pointed at the unconscious bandits.
"S-so, you're the good guys?"
"Yup. We'll bring you back ho. What's your na? And where are you from? "
The boy wiped his tears with his shirt. "Kel. I live in Lily Town, just outside the forest."
I gave him my best "cool uncle" smile. "Kel, next ti, bring a grown-up when you go fishing, okay? Forests are dangerous."
"Y-yeah... sorry."
I patted his head. Then I turned to Bob.
"All good. Bob! You done with the bandits?"
"Yup!" Bob saluted lazily. He had the thugs tied to a tree. He then went to the other sacks, which look heavy.
He rummaged through the sacks while I opened another one.
Inside: treasure. Shiny stuff everywhere, coins, statues, necklaces.
But what caught my eye was a gleaming red jewel.
"Beautiful, isn't it?" Bob said.
"Yeah... if I sell this, I can finally quit my job and buy a house."
"You know that's our quest loot, right? We keep it for now. Also..." He tossed a backpack. "Here. You carry the loot."
"What's this?"
"A backpack. You said you want to avoid battles, right? So now you're the item carrier. I'm the main carry. You're the hard support."
"Do I look like a donkey to you?"
Bob nodded without hesitation.
Still, I strapped it on. Soone had to do that job.
"Kel, can you show us the way to your village?"
"Okay!!!" The boy smiled and dashed ahead.
We followed, and Bob raised his hands. "First town, here we goooo!"
Then he stopped. "Wait, forgot sothing!"
He turned back and tried to lift the mace I'd used earlier... and struggled like it was glued to the ground.
"Hrr...URGH...why is this thing so heavy?!"
He looked at the mace, then at .
'Isn't this the mace Alan used earlier? With one hand?'
He stroked his imaginary beard dramatically.
'Interesting. But I need more proof...'
I turned. "Bob, what are you doing back there?"
"Nothing!" he chirped, jogging to catch up.
We disappeared into the forest, with our tiny companion leading the way.
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